girls coming onto guys

panda100

greengiant09 wrote: »

it happens to me the odd time....i find some women can be just as 'clumsy' as men in their approach to flirting. the best example or the most hillariourest approach is when a girl basically backs up into you. they basically slowly reverse their back into you until their rubbing off you. it's really funny when it happens....usually they have a friend nearby subtly prompting them on.

Haha,thats what I do!Almost never works,but still you gotta love a trier

I was very shy when I was in my early twenties and never woud have the courage to chat up a guy on a night out. Its lovely going out with your girlfirends but its nice to have a bit of chat and a flirt with someone from the opposite sex too. Having spend most of my early twenties not being chatted up, i decided to take the bull by the horns and start initating the converstaions with guys instead.

I'm pretty subtle at it. If I see a guy I like the look of il wait till i see him got to the bar and then il stand in beside him and strike up a conversation.

It very much depends on the type of place you go though. Theres plenty of pretentious places in Dublin city where people will look at you like an alien from another planet If you dare stike up convestaion with them. If you go to a nice place such as Hogans then its pretty easy to strat chatting to people.

trebor28

stupidusername wrote: »

What sounds dodgy? What I'm saying is I'd like a guy to approach me because to be in a relationship where your partner needs to be pushed to do everything, and doesn't have any confidence in himself, or your relationship is hard work, and is something I'm not interested in. So at the beginning things like this kinda give an indication as to the personality of that person, and maybe how things are likely to go.

I know this isn't coming across right, but I can't seem to word it properly. And I'm aware I'm saying I am lacking confidence in ways, and maybe it'll be taken as hypocritical but what I'm saying is I'm looking for these things in a guy and so that's what's important to me. If he's not approaching me because he has the same reasons (guaging my personality) then obviously that's fine, and it's his choice. AND we'll never even meet then!

sounds a bit hypocritical alright. a bit of damsel in distress too.
so guys are either really shy insecure types or extremely confident secure guys who do all the work?? no in between.

stupidusername

trebor28 wrote: »

sounds a bit hypocritical alright. a bit of damsel in distress too.
so guys are either really shy insecure types or extremely confident secure guys who do all the work?? no in between.

well it's my choice.

I haven't really met someone that's in between so I couldn't tell ya. If he doesn't think enough of me to to push himself to approach me then ya, nothing happens.

I've done enough flirting over the last two days to last me a lifetime (in boards) It's been tough.

BumbleB

stupidusername wrote: »

I'm female, hope you don't mind the intrusion, but I find some of the threads in here interesting to read. From my perspective the main reason I wouldn't approach a guy is fear of rejection, but in fairness another reason is that it isn't the way I'd like things to continue with a relationship (if that's where things went).

I mean I like to be in control in a lot of ways, but I also very much need a partner to be confident and able to take control of things. I don't want him to be too shy and all that. For me it's not just about the idea of men ask girls out and that's that (in a way I do agree with this, I want to be wooed!), it is about actually finding someone that is genuinely confident and does what he can to get what he wants, and all that. If ye get what I mean.

Sounds extremely lazy to me ,also you dont seem to want to invest anything in the interaction. I personally dont give a rats about rejection as not every girl on the planet will be attracted to me and I know that.

All I can say is while youre waiting there for mr confident there are plenty of girls out there who take the onus on themselves to get out there.

stupidusername

BumbleB wrote: »

Sounds extremely lazy to me ,also you dont seem to want to invest anything in the interaction. I personally dont give a rats about rejection as not every girl on the planet will be attracted to me and I know that.

All I can say is while youre waiting there for mr confident there are plenty of girls out there who take the onus on themselves to get out there.

Well there's no point trying to insult me. Maybe things won't work out well for me and I'll have to change the way I do things, but I'm the only one it makes a difference to.

I will interact my best with absolutely anyone I meet, under any circumstances, and I do. Don't know where you got the idea I don't interact with people. It's good that you're not bothered about rejection, but I still am...so...? Don't really get your point.

Will

Let's keep it civil and all that, thank you

BumbleB

stupidusername wrote: »

Well there's no point trying to insult me. Maybe things won't work out well for me and I'll have to change the way I do things, but I'm the only one it makes a difference to.

I will interact my best with absolutely anyone I meet, under any circumstances, and I do. Don't know where you got the idea I don't interact with people. It's good that you're not bothered about rejection, but I still am...so...? Don't really get your point.

