Sex Question

LegacyUser

Hello,

Just wondering what the story is with anal sex these days? It seems like guys think it's the most natural thing in the world to ask for anal sex or try and just stick it in there anyways by "mistake". I mean come on do they have to take over every orfice in women's body?
I blame the porno culture for making "regular sex" seem bland or perhaps some repressed homosexual tendencies going on there. OK I know its meant to be tighter and men like that sensation but still..

My issue is the following. I really dislike anal sex. I have tried it and found it so painful for a really long time after. The thought of a guy doing me in the ass makes me feel ill and I just think why don't they just go off and do it with one of their male friends. there's nothing womanly or uniquely female about an ass h***.

I am wondering if there are girls out there who genuinely like and enjoy anal sex (not just tolerating to keep boyf happy whatever?)
If so did you find it painful?
Anything else I should know?

At the moment I don't care how much I like the guy - once he starts on the anal sex stuff I just don't feel the same way about him at all.

I apologise for the graphic nature of this post but can assure you it's genuine (hence did not put anal sex in title!)

Thanks

Uriel.

Hi,

If your opinion (based on your experience) is that you don't like anal sex and I guess although you don't expressly say it - you won't engage in it in the future.

You are asking for people's (girls) opinion on how they find/enjoy anal sex? I'd suggest perhaps that this is inappropriate for this forum - perhaps the "Ladies Lounge" for ladies persepective or "the Gentleman's Club" for a guy's perspective would provide you with the kind of information you are looking for.

Alternatively, if there was a particular specific personal question relating to the subject maybe you could elaborate further and someone can help you here then.

LegacyUser

OP here,

Uriel thanks so much for replying. I know my post was a bit rambling. I posted this in PI as you can go unreg, I thought in other forums it might be a bit of sensitive topic.

I guess my main questions are:

1) Do other girls really genuinely anal sex. I would like to know if I am alone in this dislike of it?


Thanks again

Uriel.

No problem at all.

No you definitely won't be alone in your feelings towards anal sex. I would probably hazard a guess that the majority of women (50% +) have similar feelings to you. Some women will genuienly enjoy it and some will not be overly fond of it but will engage in it from time to time for variety or to please their OH.

To be honest, the most important thing is that you don't like it and irrespective of how anyone else feels or the % of people who feel a certain way, then you shouldn't engage in it.

From a heterosexual view point I am sure there are plenty of men who feel the same (perhaps not quite the same number as women - I quite honestly don't know).

I would still think that your question would probably be generally more appropriate to the Ladies Lounge and you would probably get more responses to. You can PM a ladies lounge mod and request that your question be posted to Ladies Lounge on your behalf in order to keep your anonymity

prinz

Don't want to do it, then don't do it. Don't be pressured into it. Don't feel it is expected of you. Just say no.

Not every guy is into it either.

Ickle Magoo

Hey OP,

Like most things to do with sex there are people who love, people who don't really mind and those that hate...it may not be your cup of tea but yes, there are plenty of women who really enjoy anal sex. There are also plenty of men who don't and everything in between.

I'm not sure why you would feel the need to "blame" anything for a man wishing to be a bit more sexually adventurous and try something - something he and a previous partner may have mutually enjoyed - you always have the option to say no. Just because you don't like something doesn't make it wrong or un-enjoyable for everyone.

You also link a man wanting or having anal sex with a woman as some kind of repressed homosexuality which I think is quite odd, homosexuality is about the gender of the person you are sexually attracted to not the positions you like, I can't imagine many men would appreciate being made to feel like they are gay or a deviant just for enjoying or wanting to try something you don't happen to like.

Best of luck.

StormWarrior

OP I feel the same as you, it seems that men these days are obsessed with anal and really will try and stick it in there "by mistake." Personally, I find it horribly painful and I'm not willing to do it or put up with a bloke who won't take no for an answer. If your boyfriend is trying to pressure you into doing things that you don't want to, and doing them anyway "by mistake" after you've said no, then get rid of him.

