Guywith no friends!

baddad

Hi! I am an 18 year old guy and I have no friends. I've lost all the friends I had and I don't know how to make more.
My best friend commited suicide back in 2008.
Then one of my other friends moved to the UK nd I haven't seen them since.
Then My best friend from primary school moved to cork at the start of secondary and I haven't seen him since.
Then my other friend went to collage in dublin in september and I've only seen him once scence.
I find it really hard to make friends and al the one's I've had all went away from me.
I really miss the friend that killed himself. He was my best freind and I've knew he wasn't happy and I helped him as much as I could. I still blame myself for it.
Could you give me any advice? I am all by myself now! I have no one really. I also don't go out to pub or anything like that simple becuse I have nobody to do with! Thanks for reading!

petes

Waht age are you? Have you gone to college? What are you doing to rectify the situation?

You will get answers here that will say join a club or society which is a good idea depending on your interest.

mikemac

Blaming yourself for your friend suicide is serious.
Are you in college? Go see the counselor.

Get out of your comfort zone.
Why can't you go to the pub on your own?
I do it often when waiting for Bus Eireann. Now Bus Eireann.. :mad:
Grab a newspaper, buy a pint and you'll get chatting to someone, anyone really.
Or read your paper in peace.

I really don't want to give the join a club or society answer but it's the best answer for you. I am assuming you're in college, it can be lonely.
People are friendly and will do anything to help you, even the students union or a lecturer you trust

LegacyUser

Hi op, You know what you have posted really does describe me. I'm the same age and in the same situation. When i was younger (about 15) I pushed people away and when friends knocked at my door asking me to go out I would never go, even if anyone said ''Hello'' to me on the street I would simply ignore them.

Because of this I have litrally no home friends. I have friends all over the place but I wouldn't call them close friends and now that i'm off school for the summer I am bored out of my mind every night, so bored I have even started to walk 2 hours a night just to simply get out of the house.

Which btw I would reccomend to you.Going for a nice walk is great. Over the last few weeks I have brought the dog walk and even made a few new friends in my local area and I even have a girl that I have my eye on already lol.

good luck..

baddad

Well I'm going into 6th year in september! I did T.Y! I am unhappy and I will blame myself for ehat happened to my friend for a long time to come.
I find it very hard to go into pubs etc. I just feel like a twat.

Trashbat

Look, you'll be amazed how drastically your social life will be as soon as you finish the leaving, regardless of going to college or not.

I would of course suggest joining a club at this point, but remember all hope is far from lost. Scool can be difficult and people can also be difficult and cruel in terms of socialising (so-called "cool" groups and whatnot), but i guarantee (speaking from personal experience) that it will be a distant memory as soon as you get that slip of paper and walk out of the door!

What are your interests? I'm sure some posters here, an eclectic bunch that we are, could suggest some social activities for you to look into.

petethebrick

Keep the chin up. In reality it will be hard to make new friends in school given that it's the last year and most people have formed groups etc but just try and associate with people with similar interests, play some sports etc
Try to be as positive as possible, nobody wants to hang about with a gloomy boots who's feeling sorry for himself!

The most importnat thing is that, like other posters have said, once you finish school and move away to college if that's the plan then you'll have loads of opportunities to make new friends. Remember that your friends who have moved away all had to do so and I bet they're having a great time right? Do you keep in contact with these friends who have moved?? You should make an effort to do so if not. Good luck - I'm sure you'll be fine!!

Yeah keep the chin up and the head down… to mix some metaphors to form a physically impossible to achieve one…. this year and get the best results you can in the leaving so you can get where you want to be next year.

The friends thing will sort itself out. I was the loner myself in school, getting through only by tagging on to a small group of people who clearly never really wanted me there but who never said so, but college life changed me completely. I got involved in loads, met loads of people and I am still good friends with many of them now.

Remember secondary school is a mish mash of people, not all compatible, just randomly thrown in together from age 12.

College and the like are made up (mostly) of people who are of shared levels of abilities and interests (interests because for the most part you are in the same course because you are interested in the same careers, and abilities because you were around the same level in your results to be allowed get into that course).

You will find the transition a great one from an unsure, mish mash of people in school to a more sure grouping of real peers and shared interests where people are a lot happier to express themselves to each other and where social opportunities are offered to you all the time in the form of class parties, annual balls, sports, interest and hobby clubs, and even politics as you are offered the chance to join youth politics (young greens, young FG and so on) and partake in Student Union elections and more.

Just how different an atmosphere it is is hard to describe in words, but it will be a joy to you and I hope 18 months from now when you are well into it you come back and revive this thread and let us know how you are getting on.

In the meantime, do your study and get the best grades you are capable of. In fact, the quiet social life is almost an advantage eh? No distractions!

This final year is not for worrying about where you are, but for working to figure out where you want to be and how to get there.

Chuchoter

I think everyone is kind of in a similar position near the end of secondary school, people become individuals and get sick of the friends they've had since they
were in first year and totally different. I'm sort of in the same situation myself.

You can't blame yourself for your friend. People who want to commit suicide will do it unless they get proper help from a hospital. I know this as a person who has depression and two of my friends have attempted. You can't say what if what if, you weren't in control of the situation and it wasn't your fault. You have every right to feel lonely and lost, anyone would feel the same, but you can't leave yourself feeling like you were somehow behind his death.

I would suggest go join anything you can find. Rowing, kayaking, book club, writers club, if your into gaming and stuff those things where you paint the little sets have a great social scene. And in any case only one more year and you're in college with a totally different type of person.

lolo62

Hi OP I can't imagine what it must be like to have gone through what you have, and on top of that all your other friends have moved away so you don't have anyone to talk to...thats really hard.

Have you tried going to a counsellor? I know its not for everyone but suicide is really difficult for anyone to deal with no matter who they are. I think you deserve to feel better and coming to terms with how you feel about your friend could probably really help.

Going by what you've said I think thats where you need to start.