help!! rights of single mother taking child on hols out of country

lost.ie

hi guys i'm wondering if anyone can help me as i've searched the internet for info and can't seem to find any relevant info. i'm taking my 1 and half year old on hols to spain i have his passport cause his dad signed the form (we're no longer together and never married but takes him regular) do i have to tell him where we are going as he is insisting on knowning

please help

thanks

Nevyn

If you are going on holiday it's and his Dad is in his life you should out of curtsey tell him where abouts you are going.

Legally unless the Dad is a guardian of the child he can't stop/block you from leaving the country with the child, but if it's just a holiday why would he?

coffee_cake

lost.ie wrote: »

hi guys i'm wondering if anyone can help me as i've searched the internet for info and can't seem to find any relevant info. i'm taking my 1 and half year old on hols to spain i have his passport cause his dad signed the form (we're no longer together and never married but takes him regular) do i have to tell him where we are going as he is insisting on knowning

please help

thanks

Would it hurt to tell him, if you're refusing to as far as he knows you might not plan to come back!

metrovelvet

Whatever the legalities are I think you should inform him. WOuldnt you be up the walls if your child was out of the country and you had no idea where?

Sid_Justice

lost.ie wrote: »

hi guys i'm wondering if anyone can help me as i've searched the internet for info and can't seem to find any relevant info. i'm taking my 1 and half year old on hols to spain i have his passport cause his dad signed the form (we're no longer together and never married but takes him regular) do i have to tell him where we are going as he is insisting on knowning

please help

thanks

You're taking a man's son on holiday but you don't want to tell him where? Thre aren't any words allowed on boards to describe you.

Deliverance

lost.ie wrote: »

hi guys i'm wondering if anyone can help me as i've searched the internet for info and can't seem to find any relevant info. i'm taking my 1 and half year old on hols to spain i have his passport cause his dad signed the form (we're no longer together and never married but takes him regular) do i have to tell him where we are going as he is insisting on knowning

please help

thanks

Suppose you do not have to but it would be common curtesy to do so. If he was taking the child on holiday would you want to know where they were going?

caprilicious

OP I agree with all above that you should tell him.

I don't think he could stop you going but it'd probably make life easier if you did tell him. At least it'd give him peace of mind

stovelid

lost.ie wrote: »

but takes him regular

Then please pay him the courtesy of letting him know where you plan taking his child on holiday. If that's what you're actually doing.

It's not really something that you should even need to be told, to be honest.

miju

Thaedydal wrote: »

Legally unless the Dad is a guardian of the child he can't stop/block you from leaving the country with the child, but if it's just a holiday why would he?

can't be stopped even if he is the guardian

metrovelvet

miju wrote: »

can't be stopped even if he is the guardian

No but.... you can be stopped at the airport and unless you have a letter or an affadavit of sole guardianship then you might not be allowed on the flight.

Never happenned to me but I do know of one person who was stopped and had to run out into the carpark to chase her partner after he just dropped her and their daughter off at the airport.

miju

metrovelvet wrote: »

No but.... you can be stopped at the airport and unless you have a letter or an affadavit of sole guardianship then you might not be allowed on the flight.

Never happenned to me but I do know of one person who was stopped and had to run out into the carpark to chase her partner after he just dropped her and their daughter off at the airport.

that sounds more like she was ill prepared rather than anything like the OP's case

metrovelvet

miju wrote: »

that sounds more like she was ill prepared rather than anything like the OP's case

Right but its sort of the same. You can be stopped unless you have permission from the other parent or a document proving you dont need the permission. OP should have one of those with her just on the VERY RARE possibility it will happen. Of course if does get that affadavit and he does have guardianship then what she is doing is fraud, not to mention child abduction.

Aside from that she does have a legal and imo ethical obigation to inform him.

Klingon Hamlet

lost.ie wrote: »

hi guys i'm wondering if anyone can help me as i've searched the internet for info and can't seem to find any relevant info. i'm taking my 1 and half year old on hols to spain i have his passport cause his dad signed the form (we're no longer together and never married but takes him regular) do i have to tell him where we are going as he is insisting on knowning

please help

thanks

He knows you're going on holidays, but you don't want him to know where. "He is insisting on knowing" because:

• The child is both yours and his, so he is just as entitled to know where your 1 and 1/2 year old is.
  
• You not telling him sets off alarm bells. People are becoming much more aware of the 100+ child abductions from Ireland every year. You can imagine he's worried the same thing is about to happen him.

If it's an innocent holiday, just tell him where you're going.

May I also suggest, you take pictures of yurself and the baby or just the baby and send them onto him while you're away. He'll miss the little one and it'll help to see him/her while they're gone. Also it'll encourage him to trust again, because frankly, you're acting suspiciously (please consider it from his point of view---imagine if he were to do what you're doing.)

All the best.

miju

metrovelvet wrote: »

Of course if does get that affadavit and he does have guardianship then what she is doing is fraud, not to mention child abduction.

I can tell you from experience the courts don't see it that way at all and in fact see it as "wasting the courts time"

pinc

OP.Why do you not want him to know where you both are going?Is there something else going on here??
Just e-mail a copy of your schedule to him.At least your child will be able to relate to him in some way about the holiday if he can vibe up about it too.
I have a -shall we say- strained/civil relationship with my sons father.
My son doesn't have.

He loves his father.I could go on and on about the level of input(from his family,mostly)that it took to obtain his father's attention.All history now but it still irks me.
But the child comes first.My son loves telling Daddy about our holidays-(days out and sleeping in friends houses) -Long may that delusion last!

OP If his father cares enough to want to know, give him the info. What does it matter to you? Really. Seriously. Don't thwart a father-child relationship.
Or is there more to this story?

