Would you accept your son/daughter being gay?

Ickle Magoo

stovelid wrote: »

You make it sound like a virus?

Are you saying that if you're gay, your parents have to be gay too?

The latest genetic studies of classical family/twin/adoption studies and biological/molecular studies, support multiple genetic and environmental determinants in male and female sexual orientation - for children both their genetic make-up and their environment in the formative years would be familial.

spurious

Actually should anyone's hypothetical gay children raise children, all the studies show they are less likely to have 'issues' about many things than children raised in a non-same sex couple situation.

Beruthiel

sdonn wrote: »

would have a negative effect on the rest of my family.

How would it have an 'negative' effect?

If said child even attempted to cohabit with their partner, and at the same time raise a child they would be disowned full stop because I disagree with it that strongly.

So you would make your own child suffer emotional trauma and turn your back on them because of your feelings on this?
They would be put in the position of choosing between your happiness or their own.
Are you seriously saying that you would put your own child under such pressure?

Also, if say I had an only son, that's the family bloodline gone.

This has always amused me. I find it funny that just because you have a child you think you have every right to expect that child to produce an heir, whither they want to or not.
Life is tough enough without putting extra expectations on a child.
IMO the only expectation any parent should have for their child is that they are happy.

I see two main purposes to life; live it fulfillingly and have kids (of your own). Gayness flies in the face of that fundamental value that I have personally.

But it's your personal 'value'
Why attach it to others?

I have no problem with the fundamentals of two gay people being in love, living together, even a civil partnership. But it would nevertheless upset me and where kids become involved I can't condone it.

To use the word condone, suggests they have an actual choice.

Nevyn

There is help and support for parents who find out that thier child is LGBT

http://lovingouroutkids.org/

History

LOOK, formerly Parents’ Support, consists of a small group of parents who have gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgendered children. It started very quietly in 1980 – with 2 sets of parents, who had discovered that other parents needed to talk about and adjust to the fact of their children’s sexuality.

For some parents this can be a time of anxiety,worry,confusion,just as it might be for their children. This is why we listen and support reassure and encourage provide information – All in total confidence.

This was at a time when homosexuality was ‘hidden’ – very often children did not tell their parents until they were well into their twenties or older – It was still a criminal offence , the Roman Catholic Church still had great influence within society and consequently it was very difficult for children and parents to ‘come out’.

Parents then were mainly ‘older’ parents’. The parents, who initially started supporting other parents, did so with the help and co-operation of Gay Switchboard Dublin. Their function was and remains to reassure and encourage parents to talk about their children and themselves, to listen and provide information about the sexual orientation of their child and reactions of other parents, so that they will realise they are not alone and that their child is Just As Good.

I can certainly understand Dyfins point of view of it being a new learning curve but our children are who we have loved and raised them to be no matter what their sexuality.
A child who is lgbt doesn't automatically shrug off all the things that their parents and family have imparted to them. The more acceptance there is then the easier it is.

I don't expect my kids to have bio kids of their own one day, if they do (not any time in the next 15 years please)
then I will look for ward to being there for them and their brats, or even if they end up co parenting or adopting someone else's kids then that would be cool too, there are many ways in which a person can be a positive force in many people lives and having kids is not the be all and end all imho.

Having been on the fringes of the LGBTQ communities over the year and having see it grow and evolve I know that if either of my brats turns out to be LGBT there are a lot help and support out there a lot more then for children who may face other struggles growing up.

Mr. Presentable

I'd have no problem - in fact, I can see an upside. Less likelihood of teenage pregnancy!

Chuchoter

As a teen who has recently come out to a less than enthusiastic response from my parents, I can tell you that you shouldn't be worried about prejudice from society. Prejudice from society doesn't bother me in and of itself, but my parents reaction-disappointment and prejudice, kills me. I hate that I have hurt them so much, and that is what makes living as a lesbian person difficult. You get so much **** from the world, you really need your parents 100% on your side, and not just an uneasy tolerance.

sdonn You probably shouldn't have children.

CrazyRabbit

crayolastereo wrote: »

As a teen who has recently come out to a less than enthusiastic response from my parents, I can tell you that you shouldn't be worried about prejudice from society. Prejudice from society doesn't bother me in and of itself, but my parents reaction-disappointment and prejudice, kills me. I hate that I have hurt them so much, and that is what makes living as a lesbian person difficult. You get so much **** from the world, you really need your parents 100% on your side, and not just an uneasy tolerance.