I've only spoken to one female friend about this issue but she says the same, her ex trying to put it in there by mistake, and being obsessed with anal etc. Just don't put up with it, it's your body, you can decide what happens to it. I wonder how he'd like it if you shoved a dildo up his arse? You could try that to get the message across.

weiland79

I used to go out with a girl that was mad for it, in fact that is what we did most of the time. with my current g/f the topic has never even come up ( we are together 3 years now ) It's weird if i think about doing it with current girlfriend it kind of revolts me.

LegacyUser

OP, I feel exactly the same as you, and I thought that I had become a prude. I'm single a while now and have met a few guys in the recent past. All of them expect anal. They didn't get it, but it was like they were surprised that I didn't like it and that that it hurts like hell.

I have to agree about the porn stuff - while I like porn myself, it definitely has alot to answer for in relation to men assuming that anal sex is a given.
100% agree with you OP and will be watching this thread with interest.

fungun

never done it (with 5 relns >6 months) cos i have no great urge to tbh.

in some ways meant to be nicer for the guys cos its tighter and have heard of girls doing it when they wanted it to be over quickly lol. Also apparently some percentage of women orgasm better with it, so it might be worth a try. In saying that no girl has ever asked me to do it to them, lol

either way though, if you dont want to do it just dont do it.

LegacyUser

wtf? What kind of guy sticks it in a girls ass "by mistake"?

You can't just decide you're going to have anal sex one day and put your penis in your gf's ass/let a guy put his penis in your ass. It requires a lot of lube and a lot of patience and slowly building up to it using fingers or toys. Otherwise it's gonna be really painful....

LegacyUser

Hey OP,

I'm the same as you, I hate anal. My previous bf was obsessed with it also, even after I told him I hated it as it's painful and gross, he still continued to try it. Played a large part in deciding to dump him.

Anywho my current bf has done it before as his previous gf liked it but he says he found it awkward and a bit uncomfortable and a wee bit gross and much prefers it the ususal way (thank god). When I first got with him I asked him if he liked it, I wouldn't have stayed with him if it was something I was going to have to continuously say no to and made to feel like a prude or a bitch for withholding. Anyways, thankfully he said no it wasn't his thing and 4 years later here we are.

I would agree that porn probably plays a part in it, normal girls aren't porn stars; we don't get anal bleaching done, we don't douche our arses before sex and so on. I really think it's an awful pity that guys watch porn, I think it can ruin sex for them coz they expect girls to act like porn stars and are disappointed when they don't. It's like if girls watched as much porn as guys we'd all be going around disappointed that our guys don't have 15" c*cks!

My advice: don't ever let anyone stick anything anywhere unless you want it there. Simple as.

Best of luck,

ManOfMystery

It's like every other aspect of sex, some people like it and some don't. Some girls like oral, some don't, some guys like oral, some don't ........... anal is no different.

I had an ex gf who loved it and it was her idea and her suggestion that we did it. However I wouldn't even suggest it to current gf, I know it wouldn't be her thing at all.

The important part of the matter is not the act itself, but if any guy is trying to make you do something you don't want to do - sexual or otherwise - he's thinking of his own pleasure and not yours, and he's better gotten rid of.

As for the suggestion that anal sex = gay tendencies, that's ridiculous. As already stated above, homosexuality is about gender preference, not what orifice you stick it in. Men who wish to engage in anal sex with women generally do so because it's tighter, it's different to the norm and also because it's slightly taboo and like all things taboo that makes it more exciting.

LegacyUser

Ehhhh...what's anal bleaching??? Am I complete prude...? In work and don't want to google it !!

Im the unregistered above - delighted there are so many women thinking the way I think..thought I was going off my trolley. I'm in my late 30's and thought it was what all the young women were doing these days but couldn't ask anyone !!

LegacyUser

Hi OP here,

Again thank you for your replies - very much appreciated. I guess I was feeling that I was prudish for not liking anal sex and that it was the most natural thing in the world for a woman to do.

I hear what you are saying about each to their when it comes to sexual preferences but again it goes back to the "everyone does anal" thing I was been told by men which is clearly not the case I now realise. I do think porn blurs the reality for some men unfortuntely.

