How much is enough

wexford12

Hi guys quick question on child maintaince im self employed and earn 25k a year before tax. I pay my ex 250 a month have done for some years since we split up. I have been having lots of calls from my ex looking for more money and extra for school books etc. What do you think i should be paying things are getting harder out there and after i pay my mortage, car etc etc i dont have a cent left no savings etc just money to pay my tax bill is all i put away each week.

cats.life

go to court to sort it out. the judge will have his say. you will get alot of answers that will be diferent here, if she is now asking for more cash where will it end, school is very exspencive but you need to draw the line somwhere.thats why i say bring it to court . my hubbie got it done for his ex, he now no what to give every month, she cant come after him for more cos he dont have it.

mockler007

wexford12 wrote: »

Hi guys quick question on child maintaince im self employed and earn 25k a year before tax. I pay my ex 250 a month have done for some years since we split up. I have been having lots of calls from my ex looking for more money and extra for school books etc. What do you think i should be paying things are getting harder out there and after i pay my mortage, car etc etc i dont have a cent left no savings etc just money to pay my tax bill is all i put away each week.

tell your ex she can have 50 pw,
if she wants more tell her you will go on the dole and give her 7euro:D

Klingon Hamlet

mockler007 wrote: »

tell your ex she can have 50 pw,
if she wants more tell her you will go on the dole and give her 7euro:D

Are you kidding mockler007??

OP sit down with her and work out all the expenses together. Break down everything. Then come to an agreement. Have it in wiriting, and if at all possible, arrange to get it stamped by a judge too. Then it'll be official without being adversarial.

Moonbeam

You could reduce the fixed amount and agree to pay half of the essential costs for the child eg school uniform,books,medical once she supplies receipts.

Shelli2

I would suggest a mediation service, there are a lot of places offer this service for free.

They will sit down with both sides, work out exactly what the costs are relating to the child and also take into consideration both yours and her income and suggest a fair amount.

There is also a very good page on www.solo.ie which helps to calculate maintenance, but remember, every situation is different.

Hope you can sort it out amicably, the last route you want to take is court, believe me!

wexford12

Thanks for your help guys . I have been on to Treoir they were very helpful sent me a load of info books. I know the court is the last place i want to go but im hitting my head of a brick wall, i cant even get her to sign the form so im a legal guardian. Which any court will give she just been a pain.

cats.life

wexford12 wrote: »

Thanks for your help guys . I have been on to Treoir they were very helpful sent me a load of info books. I know the court is the last place i want to go but im hitting my head of a brick wall, i cant even get her to sign the form so im a legal guardian. Which any court will give she just been a pain.

my hubbies ex is the same, they cud have sorted it out if she just take the finger out. but he had to go to court which he hated haven to do. in court the sum is set and that cant be alterd by her. it wil take age,s to go in front of judge, try legal aid and see you come under the cost of taking you on. she has given you no choice op. mind me asking you how you got legal guardian? just nosey cos my hubbie was going tru so much crap when he was going to court, the judge was on his side for a change. i,ll pm what the story was when ive a year of doing nothing:D..he still cant believe its all over, get the ball rolling for your sake ok and good luck.

Shelli2

You don't have to go to court to get the amount set as far as I know, if you can both agree to the amount through mediation then you can have it set as a legally binding maintenance ageement, then to change it you would both have to agree. But if one person doesn't agree you can always apply to the courts at that stage to have it altered.

I feel that people are to quick to go the court route these days. It causes a lot of bitterness and resentment between two parents that a child doesn't need to grow up with.

cats.life

Shelli2 wrote: »

You don't have to go to court to get the amount set as far as I know, if you can both agree to the amount through mediation then you can have it set as a legally binding maintenance ageement, then to change it you would both have to agree. But if one person doesn't agree you can always apply to the courts at that stage to have it altered.

I feel that people are to quick to go the court route these days. It causes a lot of bitterness and resentment between two parents that a child doesn't need to grow up with.

op says that ex wont sign anything or agree to any thing, whats there left to do.

Klingon Hamlet

Send a registered letter offering several options re: sharing expenses. Keep a copy. If there's no way to come to a civil agreement outside of the courtroom, at least you'll have proof that you were willing to discuss the situation before things got out of hand.

I do wish things like this could be settled outside of court. Unfortunately if two parents are on different wavelengths, and one is not interested in mediation, then the courts are the only way to sort it. Best of luck OP.

Shelli2

cats.life wrote: »

op says that ex wont sign anything or agree to any thing, whats there left to do.

Well seeing as she's the one looking for him to pay more maintenance, he is really the one holding the cards here. He can just refuse to pay more unless mediation is entered into.

