Pushy mums!

leahyl

I just thought i'd ask this after something that happened to me the other night (happens a lot actually!). Does anyone have the pushy mum who fires a million questions at you after you've been on a night out?! I live at home and when i come home from a night out my mum is usually still up (she's a night owl - watches tv till the early hours). But it's always "did you have a good night?" me: "yes it was good" then straight away "anyone nice????!!!" - as if that's my sole purpose for going out - yes i wouldn't mind meeting someone but that's not the 'reason' i go out! Although i've been convinced by her that that is the only way i am going to meet someone :mad:

it just drives me crazy!! And it puts pressure on me and has me thinking about it constantly to the point that i actually hate going out most of the time!! Not that i ever liked the whole pub/club scene...

Thoughts anyone?:)

Kiera

She's just being nice to you. Would you prefer she didnt speak to you at all?

The_Morrigan

leahyl wrote: »

I just thought i'd ask this after something that happened to me the other night (happens a lot actually!). Does anyone have the pushy mum who fires a million questions at you after you've been on a night out?! I live at home and when i come home from a night out my mum is usually still up (she's a night owl - watches tv till the early hours). But it's always "did you have a good night?" me: "yes it was good" then straight away "anyone nice????!!!" - as if that's my sole purpose for going out - yes i wouldn't mind meeting someone but that's not the 'reason' i go out! Although i've been convinced by her that that is the only way i am going to meet someone :mad:

it just drives me crazy!! And it puts pressure on me and has me thinking about it constantly to the point that i actually hate going out most of the time!! Not that i ever liked the whole pub/club scene...

Thoughts anyone?:)

ah all mums are like that - I'm nearly 30 and with my current partner 9 months - all my mother wants to know is when is he moving in, and when are we getting married to give her grand babies....no pressure like!!!

mollymascara

leahyl wrote: »

I just thought i'd ask this after something that happened to me the other night (happens a lot actually!). Does anyone have the pushy mum who fires a million questions at you after you've been on a night out?! I live at home and when i come home from a night out my mum is usually still up (she's a night owl - watches tv till the early hours). But it's always "did you have a good night?" me: "yes it was good" then straight away "anyone nice????!!!" - as if that's my sole purpose for going out - yes i wouldn't mind meeting someone but that's not the 'reason' i go out! Although i've been convinced by her that that is the only way i am going to meet someone :mad:

it just drives me crazy!! And it puts pressure on me and has me thinking about it constantly to the point that i actually hate going out most of the time!! Not that i ever liked the whole pub/club scene...

Thoughts anyone?:)

Are we sisters? Been there done that and have a waredrobe of t-shirts, ha
My own mother was like that for years with me, it got so bad that I just stopped telling her about my life, nights out, friends, bfs etc. Just too hard to deal with, feeling like your life is in the spotlight and being judged on every move.
Thankfully, I managed to move out on my own, and things improved so so much, we can talk very openly with my feeling bombarded with Questions.
I think that parents just want their children to be happy, to see them out in the world, settle down with some one special, and thats just where that stuff comes from imo, they just worry is all, and I know my mother didnt see me as a grown up until I left the family home, until that point I was still her little girl.

Perhaps try talking to her, sit down, tell her you appreciate her concern/questions, but that you do feel pressured by her, ask her just to back off a bit, she may not realise she is doing it at all. Maybe she feels you are unhappy and that is what sparks all of the questions. If you listen to each other and speak openly to one another you may be surprised at the outcome.

I hope you find a resolve

mollymascara

NiMhaoldearg wrote: »

ah all mums are like that - I'm nearly 30 and with my current partner 9 months - all my mother wants to know is when is he moving in, and when are we getting married to give her grand babies....no pressure like!!!

lol

mammys are gas!

The_Morrigan

mollymascara wrote: »

lol

mammys are gas!

Yup, but in small doses.

I also get the "when I was your age I had two children and contemplating a third"

Malari

Well, what you've described is hardly an interrogation. I never liked these kind of questions but you just have to be nice - she is just being interested!

Think of it like a friend asking how you got on the last time you went out. You wouldn't describe it as being pushy if they just asked how the night was and did you meet anyone.

You don't need to go into details. Just say "oh yeah, great night, loads of dancing/music was crap/whatever. I'm wrecked now, off to bed."