About the repressed homosexuality piece that was tongue in cheek(ish) but I am intrigued by the fact that may men I know are absolutley repulsed by the notion of gay sex but then at the same time are dying to do anal with a woman. My point was that there is nothing uniquely female about an ass ( men have them too). But yes I take your points about sensation and taboo etc.

Thanks

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

OP, I feel exactly the same as you, and I thought that I had become a prude. I'm single a while now and have met a few guys in the recent past. All of them expect anal. They didn't get it, but it was like they were surprised that I didn't like it and that that it hurts like hell.

I have to agree about the porn stuff - while I like porn myself, it definitely has alot to answer for in relation to men assuming that anal sex is a given.
100% agree with you OP and will be watching this thread with interest.

Hi there,

OP here again
I just saw this post. Thank you feel so much better after reading that!!
About the porn stuff, I have nothing against porn but I sometimes wish men would actualy step back and realise that watching porn does impact how men view women and sexuality even very subconsciously - I mean how could it not. I wish there was more open discussion on this topic not in a "porn is bad way" but how it is impacting on a deeper level.
What underlying messages are been given out here!


For example a guy who I dated a while ago was very addicted to porn. How I found this out was the first time I gave him oral sex he on purposely came in my eyes. I was completely disgusted but he genuinely thought that would have been what I wanted. Turns out he had seen this in porn and thought it was normal. Maybe some girls like this and that's their business but he just made a presumption based what he had watched and he was in his 30s!!!!!!

Ickle Magoo

Do you really think while having anal sex with someone that nothing other than the inside of their anus is the sum of the experience? No feeling of breasts? No seeing hair, no holding onto waist? Seriously, you have some funny notions about sex - do you think the same applies to doggy style? Since the guy gets the same view?

LegacyUser

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

Do you really think while having anal sex with someone that nothing other than the inside of their anus is the sum of the experience? No feeling of breasts? No seeing hair, no holding onto waist? Seriously, you have some funny notions about sex - do you think the same applies to doggy style? Since the guy gets the same view?

In your opinion I have some weird notions about sex! You are telling me each to their own yet calling me strange because I have my own views on the subject. I view this an insensitive. Maybe you are trying to be helpful but doesn't really feel like that.

fungun

plus a female ass isnt hairy, lol (usually!)

yknow for lots of things there seems to be a split at around the age of 30ish now...in terms of things like anal but also in terms of being shaved etc. Women in early 30s that I know of would be trimmed/shaved edges but not all shaved typically - but now it seems like a lot of girls in their 20s completely shave.

*sigh* youngsters these days

LegacyUser

OP and anyone reading, obviously don't knock it until you've tried it - properly. That is, not just him sticking it in unannounced and hammering away, but a period of working up to it, over a few days and weeks, lots and lots of lube, LOADS of time and patience, and an immediate veto from you if it's getting too much.

But there's a better bargain which will work in 90% of cases of a pushy boyfriend: you'll consent to anal if he lets you penetrate him with a dildo. That's not a joke; it's a perfectly fair bargain. Most likely he'll say no, but if he says yes then he's a keeper.

cafecolour

unreg1 wrote: »

About the repressed homosexuality piece that was tongue in cheek(ish) but I am intrigued by the fact that may men I know are absolutley repulsed by the notion of gay sex but then at the same time are dying to do anal with a woman. My point was that there is nothing uniquely female about an ass ( men have them too). But yes I take your points about sensation and taboo etc.

Well, there's nothing uniquely female about a mouth or hand either, but plenty of lads would be quite happy to get a BJ from a woman but not a guy. Despite the rep, most guys are interested in the appearance of the whole person they are sleeping with, not just a disembodied orifice

Of course, I should probably add that this means turnabout is fair play - i.e. as doing a woman in the ass isn't gay, then getting done by a woman in the ass isn't necessarily gay either. So tell them you'll let them have a go as soon as they give it a go first.

ManOfMystery

I don't think most men would like it done on themselves either.

It's unfair, I know, but the reality is that men are using to being the ones carrying out the penetration on a woman (whether orally or vaginally). So some men don't think it's a huge leap to ask for it anally also. To reverse it round and ask them "how would you like it done on you?" doesn't really figure in their brains.

