Are you Queer?

Nevyn

http://www.feministing.com/archives/021545.html

I mentioned last week that it is pride month and I thought that might be a good enough excuse for a queer 101 post.

I was recently asked this question by a well-meaning and genuinely curious progressive person. She'd heard me use the word queer and was curious what the difference was between that and lesbian.

I realized after answering her that there might be other folks out there with similar questions. We use the word "queer" at Feministing a lot, often interchangeably with lesbian, gay and bisexual, but I thought I'd share why I use the word and what I think the difference is.

From my perspective, there are two main reasons to use queer as an identifier. Queer is not as specific as words like lesbian or gay, and it does not explain exactly either your gender or the gender of your partner.

Lesbian implies pretty clearly that you are a woman who partners with other women. You might identify as genderqueer, trans or gender non-conforming, so that kind of specificity might not fit well. Or you might partner with people across the gender spectrum.

If someone partners with people across the gender spectrum, "bisexual" may not feel appropriate because it implies there are just two genders (bi meaning two). Additionally, if a person might not identify themselves with a binary gender (male or female) then a term like lesbian or gay might feel limiting.

Queer is an umbrella term, it really implies "not straight" more than it implies what exactly someone's sexuality might be. It's also a political term and many people use it as such, to imply a particular set of political beliefs alongside their orientation.

Queer does not resonate with all communities and is not embraced by all LGBTQ people. It has a derogatory history and has been reclaimed, but not by everyone.

If you identify as queer, why? What's your definition?

What you do think of the word Queer?
So you consider yourself Queer?
I do for several counts.

Sir Ophiuchus

I do identify as queer, but if I start talking about queer theory I'll be here all day. Suffice to say it's philosophically very interesting.

Also, you don't have to be LGBT to be queer.

Nevyn

Don't let me stop you

You don't have to be LGBT to be queer, but I have found that those who are queer in thier own way but hetrosexual tend to have more understanding or empathy with those who are lgbt in terms of figuring out who they are and trying to find acceptance even if that is just self acceptance.

baby and crumble

As i said in another thread, i really dislike the term queer.

While there is some notion and merit behind the idea of 'reclaiming' a derogatory word and imbuing it with a new meaning, I think it can be confusing for a lot of people.

I think it all comes from this insider/outsider thing- it's ok for a gay person to call themsleves queer, but i think most people would agree that if a randomer on the street yelled 'queer!' at you, you would be upset and offended, I know I would.

Again, it's this strange opinion you get sometimes, where let's face it, we all want to be accepted, by and large, as equal to everyone else, afforded the same rights and responsibilities. But does nobody see how hypocrital it is saying that they are outside the norms and conventions of society on one hand, and then on the other saying 'treat me like everyone else!'?

I'm gay, and a lesbian. BUt it's not first and foremost how I identify myself.

Freiheit

I'm happy to use it, in the sense of me being queer in relation to traditional gender norms and not being bound by them.

For my parent's generation it was an insult, depending on the useage still can be intended as such, but it feels comfortable for me to wear it......

Think it's more commonly used and more accepted in the U.S.A.

MicraBoy

I quite like it because it says I'm a bit different without any of the gorey details. I'm not sure it is understood well enough in the wider community though to use it day to day. I think you'd end up explaining your self all over the place.

Freiheit

Yeah it isn't widely understood, at least not in it's literal context. In the traditional sense, labelling someone as queer and thus different was viewed as an insult. However a modern interepretation can view difference as fine and thus queer ceases to be an insult. A neighbour was surprised to hear me use it in relation to myself as she had always considered it as a derisory term, as it was traditionaly. But doesn't now have to be.

Dr. Baltar

Thaedydal wrote: »

http://www.feministing.com/archives/021545.html





What you do think of the word Queer?
So you consider yourself Queer?
I do for several counts.

In college papers and academia, I would classify myself as "queer" but in everyday life I would fall into the category of someone who has not re-claimed the word as I blieve that queer is synonymous with "strange, weird, different, not normal ect.". If someone were to ask about my sexuality I would either say that I am bi or that I am not straight.

Oh_Noes

Shouldn't it be "a queer" ? Sounds a lot better IMO.

baby and crumble

Why do so few people see how stupid is to on one hand label yourself as being completely different to everyone, and then expect everyone to accept them?

It's like a person who moans and whinges about stuff, and then wonders why nobody likes them...

Chuchoter

I would consider myself genderqueer, leaning male. Sexuality wise I say lesbian purely for technical reasons because I have female anatomy and I only like girls.

Freiheit

Why shouldn't people accept people who are different from them? I know people tend to view difference as bad, but that doesn't have to be the case.....

Conceited Cat

I like the idea behind the term queer, as I said before I love the way Michael Stipe puts it "queer describes something that’s more inclusive of the grey areas.". But I do understand why people would see the word 'queer' as a derogatory term.

Zwillinge

I don't like the sound of the word myself. It's a bit harsh or something. I know, weird reasoning to not be down with it :P

azezil

I've always taken the word "queer" to mean different from established norms, "abnormal", one might say an as yet undefined personality / interest subset or collection thereof. A term for that which is not yet defined.

In that regard, no, I don't think of myself as "queer".

bodice ripper

No. I don't like these reclaimed words. I'm not queer, or a dyke, that word makes my skin crawl. Or a yank.

I get called enough horrible things without me joining in.

