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Too fast

  • 12-06-2010 12:48am
    #1
    coldfire1x
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,354 ✭✭✭


    A snail was moving along the beach when he happened to look back behind him and saw three turtles wearing leather jackets.
    After moving along for about four weeks, the snail looked back again and saw that the three turtles were still there and closing in on him. So, the snail picked up his pace.
    After about six more weeks, the snail looked back again, and saw that the turtles were still chasing him. And they were getting closer and closer! So, he kept on going as fast as he could.
    After another few weeks, the turtles finally caught up with the snail and mugged him, took all of his clothes and the keys to his car.
    After another couple of weeks, the snail got to a pay phone and called the police. "I've been mugged by three turtles wearing leather jackets! You need to get down here and take a report or do something!" he said.
    "Can you give us a description of the turtles?" asked the police officer.
    "No, I can't. It all happened too fast!" cried the snail.
    __________________

    A man walks into a bar and notices a poker game at the far table. Upon taking a closer look he sees a dog sitting at the table.

    This peaks his curiosity and he walks closer and sees cards and chips in front of the dog. Then the next hand is dealt and cards are dealt to the dog.

    Then the dog acts in turn with all the other players, calling, raising, discarding, everything the other human players were doing.

    However none of the other players seemed to pay any mind to the fact that they were playing with a dog, they just treated him like any other player.

    Finally the man could not longer hold his tongue so between hands he quietly said to one of the players, "I can't believe that dog is playing poker, he must be the smartest dog in the world!"

    The player smiled and said, "He isn't that smart, every time he gets a good hand he wags his tail."

    There's a man trying to cross the street. As he steps off the curb a car comes screaming around the corner and heads straight for him. The man walks faster, trying to hurry across the street, but the car changes lanes and is still coming at him.
    So the guy turns around to go back, but the car changes lanes again and is still coming at him.
    By now, the car is so close and the man so scared that he just freezes and stops in the middle of the road.
    The car gets real close, then swerves at the last possible moment and screeches to a halt right next him.
    The driver rolls down the window.
    The driver is a squirrel.
    The squirrel says to the man, "See, it's not as easy as it looks, is it?"


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