Bed wetting 28 year old needs help!

LegacyUser

Ok after years and years of searching over the internet i still can not find a topic of an adult with this problem!!! So i'm starting one :-)

Ok since i can rememeber i have always wet my bed at night. Through out primary school, secondary school and college up to right now.
I have been in a relationship for 4 years with a guy (i'm gay) and he had no problem with the bed wetting but i did everytime it happened. I always felt he was cool with it as he had problems to that i guess he felt he could share with me. But i remember at the start of the relationship i had to tell him as it was a few months in and we had not spend the night together yet, when i did tell him he said i was so worryed that he thought i was going to say i was hiv+ or something and that it wasnt a big deal.
Well now that relationship is over 2 years now and i am afraid to start something new with someone over the fear of having to tell them about my bed wetting that happens every couple of nights.
I only got the courage to move out of my family home last year at 27, dont know what pushed me but i did it and i still wet the bed and hide it from the rest of my house mates pretty well.

One other thing that pisses me off is that i am pretty good looking (not being big headed but i have been told by all sex's that i'm very cute lol) and have this thing that i fear will scare anyone off from spending their lives with me. Can you imagin waking up at 3am or the morning and finding your partner completly wet nearly every morning?
I did go to doctors over the years and after getting things done to my bladder they found my bladder is 3 times smaller than the avg bladder and theres nothing they can do. I did try the one thing which was they put a ballon in the bladder to streach it and meds given to keep it big but they did not work :-(

Is there anyone out there male or female with this problem in their lives? and how do they deal with telling people/partners?


I know this is all over the place but i want to know what gay members on here think about this and not sure either to put this in the lgbt section or here.

Thanks so much for getting through my messy post!!!!

johanz

Wear diapers. Doesn't leave a mess.

Mr Benevolent

OP I'd suggest first checking if there's a physical cause (go to your doctor), and if that's ok then speak to a good counsellor. That's about all the advice we can give you tbh. Could be something very simple.

That said, does it happen every night? Is there any place you sleep where it doesn't happen? Is it worse when you're stressed, tired or hungry? Do you sleep during the day at all, and if you do does it happen then? Do you drink a lot of liquid before you go asleep? Was there any time when it stopped happening for more than a week or so?

Sorry for all the questions, but that might narrow down a few things.

johanz

BTW if you drink little/none before sleeping, nightmares may occur, or at least that's what happens to me. If i don't drink, I get nightmares, if I drink, it's awwright

Victor

Would you like me to move this to the Long Term Illness board? Unregistered/Anonymous posting available

---

I don't see how being gay affects any of this. Does it?

Is a Urostomy Bag or similar an option? http://www.ostomates.org/bags.html

I'm surprised your doctors have given up. I would encourage you to go back and/or seek a second opinion.

kjl

Well OP, I don't think you need to worry about this. Personally I would kind of think it was a bit kinky. Anyone who cares about you wont care about this issue.

Victor

johanz wrote: »

Doesn't leave a mess.

The OP know this. No need to push the point.

---

The device I was thinking of is an "Incontinence Sheath".

You might consider some of these products. http://www.assistireland.ie/eng/Products_Directory/Personal_Care/Toileting/Continence/

spurious

I don't see the relevance of your sexuality, tbh. I'm sure it would be equally as distressing a condition if you were straight.

I would return to the doctor and see is there anything more they can do - they develop new techniques all the time.

meditraitor

A few years ago I was seeing a woman who used to take a nasal spray type thing every night before sleep, she said it was to stop her wetting the bed.
She never wet it with me anyway, I havent got a clue what it was but maybe you could ask a doctor?

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replys, I know my OP was a little all over the place, I will do my best to answer the questions put forward.

johanz wrote: »

Wear diapers. Doesn't leave a mess.

Ok, this is ONE reason why i'm guessing people with this problem never speak about it!!!
It is an extremely embarrassing problem to have all my life.
Thanks for that johanz!!

Confab wrote: »

OP I'd suggest first checking if there's a physical cause (go to your doctor), and if that's ok then speak to a good counsellor. That's about all the advice we can give you tbh. Could be something very simple.
That said, does it happen every night? Is there any place you sleep where it doesn't happen? Is it worse when you're stressed, tired or hungry? Do you sleep during the day at all, and if you do does it happen then? Do you drink a lot of liquid before you go asleep? Was there any time when it stopped happening for more than a week or so?

Ok when i was 20 and went to that urinary doctor in beaumont, as far as myself and my mother knew he was the only doctor in ireland dealing with this problem and i heard since then he has retired or moved country or something like that. But he did a few exams on me and sent me in for that small operation to strecth the bladder with this ballon type thing which didnt work. Also i found out at the time i was born 5 weeks early and the doctor did advise at the time that it could be caused by this, as in the bladder did not grow after birth and thats it really with doctors after months with him. Nothing you can really do there.

johanz wrote: »

BTW if you drink little/none before sleeping, nightmares may occur, or at least that's what happens to me. If i don't drink, I get nightmares, if I drink, it's awwright

Ok i keep away from drinking water after 9pm at night and I tend to be dry the next morning but this does not always work. It does always happen if i have a alco drink, when i am out drinking after the first pint i am gone to the toilet every 10 mins, this has always been the case. I dont get nightmares if i dont drink anything before bed.