Or even change the subject, ask her what she's watching on tv. Maybe just tell her you promise you won't keep it a secret if you do meet someone you like, she doesn't have to keep asking.

Most mums are like this really.

jokettle

NiMhaoldearg wrote: »

I also get the "when I was your age I had two children and contemplating a third"

Oh yes! "I had 2 children, a husband, a promising career and a mortgage."

Well, I rent a small place, have been a student for 6 years and will probably not get a full time position for another 6, have a boyfriend of one year and if I got pregnant I'd die of shock and panic. Accept it! Silly Mammy :rolleyes:

leahyl

I see everyone's point but even when i'm going out anywhere she's like - who are you going with, where are you going etc. I mean i have one group of friends so who else would i be going out with?! I know she prob just wants me to be happy but it can be really annoying!

I am kinda sensitive about relationship stuff though (kinda worried about not meeting anyone) so she doesn't make it any better by asking me this stuff all the time! but yes it probably is down to me in a way too...

I just hate fuss - like i just want to be able to go out and enjoy myself without all the questions!

The_Morrigan

leahyl wrote: »

I see everyone's point but even when i'm going out anywhere she's like - who are you going with, where are you going etc. I mean i have one group of friends so who else would i be going out with?! I know she prob just wants me to be happy but it can be really annoying!

I am kinda sensitive about relationship stuff though (kinda worried about not meeting anyone) so she doesn't make it any better by asking me this stuff all the time! but yes it probably is down to me in a way too...

I just hate fuss - like i just want to be able to go out and enjoy myself without all the questions!

Its probably getting to you more because you are still living at home - I did not get on with my mother when I was at home. Its only when I left home and set out on my own that I began to realise that she was mostly right, and everything she did was for the benefit of both myself and my brothers, asking all those questions is kinda a way for her to build up a memory file of who you're usually with and where you usually are just in case you don't come home some night.
All parents worry - its their job.
I know this now, but jaysus while at home the daggers were constantly out!!!

leahyl

NiMhaoldearg wrote: »

Its probably getting to you more because you are still living at home - I did not get on with my mother when I was at home. Its only when I left home and set out on my own that I began to realise that she was mostly right, and everything she did was for the benefit of both myself and my brothers, asking all those questions is kinda a way for her to build up a memory file of who you're usually with and where you usually are just in case you don't come home some night.
All parents worry - its their job.
I know this now, but jaysus while at home the daggers were constantly out!!!

Ya i've been thinking way more lately about moving out! She's prob worried sick that i'll never marry or have any children (since i've never had a proper relationship before - bit shy i guess:o) but i guess it is bothering me too so i am sensitive about it (jaysus this is turing into a PI!)

Vinta81

I still get the "be a good girl/don't drink too much" lecture every damn time. I know they mean well but seriously sometimes I want too screech One night I'm just gonna say, "no mum i'm gonna go smoke pot, get absolutely paraletic and sleep with whoever will have me" just for the reaction

leahyl

Vinta81 wrote: »

I still get the "be a good girl/don't drink too much" lecture every damn time. I know they mean well but seriously sometimes I want too screech One night I'm just gonna say, "no mum i'm gonna go smoke pot, get absolutely paraletic and sleep with whoever will have me" just for the reaction

I know, why do older people assume that all younger people just love getting crazy drunk every chance they get! Em i don't! And i know plenty others who are like that also - yes i take a drink but not that much! My mum isn't guilty of that though - she knows i won't go overboard

Vinta81

leahyl wrote: »

I know, why do older people assume that all younger people just love getting crazy drunk every chance they get! Em i don't! And i know plenty others who are like that also - yes i take a drink but not that much! My mum isn't guilty of that though - she knows i won't go overboard

Same. She thinks each and every time I go out it's just to get drunk etc...it's not about that, i like to go out and dance and the boy factor isn't really a big deal when we do go out, me and my girls like a good ole dance, really lets off steam :pac:

I have had one night where she had a right to be worried,but that's cause I mixed drinks. But, generally I'm grand. I just could live without the lecture though I'm 21.

