Incontinence since rape, very embarrassed

LegacyUser

Hey, as the title says, this is very embarrassing to me. I've never told anyone about this

I was raped nearly 4 years ago, by a partner, more than once. It wasn't incredibly violent "down there" in that there was only some slight tearing down there because after he beat me, I was too scared to keep fighting back.

Anyway, since then, I've had incontinence issues I don't know if it's caused by the rape directly, or if it's maybe because of some traumatic stress or anxiety. I have been diagnosed with a couple of mental illnesses and have been on medication for them since shortly after I left the guy.

I don't know what exactly is causing it and my doctor is NOT somebody I can talk to about this. All she does anytime I see her is tell me to lose weight (which I'm doing, and doing well with) and doesn't really treat anything. I've been waiting for treatment for my PCOS for 4 years now, so I don't have much faith in doctors.

I'm not like, wetting the bed or anything. It's more like I can feel myself leaking. I know you read about people who leak after giving birth when they laugh or sneeze, but I leak at random times, but every single day, so my underwear are sodden most of the time. I go to the bathroom very often, to try to urinate as much as I can, but it doesn't work. I do Kegel exercises and (to be frank) I'm as tight as a virgin tbh.

Is there anything else I can do, that does NOT involve seeing a doctor? I know if I want a cure, my best bet is to see a doctor but right now, I can't bring myself to, nor can I afford it.

kumate_champ07

what's worse, a little embarrassment and a possible cure/treatment, or having to deal with this for the rest of your life?

maybe just explain it to your GP.

the doctor that told you to lose weight is the one that prescribes your psych meds or is your GP? because generally the psych docs do very little besides write out prescriptions and they try avoid getting into a discussion, im my experience anyway

ppink

If you are not comfortable with your GP then change. If you had a dog but were not happy with the vet you would change! sometimes we can be very timid when it comes to taking care of number 1, we tend to stay with the same GP even though we do not feel comfortable with them. You pay them so find one you are comfortable with.
I am not sure about your problem but if it were me the GP would be my first port of call, you definately will not be the first or last person they will have seen with that problem.

Giggles1982

To see a Urologist , which you probably do , you 'll need a GP referal as thats the way it works here. Ask around friends , family do they recommend a more approachable GP , you dont have to say why just that your unhappy with yours. Recommendations might help you find a more helpful doctor, who will refer you to a specialist so they can investigate the problem.
Best of luck .

sillymoo

I dont know where you are based but there are a number of Well Woman centres in Dublin where you may feel comfortable seeing a doctor.

http://www.wellwomancentre.ie/index.php?p=services

Jeweliette

sillymoo wrote: »

I dont know where you are based but there are a number of Well Woman centres in Dublin where you may feel comfortable seeing a doctor.

http://www.wellwomancentre.ie/index.php?p=services

This is good advice and may be the best place to start. The doctors there will be fully trained and experienced in dealing with women who have all sorts of problems and who are too embarrassed or uncomfortable to go their GP.

If you can it would be good to explain to the doctor what happened to you in the past. I'm sure that they would be extremely sympathetic and that they would be very careful to make sure you felt comfortable before you had any examinations if that's whats worrying you.

Maybe you should start out by just going to see a doctor and explaining the problem. You may find they don't need to do any exams on you , an ultrasound scan might be all you need. If you do need any exams you can try to build up some trust with the doctor before you have them.

You've lived through a horrible experience and you really do deserve the most sympathetic and compassionate medical care you can get. It is out there if you go the right places. Don't deny it to yourself. Good luck.

Bottle_of_Smoke

Something like this on embarrassing bodies (tv show)a few months ago. The doctor treated it by giving the patient a device she put into her vagina and did squeezing excersises which strengthened muscles and stopped the incontinence.

You have to see a doctor. Maybe if you find it hard to say you could email or write on a piece of paper that you were raped. For all you know it could be very important for information regarding treatment.

Extrasupervery

I understand not being able to talk to your doctor about it, I've had some very...insincere doctors, all I can say is to try another. It's not what you want to hear I know, but it's probably the only way to find a definite solution.

Jeweliette

Maybe you should contact the Rape Crisis Centre and discuss this with them on their helpline. You'd be anonymous and free and maybe they could point you in the direction of a doctor that would definitely be understanding and help you talk about this problem. Maybe they could tell you if this is normal or abnormal given your circumstances. Sometimes just talking about things can really help.

LegacyUser

OP here, thanks for the responses everyone!

I'll try to keep this short -

My doctor knows I was raped. It's the main reason I went for psychiatric treatment, which she referred me for. She's still not a person I could talk to about this, and she's a family friend who seems to tell my grandmother everything (I know this is illegal, but too much hassle to do anything about tbh). Considering my boyfriend and best friends don't even know about this (I only managed to post this here because I got desperate and noticed I could post unregistered), I don't really want my family knowing.

Going to a doctor at the moment is out of the question anyway because of money, I'm waiting for my medical card to come through. I have been through the Rape Crisis Center and all I can say is, I'll never EVER turn to them for help again. I ended up worse having seen one of their "counsellors," she told me I "let" myself be raped and some other absolutely foul things.