I apologise if i insulted you but saying you want a man to be confident and make all the moves ,yet you are afraid of rejection does not compute.

stupidusername

BumbleB wrote: »

I apologise if i insulted you but saying you want a man to be confident and make all the moves ,yet you are afraid of rejection does not compute.

Well I don't know about anyone else here, but to me it makes perfect sense. If I'm not confident enough to approach someone, then naturally I'd want to be approached by someone, and for someone to do that, they'd have to be confident. hmmm, i don't know.

trebor28

stupidusername wrote: »

well it's my choice.

I haven't really met someone that's in between so I couldn't tell ya. If he doesn't think enough of me to to push himself to approach me then ya, nothing happens.

I've done enough flirting over the last two days to last me a lifetime (in boards) It's been tough.

sounds like your tactic is not working for you.....

to say there is no in between sounds like you only know two men?

what happens when you meet this confident guy and he wants you to stay home cook his meals, wash his clothes and have his kids?

stupidusername

trebor28 wrote: »

sounds like your tactic is not working for you.....

to say there is no in between sounds like you only know two men?

what happens when you meet this confident guy and he wants you to stay home cook his meals, wash his clothes and have his kids?

no i know a lot more than two men.I don't get the logic there.

And if I meet someone like that, I'll tell him to fúck right off, just as I would do with anyone expecting me to do something I'm not ok with. Are you saying you think that all confident men are chauvinists?

Will

Come on lads and ladies, civil. No need to nit pick and such. People are entitled to their own opinions.

HavingCrack

stupidusername wrote: »

no i know a lot more than two men.I don't get the logic there.

And if I meet someone like that, I'll tell him to fúck right off, just as I would do with anyone expecting me to do something I'm not ok with. Are you saying you think that all confident men are chauvinists?

I presume you're kind of referring to the nice guy-jerk idea that is very popular in America. Theres your stereotypical 'nice guy' whos shy and afraid to approach women and hence doesn't get any and you macho, over confident jerk who doesn't give a f**k and pulls left, right and centre.

There is a nice middle ground between being a wall flower and being a bollocks but you've said you've never met a lad like this..hmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

yourdeadwright

iv a good mate who always pulls and is the American type Jerk as you say,
But no offence ladies the girls he pulls you wouldn't go near, the guy trys it on with nearly every women in the club till he pulls one,
I would never put my self out to every girl just for the sake of pulling one,
Now fiar play what ever he is into to but personally id go for quality over quantity any time,
Its easy to pull if you'd settle for anyone for blokes or girls, but the majority of people have morals ,

Kooli

HavingCrack wrote: »

I presume you're kind of referring to the nice guy-jerk idea that is very popular in America. Theres your stereotypical 'nice guy' whos shy and afraid to approach women and hence doesn't get any and you macho, over confident jerk who doesn't give a f**k and pulls left, right and centre.

There is a nice middle ground between being a wall flower and being a bollocks but you've said you've never met a lad like this..hmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

She never said that. She said she'd never met anyone in between the shy insecure type and the confident secure type.
It was trebor28 who equated confidence with being a chauvinist jerk.

stupidusername

So if I approach a guy in a nightclub or elsewhere, and make it obvious I like him, do guys just want sex or do they sometimes want more? Just curious.I know you can't account for all men, but generally what would guys be looking for?

LegacyUser

stupidusername wrote: »

So if I approach a guy in a nightclub or elsewhere, and make it obvious I like him, do guys just want sex or do they sometimes want more? Just curious.I know you can't account for all men, but generally what would guys be looking for?

I can't speak for every guy on this, but I'll put an experience of mine out there anyway. Recently ended up kissing a girl who came on to me on a night out, and we've gone out a few times since, which seems to be going pretty well, and I'm perfectly happy with things progressing like this. I have to say that when it happened, I was flattered, as it's not exactly attention I am used to receiving, but I didn't by any means see it as a free pass, so to speak, or anything like it.

I guess my point is that not all guys will assume that just because a girl expresses an interest in them, that she is automatically going to hop into bed with them that same night or anything, though obviously there are guys like that out there too. Some of us are prefectly happy to see how things play out.

smurgen

women come onto me ,last two girlfriend anyway.i never approach women sobar cause i was a ugly duckling growing up and still have to work at the whole confidance thing big time!