Victor wrote: »

Would you like me to move this to the Long Term Illness board? Unregistered/Anonymous posting available
I don't see how being gay affects any of this. Does it?
Is a Urostomy Bag or similar an option? http://www.ostomates.org/bags.html
I'm surprised your doctors have given up. I would encourage you to go back and/or seek a second opinion.

Hi Victor, yeah if you think it would be better to have it there then yes that would be cool thanks! I just wasnt sure where to post this and here seemed like the place.

I put gay in there to get the attention of any gay guys on here to get there opinion on it here.
I did ask the doctor at the time (when i was 20) i wanted a bladder transplant, as i was at my wits end at the time but he advised against it due to my age and that i would be in again to get another one by the time I am 25 and so on every few years.

I do use plastic/rubber sheets under my covers, i can get them in dunnes for €25 if anyone wants to know.
Urostomy Bag, would not be into using that, thats just a personnal thing.

kjl wrote: »

Well OP, I don't think you need to worry about this. Personally I would kind of think it was a bit kinky. Anyone who cares about you wont care about this issue.

Thanks kjl! I did think of that for a while, maybe i will find someone who is into it some way but gave up on it as some people can be very crule with this problem as a lot of people see it as something a baby or small child has and grows out of it when older than 5/6 years of age.

Victor wrote: »

The device I was thinking of is an "Incontinence Sheath".
You might consider some of these products. http://www.assistireland.ie/eng/Products_Directory/Personal_Care/Toileting/Continence/

I will have a look into this at home tonight as in work at the moment, thanks!!!!

spurious wrote: »

I don't see the relevance of your sexuality, tbh. I'm sure it would be equally as distressing a condition if you were straight.
I would return to the doctor and see is there anything more they can do - they develop new techniques all the time.

As i said to Victor i said i was gay to get the oppinion from gay men to see what they think on this and how they would feel if there partner was a bed wetter like me.
Yeah i am looking into going back to the doctor again if i can find him in dublin, not too sure if someone else has taken over for him in beaumont hospital. I'll look into this.

meditraitor wrote: »

A few years ago I was seeing a woman who used to take a nasal spray type thing every night before sleep, she said it was to stop her wetting the bed.
She never wet it with me anyway, I havent got a clue what it was but maybe you could ask a doctor?

That sounds pretty amazing!!! I will look into this.
Thanks meditraitor!!!!!

LegacyUser

I also forgot to mention that when i was 14 my mam brought me to a hypnotherapist in swords, his advise was for me to wet the bed for 5 nights in a row kneeling on the bed before going to sleep which i did and it felt horrible which was the point of it and to keep an diary of nights i was dry or wet for a month. It did work to some extent but didnt cure it so it was not a mind thing.

Then when i was 24 i went to a councillor for a year over it as it got too much to deal with, he didnt really help much with it as i had found out that bladder was 3 times smaller, but he did help me deal with a lot of other things going on in my life at the time so i was grateful for that time with him.

I did talk to my older brother about it, he once told me he had a g/f years ago. He thought she might have had the same problem as over the year they were together she never once stayed the night, but that could have been something else altogether for that girl.

littlefriend

Please don't get too down about this, you sound like a really lovely guy.

I'm not sure how old you are or how long it was since you went to see the specialist but I'm sure things must have advanced by now. Also, I'd say it would be worth contacting another hypnotist and asking could they help. They use different methods all of the time so you might have a different experience now than when you were a teenager. I know the problem isn't mental but perhaps they could help you wake up when you need to go to the loo rather than sleeping through the sign of a full bladder.

I really hope you get help but if you don't, someone who is worth your time will be able to see past it. Best of luck anyway.

Dwn Wth Vwls

There are wristwatches or apps for the iphone etc that keep track of your sleep cycles. Perhaps you could use one of those to wake yourself up in the middle of the night and go to the toilet. If you woke at the right time in your sleep cycle it shouldn't disrupt your sleep much.

Esoteric_

Have you tried something like setting your alarm for every 3 hours to wake yourself up to urinate? I know it might be a pain to have to get up that regularly, but it could help train your body to get used to waking up when you need to urinate.

LegacyUser

To Dwn Wth Vwls & LyndaMcL:
I do wake up to 2 times a night so i'm guessing it happens around 5/6am when i am in a very deep sleep.
I will set my alarm for around that time too to get my brain to wake up at that time. although i do wake up at 6 anyway and go to the jacks most nights/mornings.


And thanks littlefriend, very nice words there, thank you!

dory

The main problem with bedwetting is deep sleeping. Too deep for your brain to pick up the signals. Not much you can do about that.

Look into medication. I had a 'friend' who had this problem in her youth. Took something called Desmotabs before bed and it never failed. That was a while ago so maybe there's something new but press your doctor until he gives you something.

LegacyUser

Hey,

I'm a gay guy (seeing as that seems to matter to you...) and funnily enough I actually spent a night in bed with another gay guy, who wet the bed...