@sdonn You probably shouldn't have children.

For what it's worth....you didn't hurt them. Their own ignorance and intolerance did that.

plein de force

sdonn wrote: »

If I had a kid who turned out to be gay I'd be devestated becuase it makes family life much harder for them and would have a negative effect on the rest of my family...maybe because society etc is prejudiced, yes, but still the same effect. If said child even attempted to cohabit with their partner, and at the same time raise a child they would be disowned full stop because I disagree with it that strongly. (I've gone into, and been slated for that seperately and it's not the issue here).

Also, if say I had an only son, that's the family bloodline gone. It's wierd, but I can understand bisexuality a lot better than homosexuality. I get the idea of the sex part and maybe even the love part, but at the end of the day I see two main purposes to life; live it fulfillingly and have kids (of your own). Gayness flies in the face of that fundamental value that I have personally.

I have no problem with the fundamentals of two gay people being in love, living together, even a civil partnership. But it would nevertheless upset me and where kids become involved I can't condone it.

well if you were to disown them it's probably best for the kid not to have anything to do with you anymore, nobody needs that sort of prejudice in their lives,especially from their parents.

rainbow kirby

If I ever have kids and one of them turns out to be gay, I would hope that my reaction would be the exact same as my mother's - "That changes nothing - we always knew anyway." :pac:

I would hope though that they would feel much more comfortable and open about coming out to parents and other family than I did, it took me a very long time after coming out to myself to feel ready to be out to my family.

nesf

crayolastereo wrote: »

sdonn You probably shouldn't have children.

Less of it. His opinion is valid, just because you fundamentally disagree with him doesn't give you a right for a dig like the above.

bubbaloo

Doop wrote: »

Personally my mothers reaction was.... 'sure I always knew that' (and im in no way camp or overtly gay), just said all she wanted for me in life was to be happy.

Your Mum Rocks !!!

bubbaloo

sdonn wrote: »

Also, if say I had an only son, that's the family bloodline gone.....

Gayness flies in the face of that fundamental value that I have personally.

... it would nevertheless upset me and where kids become involved I can't condone it.

So if you had a hetrosexual child who suffered infertility would you disown them too? You don't seem to actually have a clue what you're talking about. I get the feeling you jumped on your high horse and wrote your response without actually thinking about it.

Nevyn

Can we please keep the dicussion to the topic and not have the thread sprial into just reactionary posts, thanks.

mariaf24

I would prefer my children not to be gay but only because i'd be so worried about the discrimination they would face. Also, i would imagine people have very different opinions on this depending on where you live.
I would guess it wouldnt be as much of a big deal in an urban area? We live in a rural area and unfortunately it would be a very tough place for a homosexual person.

I can understand too what people mean about having children/grand children. I would ideally love to see my daughter enjoy the experience of birth and motherhood (of course if she chooses to have children) and im sure if i had a son i would feel the same but im sure i would just accept it

The Lovely Muffin

lonelyguy wrote: »

Hi!
Would you accept your son/daughter being gay?
Would you find it hard or easy?
Would you prefere your child to be straight?

It wouldn't bother me in the slightest.

So long as they are happy, that's what's important.

Obviously I would worry for them etc, but as said before, all parents worry about their kids, regardless of what age the kids are.

As for preferring my kids to be straight or gay - I don't have a preference tbh, whatever makes them happy, is what makes me happy. There is nothing wrong with being gay (I don't think I used proper wording there, so if I offended anyone, I apologize, it's not intended), sexuality isn't a choice, it's something someone naturally feel's and it's not something that can be changed.

That said, I don't have (or want) kids, but if I ever changed my mind (doubtful), it's how I would feel.

cynder

Well im bringing my kids up to think straight,

If they turn the other way later in life its their choice, i wont disown them.

The 11 year old know about gays and she defo is not.

The 5 year old has been told its wrong to kiss boys and he says he will only kiss girls and mommy and his sister and brother and daddy. He says kissing boys is yucky, and im quite happy with that, as he gets older and learns more about gays he can make up his own mind, if he sees 2 boys kissing on tv we tell him its yucky. ( he did however have a girlfriend on holidays in France they were holding hands, so cute)

The 3 year old is not yet aware of boy and boy / girl and girl so we don't mention it ( he did make friends with a girl on holidays but they never said one word to each other just started copying each other and smiling also very cute)

I think there are signs from early on if they have an attraction for either sex. I would prefer my kids to be straight and will bring them up that way and by the looks of it they will be.

