Do you mind staying in alone on a saturday night?

LegacyUser

As the title says - do you mind staying in alone on a saturday night?

I feel so sad - all my friends are either away or not going out (either wedded bliss/cant afford it/spending time with their partner).

Feel like Ive no friends/life.

Am single (female) almost a year and a half and not even one sniff of a date.

I know I need to make new (single) friends - just dont know how to do it. Its hard to make new friends. Just feel really alone and lonely knowing Im here on my own again.

LegacyUser

Hi OP,

I just want you to know that you are not alone, I can identify with what you are going through.

As a result of travelling around so much my friends are spread out all over the place. Some are in relationships too, everyone seems to be settling down apart from muggins here. Although like I said I move around so much it is hard to form a relationship, I meet guys all the time but ultimately the distance becomes a serious issue.

I've moved to a new city recently, very recently and I'm going to have to make new friends, not easy in your late 20s But I refuse to let this get me down, I'm going to put myself out there and join clubs and hopefully through my new job I'll make good friends like I have done before. For now I don't mind sitting it Be positive OP, your life is what you make it, it's short so don't be sad

I know this is of no help to you or how you are feeling but know you are not alone!

What are of the country are you in? Who knows we may be in the same place

Dowdy20

I'm the same here now.

going cracked. don't what to do at all.

G-Money

Try not to worry about it too much.

I'm a single guy and I've been staying in most weekends recently. I occasionally do have the option of going out but at the moment, I'm not that interested. I'm trying to get fit and get thin and save money so staying in helps on all those scores.

I do get a bit fed up at times though. Almost all my friends are either engaged, married or have children whereas I seem to be terminally single. It can become depressing and frustrating, especially when everyone else seems to be off out riding rings around themselves but that's just the way it goes sometimes.

Anyway, I know this hasn't gave you much in the way of tips and advice. More just a "you're not the only one" message.

LighterGuy

Ah, my social life too has took a hit the last 6 months... for me, just tired of the two-facedness of my social circle.

I think its another testement in life to get yourself out there. Easier said than done sometimes. Friends seem to come and go. Alot can be useless. or just do their own thing. You know the old saying "when a guy gets a bird, never sees the mates" - but thats fair enough.

Alot of "friends" just use each other in this day in age. Only hanging out when it suits them. Thats why its best to expand your social circle. Dont rely on certain people.


Op, i know its a cliche answer but put yourself out there to meet new people.
Thats the one bad thing about being single. Your partner really adds alot to your life.

LegacyUser

At least I know Im not alone (unfortunately - I feel for all you guys/girls too) - know what you all mean.

I would have always thought that I had a good social life up until recently.

Am knocking around the house most satuday nights on my own (I live with my parents who are away alot - Ive no problem living at home) wondering what to do. Its just so lonely and frustrating sometimes. It would be nice to do something on a saturday night. Would give anything right now to be out and about having some fun. Keep looking at my phone hoping someone will ring but I know already that they are all busy. Havent spoken to anyone really since yesterday evening.

LegacyUser

How do you put yourself out there?

Am MAD mad to meet new people/do new things. The will is there but I dont know what to do. I am finished my masters in 1 month - something I need to concentrate on till then, but I feel so lonely and sad I cant even concentrate on that!!!

LegacyUser

at the moment im kinda glad to have some space. work is crazy and im doing a pretty intensive course so i guess i dont really have time for an other half etc...and any free time i like to just chill as my week is pretty intense. I see this as a short term issue though so Im not too upset by it.

Also Im pretty Indepedent and so i definetly like my space. I see some of my friends get lost in relationships and i definetly dont want to be like that. Id like to be in a relationship some day but now is not the right time. In the meantime im happy to watch from the sidelines and decide what i definetly dont want

fungun

well its saturday night, where are all of ye then? :P

LegacyUser

What do you mean by "where are you all then"?

Well Im still at home.

I dont mind not having a partner (am in my early 30s can fend for myself), but I love going out and having fun and meeting people. I havent been out in 2 weeks due to lack of friends- thats a long time for me. My friends have their own friends (as I do too - just not many of them) through work etc - they go on work nights out and things - we dont do that where I work.

Thinking about it now, my friend resource is pretty limited - even some of these as said above probably only see me as an acquaintance to go out with (even though I dont see them in this way).

I just want to go have some fun and conversation. The will is here (maybe half the battle) but the means aint.

