In this thread pretend to be female

BarnhallBull

Ok i'll pretend to be a female, but because I want to, not because you told me to

_Kaiser_

Dravokivich wrote: »

accusing the fella yer with of being a racist, becuase he doesn't have the money to get a taxi and had to walk for 3 miles...

most insane chick i was ever with... but fúck was she hot...

you probably didn't have the taxi fare because you'd spent it on drinks for her all night, right?

*ducks*

phill106

Ultimate Chin wrote: »

"Why are women always classed as worse drivers?Our insurace is cheaper so we're definitely better."
Said while driving with phone up to ear,checking make-up in mirror and completely oblivious to the fact theres other fcuking cars on the road!!

No! I said that while I was sitting in the passenger seat of boyfriend/hubby while I am driven around like the princess I am! Even though I have a car, he always drives. Because I'm just a girl! TeeHee

BumbleB

[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica][FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica] HOW TO SATISFY A WOMAN EVERY TIME

Caress, praise, pamper, relish, savor, massage, make plans, fix, empathize, serenade, compliment, support, feed, tantalize, bathe, humor, placate, stimulate, jiffylube, stroke, console, purr, hug, coddle, excite, pacify, protect, phone, correspond, anticipate, nuzzle, smooch, toast, minister to, forgive, sacrifice for, ply, accessorize, leave, return, beseech, sublimate, show equality for, spackle, oblige, fascinate, attend, implore, bawl, shower, shave, trust, grovel, ignore, defend, coax, clothe, brag about, acquiesce, aromate, fuse, fizz, rationalize, detoxify, sanctify, help, acknowledge, polish, upgrade, spoil, embrace, accept, butter-up, hear, understand, jitterbug, locomote, beg, plead, borrow, steal, climb, swim, nurse, resuscitate, repair, patch, crazy-glue, respect, entertain, calm, allay, kill for, die for, dream of, promise, deliver, tease, flirt, commit, enlist, pine, cajole, angelicize, murmur, snuggle, snoozle, snurfle, elevate, enervate, alleviate, spotweld, serve, rub, rib, salve, bite, taste, nibble, gratify, take her places, scuttle like a crab on the ocean floor of her existence, diddle, doodle, hokey-pokey, hanky-panky, crystal blue persuade, flip, flop, fly, don't care if I die, swing, slip, slide, slather, mollycoddle, squeeze, moisturize, humidify, lather, tingle, slam-dunk, keep on rockin' in the free world, wet, slicken, undulate, gelatinize, brush, tingle, dribble, drip, dry, knead, fluff, fold, blue-coral wax, ingratiate, indulge, wow, dazzle, amaze, flabbergast, enchant, idolize and worship, and then go back, Jack, and do it again.





TO SATISFY A MAN EVERY TIME

Show up naked.
[/FONT][/FONT]

TheTosh

BumbleB wrote: »

[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica][FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica] TO SATISFY A MAN EVERY TIME

[/FONT][/FONT]

Anal

rednik

These vanity mirrors in my new car are so handy for putting on my face, I wonder could I use them when parking

phill106

CorsetIsTight wrote: »

I have never watched any of the soaps.
I have never read any of the gossip magazines.
I always have at least one book on the go, but have never read anything that could be classified as chick-lit.
When I followed Formula 1, I used to get up at 3am to watch the Australian race live, rather than wait for the repeat.
I don't own and have never used a hair straightener.
I don't use fake tan.
Since I left home I have worked and supported myself financially.
Among other things, I can double-dig, wire a plug, sharpen a knife, change a tyre, use a drill, put up a shelf, and map a network drive. (Although not all at the same time.)
I can read a map.
I can have an orgasm if I want one, even if I already had five in the previous fifteen minutes.



And if someone does start an "In this thread pretend to be male" thread, I'll just copy & paste the above into it.

Except for that last thing on the list.

Well someones corset is too tight....





Looks great btw!

OutlawPete

TheTosh wrote: »

There's no such thing as premature ejaculation, its a myth made up by women who can't have orgasms.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zpjq8jqrPq8

Nodin

sxt wrote: »

Shocked that a 'In this thread pretend to be male' thread was not posted up with venom two hours ago!

They're still in the discussion phase, probably. Still working their way through each others 'news', children, pets and health details...

Wibbs

BumbleB wrote: »

TO SATISFY A MAN EVERY TIME

Show up naked with beer.

FYP

BumbleB

Wibbs wrote: »

FYP

LOL

ntlbell

CorsetIsTight wrote: »

I have never watched any of the soaps.
I have never read any of the gossip magazines.
I always have at least one book on the go, but have never read anything that could be classified as chick-lit.
When I followed Formula 1, I used to get up at 3am to watch the Australian race live, rather than wait for the repeat.
I don't own and have never used a hair straightener.
I don't use fake tan.
Since I left home I have worked and supported myself financially.
Among other things, I can double-dig, wire a plug, sharpen a knife, change a tyre, use a drill, put up a shelf, and map a network drive. (Although not all at the same time.)
I can read a map.
I can have an orgasm if I want one, even if I already had five in the previous fifteen minutes.