I woke up about 6am from being wet. I was really tired and still tipsy and straight away I was like "omg, I feel like I ****ing pissed myself, omg did I piss? Was I that drunk?" (I have not pissed myself since I was 2 years old!)

Then I came to the conclusion that it was a lot of sweat because the room was hot (bear in mind I was very tired and this was about 15 seconds after waking up)

Then I thought that I had somehow spilled wine all over myself (there was a bottle of white wine on the floor from the night before)

I quickly woke him up and said "Eh, I think we spilled wine on ourselves" (I was saturated in this 'wine' and so was he..)

He replied "Haha, I don't think that's wine", changed the sheets and hopped back in. Straight away I realized it was piss. I think he offered me a shower. I left as soon as possible. I'm fairly understanding but I was absolutely horrified!

I didn't like him that much in the first place and to be honest I was genuinely sickened, wouldn't you be?

If I had liked him a lot, and he had told me! I would have supported him. Apparently it's a regular thing for him and I'm shocked he never warned me, or even seemed to care...

That was my AWFUL experience! The guy was about 22 so I don't think it was you though :P

Victor

OP, I wouldn't worry too much about the last post. I think what grated with here_here_ was that his friend was inconsiderate and didn't warn him of the possibility. As most people have intimated, consideration is the important part of dealing with things like this.

KittyeeTrix

meditraitor wrote: »

A few years ago I was seeing a woman who used to take a nasal spray type thing every night before sleep, she said it was to stop her wetting the bed.
She never wet it with me anyway, I havent got a clue what it was but maybe you could ask a doctor?

My son was prescribed Desmopressin which is a synthetic replacement for the hormone Vasopressin which is an antidiuretic hormone controlling the amount of urine produced.......

Definitely ask your doctor about it:)

Kimia

Genuinely don't mean to cause offence, but why don't you wear something similar to a diaper? I mean, surely that's better than waking up drenched, having to change sheets every night etc.. Still should investigate a cure/treatment, but I would definitely consider the diaper idea too purely for comfort reasons for your bed partner and yourself!

up for anything

Here is a google link to topics on various discussion board discussing adult bed wetting.

Google link

See also at the bottom of the page for links to Desmopressin Acetate and the nasal spray that someone posted about.

Toots

It seems that the problem seems to be happening when you're in a very deep sleep, so would it be worth asking your doctor about going to a sleep clinic of some sort? My BIL went to one once (he sleepwalked) and they basically attach you to a load of instruments and monitor you while you sleep, you go to the clinic for a night or two. This might be helpful to you, if they can see some sort of change happening just before you wet the bed, or if it consistently happens at a specific time, then you could set an alarm for ten minutes before that and get up to go to the loo. Might be worth talking to your GP about it anyway.

I know diapers aren't a very pleasant thought, but you can get a lot of 'diapers' that look like pants, or you could get a pad that you put in your boxers. It's not a permanent solution, but at least it would mean that you could have someone stay over without the worry of them waking up wet in the morning. That link Victor posted is well worth looking at.

Either way, go back to your GP and see what else can be done. It's having a huge effect on your life so you've got nothing to lose by checking to see if there's any other treatments available. New medical treatments are developing all the time, so there's bound to be someone out there who can help you. Best of luck, and hope you get sorted out.

Victor

Moved from Personal Issues. Thread title revised.

mariaf24

Sorry this is probably not very helpful but i remember this on an episode of 'Embarrassing Illnesses' about a year ago (Channel 4???) and i also think it was a guy in his 20's. Maybe you could try get your hands on this episode? I remember it was succesful at the end

rock22

I suffer from the same problem since a motor accident 20 years ago. I take detrusitol tablets every night which help somewhat. However I also wear diaper to bed as I would still have accident 3-4 times a week. My gf insists on it and to be honest it makes a lot of sense.

I suggest you talk to your GP. Any urologist should be able to repeat the tests you had in Beaumont. They might be able to priscribe a complete solution. Even if they cannot, if the problem is chronic then the sooner you find an acceptable solution the better. As has already been said, there are many different types of incontinent wear, some of which look like ondinary underwear, so you should be able to find whta best fits you.

Giggles1982

My friend has a problem with an over active bladder & she takes meds to help , especially if she s having a night out , but her urolgy consultant in beaumount has recommended surgery . Im not sure exactly was she will be getting done , but obviously beaumount have a new consultant for that area, so its worth a trip to them again and see what the latest advances are .Get on to your GP for a referal asap

LegacyUser

Please tell me where you get these sheets? I am a full time all day all night mama to two wonderful children, one is autistic. I am trying desperately to train him for nights and can't get rubber sheets anywhere (btw, assume you can get them in dbl size?) he has a larger bed - sensory issues!
I think you're very brave for putting your problem out there and for what it's worth, my younger brother is your age and still wets most nights. Have you considered contacted the continence nurse from your local HSE branch? The one here is great, and they have all kinds of tips, techniques etc, and hopefully they will help put this to, er, bed for want of a better term.
Take care :-)