5 months old, in arms all the time

LegacyUser

Hello all,

Our little Ryan is 6 months old next week.

Im over the moon and on cloud 9 since he was born !!

Hes my first child and my wifes 3rd child.


I'd like to ask for some advice.

1. Ryan wants to be in his mother or my arms all the time. We have a little chair and strap him in but after a few minutes he starts playing up, and wants to be taken out.
If we put him on our bed and play with him, he rolls over on his tummy but after a few minutes he is bored and wants to be picked up.
2. To get him to sleep his mother must rock him in her arms while standing up and while singing the same tune. This is getting difficult as he is now over 10kg.
3. Is it ok to put him in front of the tv for 1/2 hour watching cartoons or is he too young ?
4. His 2 sisters play alot with him but he also wants them to pick him up all the time.

We have tried to just put him down in his cot when its bed time but he will go crazy kicking and screaming and after 10 minutes we just give up and pick him up.

My mother says "hes ruined" and "spoilt rotten", maybe so. But how do we break him out of this ?

thanks
P

gowayouttadat

Is your little boy windy or refluxy? My little man was very windy and refluxy and we couldn't put him lying down for 5 minutes or he'd have to be lifted up to burp. At 11 months now it has improved but he still has to be carried around a lot!

On the sleep thing. Does he sleep well at night?
My guy used to fall asleep drinking his bottle and I'd put him into the cot. If he didn't fall asleep drinking his bottle I'd rock him to sleep. He woke LOADS during the night! Partly due to the reflux and partly due to being rocked to sleep and looking for his dummy. When he turned 6 months I just bit the bullet one night. I did a proper bedtime routine and put him down awake, he cried for ten minutes (not hardcore crying, more whinging). I went in patted him on the tummy, left again, he cried for another 5 minutes and went straight to sleep. Since then he puts himself to sleep every night.

LegacyUser

I dont think he is windy or refluxy, he just wants to be picked up all the time.

I suppose its our fault as he was in our arms alot when he was born, but how do we break it ?

The doctor said let him cry but we cant, we tried but he ends up screaming and then he starts coughing and its just too much.

My wife has to do the ritual of standing up holding him in her arms while singing to him.
Once he is asleep he could sleep great until 6am.

I left this morning at 7:30 and we had already given Ryan his bottle and played with him for a bit, but he was very cranky and wanted to be in mommys arms.

shell42970

You can't spoil or "ruin" a baby; please don't allow your mom's criticism to stop you from doing what is really the best thing for your little guy right now. His wanting to be held is perfectly natural, and your holding him as often as you can is very good for his developing sense of trust and confidence in the world. If you get tired of actually having him in your arms, would you be willing to "wear" him in a sling or baby carrier? This works well for many moms and dads, as it frees up their hands for other duties and disperses his weight over an area of the body better able to manage it for longer periods. My son loved being worn; it enabled him to watch his dad and I doing so many interesting things! Chat with your little man as you're wearing him - explaining this thing or that. Babies love being talked to, and it's good for them.

Your son is too young to do much on his own yet, so depends on his special people to help bring the world to him when he's not in your arms. Make sure he has interesting things with varying textures, shapes, and colors to touch and explore when he's set down somewhere. These don't have to be fancy toys - you can use (safe) everyday things from around the house to provide a good variety. As he gets older the amount of time he spends playing independently will increase, and once he's mobile he'll be able to set off on his own to explore in a baby-proofed area.

Babies want (and need) a lot of interaction at this age; they're hardwired for it. It can be exhausting, and even annoying sometimes, but the time you put into your little boy right now will reap big rewards as he gets older. Contrary to what people will tell you, he'll be a more independent, confident, and happy child as he grows if he gets all that extra touch and attention now in his babyhood.

As far as TV goes, children should not be watching TV before the age of two. Have you started reading to your little one yet? His developing brain is much better served when he's read to (and no, he's not too young for it; I've been reading to my son since he was about a month old) than if he's popped down in front of a television.

Best of luck.

Sleepy

Controlled Crying seems the way to go to me...

Put him in his cot and let him howl for ten minutes, go in at that point and give him a cuddle to let him know that you're still there but that it's bed time, put him back down in the cot and repeat ad-inifinitum. He'll get the message after a few sleepless nights for you all.

It's horrible to do but he needs to learn to sleep on his own.

