problem with bosses girlfriend

LegacyUser

i had a minor disagreement with my bosses girlfriend last fri and i thin im geting a disciplinary over it. basically on fri evening she came in to meet him, small office, he owns it, 12 of us work there. he was still in a meeting so she said all fine she'd wait for him and i was chatting to her keeping her company, she has really long hair and she had it done in pretty ghd curl type things i told her it was nice and asked her how she'd done it or had she got it done at a hairdresser and i touched it. she got a bit weird and then the boss came. he said to me today that she found it innappropriate that i touched her hair and so did he. he said i'd messed it up for her by squashing the curls and she or he didn't much care about the messing it up although she was a bit disappointed but she wasn't happy i had touched her and he found it unprofessional. he asked me for my comments of which i didn't have any i was so shocked and say he'll call me back in on mon to discuss further.

what are my rights here?

can i really be in trouble for a non work related incident?

how can someone get all snooty because i was complimenting her, she was sound before hand and then got weird. our company has been suffering lately and im worried i could be on the firing line now, any advice? thanks

looksee

First, there is every possibility that he was just showing off in front of his girlfriend and will not do anything on Monday.

If he does call you into a meeting, all you can say is 'I'm sorry I upset her by touching her hair, I had no intention of offending her and I didn't do any damage to it.' If he then goes on about it don't get involved in discussing the detail of it, try and stay completely calm and when he has finished, say 'I've said I am sorry, but it is not a work related matter and while I am willing to apologise to (the girlfriend), there is nothing else to discuss.

The whole thing is completely ridiculous, and if he has decided this will be a good way of reducing staff nothing you say will make any difference. You would be able to claim for unfair dismissal; he has to give you warnings as far as I know before he can just dismiss you.

Don't get into a row with him, you will only be giving him ammunition, say your piece and leave it at that. I doubt whether he will say anything though, I'd say it was all put on for the girlfriend.

looksee

looksee wrote: »

First, there is every possibility that he was just showing off in front of his girlfriend and will not do anything on Monday.

If he does call you into a meeting, all you can say is 'I'm sorry I upset her by touching her hair, I had no intention of offending her and I didn't do any damage to it.' If he then goes on about it don't get involved in discussing the detail of it, try and stay completely calm and when he has finished, say 'I've said I am sorry, but it is not a work related matter and while I am willing to apologise to (the girlfriend), there is nothing else to discuss.

The whole thing is completely ridiculous, and if he has decided this will be a good way of reducing staff nothing you say will make any difference. You would be able to claim for unfair dismissal; he has to give you warnings as far as I know before he can just dismiss you.

Don't get into a row with him, you will only be giving him ammunition, say your piece and leave it at that. I doubt whether he will say anything though, I'd say it was all put on for the girlfriend.

+1
Employers are really cutting the piss now. if you are there over 12 months then you have the right to file an unfair dismissal case against him if worse comes to worse. Even if you get off with a warning i would go to NERA and ask if you can look for constructive dismissal if possible because if he is being so anal over something as innocent and trivial as this then he is not worth working for imo.

LegacyUser

thanks for replies.

he said she didnt complain but she found it offensive that i touched her. shes one of those types that likes her personal space. she doesnt usually come into the office, most of the time she would wait in the cafe across the road. she is quite nice and a real charming sales sort but when i touched her hair and played with it she changed totally.

he also said that he found it unprofessional that i would touch people at random that i have no relationship with. after a deal last year i hugged a client goodbye, he told me then he found it unprofessional and it was not to happen again and he brought it up when we talked about it. his girlfriend wasnt around when we had the meeting, it wasnt even the same day so i dont think it was to show off.

ive been here 8 1/2 months

Nody

Deleted User wrote: »

+1
Employers are really cutting the piss now. if you are there over 12 months then you have the right to file an unfair dismissal case against him if worse comes to worse. Even if you get off with a warning i would go to NERA and ask if you can look for constructive dismissal if possible because if he is being so anal over something as innocent and trivial as this then he is not worth working for imo.

And he would counter it as (sexual) harrassment at work place most likely and since it is his gf she would most likely back it up as well (throw in some made up stuff and yea, good day and good bye).

MagicMarker

Touching her hair was kind of weird in fairness. Do you normally do that to people who come into the office?

Beruthiel

I would find it very odd if another person I just met, touched me in that manner.
They are making a big deal of it, but make no mistake, it was inappropriate.
Apologise and hope for the best.

dudara

I would have to say that touching her hair was highly inappropriate.

I presume that you didn't mean anything by it, but touching someone at work can be construed in many different ways.

I know that I would be very upset if someone touched me in such a manner in my work environment.

Lando Griffin

OP. Are you male or female? Does the girl you touched work in the business?

28064212

dudara wrote: »

I would have to say that touching her hair was highly inappropriate.

I presume that you didn't mean anything by it, but touching someone at work can be construed in many different ways.

I know that I would be very upset if someone touched me in such a manner in my work environment.