Nevyn

I don't understand what you mean by brining a child up to be 'straight'.
Children aren't either until they start being attracted to people.

I don't think that teaching child that same sex kissing is wrong is teaching them anything but predjuice and to think themselves to be wrong if they turn out to be gay or bi.

littlebug

grindelwald wrote: »

Well im bring my kids up to think straight,

.

No you're not, you're bringing them up to think that anything other than straight is "yucky". Sexuality isn't something that you think, it's something that you are. Imagine the conflict in a gay person who has been raised with those beliefs?
My children know that men can marry men and women can marry women. It wouldn't bother me in the slightest if either of them is gay.... they are who they are. Who they do what with in the bedroom isn't going to change that.

cynder

Well its our choice, and i dont want them to be gay, as my 11 year old fully understands. I know she likes boys anyway. she was only little and we told her it was wrong for girls to kiss girls. She knows all about what she calls lesbo's infact she knows an 18 year old gay girl.

We met 2 guys at the airport who were gay and 1 had his daughter with him. Just because i decide to teach my young kids that being straight is right and being gay is wrong doesnt mean that when they reach a mature age that i wont go more indepth with them. My husbands cousin is gay they arent protected from being exposed to gays. When our older child asks we say its the persons choice, but you cant do that with a 5 year old thats why we tell him its wrong. When his older like his sister we can tell him what we told her. She doesnt hate gays (we teach her not to hate anyone just because they may be different and she can be friends with someone even is they are different).

cynder

Thaedydal wrote: »

.

I don't think that teaching child that same sex kissing is wrong is teaching them anything but predjuice and to think themselves to be wrong if they turn out to be gay or bi.

They wont be!

So i cant see what's wrong with teaching them men and women are meant to be together, boys and boys and girls and girls are not, its just sometimes things get mixed up and boys are happy with boys and girls are happy with girls his 5 not 15 he wont understand that, and yes i think it is yucky (unnatural) but if they are happy and not shoving it in my face i dont care.

Nevyn

Why do they need to be tought that, esp growing up in a society where hertosexual couples are the most dominant example of a couple they will see?

men and women are ment to be together, boys and boys andgirls and girls are not, its just sometimes things get mixed up and boys are happy with boys and girls are happy with girls

Why is that mixed up and not just how some people are?

Not right, not normal, not natural are all used to put down LGBT teens and people and creates divison, barriers and homophobia.

Latchy

lonelyguy wrote: »

Hi!
Would you accept your son/daughter being gay?
Would you find it hard or easy?
Would you prefere your child to be straight?

Would have no problem with it at all and would be there and support them at all times if and when needed simply because they are my children .

Side note - Liverpool is having it's own gay ,lesbian ,bisexual trans event soon . Liverpool Pride will take place on Saturday August 7

http://www.lgf.org.uk/liverpool-pride-2010-get-involved/

cynder

Thaedydal wrote: »

Why do they need to be tought that, esp growing up in a society where hertosexual couples are the most dominant example of a couple they will see?



Why is that mixed up and not just how some people are?

Not right, not normal, not natural are all used to put down LGBT teens and people and creates divison, barriers and homophobia.

Its not natural and never will be, male and female are natural. Just because i believe it is unnatural it doest stop me being friends with gays, i see the person for who they are and not as a gay, i will also teach my kids to do this (the 11 year old aready does). I will respect a gay as much as a straight person but i wont tell my kids that is is normal and natural as that would be a lie. Its just the way they are.

PopUp

grindelwald wrote: »

Well its our choice, and i dont want them to be gay

It's not, though. It's not your choice. It's not even their choice. This is not something you or anybody else can control.

Would you consider reading the LGBT forum a little bit? Read some of the threads that come up, especially about people who know they are gay but are terrified their parents will hate or disown them if they find out. Really think about the effect the things you are telling your kids could have on them. There are people out there absolutely tormented because they were brought up being told that their natural (natural to them, that they have no choice or control over) urges are 'yucky'.

lonestargirl

lonelyguy wrote: »

Hi!
Would you accept your son/daughter being gay?
Would you find it hard or easy?
Would you prefere your child to be straight?