Otis Driftwood

stupidusername wrote: »

So if I approach a guy in a nightclub or elsewhere, and make it obvious I like him, do guys just want sex or do they sometimes want more? Just curious.I know you can't account for all men, but generally what would guys be looking for?

Thats the crux of the matter,every bloke will react differently.I would echo the sentiments of username for the sake of it but thats me,everyone else could/would have a different reaction/expectation.

seanbmc

stupidusername wrote: »

So if I approach a guy in a nightclub or elsewhere, and make it obvious I like him, do guys just want sex or do they sometimes want more? Just curious.I know you can't account for all men, but generally what would guys be looking for?

I'm speaking personally on this. I have been approached a few times by girls first and it usually happens when I'm not really interested in going with anyone if you know what I mean. It has happened mostly at gigs/clubs and when it does happen it's both suprizing and an ego boost at the same time


Just when it does happen and I'm genuinely attracted to the person I suppose the first thing that would come to mind is sex, but if I talk to them and get to know them more I may like their personality and want to keep in touch/become friends/have a relationship, but I get worried that maybe they only want sex or maybe they want a relationship or maybe they just want to have a chat . And I don't want to come across as a creeper and scare them away because I was being too pushy.


So I guess it depends how obvious you are.

LC2010HIS

do guys actually like girls coming onto them?

Otis Driftwood

Yep,it shows confidence and confidence is a very attractive trait,same goes for women asking a man out.

NothingMan

LC2010HIS wrote: »

do guys actually like girls coming onto them?

Definitely. I was quite shy til I was about 17ish and I had a few very nice gf's and dates before that and they all asked me out :cool:. It was very nice and in no way a turn off. If you like a guy then go for it. Just because we haven't asked you out doesn't mean we wouldn't like to just we may be as shy as the girl is supposed to be. (Not that girls are supposed to be shy!)

LC2010HIS

nedtheshed wrote: »

Yep,it shows confidence and confidence is a very attractive trait,same goes for women asking a man out.

really? what kinda things should a girl say like? As you'll prob see from my posts im hopeless!!

entropi

LC2010HIS wrote: »

really? what kinda things should a girl say like? As you'll prob see from my posts im hopeless!!

Well think of it this way: what would you expect a man to say to you, in a nice straight-forward way that he wanted to kiss you or go on a date with you...and that summises it right there. As said in a different way by Wibbs in another post: men find it easier when women approach them in a way they can understand, more like how a man would approach a woman, since most of us dont actually pick up on hints.

If you are giving off subtle hints, then you need to be as subtle as a brick to the face tbh:) Just go for it, you have nothing to lose and possibly everything to gain!

Tar.Aldarion

Hey, what's your name, I'm X...tends to work just fine. No need to analyse that too much. As MoN said, what would you like somebody to say to you?


Anyway, not really in sligo, galway a bit yeah and dublin loads. Different kinda people, more forward people in Dublin I find.

LC2010HIS

Do guys go for the whole "lets get coffee?" or is it too cheesy?

Galvasean

yourdeadwright wrote: »

iv a good mate who always pulls and is the American type Jerk as you say,
But no offence ladies the girls he pulls you wouldn't go near, the guy trys it on with nearly every women in the club till he pulls one,
I would never put my self out to every girl just for the sake of pulling one,
Now fiar play what ever he is into to but personally id go for quality over quantity any time,
Its easy to pull if you'd settle for anyone for blokes or girls, but the majority of people have morals ,

I was out recently with some friends and friends of friends and one of the guys was like this. He literally tried it on with any female that crossed paths with him. I thought it was so strange. Now there is no way he found all of these women attractive. According to his friends he has some serious identity pronblems and gets really bummed out if he doesn't end up scoring (as in kissing) a girl on a night out so he just goes for anyone/anyone. Some of them even reckon he's in the closet gay and this is his way of masking it, but I digress...

LC2010HIS wrote: »

do guys actually like girls coming onto them?

Yes! (well so long as they are attracted to them) If a nice girl comes onto me woo-pee! If she is undesirable/headwrecking then it is a bit annoying/awkward. I'm sure it's just like when guys come onto girls.

Tar.Aldarion

LC2010HIS wrote: »

Do guys go for the whole "lets get coffee?" or is it too cheesy?

eh would be fine, sure it's always, 'want to go for a drink?' anyway.