And if someone does start an "In this thread pretend to be male" thread, I'll just copy & paste the above into it.

Except for that last thing on the list.

It states pretend to be female.

not a lesbian.

veXual

I can't drive...

Butch Cassidy

BumbleB wrote: »

I had sex with my boyfriend ,he didn't use protection and I'm not on the pill. My period is late ,Could I be pregnant ?

No I WON'T go on the pill. The pill makes you fat and urgh just affects my secret womanly nature and can make us crazy and depressed and manic and IT MAKES YOU FAT! If you want sex you can go buy the condoms cause I'm bloody well not and don't buy them cheap ones while you're at it buy the expensive ones I'm not having you dribbling all over me.

sdanseo

Every time I drive, I piss off about 50 people and cause 3 accidents but continue with my tunnel vision and don't notice. Then when I get to the shops, I spend 5 hours looking at things and come home with a blouse from Dunnes that I'll end up taking back the next weekend for store credit tha I'll never use before its expiry.

Then when I get home, I'll go to the kitchen and find my husband has cooked the dinner and scream at him for four hours for making a mess, even though he's left the kitchen cleaner than it was before.

[/femaleness]

Birneybau

OMG!!!

LOL!!!

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bonerm

sdonn wrote: »

Then when I get home, I'll go to the kitchen and find my husband has cooked the dinner and scream at him for four hours for making a mess, even though he's left the kitchen cleaner than it was before.

^^ not even slightly autobiographical I reckon.

Wibbs

The hazard light switch in my car renders it invisible and allows me to stop instantly or park anywhere at all(van drivers must be pre op transexuals cos they do this too).

phill106

Butch Cassidy wrote: »

No I WON'T go on the pill. The pill makes you fat and urgh just affects my secret womanly nature and can make us crazy and depressed and manic and IT MAKES YOU FAT! If you want sex you can go buy the condoms cause I'm bloody well not and don't buy them cheap ones while you're at it buy the expensive ones I'm not having you dribbling all over me.

Too right, it would be a shame to lose such a pleasant manner.....

BumbleB

Real story .At a wedding.


My friend kate thinks you look dashing .
Me : er ,thanks.

Where you staying ?.

me: Haven't anything booked ,I'll sleep in the lads hotel room.

No ,you can stay with me .Theres a single bed in the room.

Me: cheers.

Opens door of room .

MY god theres no single bed !!!.

Me:right,

Ok, You can sleep in my bed .

No funny stuff now.

Me: Would I ?.;)


Arranges pillows berlin wall style beween us.

5 mins later , jiggy jiggy .

hal9000

SHOES

Note to Mods: Is there anyway to make a font that sparkles and shines /note

sdanseo

bonerm wrote: »

^^ not even slightly autobiographical I reckon.

Yeah true true - I'm 21. Last time I cooked anything was when my Mam went to Spain for a week. :P

Het-Field

Monday : Iron, Cook and Clean
Tuesday : Repeat
Wednesday : Repeat
Thursday : Repeat
Friday : Repeat
Saturday : Repeat
Sunday : Repeat

BumbleB

Butch Cassidy wrote: »

No I WON'T go on the pill. The pill makes you fat and urgh just affects my secret womanly nature and can make us crazy and depressed and manic and IT MAKES YOU FAT! If you want sex you can go buy the condoms cause I'm bloody well not and don't buy them cheap ones while you're at it buy the expensive ones I'm not having you dribbling all over me.

How on earth could you go behind my back and steal my post without even THANKING ME! .Youre like EVERY OTHER MAN. Do you know how that hurt ,MY FEELINGS !.

Irish Guitarist

I like vibrators and shoes.

Wade in the Sea

I have 40 tops, 24 dresses including that little black number you like but it makes me look like a whore, (that's why you like it isn't it :mad:) 25 pairs of shoes and 4 pairs of identical black boots.......

Ahhhhh I have nothing to wear

Birneybau

I dont care if theres a big queue behind me, Im going to figure out how to use this Atm by putting all my cards in and getting the pin wrong each and every time.

Ulysses Gaze

Woman 1: 'Why can't I meet any nice guys? I always seem to end up with complete b&stards who treat me like sh!t and take me for granted. I'm so sick of these 'bad boy' types. Never again!'

Woman 2: 'Don't worry hun, you'll meet a nice guy some day. There are still some out there.'

A little later on..........

Woman 2: 'So how is Mr Nice Guy working out?'

Woman 1: Rolling eyes to heaven 'Ugh..going to have to end it with him. He's TOO nice. I mean, he treats me like a princess. Never fights with me. Puts up with my moods. I mean it is SOOOOO Boring. Give me a bad boy anyday - at least there's a little excitement with them.'

Cue oft-repeated cycle.........

RolandIRL

*bitches about this thread making fun of women so starts a new thread called "in this thread pretend to be male" to bitch about men*

i'm fine *means you're fcuked, i'm in a shíte mood so say anything else, and i'll bitch about you for the next month until my next period*

CorsetIsTight

starbelgrade wrote: »

I have just one question after reading that.


How big is your cock?

I don't think my love would like it if I started referring to it as "mine" even if by now I have squatter's rights over it. :D