For the record, I'm not defending them - just saying that's how some men view it, usually the type of men who have a skewered perspective of it due to the over abundance of porn involving anal sex - where it seems perfectly natural that a girl will do oral, normal sex, then take it up the ass.

At the same time, there are plenty of women out there who do enjoy it. A friend of my ex's thought giving BJs was disgusting, but enjoyed engaging in anal sex - go figure.

cheesey1

I didn't always enjoy it with previous partners but with my now ex I did as he was gentle and maybe I just felt more comfortable with him. Not everyone enjoys it and if you don't, don't let anyone pressure you into doing something you don't enjoy.

StormWarrior

savaiste wrote: »

OP and anyone reading, obviously don't knock it until you've tried it - properly. That is, not just him sticking it in unannounced and hammering away, but a period of working up to it, over a few days and weeks, lots and lots of lube, LOADS of time and patience, and an immediate veto from you if it's getting too much.

Why the hell should she try it if she doesn't want to? And if she says no now and he still keeps trying, what makes you think he'll stop when she says so after she's let him go a certain way? That will probably backfire even more, s he'll think that if he puts enough pressure on her, she'll eventually give in.

prinz

unreg1 wrote: »

For example a guy who I dated a while ago was very addicted to porn. How I found this out was the first time I gave him oral sex he on purposely came in my eyes. I was completely disgusted but he genuinely thought that would have been what I wanted. Turns out he had seen this in porn and thought it was normal. Maybe some girls like this and that's their business but he just made a presumption based what he had watched and he was in his 30s!!!!!!

This is IMO (as a hetero male) a major issue/problem, but one that will get you slated for bringing up.

LegacyUser

unreg1 wrote: »

About the repressed homosexuality piece that was tongue in cheek(ish) but I am intrigued by the fact that may men I know are absolutley repulsed by the notion of gay sex but then at the same time are dying to do anal with a woman. My point was that there is nothing uniquely female about an ass ( men have them too). But yes I take your points about sensation and taboo etc.

As a heterosexual guy, I think anal stimulation feels fantastic. I love it when my gf plays with my ass.

There's a huge difference between having a cock in your ass and having your gf put her finger/a dildo in there.

LegacyUser

prinz wrote: »

This is IMO (as a hetero male) a major issue/problem, but one that will get you slated for bringing up.

Hi OP here,

Why will I get slated for mentioning this? Am scared now.
It's a true story!

Ickle Magoo

unreg1 wrote: »

In your opinion I have some weird notions about sex! You are telling me each to their own yet calling me strange because I have my own views on the subject. I view this an insensitive. Maybe you are trying to be helpful but doesn't really feel like that.

Lol, I don't view the fact that you don't want to have anal sex as weird, I think the fact you think men only want it because of porn flicks, that women in general don't really like it and that men who do must have gay tendencies odd. By all means don't like something because it doesn't rock your boat and there is absolutely no way a bf should be trying to put anything where you don't want it but thinking heterosexual anal sex has anything to do with homosexuality is pretty odd. I was trying to be helpful, if I discussed anal sex with a partner and they came out with some backwater conservative nonsense about homosexuality or deviancy caused by porn, I'd drop them like a hot potato.

DazMarz

Not every guy would be into that, not at all...

I don't find it appealing at all, tbh. Kinda icky if you wanna know the truth.

And that's my incredibly mature 2c for the thread!:D

LegacyUser

Hey, I'm a woman, I like anal, so does my bf.. I think its the taboo thing.. but also I find it feels good.. that said I am completely in control when we do anal, he stays perfectly still and I move, that way I never feel any pain, and also lube, lube, lube..

I also totally agree with whoever said its more common in the 20-30 age range, my friends and I have discussed it before, and although all of us have tried it (5) only 2 of us actually really liked it, 2 thought it was ok, not really good, and the last one didnt like it at all, but we'd obviously all tried it, a few friends in their early 40's were a bit shocked at our convo and thought it was 'a strictly gay thing'.