MoodeRator

LC2010HIS wrote: »

Do guys go for the whole "lets get coffee?" or is it too cheesy?

Personally I would go for the coffee no problem! ( IF there was some kind of attraction - looks / personality)
If it isk for me to approach and ask a woman something then it is perfectly acceptable for a woman to approach me and ask the same of me.

LC2010HIS

im 19 so what is ideal for me to say? lol same thing?

Galvasean

I'd much rather a woman ask me if I wanted to get a coffe/drink/see a movie than have her drop subtle hints that I'm too unrefined to notice and then have nothing happen.

Raedwald

Galvasean wrote: »

I'd much rather a woman ask me if I wanted to get a coffe/drink/see a movie than have her drop subtle hints that I'm too unrefined to notice and then have nothing happen.

I would agree to this alot of men are very unaware of women coming onto them and dropping subtle hints, it would be much if just chatted with them for a while sussed out what they are like and then you asked if they want to go for a drink one night or to see a gig etc.

LC2010HIS

At the risk of sounding low in confidence - im not, only with guys lol - id be too scared to approach a guy. Yer so intimidating.

Tar.Aldarion

What, try coming onto a girl when they hang out in packs 100% of the time and so many react badly by you saying hello, heh.


As for signals ye, i'm clueless too about them, as are a lot of guys. Wha? She likes me, wha? gway outta dat.
Just talk to the lad and ask him out.

NothingMan

LC2010HIS wrote: »

At the risk of sounding low in confidence - im not, only with guys lol - id be too scared to approach a guy. Yer so intimidating.

Im my experience it's been mainly girls I've already known who then asked to go do something together, without everyone else. Only once I was at a party and a girl just walked up and introduced herself, chatted for a bit and after a while had her hand on my leg, I would have to have been in a coma not to notice that signal. Either way I thought it was great. No way I would have ended up trying anything as she was very, very atttractive. Not saying you need to be as ballsy as that but even the act of walking right up and introducing yourself and then just being casually flirty, should get the idea across.

omb0wyn5ehpij9

LC2010HIS wrote: »

do guys actually like girls coming onto them?

Yeah, as answered by ned below!

nedtheshed wrote: »

Yep,it shows confidence and confidence is a very attractive trait,same goes for women asking a man out.

WallyGUFC

LC2010HIS wrote: »

At the risk of sounding low in confidence - im not, only with guys lol - id be too scared to approach a guy. Yer so intimidating.

We're so intimidating? Us?? Men?? What are ye women so??:p
Just talk to the guy and ask him...worst possible thing that can happen is a "no" and move on.

stupidusername

But what if you get rejected?

The worse that can happen is you could be laughed at, you could have them say you're the ugliest girl they've ever seen, they could point you out to their friends and say 'she thought she had a chance with me!'

Just sayin is all.

g5fd6ow0hseima

stupidusername wrote: »

But what if you get rejected?

The worse that can happen is you could be laughed at, you could have them say you're the ugliest girl they've ever seen, they could point you out to their friends and say 'she thought she had a chance with me!'

Just sayin is all.

But its only knackers who would do something like that to a girl.

Unless you're into lads with crew cut haircuts with the hairgel combed straight through, ear rings and wrangler shirts meticulously tooked into their jeans then I dont think you should have that worry.

stupidusername

Even when this doesn't happen, it's still a pretty big confidence killer....

Galvasean

stupidusername wrote: »

But what if you get rejected?

The worse that can happen is you could be laughed at, you could have them say you're the ugliest girl they've ever seen, they could point you out to their friends and say 'she thought she had a chance with me!'

Just sayin is all.

stupidusername wrote: »

Even when this doesn't happen, it's still a pretty big confidence killer....

Welcome to the world of being a single guy.

Otis Driftwood

LC2010HIS wrote: »

really? what kinda things should a girl say like? As you'll prob see from my posts im hopeless!!

Pretty much this.

Master of Nothing wrote: »

Well think of it this way: what would you expect a man to say to you, in a nice straight-forward way that he wanted to kiss you or go on a date with you...and that summises it right there. As said in a different way by Wibbs in another post: men find it easier when women approach them in a way they can understand, more like how a man would approach a woman, since most of us dont actually pick up on hints.

