Boyfriend way hotter than me

LegacyUser

Hi everybody,

I'm posting in this forum cos I was hoping to get opinions from guys (though girls are more than welcome to jump in too)

I've always chosen my boyfriends based on their personality, and quite often ended up falling in love with someone who was not particularly attractive.

Irony of destiny, this time I fell in love and started to date a guy who is really really hot – besides being a wonderful person. And strange as it may sound – I don't really know how to deal with it!

He has the most amazing gorgeous fantastic body, perfect face, is extremely charismatic and I can see loads of girls staring at him a lot whenever we go out. He's the kind of guy that could be with any girl he wanted, really.

That makes me feel extremely insecure and self-conscious. I'm not terribly ugly, I'd say average, but I did gain some weight lately which would put me on the chubby side, and somehow it makes my body look disproportioned, since I'm quite small-framed (not the large breasts-curvy type).

Adding to this, he is very restrained with feelings and words in general, and is not the type that spends hours saying loving words. So needless to say, he never said "you are beautiful", "you look good" or any of those at all (I think he said he liked my smile, though..).

I know some people will say, "if he's with you, it means he likes you", but lets be honest here, besides matching personalities and all, beauty and attractiveness do go a long way. And men are usually visual creatures, more than women anyway.

I feel almost embarrassed being at his side, and although I try not to think about it, it's particularly scary when we are in bed – I love being very open and trying things, but I just feel extremely self-conscious about my body.

And I keep thinking he must be doing some sort of compromising in being by my side, look-wise, because he likes my personality and we have lots of fun together. And that makes me terrified of beautiful women that approach him - not that he would cheat on me necessarily, but that he would just look at them and say, "oh, well, that's definitely something I don't have with my girlfriend".

I hate feeling this way. I guess everybody likes to feel desired and attractive, hum?

I was wondering if you could give some advice/input in all this.

Thank you so much!

All the best.

RedRebel

"Adding to this, he is very restrained with feelings and words in general."
A lot of guys are like this, myself included. Just because he doesn't say things does not mean he doesn't feel them

"I know some people will say, 'if he's with you, it means he likes you' "
Well, not to disappoint you: "if he's with you, it means he likes you". Of course looks go a long way too. But at the end of the day like you already said; he's a good looking lad. He knows what he could have but chose what he wants most.

Not all men are as shallow and unemotional as the stereotypes would have you believe. Finally, if you're really not happy with how you appear wrt gaining weight then that is something you can certainly improve if you wish to, it's the summer: get active! You say he has a gorgeous body, I presume he has to work at it too.

Khannie

I went out with a big girl before (for years like). She was substantially heavier than me. During the time that we were going out she repeatedly mentioned things like what you're saying. Honestly I really disliked it. I was with her because I liked her and that was that.

Would losing weight help how you feel? I mean, you sound like your weight is causing you a lot of mental anguish, but not enough to eat healthily for? (I know it may seem like a harsh question, but I'm not trying to be a bollix about it).

pickarooney

He's with you because he wants to be with you, but one thing that is likely to turn him off big-time is you openly worrying about not being attractive and the knock on effect it has. You'll have to just relax and accept the fact that you're his type

LegacyUser

Hi guys, OP here. Thank you so much for your replies so far!

Two things I forgot to mention:

- The weight issue: since we've been together we go out almost every day, and he's quite the beer drinker, and so am I! That's the reason for the weight gain – we just spend hours drinking together. I try to pretty much starve all day, but then we go out together and the whole dieting thing is gone…
The only way to actually lose weight would be avoiding seeing him or being sober by his side while he drinks– and both sound terribly boring!

- Mentioning these feelings to him: as tempted as I am, after reading your replies and other topics of this forum, I promised myself I wouldn't let it show how insecure I am. I don't know how much of a good actress I can be, but I'm doing my best to avoid it to show…

Thank you so much for your help!!!

RedRebel

Maga** wrote: »

Hi guys, OP here. Thank you so much for your replies so far!

Two things I forgot to mention:

- The weight issue: since we've been together we go out almost every day, and he's quite the beer drinker, and so am I! That's the reason for the weight gain – we just spend hours drinking together. I try to pretty much starve all day, but then we go out together and the whole dieting thing is gone…
The only way to actually lose weight would be avoiding seeing him or being sober by his side while he drinks– and both sound terribly boring!

How near to every day is almost?