Slydice

leahyl wrote: »

why do older people assume that all younger people just love getting crazy drunk every chance they get!

you're talking about Ireland right?

it's unfortunate but we do have some of the highest drinking statistics in the world i think... young or old

leahyl

Slydice wrote: »

you're talking about Ireland right?

it's unfortunate but we do have some of the highest drinking statistics in the world i think... young or old

That doesn't mean that they should assume that we are all alcoholics! It's like they expect us to be or something cos it's 'part of the culture':rolleyes:

Slydice

leahyl wrote: »

That doesn't mean that they should assume that we are all alcoholics! It's like they expect us to be or something cos it's 'part of the culture':rolleyes:

you've a good point there and I agree with it, they shouldn't

I reckon it's the fact that so many of us binge drink that has a lot of people just assuming that all of us do.

Of course, it'd be unfair to lump all parents into the same bag as well I suppose. Might be they have other reasons to come up with their conclusions. It's just I'd say it's Irelands rep at the moment that has people thinking everyone drinks loads.

I suppose the best way, as always, to find out why a person holds an opinion... would be to ask. Asking the mother why she thinks you drink a lot sounds more awkward though:(

Novella

I guess I'm pretty lucky! While my mum does the whole, "Did you have a good night?" thing, it's only ever in a friendly and interested way. She has never put pressure on me to find a boyfriend, in fact it has always been the exact opposite - "Don't feel you need a man to be happy, never settle for second best, enjoy being young" etc.

leahyl

leahyl wrote: »

I see everyone's point but even when i'm going out anywhere she's like - who are you going with, where are you going etc. I mean i have one group of friends so who else would i be going out with?! I know she prob just wants me to be happy but it can be really annoying!

I am kinda sensitive about relationship stuff though (kinda worried about not meeting anyone) so she doesn't make it any better by asking me this stuff all the time! but yes it probably is down to me in a way too...

I just hate fuss - like i just want to be able to go out and enjoy myself without all the questions!

That drove me up the wall when living at home, then moved out and it became ok, now I'm home again we're careful to keep up a personal-space so there isn't 5 million questions and we get on better.

storm2811

I can talk to mam like she's one of my best mates sometimes!

When I walk into the kitchen the morning after a night out she sees I'm wrecked and laughs.:pac:
Then it goes on to gossip about who was doing what etc etc,get on with her really well thank feck,she used to be down my neck before but then she copped that I wasn't out acting the bollocks and that.:p

RacoonQueen

leahyl wrote: »

I just thought i'd ask this after something that happened to me the other night (happens a lot actually!). Does anyone have the pushy mum who fires a million questions at you after you've been on a night out?! I live at home and when i come home from a night out my mum is usually still up (she's a night owl - watches tv till the early hours). But it's always "did you have a good night?" me: "yes it was good" then straight away "anyone nice????!!!" - as if that's my sole purpose for going out - yes i wouldn't mind meeting someone but that's not the 'reason' i go out! Although i've been convinced by her that that is the only way i am going to meet someone :mad:

it just drives me crazy!! And it puts pressure on me and has me thinking about it constantly to the point that i actually hate going out most of the time!! Not that i ever liked the whole pub/club scene...

Thoughts anyone?:)

My mum is like that. She used to ring me numerous times a night until I told her flat out to leave me alone and stopped answering my phone. She used to wait up and start falling asleep in the chair etc

Usually lied and said she didn't know I was out. She probably just lies awake in bed these days. Like you if put me off going out and I stopped going out except maybe once every couple of weeks because of it.

G86

I'm not close with my mother so I've never had that kind of chat with her. But my Aunty would often call me for wee chat to see how the night went if I've been out, she'd never be nosy though, I'm pretty open with her anyways. Even when I was younger she was never one to give the third degree, she knew I didn't drink at the time and so I guess she never really worried too much. Although, when I first moved to Dublin as a teenager there was a month of her ringing me when I got home any night I went out just to make sure I was still alive

As for my lovelife, once she knows I'm happy she's happy, although she's definitely one for the gossip!:p One thing that my friends find a bit odd is that I talk to her everyday - but it's just habit I guess. I'd always ring her on my way home from work or the gym; like it's such a normal thing for us that if she didn't hear from me she'd be ringing to see why! She's wild funny too, she'd ring and say 'oh, I just thought I'd call and see if there was any news' - when I know rightly she's just calling to check everythings ok because she hadn't heard from me

Faith

My mum's become a demon for that since I broke up with my ex. She clearly had issues with being single, so every time I leave the house, I get the "Meet anyone nice?" question when I come back. She actually couldn't understand that I was grieving for my lost relationship and couldn't even stomach the thought of another man. She thought I should have gotten straight back into the game :rolleyes:. Drives me mad, and then she sulks when I gently chide her for it!