Other issues such as access and guardian are seperate though, and if she is a very difficuly person she might push for court on these issues.

wexford12

Shelli2 wrote: »

Well seeing as she's the one looking for him to pay more maintenance, he is really the one holding the cards here. He can just refuse to pay more unless mediation is entered into.

Other issues such as access and guardian are seperate though, and if she is a very difficuly person she might push for court on these issues.

Hi quick up date i was talking to her this morning and she wont sign the guardianship form or even look at it . I told her as far as court is concerened its up to her to bring me she is the one looking for more money. I cant pay anymore than i am even if i wanted to i havent got it. Im not sure if 250 a month sounds low to all out there but on my wages and after i pay bills etc its a lot of money to me

Klingon Hamlet

wexford12 wrote: »

Hi quick up date i was talking to her this morning and she wont sign the guardianship form or even look at it . I told her as far as court is concerened its up to her to bring me she is the one looking for more money. I cant pay anymore than i am even if i wanted to i havent got it. Im not sure if 250 a month sounds low to all out there but on my wages and after i pay bills etc its a lot of money to me

Has she said why she won't sign it? Seems very unreasonable of her.

wexford12

Klingon Hamlet wrote: »

Has she said why she won't sign it? Seems very unreasonable of her.

She wont say all she has said is that there is no need for it and for me to get a new solicitor as if that is what he is saying he must be mad

cats.life

wexford12, my husband gave over 150weekly, that was tru the court he had to do that, his ex is like your wan, months back he had to drop it himself to by half cos he had 2 leveys on wage packet. his wages got cut in the job he was in (he was made redundent last month) ,so he went back to solictor and told him he cud not afford it being 150e, the girl is 20 and got a grant for ittralee for collage,plus she is working at weekend,s ,so he had to wait for court date cos she (ex) wouldnt deal outside the court, cut long story short last friday the judge was on his side and said to pay 10,000 in two weeks or keep paying 70e weekly, he got reduncey money so he can give over that much, she wanted the money that he wasnt paying which came to 7,000. there is more to this but not for now..op you are paying within your means, you can not give what you dont not have. stand your ground, if she wants more she can not have it cos you dont have it, or do you have a machine out the back like peolpe thot my hubbie had. court is going to cost you op, long process. my hubbie is all done paying when he gives over 10,000. he bent over back ways for them but they wanted more.

Klingon Hamlet

wexford12 wrote: »

She wont say all she has said is that there is no need for it and for me to get a new solicitor as if that is what he is saying he must be mad

There most certainly is a need for it. Check this out.

Shelli2

Klingon Hamlet wrote: »

There most certainly is a need for it. Check this out.

While I totally agree that legal guardianship should be given to fathers without question and is very important, that link you provided doesn't explain the rights that come attached to guardianship or lack thereof.....

I myself would be very interested to know exactly what guardianship entails?

I know it gives the father equal input to the major decisions in the child's life, schools, religion etc.....but after that I'm not sure.

OP....ask your ex if Guradianship is meaningless when why is she so reluctant to sign the paper???

Ticktactoe

Wexford12,
If she wants more money then she can sign the forms you want. End of.

Shelli2

Ticktactoe wrote: »

Wexford12,
If she wants more money then she can sign the forms you want. End of.

He can't afford more money than he's already giving, and regardless, maintenance and guardianship are two sepreate issues, IMO it's not right for either party to use either issue as a bargaining tool.

wexford12

Shelli2 wrote: »

He can't afford more money than he's already giving, and regardless, maintenance and guardianship are two sepreate issues, IMO it's not right for either party to use either issue as a bargaining tool.

Im not using anything as a bargaining tool all iv asked for is the legal guardingship as for the money she is looking for i do pay every month and also bring him on holidays VHI schoold books etc etc. I have never said i would hold anything back nor will i. As for an increse in the monthly payments i just cant do it

cats.life

wexford12 wrote: »

Im not using anything as a bargaining tool all iv asked for is the legal guardingship as for the money she is looking for i do pay every month and also bring him on holidays VHI schoold books etc etc. I have never said i would hold anything back nor will i. As for an increse in the monthly payments i just cant do it

well then wexford12 you are a good dad ,dont ever forget that ok, stand your ground ,what you dont have ,you just cant give simples,its you thats keeping your lad going, your like my hubbie you give anything and do anything for your child, 250e is very good payment to give in the up keep of him..other dads just dont give a damn. plus vhi which is not cheap, school books are dear, then you bring him on holiday ,dont be worried to much ok,,stand your ground , you cant give anymore,your giving enough wexford12.