You could moderate between not going out with him all the time and/or drinking less when you are out with him. Do you exercise? Not eating enough combined with drinking too much won't end well for you, I don't think I need to tell you this though.

pickarooney

Maga** wrote: »

Hi guys, OP here. Thank you so much for your replies so far!

Two things I forgot to mention:

- The weight issue: since we've been together we go out almost every day, and he's quite the beer drinker, and so am I! That's the reason for the weight gain – we just spend hours drinking together. I try to pretty much starve all day, but then we go out together and the whole dieting thing is gone…
The only way to actually lose weight would be avoiding seeing him or being sober by his side while he drinks– and both sound terribly boring!

- Mentioning these feelings to him: as tempted as I am, after reading your replies and other topics of this forum, I promised myself I wouldn't let it show how insecure I am. I don't know how much of a good actress I can be, but I'm doing my best to avoid it to show…

Thank you so much for your help!!!

I think you need to start goign out separately,a t least some of the time. Not only does it not sounds healthy in the medical sense, it doesn't sound good if all you do is hang around drinking together. Is that what you want to do every day or would you rather spend some time on your own or with friends?

jameshayes

Maga** wrote: »

Hi guys, OP here. Thank you so much for your replies so far!

Two things I forgot to mention:

- The weight issue: since we've been together we go out almost every day, and he's quite the beer drinker, and so am I! That's the reason for the weight gain – we just spend hours drinking together. I try to pretty much starve all day, but then we go out together and the whole dieting thing is gone…
The only way to actually lose weight would be avoiding seeing him or being sober by his side while he drinks– and both sound terribly boring!

- Mentioning these feelings to him: as tempted as I am, after reading your replies and other topics of this forum, I promised myself I wouldn't let it show how insecure I am. I don't know how much of a good actress I can be, but I'm doing my best to avoid it to show…

Thank you so much for your help!!!

I went out with a heavy girl before too - and honestly, it didn't bother me in the slightest, after you get to know someone and fall in love with them they look good to you no matter what.

Regarding the drinking thing - you could switch to something with less cals' eg. spirits...

keane2097

Fitness forum imo.

It sounds like you need a fundamental lifestyle more than anything else.

If this is the type of life you're leading with your current boyfriend I wouldn't really be bothered how good he looks tbh.

LegacyUser

OP here, thanks again for input!,As for the drinking, this probably came across a bit worse than it is…
I really appreciate your concern and I agree it's not very healthy… but really it’s not like we stay at home getting pissed everyday: I'm on annual leave from work and he works as a cultural events producer, so quite often (lets say Wed/Thu to Sunday) we go together to places where drinking is involved.

Thank you so much for your suggestions!

LimeFruitGum

Why not switch to the vodka & slimline tonics, (even if you really do like beer, it is no friend to a lady's waistline unfortunately) and don't worry about keeping up in a round. You can always go for a romantic walk somewhere, ye don't always have to go to the pub

I get that you're feeling a bit self-conscious in the leaba, but how about one night you try putting that aside and put something really sexy on one night and ride him til next week. If nothing else, it will boost your confidence and I can't imagine he'll be complaining ;-)

Dravokivich

Maga** wrote: »

he's quite the beer drinker, and so am I!

Cut down on the beer. Kinda get yourself out of all the drinking by suggesting to go out for walks or something.

howyanow

i startefd seeing a girl recently in a similar position to yourself,on 3 separate occasions on nights out shes mentioned that im far too good looking for her,sometimes we see things a girl may not recognise in themselves that we like,in a lot of instances a girl who likes a laugh and can know when to take life seriously and when to be serious can be more attractive than a clueless/all about me hot looking girl,iv experienced both types and my advice to you would be,he wants to spend time with you and not the girls you classify as better looking so i would think you should enjoy the attention he gets as its you who gets the attention off him,i lso think the situation with alcohol could be troublesome in the future,good craic for a few weeks but is it a real relationship if alcohol is the common denominator for ye both?best of luck

metrovelvet

That he is better looking than you are is not going to be a problem. That you have demoted yourself will be.

Get up off your knees and look him in eye. A pedastal can make for great distances.