Cullen82

Yeah that's s*%t alright,

Group of lads I used to hang around with through school and the years that followed have all disappeared in the past few years.....TBH it was painful to watch a few of them going under the thumb so early in life and there were many times I struggled to have anyone to go out with (while single)....leaving me exactly in your position and I hated every second of it so i genuinely feel sorry for you being down about it.

I eventually got fed up of this and started hanging out with a completely different group I met down the local a couple of years back and they're great for going out,keeping in touch etc. It might sound a little odd but I speak to at least one or two of them almost every day now (I wondered for years whether I was the only one that thought mates should keep in touch like this)......This all happened because I made it my business to get to know more people and become friends with those who were more deserving of my time.

It's not easy of course and I can't really give you any advice because in my case going down the pub was the only option I could think of when I was in that situation. Generally when the rare opportunity came to go down the local with one of my "old mates" or my brother I made a pretty big effort getting to know others that were also there. It eventually got to the point where I'd talk to some of the same people every weekend over a pint (comfortably) and then a little further down the road I'd be invited along to the likes of Gigs,a Match, Birthday party or something like that....Best mates with them all now.

I dunno whether there might be a few eyes rolling about what I've said because "I needed a pub/drink" to change my situation and I might sound like I'm encouraging this idea....But regardless I needed something to change, I did something & it worked.


OH and you see the way you're talking about being stuck at home on a Saturday night/not out? I'M STUCK IN WORK, Been here 2 hours and have another 10 to go :rolleyes:

I'll be your friend:p

LegacyUser

You should try sitting in on a saturday night with your 2yr old asleep since 7, so you can't even get out to buy milk, if you need it OP.
Sorry, but if I had no kid, I'd get myself out there. Even if friends weren't going out...I'd join a club...volunteer..I dont care, there are always people going out on a saturday night and as a single girl with no kids, there is no excuse why you're not out tonight.

Sorry if I sound harsh...but really, if I had the freedom you had, I'd be in the pub by now!

Bummed

Op here - said Id register as even the mods have a life and are not verifying anonymous threads on a sat night :P.

Thanks cullen and other posters - I know I need to get myself out there - I am not sure how - I really am not sure - but dont know how many more depressing saturday nights at home with the tv I can take.

I am ok being single - thats not what gets me down - its the fact that I love going out and having fun and meeting people etc but dont have the opportunity any more. I suppose people suit themselves. I feel Ive lots of good things going for me and am a nice kind person - just going through what I hope is a social funk at the moment.

Cullen82

Where abouts are you?

Here's an idea, Go to the next Boards night out. I was tempted to go along to the last one a couple of weekends ago for the craic but had something else on. From what I've heard it's a good night out and I'm sure there's plenty of members on here who are now good friends because of it.

Cullen82

Bummed wrote: »

Op here - said Id register as even the mods have a life and are not verifying anonymous threads on a sat night :P.

Thanks cullen and other posters - I know I need to get myself out there - I am not sure how - I really am not sure - but dont know how many more depressing saturday nights at home with the tv I can take.

I am ok being single - thats not what gets me down - its the fact that I love going out and having fun and meeting people etc but dont have the opportunity any more. I suppose people suit themselves. I feel Ive lots of good things going for me and am a nice kind person - just going through what I hope is a social funk at the moment.

By the way you're stuck with that username:D

LegacyUser

im in the same boat op. Dont mind being single but alot of my friends just want to spend time with their boyfriends. I just want to be more sociable, not even go out to find men but just go out and have a laugh. I plan on moving house in the next while as where i live isnt helping. Im feeling pretty positive about that as itl be good to inject some new people into my life. I have no issue moving in with strangers..in fact i think its necessary.

I have friends back home but unfortunetly we dont live in the same place now. Their in the same situation as me so i dont feel so bad, but i/they cant travel up and down every weekend. were mid 20s and its just hard to meet new people now...

Bummed

Ah ok am in the mid-west region. I imagine making friends is easier in bigger cities.

Bummed

unregistered wrote: »

You should try sitting in on a saturday night with your 2yr old asleep since 7, so you can't even get out to buy milk, if you need it OP.
Sorry, but if I had no kid, I'd get myself out there. Even if friends weren't going out...I'd join a club...volunteer..I dont care, there are always people going out on a saturday night and as a single girl with no kids, there is no excuse why you're not out tonight.

Sorry if I sound harsh...but really, if I had the freedom you had, I'd be in the pub by now!

This is what gets me.

You are totally right. Ive no ties etc and no reason (bar not wanting to go out on my own) to not go out. Ive every resource available to me to go out (money, freedom etc) but no one to do it with.

