Competition: Variations on a theme 5 (Bad Romance)

pickarooney

The latest installment of our themed short story competition is now underway. For details of our last contest, see here.

The theme this time is Bad Romance and the word limit is 1500.

There are a couple of differences this time out.
All entries should be sent to Aoibheann who has kindly volunteered to collect and post the stories.
Secondly, the idea this time is to write the most cringeworthy piece of romantic fiction you can managed, as proposed by Oryx on this thread and inspired by http://www.bulwer-lytton.com/.

The closing date for competition entries is the 31st of July and Aoibheann be accepting submissions via PM as of today, July 12th. Voting will run from the 1st to the 8th of August.

As is the rule, all votes must be accompanied by a post on the thread giving feedback to at least one of the stories, although obviously the more time you take to give your impressions the more the writers will benefit.

Please post in here with any queries on the competition itself.
Please do not post pieces directly in the thread.

ToasterSparks

This should be fun! I've already thought of some truly awful sentences.

Plus it's win-win! You win, you've won a VOAT competition. You lose, it shows you're not a bad writer. :P


Also, you can use my signature (below) from the other thread to promote the competition if you want!

Aoibheann

Just going to throw a post into this thread so there's a handy link to PM me!

Looking forward to seeing all the entries guys, this should be a laugh.

Now I look forward to plaguing pickarooney with ridiculous questions.. >.>

Mr E

After months of critique, I'm looking forward to seeing what pickarooney can do.

pickarooney

Well, if there's a prize for being **** at photoshop, I'm a shoo-in!
Can anyone help with a decent sig?

Also Starring LeVar Burton

I should just write about my own experiences for this one - my life is a bad romance...

pickarooney

I keep coming up with bits of things in my head but can't get an actual plot together.

Mr E

Same here. I can do the cheesy opening line, but fleshing it out into a story is bloody hard.

angelll

I'm looking forward to this one,will my terrible punctuation actually be a plus? I'm going to make a start on it soon,the first few comps i entered i left it all til the day before but the last one i did it with time to spare and it worked out better. Pickarooney, i'm also looking forward to yours!

ToasterSparks

Hey all.

Apparently my Gaga signature is outside the signature size guidelines. Just replace the http://i29.tinypic.com/16lwewo.jpg) and you'll have the new one!


TS.

pickarooney

You might as well copy the whole sig to include the link to this thread.
I must give mine one more shot to try and make it readable.

Oryx

Mr E wrote: »

Same here. I can do the cheesy opening line, but fleshing it out into a story is bloody hard.

Its hard to balance terrible writing with an actual plot once you get past the first paragraph. The voting part will be hard going, I expect bleeding eyes after the first few.

And Im looking forward to seeing if Pickarooney can write bad Mills and Boon as well.

ToasterSparks

Yeah, I was all excited after I thought up a suitably terrible opening line - then I realised I had a whole story to write. I have a vague plot and some terrible metaphors, but it's actually hard to be awful and write a readable story at the same time. The curse of being average at writing! Not bad enough, not good enough.

Mine is turning into more of a funny story than a bad one, in an oh-you-did-NOT-just-say-that kind of way. Maybe it'll be so bad it'll be good? Then I'll lose! :P

Also Starring LeVar Burton

I'm a bit confused as to what exactly we're supposed to be doing this time...
Can someone explain it again for those of us at the back of the class?

Oryx

CaptainNegative wrote: »

I'm a bit confused as to what exactly we're supposed to be doing this time...
Can someone explain it again for those of us at the back of the class?

Write a story, based on the theme of Bad Romance, using as much flowery language, purple prose, bad metaphors and dodgy plot lines as you can. And still have something you can read at the end. Think of Mills & Boon mass market romance novels, written so badly they are good. The site mentioned in the op (bulwer-lytton) gives a good idea of what we are after, but circa 1500 words.

ToasterSparks

I've already submitted mine! I can't believe I'm finished so soon.

I guarantee that you will get at least four or five cringe moments in my story. Be prepared for some temple-rubbing and facepalming!

pickarooney

ToasterSparks wrote: »

I've already submitted mine! I can't believe I'm finished so soon.

I guarantee that you will get at least four or five cringe moments in my story. Be prepared for some temple-rubbing and facepalming!

Can't wait! I must try find some time next week to get a plot together.

ToasterSparks

Trust me, you'll regret the 5 minutes you wasted reading it immediately.

Oryx

ToasterSparks wrote: »

Trust me, you'll regret the 5 minutes you wasted reading it immediately.

Isnt that the whole idea??

ToasterSparks

Oryx wrote: »

Isnt that the whole idea??

Exactly. Yay for this month's VOAT topic!