Goodshape

zoegh wrote: »

Why do so few people see how stupid is to on one hand label yourself as being completely different to everyone, and then expect everyone to accept them?

Because being "completely different" shouldn't stand in the way of acceptance.


I don't think the word queer fits for me. I can how others might find it useful, though.

baby and crumble

Quote:

Originally Posted by zoegh
Why do so few people see how stupid is to on one hand label yourself as being completely different to everyone, and then expect everyone to accept them?

Because being "completely different" shouldn't stand in the way of acceptance.

I think I phrased that wrong. Makes me sound like a tool.

Ok, what I meant was more that I'm confused about how some people don't see the damage that can be done to battles for parenting rights, marriage equality etc., where the big objectors have arguments like "they're unfit to look after kids", "they're abnormal", "they have strange sexual practices", when the gay 'community' has floats in pride, for example, that have 40 year old men dressed as butterflies and women in leather leading men in dog collars and not much else down the road.

Go for it, Mr. Butterfly, but just think about the impression you give to the detractors who say being gay automatically is weird. I have admiration for people who choose to live outside of the confines of society, but then don't expect that society to take you seriously or not ostracize you when you go against their conventions, that's all.

Goodshape

I mostly agree

I guess for some it's a sort of "wait 'till they get a load of me!" exercise. They spend their time being put down for being somewhat different, abnormal, or queer* in comparison to "society"... and then maybe once a year they get a chance to shout "you think THATS weird... check THIS out!!" in an environment where they know it's safe to do so.

It's not particularly what I would ask for in a parade but c'est la vie.




* This is how I would use the word queer. Alongside words like 'abnormal' and 'different'. Are the self-identifying queers OK with that?

Nevyn

I am not abnormal, I fall well with in the range for is 'normal' in terms of human sexuality.
I don't see the term Queer as being abnormal but different from the presumed standard for what a woman is. I am werid my sexaulity is a small component of what makes me werid there is a lot more to it then that, which is why I like the term queer.

I am queer, odd, different, atypical, not what people expect of a woman or a mother.

Links234

zoegh wrote: »

I think I phrased that wrong. Makes me sound like a tool.

Ok, what I meant was more that I'm confused about how some people don't see the damage that can be done to battles for parenting rights, marriage equality etc., where the big objectors have arguments like "they're unfit to look after kids", "they're abnormal", "they have strange sexual practices", when the gay 'community' has floats in pride, for example, that have 40 year old men dressed as butterflies and women in leather leading men in dog collars and not much else down the road.

Go for it, Mr. Butterfly, but just think about the impression you give to the detractors who say being gay automatically is weird. I have admiration for people who choose to live outside of the confines of society, but then don't expect that society to take you seriously or not ostracize you when you go against their conventions, that's all.

Why presume that if someone wants to call themselves queer, that's the sort of thing they do or want to do?

Freiheit

Yes identifying outside the 'typical' in any realm can make life more challenging, but hopefuly that will change as attitudes do.........

Nevyn

Being outside the 'typical' makes life more challenging, accepting and embracing it and being happy with who and how I am makes it easier for me to be happy in my own skin
and if other people have issue with who I am and how I am then it is thier issue.

Saying I am queer always makes me smile, hell thinking it does not because it defines who I am but because it means I am comfortable with being different and so what,
being different does not give people lee way to be rude, agressive, abusive or to deny me my rights.

If you prick me, do I not bleed? If you tickle me, do I not laugh?

Despite the differences I am still a person and that out weighs the differences and should do to all but the most blinkered and small minded.

I am queer I am happy with who and how I am and live my life in a way which makes me happy and my self acceptance helps me accept others, who may be 'different' to me.

Freiheit

I remember when I told my family,one of the arguments for staying in the closet, at least publicly according to them was that being out and having the courage to be myself would make my life a lot harder......as you say though Thaeydydal there is a sense of peace in being true that renders prejudice insignificant, if others have a problem as you say , it's with them.

In any event a lot is how we feel about ourselves, a confident person is less likely to face disadvantage and is likely to inspire the confidence of others.

Nevyn

While I completely understand people's right not to be out or OUT I don't think people understand how much of a strain that can be as you always have to watch what you say and how you say it around people esp playing the pronoun game.

I also know that there's no need to tell absolutely everyone you meet, anyone who introduces me to someont I have never meet before and outs me (well as a range of things tbh) will soon feel my ire. I will share aspects of my life if *I* want to with someone if I feel comfortable enough.

But in the every day with family and people that you are with all the time, it can be a burden to be in the closet or a closet of any type.

wonderfulname

Links234 wrote: »

Why presume that if someone wants to call themselves queer, that's the sort of thing they do or want to do?

From my position what she described there is what the buoyOHs call a quare, shes not saying its her assumption, she seems to be saying that scene (as in image, not social), viewed in a negative light (to put it nicely), is the meaning of the word queer with some people. And its not nice.

If i were to go into town tonight and go up to a randomer introducing myself as queer, that would be the immediate association made. That would immediately cast me a few levels down on the treat-as-human scale, so I see where shes coming from tbh. Its funny because if the subject arises when I'm taking to people I will say I have a girlfriend, and that always gets either a strangely over-positive response or none at all, which is brilliant, its all just word association.

I do like queer as described here though, tis' pretty cool.. and I don't like words that describe me, find they get stuck in the throat for some reason..