Would you accept your son/daughter being gay?

sdanseo

bubbaloo wrote: »

So if you had a hetrosexual child who suffered infertility would you disown them too? You don't seem to actually have a clue what you're talking about. I get the feeling you jumped on your high horse and wrote your response without actually thinking about it.

I don't think you understand my issue, and I can assure you this is something on which I have voiced my opinion on boards.ie before, and my opinion and stance are clear.

I believe, and am convinced, that any child brought up by two cohabiting same sex "parents" in a homosexual relationship is at serious social detriment compared to a child brought up by a heterosexual couple or even a single parent. Whether or not this is because of a prejudiced society is irrelevant, the issue is that the detriment still exists.

I'll try find my essay of a post outlining my reasons for the above but it's not really relevant to the thread title. I reiterate that I have no problem with homosexuality on a fundamental level (although I would be upset if it landed on my doorstep as I don't believe in it at all). However when kids become a factor and their welfare is endangered by the "parent's" choices/sexuality then it's a totally different matter.

nesf

plein de force wrote: »

whether you believe it's natural or not, or don't want to believe it's natural doesn't actually stop the fact that it is natural. i know a mod said they didn't want this to be a re-actionary thread but i think this merits it. Vast amounts of research begs to differ with your view, sure everyone's entitled to a view but these people know what they're talking about.Being gay is not something that somebody chooses or 'picks up'.
it has been around since the dawn of humanity, to think that it's only natural for men and women to be attracted to each other is absurd, human emotions don't fit into a nice little box of conformity, a gay person being attracted to another person of the same sex is as natural as straight people being attracted to a member of the opposite sex.
I seriously hope your children don't carry on your stupidity, seriously if you did some research you might think differently but maybe you're ignorance overrides your intellect

Don't call other users stupid. Seriously, just because someone's opinion is ill-informed and goes against decades of scientific research doesn't give you the right to insult them. You may rip their argument to pieces but you need to play the ball not the man etc.

bubbaloo

sdonn wrote: »

I don't think you understand my issue, and I can assure you this is something on which I have voiced my opinion on boards.ie before, and my opinion and stance are clear.

I believe, and am convinced, that any child brought up by two cohabiting same sex "parents" in a homosexual relationship is at serious social detriment compared to a child brought up by a heterosexual couple or even a single parent. Whether or not this is because of a prejudiced society is irrelevant, the issue is that the detriment still exists.

I'll try find my essay of a post outlining my reasons for the above but it's not really relevant to the thread title. I reiterate that I have no problem with homosexuality on a fundamental level (although I would be upset if it landed on my doorstep as I don't believe in it at all). However when kids become a factor and their welfare is endangered by the "parent's" choices/sexuality then it's a totally different matter.

Why do you even need to put the word parents in inverted commas? A parent can be considered as anyone who rears a child - whether that be a biological link or not. Please don't put your essay up here as I feel I have probably seen enough of your opinions.
You have completely contradicted yourself in one sentence: "I reiterate that I have no problem with homosexuality on a fundamental level (although I would be upset if it landed on my doorstep as I don't believe in it at all). "
I'm just going to leave this now as I just don't understand where you're coming from.

StormWarrior

There was an article in New Scientist magazine towards the end of last year about why nature makes some animals gay and how it is helpful for them to be so. The very fact that animals have also been shown to be gay blows the theory out of the water that it's not natural.

amiable

The biggest problem i would have with my child being Gay is the struggle most people feel and wanting to be accepted by people when coming to terms with themselves being Gay. I'm sure its not an easy time.
They're scared their friends and family won't accept them.
They're scared they'll be bullied. Nobody deserves this.
We need to wise up and be more accepting

KittyeeTrix

amiable wrote: »

The biggest problem i would have with my child being Gay is the struggle most people feel and wanting to be accepted by people when coming to terms with themselves being Gay. I'm sure its not an easy time.
They're scared their friends and family won't accept them.
They're scared they'll be bullied. Nobody deserves this.
We need to wise up and be more accepting

Great post and sums it all up pretty much.....It's terrible that we live in a society that people can be scared for what they naturally are:(

Dilynnio

crayolastereo wrote: »

As a teen who has recently come out to a less than enthusiastic response from my parents, I can tell you that you shouldn't be worried about prejudice from society. Prejudice from society doesn't bother me in and of itself, but my parents reaction-disappointment and prejudice, kills me. I hate that I have hurt them so much, and that is what makes living as a lesbian person difficult. You get so much **** from the world, you really need your parents 100% on your side, and not just an uneasy tolerance.

sdonn You probably shouldn't have children.

