Adolf Hitler's Nightmare

coldfire1x · 19-06-2010 12:54am #1

Adolph Hitler was having terrible nightmares, and so he decided to go to a fortune teller hoping that the woman could find the source of his problem.

"I am sorry but I am unable to help you solve your dreams," said the fortune teller, "but I do know that you will die on a Jewish holiday."

"And which holiday will this be?" he asked.

"It does not matter," she replied. "Any day that you die will be a Jewish holiday."

$1 bill meet a $20 bill

A one-dollar bill met a 20 dollar bill and said, "Hey, where've you been? I haven't seen you around here much."

The twenty answered, "I've been hanging out at the casinos, went on a cruise and did the rounds of the ship, back to the United States for awhile, went to a couple of baseball games, to the mall, that kind of stuff. How about you?"

The one dollar bill said, "You know, same old stuff, church, church, church."

Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients on the operating table.
The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."
The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded."
The third surgeon says, "No, I really think librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order."
The fourth surgeon chimes in, "You know, I like construction workers...those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end, and when the job takes longer than you said it would."
But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed, "You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, and no spine, and the head and butt are interchangeable."