Faith

Faith wrote: »

My mum's become a demon for that since I broke up with my ex. She clearly had issues with being single, so every time I leave the house, I get the "Meet anyone nice?" question when I come back.!

"yeah my friends are quite nice, thanks"

princess-lala

I love when I come home from a night out and mam starts asking me these questions

Best phrasing of it yet "Did ya shift"

Dudess

No, my mum's not pushy, thankfully. I'm now single - and 32. It suits me and the current place I'm in just fine for the moment. What would annoy me though about being single is getting hassle off a family member for it - it really is an unpleasant thing to do. No problems there though from my mum. If she did ask the "Anyone nice?" question in a probing way, on a regular basis, I'd probably respond eventually with "Yeah Mum, I did actually - blew a hot stranger at a party Saturday night. Hung like a horse!" :pac:

The_Morrigan

I wonder will all us girlies turn into our mothers when we have daughters our age
:rolleyes:

princess-lala

NiMhaoldearg wrote: »

I wonder will all us girlies turn into our mothers when we have daughters our age
:rolleyes:

Dont ya know we will My nanny is the very same as my mam :rolleyes:

metaoblivia

My mom can be like that, especially if she senses I'm going out with a boy. She'll ask what we did, where did we go, what's his name, what's he like, does she know him, did I tell him about her (yes, this is a normal question for her). I don't see it as being pushy so much as her being nosy. She's not one to pressure me into having a boyfriend, she just wants to know everything about my spare time.

And me, I'm a very private person, and I don't like talking about the men I date, especially if it's in the casual stage. So a lot of times, I'll just tease her and not really answer any of her questions! It's kind of become a game between us. :pac:

Faith

bluewolf wrote: »

"yeah my friends are quite nice, thanks"

"I know, but did you meet any nice men? Remember, looks aren't important, you're too picky. Go out with anyone who asks you!"

Dudess wrote: »

No, my mum's not pushy, thankfully. I'm now single - and 32. It suits me and the current place I'm in just fine for the moment. What would annoy me though about being single is getting hassle off a family member for it - it really is an unpleasant thing to do. No problems there though from my mum. If she did ask the "Anyone nice?" question in a probing way, on a regular basis, I'd probably respond eventually with "Yeah Mum, I did actually - blew a hot stranger at a party Saturday night. Hung like a horse!" :pac:

I recently told my mum (after much probing) how I'd met a guy on a night out, we'd kissed, and it had been awful and I spent the whole next day crying about my ex. She couldn't understand why I had such a strong reaction.

The truth was I'd gone home with a stranger and had very, very bad sex with him - but I'm not going to tell my mum that!!

Faith

Faith wrote: »

"I know, but did you meet any nice men? Remember, looks aren't important, you're too picky. Go out with anyone who asks you!"

lol? :eek::D

If that was my own mum I think the sarcasm would be going into overdrive on a reply

Faith

bluewolf wrote: »

lol? :eek::D

If that was my own mum I think the sarcasm would be going into overdrive on a reply

No, that's honest-to-god her attitude. I did mention she clearly had issues being single!

The_Morrigan

It could also be a generation thing.
My Mom is in her 50's she never had to work, cos Dad always looked after her and us.
Back in the day, a woman was just there to get married, have kids and make a home - thats what my mother was reared to believe.
Some mothers just haven't gotten used to the independence that has come about though social change, and still try and marry their daughters off to the best prospect.

Faith

Faith wrote: »

No, that's honest-to-god her attitude. I did mention she clearly had issues being single!

Lol
It's funny how some mammies can think it's the be all and end all.

While I'm pretty sure my mum would like grandkids at some stage, it's not something I've ever heard. All the questions were always who am I meeting up with, what are they up to these days, and all sorts of information about them and their families I never have the first clue about Then I hear "you're useless at finding things out!!"
My grandparents though... "when would you like to get married (now it's when are you getting married)"... we don't even live in the same country yet lads put the brakes on!!!

Dudess

"Go out with anyone who asks you" - Jaysus!