Your parents will adjust in time. Its new for them....you have had time to accept it and to get to be comfortable with it so give them the time they need too. It took me awhile to understand this but time is great.....all parents will be disappointed at first its normal but they come around....my parents have and our relationship has never been better. So try and be patient.

smelltheglove

The way I see it, homosexuality is natural, otherwise nature would not have made some people this way. Do people honestly think gay men and women choose to be like that, to be different and endure hardship, even shame from their families? Its not a choice, its how they were made, by nature which is natural to them!

For my kids as I said before I dont care, they are what they are so if they one day say they prefer girls to boys fair enough. I dont hide homosexuality from them, they have 2 aunties who love each other and 2 uncles who love each other, on the only occasion a question has come up as to why does x live with z and do they not have boyfriends my daughter was told by myself well x and z dont have boyfriends because they love each other, they are girlfriends. I never mentioned the word gay, just that they were girlfriends and after that my daughter never questioned it, they are how they are and I feel if I explain it then she will think it deserves explanation. It doesnt! I dont believe abybodies sexual preference should be an issue as to how they live their lives or how they are viewed by other people.

cynder

smelltheglove wrote: »

The way I see it, homosexuality is natural, otherwise nature would not have made some people this way..

Thats why men can get pregnant by other men and women can get pregnant by women to continue life!

Nature is to make life, if we were meant to be gay life on this planet would have died a long time ago.

fatmammycat

Please stop Grindelwald, I have no doubt you love your children and want what is best for them, but you are making yourself look very foolish.:(
Not everyone is 'meant' to be gay, not every person procreates, not every person is 'meant' to straight. It's not rocket science, it's not down to the 'yucky' factor or what you tell your children, it's down to simple biology.
Some people gay, some people not.

Ludo

I would hope to be accepting and supportive if my sons turned out to be gay. I honestly don't know exactly how I would feel though in reality.
It is all well and good saying the "politically correct" thing now about being supportive etc etc but who knows how people will react until they are actually in the situation.

Also, just because something is natural does not necessarily make it "right". I can think of plenty of examples of this as I am sure everyone can. Just saying as this line of argument annoys me.

smelltheglove

Ludo wrote: »

I would hope to be accepting and supportive if my sons turned out to be gay. I honestly don't know exactly how I would feel though in reality.

Also, just because something is natural does not necessarily make it "right". I can think of plenty of examples of this as I am sure everyone can. Just saying as this line of argument annoys me.

I'd hope if presented with the situation I would have the same opinion I do now! Knowing the struggles of family members who are gay I wouldn't want to make it harder for my own kids.

Natural and right? You really want to keep this argument going don't you! Just because it's not right in your view does not mean you can cast that other people, it's right to them, it's natural to them so who are you to cast judgement, this closed mind attitude is what makes it so hard!

Ickle Magoo

Ludo wrote: »

Also, just because something is natural does not necessarily make it "right". I can think of plenty of examples of this as I am sure everyone can. Just saying as this line of argument annoys me.

The only things that happen in the animal kingdom that aren't right in human terms is ones that involve hurting our own, ironically - there is no such thing as blind prejudice in nature.

Lux23

I think I would find it alot easier to have a gay son than a gay daughter but I don't think I would ever be upset if I had a gay child. You are what you are and all I really want for my children is to be happy. And rich so they keep me in Martinis in my old age.

CluelessGirl

I am not going to bring my children up with any labels. It will be perfectly normal in their eyes for same sex people to be together. I have two gay siblings who each have a partner and are the most caring and loving couples I have ever met.They also plan to have kids. I fully appreciate that.

I watched my siblings struggle with their sexuality when they were younger and i would not wish what they had to go through to accept themselves on anyone. I think gay people knock themselves far to much and put a massive emphasis on what they are rather than who they are.

My siblings beat themselves up unnecessarily as they did not want to disappoint Mum and Dad or me but we love them and accepted them. If my siblings had confided in our family earlier they may not have struggled with it for so long. They both do admit now that they should have trusted their family more and believed in them more but I guess that is a lot of gay peoples regrets not coming out earlier or believing that they will be rejected by their family....when really their family will just love them more.

Yes my parents were shocked at having two gay kids but they love them even more for being who they are and for them being happy and having great partners and for introducing them to a world they otherwise would not have known.

