The last person out of the closet? The bisexual male

Frei

(CNN) -- Robert Winn met his wife, Christine, in college. He was a fraternity boy. She was a sorority girl.....

baby and crumble

I never really understood why it would be a problem to be with a bisexual person, from either side. My girlfriend is bisexual, and I don't see the issue. She's with ME (god help her!) and not anyone else. Why do people think that bisexuals for some reason can't keep it in their pants? Yeah, they fantasize about both genders, but so what? I fantasize about a hell of a lot of women, doesn't mean I'm going to cheat on my partner. It's weird why this is an issue. if you love someone you love them. Simple as.

shay_562

I get why people can be a little 'biphobic' (as I've heard it termed) in general - bi people aren't predictable or 'safe' the way gay people are. They're also less understandable - it's easier to understand homosexuality because it's a simple transposing of your sexual desires onto the other gender. I'm not attracted to women, but I understand the idea of being attracted to them. The concept of being attracted to both genders is, to someone who's only attracted to one, quite alien and harder to comprehend. And when people don't understand you, they tend to judge you and stereotype you - people deny the possibility of liking both genders, so they assume that you're either confused or lying. (I'd add here that the number of gay people who use "I'm bi" as a bridging ground to get their friends ready for their 'real' coming out really don't help) As for getting involved with bisexual people, there's always that fear that they'll change their mind about their orientation and either write off the homosexual stuff as experimentation or the heterosexual stuff as being closeted. Much and all as that's falling into stereotypical thinking, it does happen, and while I'd personally never let it stop me from dating someone, I get why it's a stumbling block for other people.

On a less serious note, a friend of mine is bi and was dating a girl for a while a few years back. One of her friends in particular (we'll call her 'Bitchface') was really suspicious about it, and kept trying to convince the girl to dump my friend, because really, all bi guys are just gay guys who haven't come to terms with it yet, and Bitchface didn't want to see her friend get hurt. Two months later? Bitchface's boyfriend realises he's actually gay, dumps her and starts dating another guy. So really, I guess you're never safe from being arbitrarily dumped for being the wrong gender.

baby and crumble

So really, I guess you're never safe from being arbitrarily dumped for being the wrong gender.

You're also never really safe from being arbitrarily dumped for getting fat, being too clingy, too distant, going through depression, or any number of other things... Maybe I'm just a bit of a romantic, but they way I look at it is this- if my gf cheats on me, or dumps me for someone else, my gender has little to do with it. I'm me, and if me being me isn't enough to interest her and excite her to keep her around, wll then we're better off apart, for both our sakes.

Yeah, I agree that some homosexual people use the "I'm bi" thing as a way of easing out, and that it can damage perception and make people assume that all bisexual people are the same- gay really, I also think that people assume too much. I know i did. I did struggle for al ong time with my girlfriend being bisexual, and she knows i did. But that was because I had some serious self esteem problems. Now that I know I'm awesome, things are alot better.

Dwn Wth Vwls

I like this article, and I like that it's on CNN. Obviously being bi makes me completely biased, but I think bisexuality being accepted as something mainstream can only improve things for everyone.

The_Minister

zoegh wrote: »

I never really understood why it would be a problem to be with a bisexual person, from either side. My girlfriend is bisexual, and I don't see the issue. She's with ME (god help her!) and not anyone else. Why do people think that bisexuals for some reason can't keep it in their pants? Yeah, they fantasize about both genders, but so what? I fantasize about a hell of a lot of women, doesn't mean I'm going to cheat on my partner. It's weird why this is an issue. if you love someone you love them. Simple as.

Yeah, but is there not the fear that you cant satisfy them completely?
That there will always be something missing for them?
Something that you cannot provide?

baby and crumble

Yeah, but is there not the fear that you cant satisfy them completely?

You mean sexually? Frankly, no. Not any more. An orgasm is an orgasm. And I give good ones. :P But a relationship is more than just sex. Especially after 7 years. :rolleyes:

That there will always be something missing for them?
Something that you cannot provide?

Presumably here you mean the mens dangly bits? Luckily women have a few more options for extras in that department (ho ho ho!), so if it's that sort of thing you're into, then it's not a problem. And tbh, this way she gets to pick everything down to her specifics- length, girth, texture... Pretty much a win-win.

And anyway, even if there is that niggly fear, I think a) everyone is afraid sometimes that the person they love will suddenly ake up and think 'naaaah, I can do better' and bog off and leave them crying in their cornflakes, and b) if she's shallow enough that a dick is what she needs, and she's willing to leave me for it then off she can go and find one. it'll hurt like hell but it's better in the long run.

You can't control everything in a relationship, and you can't control who you are attracted to. But you can make a mature decision to stay faithful to whoever you are with, and that's enough for me. In regards to what i can 'provide' i can provide love, affection, stability, witty banter and great sex within the confines of a loving relationship. if that's not enough for someone- if I'M not enough for someone then I'm better off without them and finding someone I am.

I realize i sound so arrogant right now, but it just comes from being in a secure relationship where things are respected. I respect the fact that sometimes, my gf is going to see a guy in the street and think "whoa!" It's as much of her personality as my collecting videogames is part of mine. She doesn't understand that about me, I don't understand fancying men.

Wow, that was fierce rambly...

xxchloexx

I'm bisexual was in a relationship with a man who was so jealous , he thought any time i went out with my friends that i was going to get drunk and sleep with one of them , it didn't matter how much i reassured him he just had this in his head that if i like male and female that there's a much higher risk of me cheating. Complete b*****t to be honest , if i'm in a relationship with someone it's because i want to be with them nobody else. My sexuality shouldn't be an issue , if someone is going to cheat then they are going to cheat , man or woman it doesn't matter. Needless to say the relationship didn't last very long :P

LegacyUser

I'm bi and female.