NiMhaoldearg wrote: »

It could also be a generation thing.
My Mom is in her 50's she never had to work, cos Dad always looked after her and us.
Back in the day, a woman was just there to get married, have kids and make a home - thats what my mother was reared to believe.
Some mothers just haven't gotten used to the independence that has come about though social change, and still try and marry their daughters off to the best prospect.

Yeah, my mum was always a bit more aware of the fact that some women can be just fine single - she got married at the start of the 70s at an age which would have been seen as quite late in the game at the time: 24! :eek:

Actually yeah, my gran's started going on about it to me all right lately: if I mention something about a friend and that friend happens to be - shock horror, a MAN! :eek: - I get the "Oh?" followed by a raised eyebrow, followed by a smile, followed by a "Have you something to tell me?" with faux embarrassment.

"No, he's just a friend." But there's no talking to her... :pac:

Doesn't annoy me that much though, apart from very slight irritation - but she's in her 90s to be fair to her...

Giselle

My granny told me I'd want to get a move on or I'd be left on the shelf.

I was 22!!!:eek:

BumbleB

Mammy just wants to have a day out where she can be proud and very happy of her daughter /son. Her intentions are good.

Malari

Oh, ok, I NEVER had those kind of questions described above! Now those are pushy mommas :eek:

rainbow kirby

Malari wrote: »

Oh, ok, I NEVER had those kind of questions described above! Now those are pushy mommas :eek:

I haven't either, thankfully! That said, sometimes if my mother thinks I'm acting in any way immature, she loves to remind me that she was married 4 years with 2 kids by the time she was my age.

Malari

rainbow kirby wrote: »

I haven't either, thankfully! That said, sometimes if my mother thinks I'm acting in any way immature, she loves to remind me that she was married 4 years with 2 kids by the time she was my age.

My mom knows she'd just get a smart answer if she said that to me

My parents know that they and I have very different ideas of what we want in life. The problem is that most people's parents are by definition the kind of people who wanted to get married and have kids. For almost everyone who is in no hurry to "settle down" they have a parent who, at their child's age, wanted to do exactly that, and sometimes they just don't get how anyone doesn't want the same thing they did.

AmyMaria

My mam is relatively young so the only thing I get off her is a slagging over how hungover I'm going to be in the morning when I get in. My granny is a different story :P
I went out with my two cousins once when I was down staying at her house. It was like 50 questions coming in the door.
And I'm officially favourite grandchild over my cousin, because I'm in a "steady, good relationship" and she's "gallavanting around with every tom, dick and harry at college," Me and my cousin are only in our teens lol. We love her really though.

fillefatale

I hardly answer those sorts of questions because it annoys me as she brought me up in such a way that I have loads of complexes and insecurities because of her so if she expects me to be happy and meet anyone soon she'll be waiting a long time. /bitter

I don't think they understand that its pretty common for women to be more independent minded and single these days.

Catari Jaguar

BumbleB wrote: »

Mammy just wants to have a day out where she can be proud and very happy of her daughter /son. Her intentions are good.

Yea.. God knows I couldn't be proud of my daughter /son and happy for them unless they were walking up the aisle... :rolleyes:

Catari Jaguar

I have to say my parents are the opposite.... My Dad in particular. I was never allowed go out with a fella, if I did like a guy I was relentlessly teased and he'd poke around and snoop and not let me hang around with boys when I was in my teens because I'd obviously end up a crack whore or knocked up... :rolleyes: But he treats my two brothers the same way so it's not sexist. It's just that young relationships are distractions (and my brothers having sex in the house is his pet hate. He's freaked they'll get their girlfs knocked up. He hates them)

Our job (in his mind) is to keep the head down, study, get qualified & working and then we can do whatever we like. Grand for a kid in secondary school but in college it was the same and at 21 I got "No, you're not staying over in your boyfs, get home now!" :eek: I'm with my boyf 6 years but initially I got loads of "Where is this going" from my Dad like for marriage and babies etc. Christ - relax! He didn't even wanna meet my boyf for about 3 years. Didn't like him until we were living together - then he warmed to him because it was serious. We just got engaged and haven't told my parents yet!!

My Mam stayed out of it, just as long as I didn't have sex until I was a grown up in a loving relationship... or married. Get with the times woman!

WindSock

Oh it sounds like they are pushy alright. Pushy in the way that they are nudging their little fledglings out of the nest by being annoying so they can finally get some peace and quiet. Nice tactic :pac: