going out of my mind

Ciarogs

:mad:Hi Everyone, I am going out of my mind with my daughter. I think i may be more upset than she is with all that has happened. She is 6 going on 7 at the end of July and heading into 2nd class come September and very much a quiet little one with poor motor skills (we are working at the min with HSE on this). The problem is the kids in her class - they are so cruel to her, they have been bullying her unknown to me for months. I approached the principal along with my hubby as one kid in particular was really giving her a rough time and in no uncertain terms he told us he would not do anything about it - it has since been dealt with by the managment board. She is the youngest in the class and I have picked up on her behaviour changing so much in the last few weeks, she is cranky, aggressive and down-right rude. I had been bringing kids up to my house for weeks and having playdates seemed to work for a while but now none of the kids want to come up he has lost all her little friends that she had at the beginning of this year and she seems to be a 'loner'. Its not bothering her at all i know its only 2 weeks until holidays but I start college in Sept and i do not want to be in college worrying about her and there is no possibility of her changing school the school is so convenient for me and my wider family. Any advice would be truely appreciated

Ickle Magoo

If your daughter is really miserable and failing to thrive at this school then I'd have a think about whether the convenience of the school is the most important thing here. Perhaps repeating the year at another school would be in her best interest and ultimately worth the inconvenience to you & the rest of the family?

I would be loath for a child of mine to attend a school whose principal took such a lax stance on bullying, especially given the catastrophic effects it can have - just out of interests, what was his reason for not intervening? :eek: :mad:

cynder

Hi,

I think your daughter might be going through a defensive stage. I'll hurt you before you hurt me. Considering the last few months she probably has a few trust issues.

Your best bet is maybe talk with her key worker with the hse or your own doctor and get her refered to a pyschologist.

Also I would consider changing schools to give her a fresh start. Poor pet.

Best of luck

sorry about the spellings I'm using the iPod and can't type on this thing can't see the words

Ciarogs

thanks for the replies.
We live in Connemara Co.Galway nearest school is 15 mins away and is full (they take 12 pupils in each class) the next school is half an hour away and my hubby works night and I am going back to college to do Midwifery so i don't know my hours to drop and collect her. The Principals reason was that my daughter 'brings it on herself as she is so quite and doesn't participate very well in class' . Also the bully in question is half Nigerian and half traveller a strange mix but after myself and my hubby were verbally abused outside the school by this childs mother (a traveller) after the teacher spoke to the mother re;the bullying he refused to resolve the issue or deal with the parents. My Daughter will be with the HSE one day a week for 6 weeks and have a full psyc report done up. She is extreemly intelligent but so withdrawn and she is the most loveable , kind little girl you could find. It doesn't seem to bother her that she has no friends she likes to aimlessly wander about.

cynder

Wait to see what the hse says. Is there a posibility she could get a special needs assistant?

Ickle Magoo

Is there an official board of teachers or equivalent you could escalate complaints about the head to? He can't just wash his hands of the affair because he's too cowardly to deal with aggressive parents! :eek: It's a terrible handling of the situation & you don't want to be bashing your head off that wall every time something crops up. I appreciate you don't have a whole raft of schools to choose from.

If she's not at all bothered about the other kids or having friends, could her crankiness be caused by something else? Or just be a phase? It's hard to know, hope psychologist can help - and that the board gives the head a kick up the pants! :mad:

Best of luck.

smelltheglove

Have you thought of holding her back a year? My daughter was 4 starting school. In her first year she had friends, she is a pretty little thing and some of the older girls like to play with her and do her hair but she didnt click as much with her own age, she had a couple of friends alright but just didnt settle as much. We moved at the start of second class and obviously she changed schools but I hels her back a year also and I think this has done her a huge amount of justice.

Would you consider holding her back? She is very young so she most likely wouldnt be the oldest in the class anyway, also it will stand to her at leaving cert age when she will be that bit more mature also.

Cat Melodeon

The school is required to have an anti-bullying policy in place and to follow DES guidelines on combatting bullying. Saying your daughter brings it on herself is not an adequate response. If you are unhappy with how it has been handled, inform the principal that you will be reporting the matter to the Dept of Education. It is very likely that they have the end of the school year in their sights and are hoping it will just blow over. That is simply not good enough.