+1 . What you did was inappropriate, particularly in light of the fact that you had already received a warning about a similar incident. You don't have the right to decide what someone else gets to feel uncomfortable about, and invading someone's personal space is beyond reasonable boundaries

28064212

28064212 wrote: »

+1 . What you did was inappropriate, particularly in light of the fact that you had already received a warning about a similar incident. You don't have the right to decide what someone else gets to feel uncomfortable about, and invading someone's personal space is beyond reasonable boundaries

if the OP is a male then i can understand why the boss might be a little narky but surely when a girl admires another girls hair there is nothing sexual in it. she only wanted to feel the texture like any girl would do.

28064212

Deleted User wrote: »

if the OP is a male then i can understand why the boss might be a little narky but surely when a girl admires another girls hair there is nothing sexual in it. she only wanted to feel the texture like any girl would do.

Where did I mention sexuality (although it's entirely possible for it to be sexual, or for the recipient for it to feel sexual)? Lots of people are uncomfortable with being touched by strangers or people they don't know well, and it's very inappropriate to do it in a work situation, especially if they've already been warned before about it

Beruthiel

Deleted User wrote: »

but surely when a girl admires another girls hair there is nothing sexual in it.

You actually cannot be sure of that.

28064212

28064212 wrote: »

Where did I mention sexuality (although it's entirely possible for it to be sexual, or for the recipient for it to feel sexual)? Lots of people are uncomfortable with being touched by strangers or people they don't know well, and it's very inappropriate to do it in a work situation, especially if they've already been warned before about it

I dunno i just think both the boss and his girlfriend are way OTT but it is a lesson to the OP that they need to be very careful in future because unfortunately we live in a very PC world full of knobs!
To many playing this unwanted/sexual harrassment card while many genuine victims suffer on.

daveyboy_1ie

It all seems a bit of much ado about nothing. Learn the lesson on boundaries, apologise and move on. If you make more of a deal out of it about being non work related it does not look so good on your part.

28064212

Deleted User wrote: »

I dunno i just think both the boss and his girlfriend are way OTT but it is a lesson to the OP that they need to be very careful in future because unfortunately we live in a very PC world full of knobs!
To many playing this unwanted/sexual harrassment card while many genuine victims suffer on.

This has nothing to do with sexual harrassment or being PC FFS, it's about the OP's unprofessional behaviour. Hugging a client or touching people's hair is not professional. It's no different to the OP coming to work in a tracksuit or answering the phone with a curt 'What?'

looksee

We are getting a bit more information now, having been warned once about being in someones personal space (hugging a client) you say the touching was 'touching and playing with'. I hope nothing more comes of it, but you really do have to pay attention and act in a more professional manner.

Magenta

Hugging a client is very unprofessional, and touching a girl's hair when you know full well that she likes her personal space?!
Also, you say that you just touched her hair, but we have no idea what sort of body language you had. You could have been standing way too close to her, looking at her too intently- particularly if you are male, this would be way too much for her. You could have creeped her right out.

D.McC

OP, I’m sorry but your behaviour is completely unacceptable. It was un-professional and bordering on sexual harassment. :mad:

The fact that it was your employer’s girlfriend would mean they have more than a professional / business interest in taking disciplinary action against you.

OP, could you post an update on this situation.

tatli_lokma

a little advice? wrote: »

but when i touched her hair and played with it she changed totally.

this is the bit I would be concerned with. And as others have said, the context may mean that she felt uncomfortable - although it may have been intended in an off hand, non-threatening way, that may not have been how it seemed to her.
Touching someones hair, whilst a bit overly friendly, could be shrugged off with a brief apology...but playing with it??? thats a step too far for someone you are not friendly with, IMO.

looksee

This was already dealt with the middle of last month, either the OP has got the sack, or s/he's hanging in, but they haven't been back to tell us.

tinkerbell

That was weird you playing with her hair like that, that was just completely inappropriate. You don't just go around touching people's hair! I would be completely weirded out if someone that I didn't know did that to me (I have no problem with my friends touching my hair if they are admiring it) but anybody that I do not know, and just touches my hair - err that is just weird and I would be freaked out about it.

So seeing as this is nearly a month old, I wonder what happened the OP and if they got some lessons in learning the difference between appropriate and inappropriate behaviour ...

bbam

OP should by now be singing on after being let go... prob cannot afford internet connection..

This was totally inappropriate and easily deemed as sexual harrasment as would the hugging of a client... The sharp shock of unemployment would be a good lesson for them..

looksee

bbam wrote: »

OP should by now be singing on after being let go... prob cannot afford internet connection..

This was totally inappropriate and easily deemed as sexual harrasment as would the hugging of a client... The sharp shock of unemployment would be a good lesson for them..

Not being judgmental or anything...

furiousox

bbam wrote: »

OP should by now be singing on after being let go... prob cannot afford internet connection..
This was totally inappropriate and easily deemed as sexual harrasment as would the hugging of a client... The sharp shock of unemployment would be a good lesson for them..

Singing on what?
The X-Factor? :pac:

bbam

looksee wrote: »

Not being judgmental or anything...

This person can't keep their hands to themselves, in any workplace this is totally unacceptable... I've seen folks reamed by HR over alot less..