Bad, mean parent

sc2114

Sorry, but you can't be the worst mother in the world, cos apparently I am. My son is 12 and has access to the computer. I have told him he can't have a facebook or Bebo page and he seems ok with that, which I guess I won't get away with for long. I think you were wrong to go into her page without her knowledge but I completely understand your reasoning. I also understand your trying to "broker a deal" with her if she wants access which I think is fair enough. I also think you should know her enough to gauge whether she would meet a stranger etc. I can see where your coming from re the cyber bullying, I worry alot about the mobile phone my son has and what contact/msgs he gets from so called friends, but I spot check it regularly and he knows that that is the rule of having a mobile. Your rules, your internet, your pc etc etc, but trust a little, it goes a long way.

Sharlovesjohn

As someone who was messaged a number of times on facebook by weirdos etc I can understand why you would worry I know I would,

As you said there has been 5 times in the past were you had to step in.

I dont think changing her password was a huge thing - as you said she can access it from a friends house
Its not like your going through her friends etc changing the information!

You laid down the rules and she didnt agree to it so you took away her right which also means she cant access from a friends house which is fair enough in my book

as you said she wont get it back till she agrees to the terms? then you have no problem with her having her password and just montioring it the way you have done before which is all you want to pretect her!

dan_d

Cathy, you are absolutely not a bad parent.
At the end of the day, you are the adult. She is not. Legally, physically, or mentally. Your methods may have been slightly unorthodox, but you were right in your reasons. However I would agree with what other posters say about invading privacy...absolutely keep an eye on what's going on, but don't go questioning every post, every text message and photo.

BostonB

There is no privacy on the internet.

Put nothing in email / text that you wouldn't want on the 9 O'Clock news.

vampire of kilmainham

i dont think kids should be allowed have computer access until they are 18.

CrazyRabbit

vampire of kilmainham wrote: »

i dont think kids should be allowed have computer access until they are 18.

Oh yeah...leaving them computer illiterate is reallly going to help them....

BostonB

Limited and controlled access is fine.

phasers

vampire of kilmainham wrote: »

i dont think kids should be allowed have computer access until they are 18.

And then when they get to college they are way behind their peers and struggle to write essays and conduct research.

And even worse if they decide they want to try and get a job right out of school! Good plan.

BigDuffman

I Don't agree with the breaking into her account. A 14 year old is entitled to her privacy. A lot of parents that did not grow up with face book do not understand that their internet a/c's can be as personal as a diary, letters or phone. It is the modern version of the aforementioned methods of communication...

If you feel the need that you have to control her "social" media. Fair enough cut her access to the internet. Do not invade her space as it will lead to her not communicating with you out of resentment. If there is something scaring her online she may not come to you for fear of your reaction. Your better off coming from an understanding and level headed approach as opposed to dealing with an irrational hormonal 14 year old who will just label you as "not understanding".


Of course there are weirdo's out there and the internet is a great medium for them to move about but then again so is the bus!

vampire of kilmainham wrote: »

i dont think kids should be allowed have computer access until they are 18.

Vamp. Your viewpoint does not seem to agree with your signature

BostonB

BigDuffman wrote: »

I Don't agree with the breaking into her account. A 14 year old is entitled to her privacy. A lot of parents that did not grow up with face book do not understand that their internet a/c's can be as personal as a diary, letters or phone. It is the modern version of the aforementioned methods of communication......

Good luck with that when someone who doesn't like her gets access to the account.

We have a training room with PC's at work and you wouldn't believe the stuff people leave logged in for other people to find. I'd say all shared PC's in classrooms are the same. Ditto on mobile phones. What happens if they lose their phone and someone else finds it.

shortstuff

Cathy you are by no means a bad parent, but in saying that I dont' agree with you hacking into her account and changing her password and going behind her back. It's bit like the expression of "do as i say, not as i do", kids learn by example and their primary examples in life are their primary care givers, namely their parents. Yes you should monitor her facebook account that goes with out saying. My ten year old son had been asking for one and i refused, that is until his aunt moved to oz and i dont' have skype so i let him have a facebook page in order to keep in contact with her. I do check his friend requests when ever he gets one and providing that either I or his dad know them they are accecpted. I dont' go through his msgs but do check who they are from. He also uses the chat function on facebook, mainly to talk to his dad which is great seein as he lives 30 miles away and it's not as if my son can just pop round to his dad whenever he wants.
AS for you opinion Vampire that kids shouldn't have internet access till they are 18, that's just rediclous especially seeing as it's now being taught as part of primary school level cirruilum, my 6 year old has computer classes. It's just not realistic, you can't protect kids from everything what you can do is make them aware of the possible consequence and learn to trust them to make the right decisions. (obviously not at the age of 6 thought lol)

BostonB

Even in a work scenerio, your computer can be checked and monitored. I think thats a better lesson to teach, than no computers, or unmonitored access. We need to teach children to be responsible with computers.