Oryx

Mine is in. So I can stop thinking up horrible metaphors now.

pickarooney

That was quick! I just put down my first 50 words and am a bit stuck. There must be a story in there somewhere...

Blush_01

I don't think I'll be joining in this time, haven't even thought about it yet and am as lazy as sin at the moment.

Best of luck y'all!

ToasterSparks

pickarooney wrote:

That was quick! I just put down my first 50 words and am a bit stuck. There must be a story in there somewhere...

It's extremely hard to maintain a constant level of cringe throughout the whole story.

The best strategy is to stop caring what you're writing and just go with the first tripe you come up with, and stick in the couple of witty metaphors you think are funny (but really aren't!).

Aoibheann

Received some early entries, looking forward to the rest.

Keep 'em coming, guys!

pickarooney

The leads are so repugnant I can't get them together at all

ToasterSparks

pickarooney wrote: »

The leads are so repugnant I can't get them together at all

Haha. I'm thinking...

---

"I hate you!" she spat, her wonky front tooth protuding awkwardly from her mouth. "You disgust me!"

John picked an ornate, blue, handcrafted vase from the table (flowers intact) and flung it at her face. She ducked out of its way just in time, the murky water splashing everywhere.

"You f**ker!" she screamed, "These are my best pair of glow-in-the-dark pink pyjamas!"

John looked at her, her hair dripping wet, petals strewn across her face and cheap clothes. "Come here baby," he said, his eyebrow raised suggestively, and they fell into each others' arms.

---

Damnit! This is better than my story!

Oryx

pickarooney wrote: »

The leads are so repugnant I can't get them together at all

Helicopters and explosions help at all?

pickarooney

Oryx wrote: »

Helicopters and explosions help at all?

You know what...

/scribbles furiously

Ready!

ToasterSparks

Oh God, my imagination has been tainted by horrible metaphors and prose. All I can think of are comedic spoof short stories!

pickarooney

ToasterSparks wrote: »

Oh God, my imagination has been tainted by horrible metaphors and prose. All I can think of are comedic spoof short stories!

Write a book of them!

ToasterSparks

Seriously? Only 10 days since this competition started?

I want to read the submissions and I want to read them now! When I submit an early entry the time always seems to drag until the closing date.

pickarooney

I still haven't got a chance to write anything more than an opening paragraph.

Also Starring LeVar Burton

I've got nothing yet...

Mr E

Neither have I.

Aoibheann

Don't have many entries as yet, but there's still 9 days to go, so hoping to get a lot more in the meantime.

pickarooney

I decided not to open my To Do list this morning and wrote the whole thing in one go. Editing it seemed a bit like cheating

Now to do some work.

Aoibheann

Anyone I've received a submission from should now have a PM from me confirming I've received it - so if you don't have one and you should, please drop me a PM!

Thanks for all the submissions so far, this should be a fun competition.

Also Starring LeVar Burton

Bringing my A4 pad with me to work tonight and hopefully it'll be quiet enough that I can get a decent start on this story...

pickarooney

A decent start? Don't do that - you might end up with a readable story!

pickarooney

How many entries now Aoibheann?

Aoibheann

I was just going to bump this to remind people that the competition closes at midnight on July 31st, but thankfully you got there first!

I've still only got three entries, so guys if you're considering entering the competition, PLEASE do so. It's fun, you'll get feedback on your entries from the lovely regulars of Creative Writing and you might even win.. Although maybe the accolade of Best Bad Romance isn't that appealing. :P

Only a couple of days to go now!

pickarooney

Badger all the previous entrants by PM?

Also Starring LeVar Burton

If I do manage to get an entry in this month, it's gonna be a last minute job..

Aoibheann

pickarooney: It's tempting, although I'm worried I may come off a tad creepy.. :P

CaptainNegative: Ah g'wan, it'll be a laugh.

Also Starring LeVar Burton

Aoibheann wrote: »

CaptainNegative: Ah g'wan, it'll be a laugh.

I want to, but I'm a bit strapped for time these days, so it depends on if I can actually get an hour to sit down and write...

ToasterSparks

Anyone else get the feeling that the VOAT interest is waning? Private writer's group FTW!

Aoibheann

And another entry received! \o/ There's still 3 days including the 31st so there's loads of time left.

Mr E

I've still just written the intro and need to flesh it out into a story. Will give it some serious thought this evening.

Antilles

I always submit mine a few hours/minutes before the deadline.

Also Starring LeVar Burton

If someone sends me a PM early on Friday saying something along the lines of;

"Cop the f*ck on and write something for the Bad Romance competition!"

I'll probably get something in... I need the motivation... Shame the prize isn't a date - that'd convince me to get the ball rolling... :D joke