Sauve

Two words for you my dear- GO GIRL!
You've pulled a hottie, he likes you back, ye're having fun together, so....
enjoy every minute and try to see that something special about yourself that he obviously does. And when you catch other girls checking him out, remember that you're obviously more attractive than the whole bloody lot of them. Inside AND out. After all......it's your hand he's holding

NDC

Hi, Maga!
I read your mail earlier, and i've been thinking about it for a few hours, on and off.
Here's a few thoughts:
In terms of your hotness, I'd imagine you're probably more attractive than you think. You say that guys are "visual"; you're right, we are. So if this guy fancies you, well then.....
Also, to be blunt, you're probably wrong about the weight thing. Having put on a bit of weight probably makes you look really sexy. I work with mainly women, and I laugh to myself every day when I hear them talk about how they need to lose weight. You probably already know this, but men don't really like skinny slim women. Size zero is not a male fantasy! A bit of weight on a girl makes her curvy which is soooo sexy....
Irrespective of all that, what I've mainly been thinking about is you yourself. Don't worry, I'm not going to ask you to meet me or anything, but I think you are lovely. You certainly seem to be. In my honest opinion, this guy is lucky to have someone who thinks the way you do. You say you like to be open. That's a very very good thing. I think what you have to think about now is this idea of sharing your concerns with him. I think I read somewhere that you're not going to talk to him about it. Hmmm. Wouldn't make my mind up on that too quick. Ok, maybe wait until you know each other a bit better, but you should let him know about this. If he's a nice guy (Frankly, if he's good enough for you) he'll be really upset when you say it. Initially, he'll probably find it confusing, and just might get a little defensive. ("I don't flirt with anyone" etc) But he'll work through that (I hope) and deal with it.
You both can then deal with this and get over this. Get it out of the way.
I've already said that I think you're probably (much) better looking than you think. I can't see you of course, but I can say, from reading your post that you are a thoughtful, intelligent, interesting sexy woman. I know this from what you say and how you say it. I'd love to meet a girl like you.
Really, how could he not fancy the f*ck out of you?
I really hope it goes well for you, you sound like you deserve something great. And don't worry about telling him!! )
Hope that helps, Maga! And if you're not sure about anything I said, ask!

Giselle

Work on feeling better about yourself, maybe lose the weight you've gained and work on your appearance to boost your confidence because it will only ever come from within, it doesn't come from anyone else.

Maybe then you'll realise that your boyfriend is every bit as lucky to have you as you are to have him.

Thats something he probably already knows btw.:)

LeahK

Its also great that you fancy him so much! Bit of fancying never did anyone any harm.;)

I would also add, that although you find him super hot,probably not everyone else does aswell. Love can be blind sometimes so dont for a minute think he's out of your league or anything like that

Enjoy him

CDfm

Do you tell him you think he is gorgeous because maybe if you do then he will do too.

And on the lifestyle -you can always make time for the gym if you want to & you like popping back a few scoops and thats your choice rather than his. Cut back and see if you like his company as much.

TitoPuente

Looks fade. Your personality is your real beauty. All decent men know this. I know it sounds a bit cringey to say that but, as you say, you're 'average' (whatever that means) so you're obviously attractive and your boyfriend's really hot. Not a big gap there in real terms. So relax.

Maga**

Maga** wrote: »

Hi everybody,

I'm posting in this forum cos I was hoping to get opinions from guys (though girls are more than welcome to jump in too)

I've always chosen my boyfriends based on their personality, and quite often ended up falling in love with someone who was not particularly attractive.

Irony of destiny, this time I fell in love and started to date a guy who is really really hot – besides being a wonderful person. And strange as it may sound – I don't really know how to deal with it!

He has the most amazing gorgeous fantastic body, perfect face, is extremely charismatic and I can see loads of girls staring at him a lot whenever we go out. He's the kind of guy that could be with any girl he wanted, really.

That makes me feel extremely insecure and self-conscious. I'm not terribly ugly, I'd say average, but I did gain some weight lately which would put me on the chubby side, and somehow it makes my body look disproportioned, since I'm quite small-framed (not the large breasts-curvy type).

Adding to this, he is very restrained with feelings and words in general, and is not the type that spends hours saying loving words. So needless to say, he never said "you are beautiful", "you look good" or any of those at all (I think he said he liked my smile, though..).

I know some people will say, "if he's with you, it means he likes you", but lets be honest here, besides matching personalities and all, beauty and attractiveness do go a long way. And men are usually visual creatures, more than women anyway.

I feel almost embarrassed being at his side, and although I try not to think about it, it's particularly scary when we are in bed – I love being very open and trying things, but I just feel extremely self-conscious about my body.