LegacyUser

miju wrote: »

I can tell you from experience the courts don't see it that way at all and in fact see it as "wasting the courts time"

And speaking from experience some absent fathers do try to use guardianship as a means to control the mother. I always give the dates and country I'm going to. I send these by email or reg post. If my ex tries to control me and not give permission I will take him to court where he would soon be put in his place. He is my Childs guardian. You should tell him where and when you are going whether he is guardian or not. Because my ex has a tendency to stalk me I dont tell him the exact resort but the majority of men are not like that and Are happy that their child is going on A holiday. It's not right to just head off without telling your ex. You should also offer alternative access if your holidays interfere with your exes access. Btw I travel a lot and have never been stopped at the airport.

lost.ie

just to clarify cause everyone ere seems to be attacking me when ye don't know the in's and out's of this situation.... i am by no means a b*tch!!! i give him the child whenever he want's and i never ask him where they go when he takes him bear in mind that my child cannot yet speak so i've no way of finding him i trust him as my sons father to look after him when i said that he had him regular i meant that he has him every sunday that's it and maybe every 3rd wknd over nite!!! so really he'll only be missing one sunday with him and i even told him that he could have the whole wknd with him before we go and the whole wknd when we come back with him!!!! i don't even know why i'm explaining myself but it just pisses me off no end when people jump to conclusions re my situation and o i'm a bitch!!!!!!

i know the only reason that he want's to know is to find out where i am going with my new partner who i've been with since my baby was 3 wks old and that gets at him!!!! he can't accept that i've moved on!!! and has admitted so!!!!!!!!

lost.ie

Sid_Justice wrote: »

You're taking a man's son on holiday but you don't want to tell him where? Thre aren't any words allowed on boards to describe you.

like i said you know know the situation and what he has put me through so please don't judge me!! thanks

lost.ie

Klingon Hamlet wrote: »

He knows you're going on holidays, but you don't want him to know where. "He is insisting on knowing" because:

• The child is both yours and his, so he is just as entitled to know where your 1 and 1/2 year old is.
  
• You not telling him sets off alarm bells. People are becoming much more aware of the 100+ child abductions from Ireland every year. You can imagine he's worried the same thing is about to happen him.

If it's an innocent holiday, just tell him where you're going.

May I also suggest, you take pictures of yurself and the baby or just the baby and send them onto him while you're away. He'll miss the little one and it'll help to see him/her while they're gone. Also it'll encourage him to trust again, because frankly, you're acting suspiciously (please consider it from his point of view---imagine if he were to do what you're doing.)

All the best.

like i said you don't know the in's and out's and ACTING SUSPICIOUSLY bit OTT!!! don't you think

lost.ie

Thanks for the info anyways everyone

Ludo

Well your original post certainly made it sound like you were acting unfairly. People will only give you their thoughts on the information available to them. So no point in blaming people for replying the way they did if you don't supply all the information.

28064212

lost.ie wrote: »

just to clarify cause everyone ere seems to be attacking me when ye don't know the in's and out's of this situation.... i am by no means a b*tch!!! i give him the child whenever he want's and i never ask him where they go when he takes him bear in mind that my child cannot yet speak so i've no way of finding him i trust him as my sons father to look after him when i said that he had him regular i meant that he has him every sunday that's it and maybe every 3rd wknd over nite!!! so really he'll only be missing one sunday with him and i even told him that he could have the whole wknd with him before we go and the whole wknd when we come back with him!!!! i don't even know why i'm explaining myself but it just pisses me off no end when people jump to conclusions re my situation and o i'm a bitch!!!!!!

i know the only reason that he want's to know is to find out where i am going with my new partner who i've been with since my baby was 3 wks old and that gets at him!!!! he can't accept that i've moved on!!! and has admitted so!!!!!!!!

First of all, you posted here looking for advice and provided information for people to do so. People told you their advice based on the only thing they had - what you posted.

There's a huge difference between you not finding out where the father might be going with the child for the day, and you refusing to tell him where you're taking his child. Has he ever refused to tell you where he's going with the child after you asked him? He is perfectly entitled to know where you are taking his child. What happens if you and your partner have an accident?

You are the one who is connecting him not being able to move on with wanting to know where his child is going. Even if that is one of the reasons he wants to know where you are going, he is still entitled to know where you are taking his child. If you want to go away with your partner without needing to tell the father where you're going, don't bring his child. Otherwise, you have a duty to tell him.

phill106

As a father (happily married thank goodnes) I am aghast at the idea of not telling him where you are going with his child. Yes it is your child, but it is also his.
You not wanting to tell him would set off alarm bells in anyones head!
What if something happened to you on holiday?

lost.ie

ok lads i get the message!!!!! thanks

meditraitor

lost.ie wrote: »

ok lads i get the message!!!!! thanks

Will you tell the father were and for how long you are going with your/his child?

caseyann

Hey OP you have to get an affidavit signed by a justice of the peace and then stamped by the gardaí,if the father is in the childs life you need a written consent and affidavit also as far as i know with it.
Go into the gardai they can help with all you need to do when you tell them situation,if he isnt on birth cert or isnt a legal guardian,basically i think only out of courtesy you need to tell him where you are going.
But if he isnt you need the affidavit

mockler007

Ludo wrote: »

Well your original post certainly made it sound like you were acting unfairly. People will only give you their thoughts on the information available to them. So no point in blaming people for replying the way they did if you don't supply all the information.

true that, the both stories are totally different, why didnt she just say it all and for all the reasons, nobody called her a bitch, she made that up herself. god id hate you to be my ex:rolleyes: