Friend has cancer

Wisco

Hi all-
A lclose friend of mine just undewent surgery for cancer and after getting her pathology results back has found out she'll need further surgery and chemo/radiotherapy.
I'm just on the lookout for anything I can do to help her- whether it be providing info for support groups or things that any cancer patients found helpful for them while they were undergoing treatment.
I really just don't know what to say to her, so any thoughts you all have would be gratefully appreciated.

CathyMoran

You do not say what type of cancer she has. I had oesophageal cancer but found that the cancer meeting places did not provide for people in the 20-40 age group. I foud that different friends were good for different things - one person I wanted blunt honesty, a lot hugs, sone just to cry with and some not to mention the elephant in the room. The Irish Cancer Society is the best that I found. Best wishes.

krankykitty

Hi OP,

My mother was recently diagnosed with cancer so I can identify with you wanting to help your friend.

I think possibly a good thing is to take your cues from your friend - if it seems she wants to talk about the cancer, allow her to do so and just listen - you don't (and can't!) change things for her but sometimes she may want to let off steam and have a good moan/cry. At other times she may want to be more "normal" and talk about other things.

As CathyMoran says, the Irish Cancer Society is a great source of information for both your friend and yourself. I certainly found them useful and the best thing about reading the information from a reputable site, you're getting the facts without the scaremongering. You will find out from the information there about what to expect. Although it can be frightening at first to read this information, it is also empowering to be aware of what to expect, and to know possible side effects of the treatment, and also some ways of overcoming them (which you could possibly help your friend with)

All the best and if I can help with information etc please let me know. You are a very good friend to your pal. Take care.

lonestargirl

Sorry to hear about your friend and best of luck to her during her treatment.

There are two different elements to the support you can give her emotional and practical.

In terms of the emotional angle you will have to take your lead from her. She may want to discuss the details or just a shoulder to cry on or she may want to keep your relationship as 'normal' as possible to remind her of life beyond cancer.

On the practical side. When she is having radiotherapy it will be daily for 5-7 weeks. Will have to stay in the hospital or does she live close enough to travel daily? Either way the treatment will take time and can also be quite physically draining. She may need practical support in terms of grocery shopping, school run etc.

Wisco

Thanks all for the advice.
I'll definitely check out the Irish Cancer website.

Cathy- interesting about the lack of support groups for 20-40 yr olds, and definitely relevant as she's in her 20s (colon cancer).

The advice about following her lead on what to talk about, etc, is good too.

Thanks again.

CathyMoran

I found that there was little care aimed for people of our age...everyone who was there was at their youngest in their 50's - while I have friends that age they have a different focus to us...you can go there but I felt left out. For me the issue of fertility was a huge one (though your friend may be different), they gave me an experimental treatment which helped and I have a son who is 15 weeks old tomorrow. If there is anything else that I can do to help please let me know.

domrush

congrats cathy

amiable

I just want to say to all you brave and courageous people helping your loved ones keep up the good work. I know its a very Difficult time but your love and effort you are putting in will be appreciated and help the people you care for. I wish i could help you more. Best wishes to all