And I keep thinking he must be doing some sort of compromising in being by my side, look-wise, because he likes my personality and we have lots of fun together. And that makes me terrified of beautiful women that approach him - not that he would cheat on me necessarily, but that he would just look at them and say, "oh, well, that's definitely something I don't have with my girlfriend".

I hate feeling this way. I guess everybody likes to feel desired and attractive, hum?

I was wondering if you could give some advice/input in all this.

Thank you so much!

All the best.

He's with you because he thinks you are beautiful both inside and outside and if he could be as successful with women as you think then he would be but hes not he's with you. Relax and enjoy your relationship and dont let insecurity throw a spanner in the works

miltonkrest

i'm a lad with the same issue, only in reverse!

my girlfriend (now wife) is very beautiful (was with assets ) and all we ever got was comments on the physical difference between us. probably would'nt have happened so much if i had been very wealthy(!) but i'm not as as such was not considered much of a catch by her circle of friends.

i gave up trying to analyse what she saw in me.we love each other and have a great laugh together.

still get the comments though!

Otis Driftwood

miltonkrest wrote: »

iwe love each other and have a great laugh together.

And thats whats key.

Eve_Dublin

Can I play Devil´s Advocate here and suggest that perhaps your boyfriend is not AS attractive as you think? Please don´t get me wrong, I´m sure he´s gorgeous but I know how it is if you´re in love. You think the man you´re with is the most gorgeous, attractive man alive and any woman would be mad not to want him. A lot of my friends are in very happy relationships for a number of years...lovely fellas ´n´all but I wouldn´t go near any of their OHs with a barge pole. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder ´n´ all that. One of my friends is quite jealous of her boyfriend (but keeps a lid on it) and to be honest, to most of us, she doesn´t need to be. As nice as he is, I wouldn´t go for him in a million years. When I think back on all my exes that I was in love with in the past, I believed every one of them was the sexiest, hottest man alive (or else I wouldn´t be with them) and in all honesty, I couldn´t understand it when others didn´t agree.

Take your fella of that pedastal, girl and stop putting yourself down. You sound like a very intelligent woman and with any man with half a brain in his head, that´s a very sexy asset.

HavingCrack

It was the other way around for me with a girl before. Actualyl she wasn't the problem-it was her friends who constantly were bitching to her about my looks saying she could do much better and what did she see in me. One even did it in front of me and me girlies reponse was to turn aroudn and give me a big slobbery one

Seriously OP don't worry about anything else except the two of you-theres not point!

DB10

It's like I'm in a time warp back to last night where I watched my first and ony episode of shameless were Paddy and his blonde wife nearly broke up because she was so worried about her weight.

In the end she let him back in the house and he said he loved her no matter what....

Is there nothing they don't know...:pac:

trebor28

op,

as you say yourself you pulled a hottie.
if he was that hot and wasnt into you, you would be on here complaining to find out what you did wrong.
he likes you.
dont go looking for a reason to find out why he is with you.
no guy likes a girl that moans about her weight, or looks.
if its that big a deal do something about it.

you have done nothing wrong so far stop looking for something you havent done.

if it was a guy in your position all you'd hear out of him is how lucky he is and boasting about how gorgeous she was.
if its not broke dont fix it.

gubbie

RedRebel wrote: »

"Adding to this, he is very restrained with feelings and words in general."
A lot of guys are like this, myself included. Just because he doesn't say things does not mean he doesn't feel them

"I know some people will say, 'if he's with you, it means he likes you' "
Well, not to disappoint you: "if he's with you, it means he likes you". Of course looks go a long way too. But at the end of the day like you already said; he's a good looking lad. He knows what he could have but chose what he wants most.

Not all men are as shallow and unemotional as the stereotypes would have you believe. Finally, if you're really not happy with how you appear wrt gaining weight then that is something you can certainly improve if you wish to, it's the summer: get active! You say he has a gorgeous body, I presume he has to work at it too.

That's beautiful

*girl moment*
*cries in shed*

Maga** wrote: »

- The weight issue: since we've been together we go out almost every day, and he's quite the beer drinker, and so am I! That's the reason for the weight gain – we just spend hours drinking together. I try to pretty much starve all day, but then we go out together and the whole dieting thing is gone…
The only way to actually lose weight would be avoiding seeing him or being sober by his side while he drinks– and both sound terribly boring!

Ye guys should spend like a day going rock climbing, or hiking, or swimming. That way you get to spend time with him and sneak in exercise. WHAPOW