We went through the same thing with my daughter and it worked for us after 2 nights. Think it helps if you say very little beyone 'Night night Ryan' when you go into him. 'nigh nigh' were some of my daughter's first words and she understands now that 'night night' means sleep time

goosie2005

I wouldn't advice the controlled crying myself as you haven't given him any opportunity to practice and get used to soothing himself to sleep during the day...
since it is the adults in his life that have set up the situation that he has become dependent on them to get to sleep (and there's nothing wrong with that for lots of people, myself included),I think it's only fair that the adults are gentle and patient in helping him to soothe himself to sleep in an alternative way over time, it's only fair!

I would suggest working first on the daytime naps before the night time routine, as you will have more energy and patience. The trick is to put him in his cot when he is sleepy but not asleep and to build up other things e.g. blankie, music as part of the going to sleep routine. I would recommend Elizabeth Pantley's books, e.g. 'the no cry sleep solution' as this a very pragmatic and gentle approach that will give you confidence as a parent.
Best of luck!

Nevyn

You are going to have to let him cry it out.
I know it's very hard and can go against your insticts but it is the only way.

Sleepy

goosie2005 wrote: »

I wouldn't advice the controlled crying myself as you haven't given him any opportunity to practice and get used to soothing himself to sleep during the day...
since it is the adults in his life that have set up the situation that he has become dependent on them to get to sleep (and there's nothing wrong with that for lots of people, myself included),I think it's only fair that the adults are gentle and patient in helping him to soothe himself to sleep in an alternative way over time, it's only fair!

I would suggest working first on the daytime naps before the night time routine, as you will have more energy and patience. The trick is to put him in his cot when he is sleepy but not asleep and to build up other things e.g. blankie, music as part of the going to sleep routine. I would recommend Elizabeth Pantley's books, e.g. 'the no cry sleep solution' as this a very pragmatic and gentle approach that will give you confidence as a parent.
Best of luck!

Definitely some things to take on board here, OP.

A defined routine e.g. a bedtime bath before a change into pyjamas involving lots of cuddles and then a bottle then bed definitely helps and teaching him to sleep on his own during the day as a starting point is definitely easier.

My original point kind of assumed you'd already tried these as that was the situation with us when my daughter Rory was that age...

metrovelvet

Do you have a bouncy seat with a vibrating mechanism?it will give your wife 20 mins of freedom here and there.

Every child is different cry it out might work for some, for others might create a neurotic child.only you and your wife can answer that.

Grawns

Some children are just like that. My friend has a boy who was just like that (she carried him around night and day for 6 months :eek:) but he improved immensely once he started crawling and walking.

PS. i read lots to my daughter but she's also been watching barney since she was about 9 months and loves it.

DublinWriter

metrovelvet wrote: »

Do you have a bouncy seat with a vibrating mechanism?it will give your wife 20 mins of freedom here and there.

Every child is different cry it out might work for some

Doesn't work for us. He loves being in his car seat in the house as I think the fact that he's slightly head tilted up and probably has happy memories of his dad's dodgy driving. He hates the bouncer, likes the massive Silvercross pram, loves the car-seat but his favourite is to have me pick him up and sing to him as I walk around...that normally knocks him out.

dermothickey

Agree with Shells post, Just get on with it, it happens, there is nothing wrong with your child, baby kangaroos hang off their moms for long periods too. I say hold him and cherish him by the age of 1 he will be standing up and wobbling around the place. Same as my daughter would rear up when you left the room, no matter how many people told me to let her cry it out, it never worked and just upset her more and more. Seems like a tactic that works for some kids but not all. Then came across a website one day where the doctor says just relax, hold them, they will grow up too fast and you will wish they were babies again.

Get a sling, it may help the aching shoulders/neck just keep your posture in a good position.

tomcollins97

Stop bowing to his every need. Leave him cry the odd time. If he wants to be in someones arms the whole time it is because he is used to it. Time to break the habit - only you can

pearljamfan

get a copy of the no cry sleep solution, even if you dont stick to what it tells you it will make you see things from a different point of view, i find it good now and then to have a read from , also the baby whisperer books, i second getting a sling, very handy. i think youll find that this is just one of those things youll get through when ryan is ready,

Cat Melodeon

There is a big split on the controlled-crying/attachment forms of parenting. One style works great with some kids but is fairly useless with others. You can do sling-wearing, co-sleeping and cuddling for the first year without necessarily setting your child up to be spoilt/a sissy/undisciplined. It depends on the child (and the parent). Strict routines and controlled crying wouldn't work for us because I'm fairly crap at routines myself, I am completely lazy at night and would much rather take a crying baby into my bed to sleep with me than spend time trying to get him back to sleep in his cot. But that's me, I also breastfeed so it suits, and anyway sharing a bed with a baby doesn't appeal to everyone.

We used a sling until our lad was about 7 months. After that, he stated to creep and roll about the floor and was happy to spend lots of time there rather than up in our arms. We'd also give him 20 mins or so in his walker or in his bouncy swing thing from 6 months on. He'll be a year next week and is one of the least clingy babies I've ever known, has never made strange, plays happily on his own for ages, loves other kids, is happy to be babysat by pretty much anyone and is always off adventuring. He is of course extremely bold on occasion but I don't know a 12 month old who isn't and I have no trouble disciplining him - I don't believe little children can be reasoned with and I can't bear a child who doesn't understand 'no'. He doesn't always sleep through the night but is getting much better and will stay in his cot for 6 nights out of 7 (we coslept until he was 7.5 months). The nights when he comes into our bed now is usually when he's teething or just a bit lonely. I don't mind this at all, I doubt he'll still be doing it when he's 21 :rolleyes:.

Everyone has their own (usually very strong) opinions on what is right and what works in parenting. Whatever works for you is right, but that doesn't mean it's right for anyone else. I know controlled crying has worked brilliantly for friends of mine, it just wouldn't be right for me. Just like what I do wouldn't be right for them. But I don't believe you can spoil a little baby or that they need to be toughened up or have their needs denied just to show them who's boss. Sure, once they get to a year old or so you need to set clear boundaries, but for many babies & parents a softer parenting approach works fine for the first 12 months. Work it out with your baby, don't listen to mothers or in-laws or anyone else.

oopsadaisy

Our little man is exactly the same. He is also 6 months and is also called Ryan (lol)!!......I have to rock him to sleep in my arms. I think my guy does not get enough sleep during the day and is over tired, which is why I think he struggles to fall asleep. He naps for very short periods during the day, maybe 20 minutes twice a day. Longer if in his buggy. We have found we can let him lie on the bed beside one of us, (while we read or watch TV), and he will nod off quite quickly. Weird. I do try letting him cry sometimes but he just gets hysterical. So I am happy to do what keeps him happy even if a bit inconvenient at times! and yes he is totally spoiled and ruined and I dont care! He is growing so fast, I want to enjoy every minute, even the annoying ones

mohawk

My son wanted to be held all the time at that age too. Since he became mobile he no longer wants to be up in my arms much. Sometimes he hasn't the time for a cuddle anymore.
He is still a baby at the end of the day and they grow up fast.

Whatever way you go you need to be consistant with your approach. We had a problem getting our son to sleep and at 6 months we decided to put him into his cot to fall asleep. We rubbed his back and soothed him any time he cried and then left the room as soon as he cried we went back in and calmed him down again without letting him cry. It took us two nights but he realised we were there if he needed us. Once nightime was sorted the day time naps fell into place and he was a much happier baby.
We found crying it out too harsh the softly softly approach worked for us and our baby.

Ayla

Thaedydal wrote: »

You are going to have to let him cry it out.
I know it's very hard and can go against your insticts but it is the only way.

Wow, that's tough going. And incorrect, btw. As Cat Melodeon said (very well, I thought), there are no "right" or "wrong" ways...whatever works for each individual parent & baby is the only way.

I have a 3.5 yr old who sleeps like a dream & was sleeping through the night by 8 months. I also have a 10 month old who is still struggling and no amount of cuddling/co-sleeping/controlled crying is going to "fix" that. We've had the same night-time routine since she was born, and she clearly understands the bedtime procedure. But each night is completely different - some great, but more often they're terrible. And no one is going to tell me that I've "spoiled" her or that I should've let her cry it out...god knows I've tried, but there reaches a point where it actually can be harmful (physically and otherwise), and I would never suggest someone keep that up as their method of training their baby.

OP - I agree with many posters here who say that the wee one's grow up so fast & this time should be enjoyed. That said, I also know how draining it can be to constantly be carrying your child around, and I completely sympathise with your wife b/c I'm in the same situation. If it becomes unmanageable you may want to check w/ your gp to make sure all's well w/ your child - crying is the only method our babies have to tell us something's wrong. I had my daughter checked out by our gp a couple times & found all well, but then tried the chiropractor & what a difference it made! Turns out she was a bit stiff/sore & the massage she got completely changed her attitude...poor thing was just uncomfortable & wanted me to hold her all the time for comfort. Good luck!