Grandparents for after school care - a good idea?

Sally2006

Just looking for some opinions...My 4 year old is strating school in September and since she was born my parents have said they'd take her after school. She's the first grandchild and since then two more grandkids have arrived. We had agreed that I would pay my parents to take her for a couple of hours after school 4 days a week. I've just learned that my mother has agreed to mind my brothers toddler and baby one day a week from now until December to "help them out". My brother will not be paying them.
I'm a bit put out by this as we have agreed to a paid arrangement but effectively one day a week 90% of their attention will be given to two other children as they are only 8 months and 2 and have a lot more needs naturally. Also, they will be minding the other children in my brothers house. I want to discuss this with my parents as this wasn't what was agreed at all but I'd like to get some opinions first.

Thanks.

Beruthiel

Sally2006 wrote: »

I've just learned that my mother has agreed to mind my brothers toddler and baby one day a week from now until December

Why not get your child taken care of elsewhere on that day and only have him stay with your parents when they are free to take care of him soley?

Sally2006

Why should I disrupt my child for that day? We agreed the terms years ago and now they've been changed without even a mention to me. TBH if I wasn't paying them I wouldn't give it a minutes thought but I am so they could've at least consulted me. For that one day I'll be paying them to mind someone elses kids.

Nevyn

Well I suggest you look at after care in a creche as you can not madate terms and contract conditions when it comes to family.

ash23

Sally2006 wrote: »

Just looking for some opinions...My 4 year old is strating school in September and since she was born my parents have said they'd take her after school. She's the first grandchild and since then two more grandkids have arrived. We had agreed that I would pay my parents to take her for a couple of hours after school 4 days a week. I've just learned that my mother has agreed to mind my brothers toddler and baby one day a week from now until December to "help them out". My brother will not be paying them.
I'm a bit put out by this as we have agreed to a paid arrangement but effectively one day a week 90% of their attention will be given to two other children as they are only 8 months and 2 and have a lot more needs naturally. Also, they will be minding the other children in my brothers house. I want to discuss this with my parents as this wasn't what was agreed at all but I'd like to get some opinions first.

Thanks.

I think it's great. Your child will get to spend one day a week with her cousins and 3 days a week with her grandparents.

You agreed something years ago but things have changed and there are more children in the family now and tbh, I think you're expecting a bit much by insisting your daughter get both grandparents undivided attention every day.
Part of sending them to a family member over a minder/creche is the "home" experience. And in a normal home, people will come and go, people will call to other houses etc.
My aunt looked after me and we were always visiting neighbours and I have happy memories of that.

Alternatively, put your daughter into after school care with 14 other children and parents coming and going all the time. She'll be fine (thats the environment my daughter thrived in).Or get a nanny who will be only looking after your child and in your home. But you can't have it all your own way.

Your parents are entitled to take their other grandchildren one day a week if they choose. And they are entitled to do it for free if they choose.

You cannot demand that they concentrate solely on your daughter while they have her. That is unrealistic.
There will be housework, and phone calls and things to be done and people to be seen. You can't honestly expect that they will sit and look at her for 4 hours, 4 days a week.

Ickle Magoo

I don't think you have any right to make any kind of demands on your parents, they are not a business, they are not obliged to do anything for you nor should they have to reject their other grand-kids because your deal was in place first.

I would really avoid going in guns blazing about arrangements and payments and treating them like an official child-care facility for fear they see the whole arrangement as far too divisive and too much hassle and you all end up looking for alternative arrangements.

Dades

OP I can understand how your thunder has been somewhat stolen by the arrival of other grandkids, but is there some other reason why you don't want your own child to enjoy their company for a few hours a week?

Did your parents refuse to a mind your child when it was that young? If not I don't see what anyone can do. Circumstances have changed.

Why don't you ask your brother to contribute some, or all of that particular day's payment to your parents?

Sally2006

Thank you all for your comments, it's definitely given me some perspective. Ash23 you make a good point, and I'm delighted my daughter will get to spend time with her cousins as they get on really well.

Dades, you're very perceptive. My parents refused to mind my child when she was that young so this is adding to my frustration.

I'm going to leave things be. Thanks again for your posts.

How Strange

OP, I think you're being a tad unreasonable. They are their grandchildren and just as they offered to mind your little girl after school they are also offering to mind their other grandchildren for one day out of five on a temporary basis to help your brother and his wife out.