For me, it's a matter of 'happy either way' and 'liking a person regardless of gender' rather than 'wanting both'.

Wade in the Sea

OP: I am really not sure that you get bi-sexuality? And sorry I don't mean that offensively. Bi-sexual males, or indeed females, tend to be just pretty open people who don't wish to be defined by their sexuality. That's why it is a safe stopping ground for gay people on their way to acceptance. There is no need to "come out of the closet" as you call it, as they are usually comfortable where they are and don't feel the need for a social grouping.

Sorry

Wade in the Sea wrote: »

OP: I am really not sure that you get bi-sexuality? And sorry I don't mean that offensively. Bi-sexual males, or indeed females, tend to be just pretty open people who don't wish to be defined by their sexuality. That's why it is a safe stopping ground for gay people on their way to acceptance. There is no need to "come out of the closet" as you call it, as they are usually comfortable where they are and don't feel the need for a social grouping.

It doesn't necessarily have anything to do with 'the need for a social grouping.' Bisexual males/females are no different to anyone else in that they wish to be themselves, live their lives the way they need to, and be accepted by family, friends and colleagues. Many of them do feel the need to be open about their sexuality.

There is no need to "come out of the closet" as you call it, as they are usually comfortable where they are and don't feel the need for a social grouping.

'Come out of the closet' refers to being open about your sexuality with those close to you. Many people do feel the need to 'come out of the closet.' What if a bisexual person is in a same-sex relationship: what if he/she wants to introduce the partner to friends and family? It can be very difficult for bisexual people to come out to others; it can have negative effects on relationships, friendships, etc. Just like for a gay person deciding to come out. In a perfect world, there would never be any problems but it's not a perfect world.

I don't think anybody wishes to be 'defined by their sexuality,' as you put it. Coming out has nothing to do with wanting to be defined by sexuality.

OP: I am really not sure that you get bi-sexuality?

Could there possibly be a more condescending opening to a post... I don't think it's up to you to tell someone that.

Frei

OP: I am really not sure that you get bi-sexuality? And sorry I don't mean that offensively. Bi-sexual males, or indeed females, tend to be just pretty open people who don't wish to be defined by their sexuality. That's why it is a safe stopping ground for gay people on their way to acceptance. There is no need to "come out of the closet" as you call it, as they are usually comfortable where they are and don't feel the need for a social grouping.

Well, I am a bisexual female and that is the title of the article, not my wording.

There are plenty of bi's out there that do feel the need for a social grouping, to talk to people that might have gone through the same experiences etc.

Wade in the Sea

Sorry wrote: »

'Come out of the closet' refers to being open about your sexuality with those close to you.

...along with the pretty big leap to living a gay lifestyle if to date you have been doing otherwise. My point is admitting to being bisexual may actually change nothing, other than, as you point out, being able to talk openly about your true feelings.

TBH I have never liked the expression.

Could there possibly be a more condescending opening to a post... I don't think it's up to you to tell someone that.

Probably, but it wasn't meant to be. Most people don't get bisexuality.

Wade in the Sea

Frei wrote: »

Well, I am a bisexual female and that is the title of the article, not my wording.

Sry I thought you were agreeing with the statement, didn't mean to offend .

There are plenty of bi's out there that do feel the need for a social grouping, to talk to people that might have gone through the same experiences etc.

I 100% agree with you. At the early stages it's good to talk and know you are not alone and at some point you get comfortable with it. Then if you become involved in a relationship, it becomes pretty irrelevant. Unless you are bi guy with a bi girl and then everyday is Saturday night

As above I guess it is down to the interpretation of "Coming Out". In my opinion that is about making a major lifestyle change from straight to gay and doesn't apply to being bi.

Sorry

Wade in the Sea wrote: »

As above I guess it is down to the interpretation of "Coming Out". In my opinion that is about making a major lifestyle change from straight to gay and doesn't apply to being bi.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with the wording or title of that article. To come out of the closet you have to disclose your sexuality to people. Many bisexual males do not feel comfortable coming out of the closet. Where's the problem?

Forget talking about lifestyle change, it's not about making a lifestyle change from straight to gay (whatever that means), it's about no longer having to hide or lie about parts of your life.

The fear of coming out is hardly irrelevant for somebody who wants to but is reluctant.

Do you really think that coming out doesn't apply to bisexual people? How could it not? It's up to individuals to decide whether they want to disclose their sexualities to others, but if you're entering a same-sex relationship it can become a major issue. What do you do, tell everyone you have a new friend? What if the partner is out of the closet and you aren't? What if it's a serious relationship and the partner wants to meet your parents? Of course coming out applies to bisexual people.

LegacyUser

I'm a bisexual male in a long term relationship with a girl.

Having struggled for years about whether I was gay or straight, I've come to realise I'm bisexual. I love my girlfriend dearly and she turns me on like nothing else but there is a part of me that is very turned on by guys too. It's not a prelude to coming out, it's not hiding in the closet. It is who I am. It is not something I think I will ever share with others because people do make assumptions and will either think I am secretly gay or will just be freaked out by someone who likes both genders.

My girlfriend knows I have had experiences with guys and knows that I fancy guys. Although at first she was a bit worried that there would always be something she couldn't provide, now she teases me about it and is more relaxed. She understands that she is number 1 and although I fancy guys, bisexuality for me is purely a sexual thing as I cannot ever see myself being in a relationship with a guy.