So yeah, basically porn has a lot to answer for, good for some, bad for others but, your absolutely right to only do what you are comfortable with hun.

Pembily

Be comfortable and as mentioned twice if he really wants it say you will try if he will try and work from there but if you really really don't want it tell him!!!! I enjoy it (took a long time, lots of lube and patience) and my ex loved me penetrating him but others guys would tell me to fcuk off!!!

I don't know if its just porno, I have always loved the thought of anal even before I ever saw pronos, maybe the expections that all women love it and it can be just shoved it is from porn and not a good expectation!!!

porschespeedst

Speaking it as a straight male if I have no interest in it, and I don't really get the fascination some have with it.

LegacyUser

im female and i love anal

its partly the "being bold" aspect of it,partly the amazing sensation and partly the headrush of knowing my partner has penetrated me everywhere possible

LegacyUser

I am male and couldn't care less about anal.

My girlfriend on the other hand is OBSESSED about doing me up the ass with a strap-on.

Seriously.

At some stage, I feel I will have to cave in and allow it. Does anyone have any experience of this? I am not exactly looking forward to this. In saying that, a little bit of me is curious and wondering what it is like. Only a very little bit, mind you.

Greyfox

My current girlfriend will do pretty much everything except anal, I'm very happy with this as I personally think anal sex is absolutely disgusting and have no interest in ever doing it

G-Money

I'm a guy and I have to admit I don't find the idea appealing at all. I think I'd be a bit grossed out by it, especially the "hygiene" aspect (I'm trying to be as polite as I can as it's dinner time so I don't want to go into the gross details).

I'm a little particular when it comes to stuff like sex and hygiene and that. For example I wouldn't want to have sex with a girl on her period. One girl I was in contact with was into anal, but I never did anything with her so I never had to worry about going through with it. Occasionally if you're horny it might sound appealing. However when I think of the reality of what happens, it certainly puts me off.

Mr Benevolent

OP I'm male and tried it once with an ex - it's not all it's cracked up to be (no pun intended). I have asked my girlfriend and she refused, so I dropped the subject. It's not that much fun, it's just a bit naughty and guys tend to fantasize about it. I'd recommend refusing point-blank if asked again - you obviously don't enjoy it.

LegacyUser

Hi OP,

In answer to your question: I'm female and I really enjoy anal with my bf (it is so not a casual relationship position imo). I like the feel of it...usually with a little help from a vibe...love that it is a bit naughty and I love the fact I know it is such a turn on for my bf. I am always the one in control of the depth, speed and movement so it also turns me on as I get to be the boss. It is not something I do often but once a month or so is fun for me!

If you don't want to do something, whether it is 'normal' or 'taboo' do not allow anyone to do it to you.

The homosexual reference is upsetting to me as I believe people in a relationship should be free to share their kinks without fear of being branded. Same goes for girls who think guys who like anal are depraved or perverted.

quibbles

StormWarrior wrote: »

Why the hell should she try it if she doesn't want to? And if she says no now and he still keeps trying, what makes you think he'll stop when she says so after she's let him go a certain way? That will probably backfire even more, s he'll think that if he puts enough pressure on her, she'll eventually give in.

+1

This happened to someone I know. This very thing. He started, she said no, he finished.

remembering

I read a few of the posts but god it even makes me squeamish just thinkin about it, i will NEVER EVER do it. NO WAY - EVER - GROSS :eek::eek::eek:
it must be so painful also :eek::eek::eek:

Nevyn

It isn't gross or painful if you plan ahead and go about it properly.
Plenty of people have indulged and enjoyed anal sex for thousands of years.
If it doesn't float your boat fair enough, if you are intrested then read up on it and how to make it enjoyable. There should be a level of communication and maturity so that a person can raise the topic with thier partner rather then just 'pretending' to 'accidentally' get the wrong entrance of the body, that usually means a lack of awareness and experience and maturity.

Do it, don't do it, it comes down to everyones preference and that of the couple.
Just take your time, play safe, use lube and relax and if it's not your bag baby then tell your parter your not intrested, if they don't respect that then they dont' respect you and you should be concerned about the relationship.