The reporting procedure for the Dept is outlined here:
http://www.citizensinformation.ie/categories/education/primary-and-post-primary-education/attendance-and-discipline-in-schools/bullying-in-schools-in-ireland
You really shouldn't have to move your daughter, particularly if she has any kind of special needs. Be insistent, get other family members and support agencies involved (the HSE key worker may be able to advise you further). Basically, if you can become a bigger (but always polite) pain in the arse than the other mum and stay in the principal's face as much as you can, they will get so sick of you that they will take further action. Don't be fobbed off with 'we've done as much as we can' BS. There are all sorts of facilitation processes they need to go to before they can make that claim.

Deliverance

Ciarogs wrote: »

thanks for the replies.
We live in Connemara Co.Galway nearest school is 15 mins away and is full (they take 12 pupils in each class) the next school is half an hour away and my hubby works night and I am going back to college to do Midwifery so i don't know my hours to drop and collect her. The Principals reason was that my daughter 'brings it on herself as she is so quite and doesn't participate very well in class' . Also the bully in question is half Nigerian and half traveller a strange mix but after myself and my hubby were verbally abused outside the school by this childs mother (a traveller) after the teacher spoke to the mother re;the bullying he refused to resolve the issue or deal with the parents. My Daughter will be with the HSE one day a week for 6 weeks and have a full psyc report done up. She is extreemly intelligent but so withdrawn and she is the most loveable , kind little girl you could find. It doesn't seem to bother her that she has no friends she likes to aimlessly wander about.

Sounds more like a bloody prison sentence for your child than a school by what you have said OP. The head warden (cowardly headmaster) keeps out of involvement whilst the hardened inmates run the place (the bullies) with their contacts on the outside (the aggressive parent) supports them.

If you cannot change schools for your child and the head will not take action then I would take a more radical course of action to highlight the issue if possible.

I am angry and pissed off at hearing how this is going on. To be honest from what you have said OP it sounds like your child only needs the psychologist because of these moron parent/s and headmaster that allow that troubled child to pick on yours.

Excuse my angry post. I am very pissed off reading this thread. I know what I would do personally but I can't post it here because I would be banned.

PS on hindsight: SmelltheGloves option of holding the child back a year could be a good option to get the child away from that bloody moronic family whose child is giving your child grief in the same class? Class being an operative word.

Sorry: I know this is an angry post and probably not much help, I'll get back with some more facts after I do some research on this and hopefully put up something more useful other than wanting to do 'stuff' to these morons in this issue. If that headmaster had to deal with me then he would be a very sorry man for ignoring my childs issues I would 'educate him', 'verbally of course'.

KillerKity

The poor little girl. In the long run holding her back a year could do wonders for her. I agree with the poster who mentioned the benefits of being a bit older when doing the leaving cert. I wasn't held back in school but I started a year later then I should have and looking back my parents did the best thing. I was v. small and found it hard to make friends but being a little older gave me confidence. I had one friend who 20 years on is still by my side

LegacyUser

OP my sister was a year young aswell and my mother, who's a teacher, held her back in 6th class.
Aside from anything else, it would give her a break from the bullies. Also you might find she becomes a bit more outgoing among kids her own age, where she's the oldest...imagine being in her position, she's younger than everyone and always trying to keep up. It's less noticeable with girls than boys as girls tend to be more mature, but you'd be doing her a favour. At least it would put her on a par with her peers and she'd probably be more confident in herself as a result.
Since you don't seem to have too many other options here, and the principle is obviously being a complete (insert impolite word here!), it might be the best idea.

CrazyRabbit

This bullying must be stopped immediately. It can, and will have devastating effect on your daughter.

Push the school on this, and if needed, insist that the bullies be suspended/expelled if they continue to abuse your daughter (and it IS abuse). I know this may seem extreme, but I would go so far as to get a restraining order against the bullies to protect her from harrasment.

Now, on the other side of things, you need to teach your daughter how to effectively deal with bullies. Point blank ignoring them doesn't work.
Your daughter needs to learn that bullies thrive on the emotional response they provoke. Your daughter needs to change how she responds to people, so that she appears emotionally strong, confident & happy...even if this is not immediately the case. Bullies quickly move away from kids with these attributes. All taunts need to be met with a confident smile or a laugh. Empower your daughter with this knowledge.