I am considering borrowing money from my boyfriend and going to the Well Woman Center, there's one around the corner from my house thankfully. I didn't realize they'd possibly deal with that, I thought they were basically all about contraception and STDs :P So yeah, I'll probably borrow money from the boyfriend and just tell him I need it for a doctor appointment.

Thanks everyone, I really appreciate the help.

If anyone else has any tips for things that I could get over the counter to stop this, I'd appreciate it. One of the medications I was on in the past made it more difficult for me to urinate, so the incontinence disappeared while I was on it, but I had side effects and had to come off it

Richard Dower

kumate_champ07 wrote: »

what's worse, a little embarrassment and a possible cure/treatment, or having to deal with this for the rest of your life?

maybe just explain it to your GP.

the doctor that told you to lose weight is the one that prescribes your psych meds or is your GP? because generally the psych docs do very little besides write out prescriptions and they try avoid getting into a discussion, im my experience anyway

The sad truth.

sam34

kumate_champ07 wrote: »

the doctor that told you to lose weight is the one that prescribes your psych meds or is your GP? because generally the psych docs do very little besides write out prescriptions and they try avoid getting into a discussion, im my experience anyway

Richard Dower wrote: »

The sad truth.

well, it would, imo, not be the right thing for the psychiatrist to get involved in discussions about incontinence, given that he/she is not a urologist or gynaecologist and thus is not trained in the area of incontinence. telling the patient to lose weight (if she clearly needs to do so) may appear to be insensitive but is not unreasonable advice for someone complaining of incontinence

kumate_champ07

sam34 wrote: »

well, it would, imo, not be the right thing for the psychiatrist to get involved in discussions about incontinence, given that he/she is not a urologist or gynaecologist and thus is not trained in the area of incontinence. telling the patient to lose weight (if she clearly needs to do so) may appear to be insensitive but is not unreasonable advice for someone complaining of incontinence

"lose weight, exercise" they all say that. psych meds usually cause weight gain as most people are aware.

smcgiff

mod edit

Separately, see this here... http://www.doctorslounge.com/urology/forums/backup/topic-13739.html

'One of the known (although infrequent) side effects of Paxil are on the Urogenital System: cystitis, dysuria, nocturia, polyuria.'

sam34

kumate_champ07 wrote: »

"lose weight, exercise" they all say that. psych meds usually cause weight gain as most people are aware.

some of them do. not all. so the advice to lose weight is not unreasonable. and it is certainly possible to lose weight while on psych meds.

any further discussion about cause or treatment would be outside the psych's remit and expertise, and it would be a disservice to the patientto offer treatment advice

LegacyUser

Hi guys, thanks again for the responses.

There seems to be some confusion about my psych, so I'll try clear it up and my apologies for no doing so sooner!

My psychiatrist does NOT know about this. As the moderator said, he is not a urologist or even somebody who could refer me to one, so it'd be pretty unethical for him to offer me medical advice with regards to this situation.

My GP knows about my rape, not about the incontinence. The main reason I haven't told her is because she does nothing but tell me to lose weight, which is understandable as I'm overweight. That said, I have steadily lost weight for the last 3 months and dropped a dress size or two, from diet and exercise. My meds and PCOS, while making it somewhat more difficult to lose weight, do not totally prevent it, I just am extremely careful with what I eat and I go to the gym 5 times a week so the weight is coming off at about 2lbs per week. I know I need to lose weight (I still need to lose another 4 stone), but I'd prefer a doctor that treats me as well, she only tells me to lose weight and does pretty much nothing else then.

I ended up blurting it out to my mum at 3am this morning so she's said she'll send me to a new doctor in a few weeks when she has the money.

My main goal in posting here was to see if maybe somebody here had a similar issue (not with rape, with incontinence for whatever reason) and if they had some tips that could help me.

Thank you again for all your help everyone. I really appreciate all your comments.

lynnsback

Are you being treated for your PCOS with Glucophage? I have PCOS and could not get a handle on it until I was put on Glucophage 8 years ago. I also agree with the others about finding a new doc. I was with my old GP from the age of 16-29 and stayed with her because she had a nice bedside manner.

However, she missed the following, now diagnosed by another three other doctors via bloods, ultrasounds etc:

Endometriosis – she said the gyne who dx me was into 'over diagnosis'

Hashimotos Hypothyroidism – Had numerous hypo symptoms for years, but she dismissed my hypo symptoms because my TSH was ‘normal. She never checked any other thyroid markers.

Coeliac disease (in fairness, most docs would have missed my celiac symptoms as they were quite subtle and docs are still trained to think most coeliacs are very thin and have diarrhoea, not anaemic with stomach pains and weight issues)

Adrenal Fatigue/possible insufficiency

In July 2009 I was diagnosed with coeliac disease and FINALY reached the correct thyroid dose for my body. Well, what do you know - the weight fell off me after years of trying and getting nowhere.

I now have a new GP who listens to me; and on my first visit sat with me for an hour while I showed her all the research I had done. She asked for names of books and even got me to write them down for her. She does numerous tests for whatever symptoms I have and never dismisses anything. She respects me and my knowledge. You deserve no less.

I know how HARD it is to motivate yourself to go find a new GP as I was the same for years, but finding the new GP in May was one of the best things I have ever done for myself. I now have access to through high quality care; a basic human right we are all entitled to. I know it is so hard, but it will be worth it.