Yes, Easy, No preference.

I honestly don't care about my children's sexual preference. I just hope that they grow up happy, healthy people.

Statistically some of the people posting here have children who are gay, we may just don't know it yet. However all of us, as parents, can play our part in making life easier for that child/children by raising our children to be accepting of all the differences people have (not just sexuality) and to celebrate the diversity of being human.

lonelyguy

lonelyguy wrote: »

Would you accept your son/daughter being gay?

Without question.

Would you find it hard or easy?

I wouldn't try to find it anything. I don't think I would really give it a second thought from my point of view. The only reason it would even affect me would be from the point of view of giving my child support but that's what parents do, whatever the situation.

Would you prefere your child to be straight?

I think as others have said, I would prefer them to be straight purely so that they don't have to suffer the prejudices that are in the world, so that they can be happy in themselves without worry, so they can choose to have children without be judged. But then, all of the above will apply to them in some shape or form over the span of their lifetime, ultimately, I just want them to be happy.

lonestargirl wrote: »

Statistically some of the people posting here have children who are gay, we may just don't know it yet. However all of us, as parents, can play our part in making life easier for that child/children by raising our children to be accepting of all the differences people have (not just sexuality) and to celebrate the diversity of being human.

My five year old daughter had a conversation recently with my husband about what he was wearing to a wedding, it went a little like this

Dad: "Is this ok to wear to a wedding"
Daughter: "Yes, that's fine dad. But you'll have to wear something fancier to my wedding"
Dad: "You better marry a nice fella then"
Daughter: "I mightn't marry a boy. I might marry a girl"
Dad: (trying to keep a straight face) "True"

She then walked off saying to herself "I suppose if I want to have babies I have to marry a boy"

I had to wait until she was well out of the room before I laughed. And no, I didn't explain to her that she could have a baby without marrying a man!!!

KittyeeTrix

PopUp wrote: »

It's not, though. It's not your choice. It's not even their choice. This is not something you or anybody else can control.

Would you consider reading the LGBT forum a little bit? Read some of the threads that come up, especially about people who know they are gay but are terrified their parents will hate or disown them if they find out. Really think about the effect the things you are telling your kids could have on them. There are people out there absolutely tormented because they were brought up being told that their natural (natural to them, that they have no choice or control over) urges are 'yucky'.

Great post PopUp:)
100% agree with the bold part..

I think the saddest thing ever is when a child doesn't feel that they can share who they really are with parents because they have been filled with the notion that to be gay/lesbian or bisexual is unnatural.......
My heart just swells with sadness for them:(

i just don't understand how parents could instill this notion in their kids heads when they are younger and not fear the consequences when they grow up and may indeed not be heterosexual.....It's baffling to me!!

Dinkie

fluffyorganic1 wrote: »

Wouldn't bother me in the slightest......

If I had a choice I would prefer that they were straight but only because I know their life would be easier with less criticism and hardship than if they were gay.......but for me it wouldn't matter one iota:)

+1. I have 2 family members known to be gay, and know another 2 are gay, but haven't come out yet to their immediate family...

cynder

PopUp wrote: »

It's not, though. It's not your choice. It's not even their choice. This is not something you or anybody else can control.
.

When i said our choice i meant that it was our choice how to bring them up.

plein de force

grindelwald wrote: »

Its not natural and never will be, male and female are natural. Just because i believe it is unnatural it doest stop me being friends with gays, i see the person for who they are and not as a gay, i will also teach my kids to do this (the 11 year old aready does). I will respect a gay as much as a straight person but i wont tell my kids that is is normal and natural as that would be a lie. Its just the way they are.

whether you believe it's natural or not, or don't want to believe it's natural doesn't actually stop the fact that it is natural. i know a mod said they didn't want this to be a re-actionary thread but i think this merits it. Vast amounts of research begs to differ with your view, sure everyone's entitled to a view but these people know what they're talking about.Being gay is not something that somebody chooses or 'picks up'.
it has been around since the dawn of humanity, to think that it's only natural for men and women to be attracted to each other is absurd, human emotions don't fit into a nice little box of conformity, a gay person being attracted to another person of the same sex is as natural as straight people being attracted to a member of the opposite sex.
I seriously hope your children don't carry on your stupidity, seriously if you did some research you might think differently but maybe you're ignorance overrides your intellect