some days just crying when it hits me??

iwantopinion

Hi my dad passed away last dec exactly a year after he was first diagnosed with cancer. It was without a doubt the worst thing i have and am still going through. Its just that I find myself sometimes going a few days not thinking about him or thinking about him without welling up. but then its like a bolt that i can barely say his name or look at a picture without breaking down?? i am really feeling it now because im doing the whole "this time last year he was here, or we did this, etc.." i didnt live with him(i have my own children and family and he led a very active life ) so its not a case of missing him around my home every day. we would often go a few weeks without speaking due to our busy lives but i think its the realisation that i cant send that text or tell him something funny that we would both piss ourselves over that is really only hitting me now. im already dreading his one year anniversary as im afraid once that passes that our memories our going to be further in the past? in a sick way i want to stay in this time so he is not a memory, he is still here? i know im actually not even askin for advice i just felt i need to say how i really feel sometimes.
when will things start to feel better???

i know we all have our own reasons for posting on this forum and i for one think its a great outlet for ppl who want to just have a rant sometimes!
xxx

Dave_24irl

I can 100% relate. My situation is similar to yours although much more recent. Over the last two weeks I have had days where I am fine, think about my dad all the time and smile. And then out of nowhere as you said like a bolt out of the blue it hits me that he is actually gone. I don't have any advice, this is all pretty new to me too but hang in there. Time can't ever change what you both had.

2SWEET

My Dad's second anniversary is coming up in August and i still find it hard to believe he's gone. He passed away suddenly, had a massive heart attack, my mam and myself were with him and i will never forget those few minutes were there tried to revive him and failed. The saying that time heals is somewhat true but there is still days when i feels so angry at his passing, However i have gotten to the stage where i can talk about him sometimes without crying, remember happy times with him will actually make me smile now, my eldest son and daughter have been a great help to me, my son who's ten is finding it really hard but knowing i need to help him through it helps me,my daughter is 6 and has been without even knowing it a great help to us all, she constantly talks about him and somtimes even to him, she says he's a star now and everytime she see the first star she says there's grandad..... we know he's always watching over us! The saddest part of it all though i had another baby since his passing, knowing he will never meet my Dad hurts so much!

alwaysadub

Hey OP;
I think the 1st year is always the worst-going through things for the 1st time without your dad being there.
No one can tell you when things will get better i'm afraid-everyone is different.
I know it mightn't feel like it now-but time is a healer, things will get better. I think everyone,no matter how long their loved one is gone, always have days where it hits you out of the blue again.
Talk about him when you can, and you will keep your memories of him fresh. Plus it will help you with the grieving process too.
Hope this helps a bit.

Dude111

Im so sorry you lost your dad

I hope you can be happy again someday (He will always be with you)

barbiegirl

My Daddy died a year ago last June and just like you sometimes the crying just sneaks up on me. All we can do is think of the good memories. The past few weeks are harder, just found out I'm pregnant and as delighted as I am I do keep thinking that Daddy will never get to know this grandchild. He loved his grandchildren so much.

dan_d

OP, my granny died 4 years ago. I was very close to her. I still can't think about her without crying. I go along fine, then some days it kicks me in the gut...she won't be at my wedding, she didn't see our new house...so many things.

And one day last year, in the middle of a lot of misery, a sudden thought hit me out of nowhere "I can't wait to see her again, I'll have so much to tell her". It's weird. But I'm holding onto that thought. I'm not massively religious, I'm not subscribing it to any religious beliefs. I just am so looking forward to a time when I'll see her again.

Fittle

Hi iwantopinion, firstly, I'm really sorry for your loss.

I am somewhat further down the line than you in the grieving process - both my parents died over 16yrs ago now.

While it does get easier, you never forget so don't worry yourself too much about that. I remember being very concerned that I would forget the details of the funerals - I re-lived both funerals for probably a year after them. I remembered who came, I used to go through mass cards etc. But as time has moved on, I didn't need to keep those memories as close to my heart as I did then (although I still remember them!). I now think of all the good memories and I'd say, after about 3/4 years, I could finally speak about both of them without tears. Grief takes as long as it takes. My sadness came full circle when I had my own child, and was so sad that he would not know neither of his grandparents - but he knows all about them, and like another poster said, often says he 'knows' them and that he often dreams about his granny:)

You will get through the anniversary OP - we used to mark our parents anniversaries with a mass and we'd go for a beer after...we all talked about them alot. Not sure what your beliefs are, but stuff like that helped me too. Take care of yourself Op x

LegacyUser

Op.
About not remembering him, you can't.
Everything you will ever do will be coloured by the man your father was.
The things you do and the things you don't will always be affected by him.
Whether you're aware of it or not, you will never confront a problem without asking yourself "What would dad do"
Your father shaped you after all ;-)
I'm afraid he made a little bit of himself immortal the minute he brought you into the world...

Wear him well OP!


It gets easier btw, the first year is a sneaky though...

Daisies

OP, my cousin passed away 7 years ago and I still get those moments where I get choked up and cry uncontrollably. They are less frequent but it still happens when I hear certain songs, think about him, see a picture of him or am at home and see the clippings from the paper when he died.

I think it's a sign that the person had a HUGE influence on your life and you can't forget them.

iwantopinion

thanks for your replies it really does mean alot to know what im feeling is normal, and i know its hard for ppl to give advice when they too are grieving.

i havent been on this in a while im still having good days and bad days. i recently found out im pregnant again and i would give anything to just tell him my news . this part is so hard this is his first grandchild that he wont have known about, he adored his grandchildren.





i dont think kleenex will be goin out of business anytime soon!