Shelli2

wexford12 wrote: »

Im not using anything as a bargaining tool all iv asked for is the legal guardingship as for the money she is looking for i do pay every month and also bring him on holidays VHI schoold books etc etc. I have never said i would hold anything back nor will i. As for an increse in the monthly payments i just cant do it

Sorry, that wasn't directed at you, it was in reply to this post:

Ticktactoe wrote: »

Wexford12,
If she wants more money then she can sign the forms you want. End of.

I believe you are doing everything properly, from what you've said here you can't be faulted TBH. Just keep doing your best and stand your gound.....and push for guardianship, through the courts if needs be.
Good luck!

wexford12

Ok thanks guys will have to wait and see what happens but thanks for the advice

bankofdad

Hi me and my ex partner have a son who is 4.I have a very strong relationship with him and "visitation" 3 days a week.he stays at my house every Wednesday,Friday and Saturday night.I pay 40 euro a week to his mom as well as splitting 50/50 on things that doesn't need to be bought every week ie cloths runners etc.he has everything he has at his moms house at mine.should I be paying any money to his mom at all as I have him only one day less than she does.I want to start saving for his college fund but by the time I pay my own bills and give his mom money there is not much left to put aside for him.I get no help from his mom for my bills should I be helping her with hers? I love my son and am ashamed that the relationship broke down as I feel I have robbed him of a "normal" family. I am taking responsibility for my son and being as good a dad as I can but for some reason I feel as if I'm getting a raw deal as far as paying maintence goes.any advice, sugestions or critizism will be greatly appricated.
Thank you

Ellsbells

I don't see why you should pay if you have the child half the time (or more or less).

movingsucks

It does seem a lot, but I suppose look at these kind of things,
Is the child in school or play school?
If so on the Wednesday and Friday do you take him straight after school or are you in work til five or half five and where is the child between school and coming to you?
Do you do his washing, like does he have clean clothes at your house for the days he's with you or does his mum provide them? Does he need a packed lunch or break for school, do you provide this for the Thursday when you bring him to school?
I know all of those things sound small and probably don't add up to 40 euro but they could be worth 20?
Does your ex work, if so do you split childcare costs?
Obviously I don't expect you to answer these questions but maybe just think about them and if possible could you sit down and discuss them with your ex?

bankofdad

Thank you for your reply, at the min my ex is not working.our son is in playschool for three hours a day Monday to Friday.the are no childcare costs as playschool is free for the year before he starts school.if my ex was to start work I would pay half the cost as to me it would only seem fair to do so.I. do all of thing for him at mine his mom does for him at hers. He has a room done up full of toys and clothes same as at his mams.I agree that though I do only have hima day less maybey there are a few things I'm taking for granted that his mam does that I dont .on that mabe 20e would seem a lot fairer to me.I would prefer to but the other 20 away for him for the furture and maybe if I suggest this to my ex shelll understand.she isn't very reasonble and I've already hit a block wall with her trying to get bank details as I have been giving her cash for a yr and a half with absolutly no proof.thank you again your advise and if you have anymore id love to hear it.

Ellsbells

You are mad giving her cash. Give her a cheque.

metzengerstein

cats.life wrote: »

go to court to sort it out. the judge will have his say. you will get alot of answers that will be diferent here, if she is now asking for more cash where will it end, school is very exspencive but you need to draw the line somwhere.thats why i say bring it to court . my hubbie got it done for his ex, he now no what to give every month, she cant come after him for more cos he dont have it.

Having recently just been to court after my son being withheld from me for two months ,the best advice i would give to anyone to go to court as above mentioned and have it sorted this way and what ever is ordered thats all you pay .its not as scary as you think ,you can get expenses sheets from the dolphin house court temple bar or possibly from a solicitor ,fill it out car expenses ,food expenses bills etc and they will make you pay whats fair you are aloowed to havea life and have money so you can do things with your child ,if you can get a solicitor all the better .we didnt end up going into the court it was all negotiated outside in the lobby with the two soliciters going back and forth,and once all was done we went into the court to have it all signed off by the judge and make sure all was agreed.

i will be reunited with my son in not so many hours today im so happy

cats.life

metzengerstein wrote: »

Having recently just been to court after my son being withheld from me for two months ,the best advice i would give to anyone to go to court as above mentioned and have it sorted this way and what ever is ordered thats all you pay .its not as scary as you think ,you can get expenses sheets from the dolphin house court temple bar or possibly from a solicitor ,fill it out car expenses ,food expenses bills etc and they will make you pay whats fair you are aloowed to havea life and have money so you can do things with your child ,if you can get a solicitor all the better .we didnt end up going into the court it was all negotiated outside in the lobby with the two soliciters going back and forth,and once all was done we went into the court to have it all signed off by the judge and make sure all was agreed.

i will be reunited with my son in not so many hours today im so happy

so happy for you op, and no its not scarey its the long long wait to be seen.well done.