So I guess our family will be like the Modern Family! All cousins will mix and their will be no labels. No gay or lesbians.....everyone will be equal....and I can not see anything wrong with that.

Ludo

smelltheglove wrote: »

Natural and right? You really want to keep this argument going don't you! Just because it's not right in your view does not mean you can cast that other people, it's right to them, it's natural to them so who are you to cast judgement, this closed mind attitude is what makes it so hard!

I never said if it was right or wrong in my view and I am not casting judgement on anyone...I just don't like the argument of labeling something as natural being used as a stick to beat someone with instead of reasoned discussion to make them see the error of their ways. Similarly the argument that it is unnatural is pointless as everything is quite obviously natural.

Nevyn

Lux23 wrote: »

I think I would find it alot easier to have a gay son than a gay daughter but I don't think I would ever be upset if I had a gay child.

Why?

Chuchoter

Lux23 wrote: »

I think I would find it alot easier to have a gay son than a gay daughter but I don't think I would ever be upset if I had a gay child. You are what you are and all I really want for my children is to be happy. And rich so they keep me in Martinis in my old age.

I've never heard that said before,why one over the other?

smelltheglove

Ludo wrote: »

I just don't like the argument of labeling something as natural being used as a stick to beat someone with instead of reasoned discussion to make them see the error of their ways. Similarly the argument that it is unnatural is pointless as everything is quite obviously natural.

But it is not labelling something as being natural, they were born gay so it IS natural. The word gay is a label more so than saying being gay is natural. Straight people are referred to as people, gay people are often referred to as gays, which in my view would be a label. Claiming it is natural is not an argument, the fact is it is human nature that some people are born gay.

Grindylow

My brother came out to my parents last year and they honestly didn't mind it at all. As my mam said he's still her son, and no matter what he is she's going to love him!
If anyone in school says anything about him [even though hes older :P] they have me to deal with! I honestly couldn't care if it was my friends or anything, I'd attack them over it because its none of their business.

If a parent can't accept their child for being gay, then they don't deserve to be a parent. Love is meant to last, not break once a persons identity is revealed!

K-9

smelltheglove wrote: »

But it is not labelling something as being natural, they were born gay so it IS natural. The word gay is a label more so than saying being gay is natural. Straight people are referred to as people, gay people are often referred to as gays, which in my view would be a label. Claiming it is natural is not an argument, the fact is it is human nature that some people are born gay.

Personally, I'd have no problem with it either.

It reminds me of old fashioned attitudes to getting pregnant young and not married. Was a big deal a few years ago as well. I've a 12 year old son and my parents where very conservative and religious. Took the a while to adjust, but adjust they did. Now Mum laughs at it, sure "that's the way it is these days". Dad is passed away now but he was so easy going, nothing phased him.

Basically, people can have certain conservative attitudes but usually when something they don't approve of lands on their door step, they adjust. They are still their son and daughter and that instinct takes over.

lindtee

I haven't read a lot of the replies but will do later. I wouldn't have a problem if any of my sons were gay........but

A couple of years ago my son was doing play therapy for personal problems and bereavement in our family. He was 8 at the time. At the time most of his friends were girls. He has always embraced his feminine side (don't know what other way to put it!) and likes arty things like beading necklaces for me and other females! , painting drawing etc. he likes to help me clothes shopping and likes things like High school musical, Glee and other such programmes on the TV. He also likes singing (hopes to be on x-factor one day!)

Anyway, after one of his play therapy sessions, the "therapist" took me aside and pretty much told me that my son was gay:rolleyes: because of the above mentioned things and the fact that during their sessions he liked to play with the "girls toys" Now as I said I do not mind if he is in fact gay, who knows, but I think for a so called professional to take me aside and make a judgement like that on an 8 year old is a bit much. That was the last session that he had with her. I was in fact very angry about it.

My partner's uncle is gay and we went to his civil partnership ceremony to his partner with the children a few years ago. There is nothing *taboo* or *wrong* about being Gay in our home.....but I really, really felt that the play therapists assumption based on what things my son likes was way, way out of line.

Chuchoter

lindtee wrote: »

I haven't read a lot of the replies but will do later. I wouldn't have a problem if any of my sons were gay........but

A couple of years ago my son was doing play therapy for personal problems and bereavement in our family. He was 8 at the time. At the time most of his friends were girls. He has always embraced his feminine side (don't know what other way to put it!) and likes arty things like beading necklaces for me and other females! , painting drawing etc. he likes to help me clothes shopping and likes things like High school musical, Glee and other such programmes on the TV. He also likes singing (hopes to be on x-factor one day!)

Anyway, after one of his play therapy sessions, the "therapist" took me aside and pretty much told me that my son was gay:rolleyes: because of the above mentioned things and the fact that during their sessions he liked to play with the "girls toys" Now as I said I do not mind if he is in fact gay, who knows, but I think for a so called professional to take me aside and make a judgement like that on an 8 year old is a bit much. That was the last session that he had with her. I was in fact very angry about it.

My partner's uncle is gay and we went to his civil partnership ceremony to his partner with the children a few years ago. There is nothing *taboo* or *wrong* about being Gay in our home.....but I really, really felt that the play therapists assumption based on what things my son likes was way, way out of line.

To be honest I would report that therapist. It is not his place to spout stereotypes and **** like that an to put a sexuality on an 8 year old. I think thats so irresponsible and unprofessional.

Inquitus

Would you accept your son/daughter being gay?

I have 3 kids under the age of 6, theres obviously a chance one or all of them could be gay, and if they are then they were born that way, and I have loved them everyday since they were born, nothing is going to change. Being gay is as natural as being straight.

Would you find it hard or easy?

Obviously due to unwarranted prejudice in society it is likely to make their young lives harder than they should be, and that would have an unfortunate knockon to the family unit.

But as a father it wouldn't make me bat an eyelid, and I would support them as best I could.

Would you prefer your child to be straight?

I love my children as they are today, should that end up being gay or straight in later life I could not give a flying.

cooltown

When I read this it makes me so sad. I know that I'll never be able to come out to my parents because they hate gay people and think it wrong! It's so good to read that there are so many accepting parents out there tough!

lynski

WOW some people ave a real problem with homosexuality. That yucky factor thing is so sad! my 3 yr old son kisses and hugs all his friends, he tells all his friends he loves them regardless of their gender and I would never tell him it was wrong to kiss a boy. Kissing is not a sexual thing until they are past puberty so telling them their affection is wrong before that is so sad. poor kids.
My daughter is regularly kissed by other kids, boys and girls, seriously 5/6 yr kids come up to her and kiss her and the only thing that is wrong is that they dont ask permission.
It has not occurred to me to have a problem with anything my children might be apart from unhappy, criminal or addicted to something. Asking if i would be ok with them being gay is like asking if i would be ok if they were a vet or a refuse collector, as long as they are happy i will be happy.
I really hope that in 10 years time, when my children start to enter puberty, we will have full marriage rights for all our citizens, hopefully we will have seen my best friend marry his love in a full equal marriage.

gsxr1

i would find it to be a hard pill to swallow . To say it would not be the talk of the town would be a lie.

But it is what it is. Out of your hands.

get over it

it would be the end of my family blood line. Which would be disappointing. Always wanted to be a grandparent some day

The Corinthian

lonelyguy wrote: »

Would you accept your son/daughter being gay?

As long as he finds a way to produce grandchildren for me.

Would you find it hard or easy?

Neither hard or easy. I'd instinctively have issues with it, largely because of my generation, but would get over it. I think I'd find it hard if he was one of those, 'in your face' gays, but that has less to do with sexual orientation and more to do with the fact that they annoy the crap out of me.

Would you prefere your child to be straight?

I would prefer any sexual orientation that would cause the least amount of prejudice against him in his life and that happens to be straight.

Solair

It's a bit like being offended because your kid is Ginger!
You do not have any option but to accept it and be supportive!!
What alternative is there?! Force your son/daughter into a sham marriage to avoid upsetting the neighbours?!?
That would really make your kid so happy!

I think parents should chill out a bit on this issue. It's really not in your gift to accept it reject your kids based on their physical attributes, gender or sexual orientation.

As for having grandkids: your straight children may not get married, might not have kids for a whole variety of reasons. Your gay kids may opt to have families ... where there's a will there's a way!!

metrovelvet

I dont think I would like it but I would accept it. I tend to fall in line with Sleepy's take on it.

I had a friend who struggled for years telling his parents he was gay. He secretely wrote a letter to them in which he comes out. His mother discovered the letter and I guess showed it to his father.

His father's response to him was "Don't worry son, so am I." Four kids and 40 year marriage still going.