I work fulltime (no social nights or anything with this work crowd)
I study (online so no opportunity to meet fellow students)
Am in a gym (no one ever talks to anyone in there)

Where are these people????? Seriously - are there other people out there in my situation who want to make new friends? How do/did ye do it?

PirateGirl

i totally know what its like to feel lonely and wish for fun!!! id be up for hanging out:)

LegacyUser

OP your post is almost exactly like a thread I had going a couple of weeks ago! I too have drifted from former friends and finding new ones is a lot harder than I anticipated and so I find myself socialising exclusively with my OH (which can quite often be boring as he has mates he meets up with and they talk about football etc-yawn!-wheras I'm quite girly and would love someone to gossip about celebs etc with!) or just staying in. I usually say "ah, i just don't feel like going out this weekend" when in reality I would love to go out,it's just that I have no close enough friends to go out with and know I'd enjoy myself.
Maybe we should all get together. Those Boards nights out sound good, are they a regular thing or you organise it yourself or what? And are there different ones around the country? I'm in the South.

katie99

It is not easy for a girl to go out to the pub on her own any night of the week, let alone Saturday night. I sympathise with you all.
Unfortunately, 'friends' become acquaintenances once they get hitched. They forget about their friends until they need them.

I allowed myself be 'used' by supposed friends who were in relationships. You know, if the guy was away for a weekend or away during the week on business I would receive a phone call from his other half asking me if I fancied meeting up.

I obliged all the time. But when I would contact her to go out she always had something else to do and was never available. So I copped on and dropped her as a friend. When she texted or called me I didn't reply. This went on for 6 months.

Eventually she called to my house worried that she hadn't heard from me. I told her why I hadn't called her or returned her texts and phone calls and she was shocked. She tried in vain to defend her position.

I told her if she couldn't make an effort to meet up a couple of times a month then she wasn't worth it as a friend. She cried like a kid. Again tried to defend herself. So many things to do. BF to look after etc.

I told her I was leaving it up to her. She never did call.

I joined a sailing club, tennis club. Learned to sail and I now 'crew' every weekend from May to Sept. I've met a new group of people. Lovely, good craic. I've been asked on dates by guys in the sailing club.

I sailed to France last summer as my holidays. This year five of us from the sailing club are going to Africa for two weeks.

All my other friends who are in relationships envy my new found social life. They try patronising me by telling me how lucky I am. I won't have any of that crap from them and I tell them they weren't there for me when I needed them.

So you do have to make an effort to make new friends, join clubs etc.
But remember once you cross that rubicon you won't look back and it will be your old friends that will loose out in the long term.

I've now moved on. I don't call any of my ex friends unless they call me.
Yes they have babies now and are settled. I am still single, but would like to meet up with a nice guy. However, I'm in no hurry and I am now embarking on a new social life that excludes my friends.

Cullen82

katie99 wrote: »

I joined a sailing club, tennis club. Learned to sail and I now 'crew' every weekend from May to Sept. I've met a new group of people. Lovely, good craic. I've been asked on dates by guys in the sailing club.

I sailed to France last summer as my holidays. This year five of us from the sailing club are going to Africa for two weeks.

Hi Katie, Fair play - Do you mind if I pm you? I'm looking into sailing at the minute myself

[-0-]

I've made some new friends recently for the reasons you state. I made it a new years resolution to be more outgoing and it's worked a treat. I was out one night with the lads, who I've been friends with for over 15 years and I got talking to another group of people. I ended up back at a house party with them and it just went from there. Was introduced to loads of people there and we've met up a few times and partied since.

It'll happen, just don't rush it or force it. Be yourself, be natural and relaxed and happy. When you've a positive outlook on life you'll find that people want to be around you more and more.

Sanjuro

I occassionally sit in on a Saturday night. Sometimes it's voluntary. Sometimes it's because my friends are all off doing other things, and I've nothing to do. Sure, sometimes it's lonely. Sometimes you feel like you're the only person in the world who is alone and you feel a bit of a saddo. But then, that's the nature of that lonliness. It's natural to feel that way. But it's just a case of over-thinking. It's not sad at all. If you can be happy in your own company, then you're doing a lot better than somebody who goes out just to escape being alone. And remember this oxymoron- you're not alone when sometimes you feel alone!

katie99

Cullen82 wrote: »

Hi Katie, Fair play - Do you mind if I pm you? I'm looking into sailing at the minute myself

No not at all. Feel free.