Introduce yourself and take it from there.

stupidusername wrote: »

But what if you get rejected?

The worse that can happen is you could be laughed at, you could have them say you're the ugliest girl they've ever seen, they could point you out to their friends and say 'she thought she had a chance with me!'

Just sayin is all.

I dont care how goodlooking/confident/amazing the person everyone gets rejected at some point.In fairness,its usually going to be a random person you will probably never see again so you really have nothing to lose.If they were to react in a way like you have described think of it as a bullet well dodged.

stupidusername

Galvasean wrote: »

Welcome to the world of being a single guy.

Or a single girl.....?

hadepsx

yes this seems to happen all d time im out with my gf, very annoying
to be honest, one time a stunner totally out of my league, came up to me and asked 4 a shag in the toilets:eek:,with my gf stood 2 feet away,wtf, wudnt happen if i was out on me own with d lads:mad::mad::mad:

Wibbs

nedtheshed wrote: »

I dont care how goodlooking/confident/amazing the person everyone gets rejected at some point.In fairness,its usually going to be a random person you will probably never see again so you really have nothing to lose.If they were to react in a way like you have described think of it as a bullet well dodged.

+1000 Plus I mean lets face it women(or men) are not in short supply. There are literally billions of them. Even if you reject the ones who are spoken for, not your type, different age range etc, then accept the ones that feel similar about you, that potentially still leaves 1000's of women you're gonna bump into in a "dating" lifetime. The odds are so in your favour.

hadepsx wrote: »

yes this seems to happen all d time im out with my gf, very annoying
to be honest, one time a stunner totally out of my league, came up to me and asked 4 a shag in the toilets:eek:,with my gf stood 2 feet away,wtf, wudnt happen if i was out on me own with d lads:mad::mad::mad:

For three basic reasons I reckon. 1, you're relaxed, you're not looking for someone which marks you out right there among the "I'm tipsy and desperate brigade". 2, you have a woman or women around you so to women looking on chances are you're not a loop job with a van, a shovel and a map to the local shallow grave and 3, because you're relaxed and passive, you simply notice more women's "hints" than you would otherwise, plus if you believe this is happening you look for it happening. Like if you buy a red mercedes, you start noticing other red mercedes on the road.

Like yourself I've had this happen when Ive been in a relationship, but I've really had it happen when I'm single but not looking at all. Being friendly but not interested in that way. I mean to a mad level. Ramp it up if the whole relationship thing comes up and I express that I'm not looking for one. They either express and interest themselves or try and fix me up with one of their mates. It's very noticeable. Weird but true.

highlydebased

I can say if a girl came onto me in a club/pub enviornment I'd be quite flattered.

fionav3

Interesting topic. What about a girl approaching you in a bar and asking if she can buy you a drink? Too forward?

MoodeRator

fionav3 wrote: »

Interesting topic. What about a girl approaching you in a bar and asking if she can buy you a drink? Too forward?

double win!!!:)
I would be flattered

LilMsss

fionav3 wrote: »

Interesting topic. What about a girl approaching you in a bar and asking if she can buy you a drink? Too forward?

I really don't think I could go up to someone and be so blatent! Don't get me wrong, I'd love to have the confidence to do that and not be too bothered if I was rejected, but if I'm honest I really couldn't bring myself to approach a man on a night out.

I have no problem chatting to people and holding conversation, and no problem flirting, but that just seems like a big leap - and one that I'd love to take, but realistically won't!

In saying that, those sort of tactics might be just what's needed - most of the time the men who approach me are not men I'd be interested in dating, and the one's who give me eyes across the bar who I want to approach me don't!!!

fionav3

LilMsss wrote: »

I really don't think I could go up to someone and be so blatent! Don't get me wrong, I'd love to have the confidence to do that and not be too bothered if I was rejected, but if I'm honest I really couldn't bring myself to approach a man on a night out.

I have no problem chatting to people and holding conversation, and no problem flirting, but that just seems like a big leap - and one that I'd love to take, but realistically won't!

In saying that, those sort of tactics might be just what's needed - most of the time the men who approach me are not men I'd be interested in dating, and the one's who give me eyes across the bar who I want to approach me don't!!!

I did do this, and ended up going out with the guy in question for ten months! Nothing ventured, nothing gained. The worst thing you can be told is no.