i dont know what to do

LegacyUser

My mother is a fantastic woman. Unfortunately she suffers from the irish mammy sickness.

my brother is great and it breaks my heart seeing him unemployed. My mother is forever bailing him out giving him money and wont march him into the dole office. She now does not have any savings to help him and has asked me to give him a 'loan' so that he could go abroad for work.
I dont know what to think of this and what to do.

I am just about able to pay rent and bills myself and I have a small amount of savings from before and decided to keep it as a rainy day fund. Its not a huge amount of savings, less than 2500 and they want me to give a loan of 1200. I think if roles were reversed they wouldnt help me out to that degree. What if things were go downhill for me within the next few months? They may be concerned but wouldnt give a toss how i would manage paying rent and bills and food and would imagine them saying something like: though sh1t - i was the one who signed a lease - my problem if i cant pay it

Kevster

You have no obligation to provide this loan, and it is my opinion that you shouldn't if it will only result in a worse financial situation for yourself. Your mother/family need to wake up and realise that the dole is a good option when you have no job. If they are just worried about 'family reputation', then it is clear they have not realised yet that the economy is in a terrible state, and many well-respected people collect the dole.

Do'nt pay it. You have yuor own life and worries to think of. Money is there if he wants to take it, from the dole office.

Kevin

Ickle Magoo

Does he actually have a job abroad to go to?

I wouldn't be giving him any money either - if he's happy to leech off your mother rather than sign on then I don't see him as a very safe investment. If your mother wants to re-mortgage the house to pay his way then that's her look out, I would refuse to get involved with their madness.

LegacyUser

Eh, why won't he just sign on? He really should get over himself and do it...or does he feel it's below him?

VinnyTGM

Staw well away, keep your money to yourself, they might try and guilt you into giving it, or you might feel guilty yourself, but you earned that money yourself, if he needs money he can sign on.
Your brother sounds like a total waster.

sambuka41

Ah Irish mothers and their sons!! They really are something else aren't they!!

Dont give the money,if this was a friend asking this of you what would you say?? Its the typical GUILT that comes with families,you put up with crap that you would never take from a friend. I've refused help to my brother even when i could afford it because he will never learn to stand on his own if everyone bails him out.

Your mams reasons are her own and its very unfair of her to involve you. But i would say that she may not even realise that she favours him. As strange as it sounds and as obvious as it appears to you she may not know. For your own sake I would recommend saying it to her, it might be a wake up call for her,maybe not but at least you'll will have been honest about the situation.

Name the behaviour and tell her you will not facilitate it!

astra2000

This is a tough one do you believe that if your brother goes abroad he will look for work or will it be just a holiday at your expense? will ye end up falling out if you dont give him the money? You have to decide what your comfortable with what is to stop your brother from signing on and saving the money each week until he has enough should only take a couple of months if mam is covering all the bills. In future do not mention any savings you have put away say you have nothing. well done on been sensible and not having dipped into your savings for things for yourself.

mikemac

Why won't he sign on?

Sounds like a waster or at least someone with no drive.
Getting a job can be difficult and you have to get out and try, if he can't be bothered to even sign on then how is he going to manage in a foreign country?

petethebrick

WTF
Tell your mother and brother to fcuk off!!
Seriously - he's unemployed and just not bothering to claim the dole!!!!:

Why exactly? Tell hime to go on the fcuking dole and he'll have his 1200 after saving six weeks of it. Some people :rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:

Zen65

recession.is.crap wrote: »

My mother is a fantastic woman. Unfortunately she suffers from the irish mammy sickness.

Sounds like a lovely, typically Irish mother. But then this:

recession.is.crap wrote: »

I think if roles were reversed they wouldnt help me out to that degree. What if things were go downhill for me within the next few months? They may be concerned but wouldnt give a toss how i would manage paying rent and bills and food and would imagine them saying something like: though sh1t - i was the one who signed a lease - my problem if i cant pay it

It sounds to me like you may have the Irish-son-syndrome?

Anyway, this is an issue that anyone outside the family would find it hard to advise you on, certainly without knowing a lot more about the situation.

But remember only this, he is your brother.


Be at peace,


Z

jurgenscarl

Your brother should be marched down to dole office and he should be paying your mother every red cent of his dole to pay back what she has given him.

Fox McCloud

Dont for one second consider giving him the money, He is entitled to financial support from the state, why would he not take that?! Because its easier asking Mammy and Sister for the cash.

Its not the nicest thing in the world signing on but jesus he cant take money out of his families pockets just cause he doesnt like signing on. He's an adult, I'm guessing your mum never treated him like one so he's stayed in this infant state, it could be the best thing you ever do for him if you refuse the 'loan' and tell him to take some personal resposability and get down to the dole office. Its not like your loaded, you saved a small amount of back up money for you and he want half without considering you might seriously need it for any sort of emergency, he just sees you have money, he wants money.