I would also advise that you watch how she interacts with other children to see if there is any reason why the other children are perhaps finding it hard to become friends with her. She might needs some advice on how to make friends with others. It's not always obvious to children how to do this.

lazygal

TBH OP, your daughter is too young for second class. In fact, she went to school too young but that's beside the point. I would do one of two things:
1) hold her back a year. A new class where the children are nearer her own age and where she will be one of the older ones might work wonders. Although I would find it hard to send my child to a school with the attitude of the staff invovled.
2) Change schools and put her back into first class as I think she needs another year to mature. You and your husband might have to bite the bullet on this one and reorganise both your schedules (remember he has to pitch in too) and get her into a new school with a fresh start.
I am quite angry at the response from the school but priority number one is your child and if nothing else I would keep her back a year as she needs to be one of the older ones instead of one of the youngest-you might be surprised how big a difference this can make.
Hope this helps.

LegacyUser

OP, from reading your post two things jumped out at me probably because I see similarities with my nephew.

First off you say your daughter is a bit of a loner. She also has poor motor skills which you're having evaluated at the moment. It became obvious to my nephews first teacher (who loved him) that something wasn't 'normal' with the way he interacted with his classmates. He tended to play by himself rather than join in games at playtime. He also had poor motor skills. His parents had an evaluation carried out on him and were given a comprehensive report which also outlined how his teachers should interact with him.

Secondly, from your post it would seem that the headmaster has formed quite a strong opinion on your daughter. You said the principals thinks your daughter 'brings it on herself as she is so quite and doesn't participate very well in class' .

My nephew wasn't or isn't bullied as such in school but for a couple of years his teacher gave him an awful time, picking him out for being bold, making no allowances for his condition, giving him so much extra work that he would come home in tears.

She simply couldn't handle him perhaps because he wasn't a 'normal' little boy. Like you, it was a rural school. Yes, my nephew can act up in class and can be a right brat when he takes a notion so it makes teaching him difficult but it always seemed to me that the teacher made no concessions for him and in fact resented having him in her class. To me it seems the principal in your school is doing the same to your daughter. That kind of treatment is completely unacceptable and I would really challenge the principal and question his motives and reasons for laying the blame for bullying at your daughter and not at the little boy.

I'm not saying your daughter has any specific condition and I'm being deliberately vague about my nephews condition because I think it is less to do with the child and more to do with the teacher and their attitudes to children who are a little different. In this day and age that kind of attitude is completely unacceptable.

You have to ask yourself if leaving her in this school is a good idea if the headmaster has a thing against her. That kind of treatment could have a detrimental effect on her long term self esteem and education.

KittyeeTrix

Hi there OP,

My youngest son is now going into 2nd class and he struggled badly with school in junior infants when he was 4. It was so bad that I decided after the xmas to pull him out and re-enter him back into junior infants the following Sept aged 5. He was diagnosed almost 6 months ago as being dyspraxic (poorgross and fine motor skills) and also mildly hypotonic (low muscle tone). He thrived being a little older and thankfully never had any bullying problems......

My daughter had no motor problems but from very early on was just like your daughter it sounds. She too would wander the classroom or yard quite happy in her own little world and was not very pally with the other girls. She too had started school at 4 but at the beginning of 1st class she ended being kicked by a horse and severly fractured her femur requiring her to miss from sept -Jan of her 1st class term. She subsequently repeated 1st class and in hindsight it was the best thing that ever happened to her. She became the most popular girl in her class and made a tonne of friends....I think she was just too immature for the girls the year before. She has 3 friends now who are like sisters to her (handy as she is the only girl in a family of 3 brothers)

Maybe consider keeping her back a year and see if that helps. It certainly helped my 2 kids for different reasons. My son was more able to cope with the school work and handwriting which is a factor of dyspraxia and my daughter really did benefit being a year older with the social aspect of classmates:)

ps...Good luck in college. I'm a mature in 2nd year NUIG doing science so please feel free to pm me to meet in Sept if you'd like on campus for a coffee and a chat...:)