Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie

best scumbag story

Options
2456789

Comments

  • Options
    #32
    DonJose
    Registered Users Posts: 3,470 ✭✭✭DonJose


    sue delahunty wrote: »
    Conversation between two 'lovely girls' I overheard while waiting for a lift a couple of weeks back:

    Knacker A : So is John the father then?

    Knacker B: Think so, can't really remember, but he wants a DNA test once it's born.

    Knacker A : ****e, what if he's not?

    Knacker B: Then I havent a ****in clue who it is.

    Knacker A: Ah well, at least John is a sound fella, Im tryin to guess which one of the lads my wee one looks like. She might be a mixture of a few of them, could that happen?

    Knacker B: Dunno, suppose it could, hey then you could get maintenance of all of them, get her tested quick! That young one might be a proper wee goldmine!!

    Had to walk away sniggering at this point, feel so sorry for the babies :)

    Stop making up stories, we all know that knackers only ride their cousins and they all have 2 first names :)


  • Options
    #33
    antodeco
    Registered Users, Subscribers Posts: 13,487 ✭✭✭✭antodeco


    Superbus wrote: »
    Once upon a time there was a boy named Anto. Anto was a scumbag who lived in a far away place called the Inner City. One day when Anto was walking down the road another scumbag called Deco saw him, and went to say Hello. Anto, however, did not like Deco, and he turned around and started to run away from him. Deco started running too, because he really wanted to say Hello. Anto was slow, because he put things in his body that weren't meant to be there, and Deco was very fast, so it was only a matter of time before Deco had caught up with him.

    "Bang! Bang!", said the gun. Anto fell down, and started bleeding. Deco ran away, with a scared face. The police arrived, and an ambulance, and all their sirens were very loud. An old woman in her nightdress opened her front door to complain, but when she saw Anto on the ground she closed it again. The ambulance brought Anto to hospital, but he never woke up.
    The End.

    Leave me out of it!


  • Options
    #34
    Craptacular
    Registered Users Posts: 215 ✭✭Craptacular


    Walking down Abbey Street near the Abbey theatre. A van parked up on the footpath outside the Flowing Tide is in the process of being clamped. Two junkie scumbags standing at the Luas stop drinking out of their tinnies watching the clampers when one says "Jayzis, ya can't even do a bleedin' day's work".

    Same spot, different day. Young junkie hanging out with the other walking dead notices the puppy he has on a string licking something off the footpath. He lifts the pup up, slaps his hand on the wet patch on the footpath, sniffs his hand and then licks it to see if he can figure out what the dog was drinking.


  • Options
    #35
    sean corcoran
    Registered Users Posts: 653 ✭✭✭sean corcoran


    this time last year 2 nackers tried to rob a group of tourists in front of the gpo where there are 4 gardai standing 24 hours a day, i know i laughed


  • Options
    #36
    Rick Deckard
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,181 ✭✭✭Rick Deckard


    El Weirdo wrote: »
    Never heard that one before...

    well, not this week anyway.. last i heard she was from sligo.


  • Advertisement
  • Options
    #37
    El Weirdo
    Registered Users Posts: 11,647 ✭✭✭✭El Weirdo


    peatcass wrote: »
    well, not this week anyway.. last i heard she was from sligo.
    Yep. Me too. Heard it about 15 years ago the first time. She must've relocated during the Tiger years.


  • Options
    #38
    orourkeda
    Closed Accounts Posts: 17,918 ✭✭✭✭orourkeda


    easyeason3 wrote: »
    'If he rode your hole you can't be pregnant'

    I wish I was making this up but heard it in Limerick walking past boots.

    Up the gicker no babies. Tried and tested.


  • Options
    #39
    Rick Deckard
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,181 ✭✭✭Rick Deckard


    up the bum, no harm done,
    up the gicker, nothing quicker..


  • Options
    #40
    AckwelFoley
    Registered Users Posts: 12,556 ✭✭✭✭AckwelFoley


    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-oZTW30fAQY


  • Options
    #41
    Rick Deckard
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,181 ✭✭✭Rick Deckard


    back on topic,

    once worked with an absolute scumbag.. but didn't have a scumbag accent/look..
    we got pally, and after a few drinks he told me this was his first job out of prison for stabbing the guy who raped his sister.

    no one said the stories had to be funny.


  • Advertisement
  • Options
    #42
    AckwelFoley
    Registered Users Posts: 12,556 ✭✭✭✭AckwelFoley


    peatcass wrote: »
    back on topic,

    once worked with an absolute scumbag.. but didn't have a scumbag accent/look..
    we got pally, and after a few drinks he told me this was his first job out of prison for stabbing the guy who raped his sister.

    no one said the stories had to be funny.

    Hes not a scumbag.

    Fair play to him

    Id do the same


  • Options
    #43
    Rick Deckard
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,181 ✭✭✭Rick Deckard


    snyper wrote: »
    Hes not a scumbag.

    Fair play to him

    Id do the same

    do the same myself, it wasn't the stabbing that made him a knacker..
    just a weird story that seemed to fit in here..


  • Options
    #44
    Paddysnapper
    Registered Users Posts: 227 ✭✭Paddysnapper


    About a year ago two women in a shop in Limerick having a big row. One says to the other "Will you stop pushing me. I'm 12 months pregnant" The shop assistant and myself just fell about laughing:D


  • Options
    #45
    AckwelFoley
    Registered Users Posts: 12,556 ✭✭✭✭AckwelFoley


    Paddysnapper wrote: »
    About a year ago two women in a shop in Limerick having a big row. One says to the other "Will you stop pushing me. I'm 12 months pregnant" The shop assistant and myself just fell about laughing:D

    Did she look like an elephant.

    Maybe she rode one :D


  • Options
    #46
    Paddysnapper
    Registered Users Posts: 227 ✭✭Paddysnapper


    snyper wrote: »
    Did she look like an elephant.

    Maybe she rode one :D
    :eek: Wouldn't suprise me:confused:


  • Options
    #47
    Rick Deckard
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,181 ✭✭✭Rick Deckard


    snyper wrote: »
    Hes not a scumbag.

    Fair play to him

    Id do the same

    one stabbing story does not a scumbag make..

    lying to the council, saying he didn't live/support his family, they were living in social welfare housing, he wanted to move out of the area as he had fallen out with all the neighbours. The wife asked, and the council said no, she'd have to wait, so he burnt it down, and blamed his son on knocking a chippan off the cooker. the investigators said that wasn't the cause of the fire, so he changed his story to someone had broken in and set the place on fire. the guards said there was no sign of a forced entry..

    he got one of the girls we worked with pregnant while his wife and mother of his 6 children was in hospital having a mastectomy.


  • Options
    #48
    General Zod
    Registered Users Posts: 2,661 ✭✭✭General Zod


    Abrasax wrote: »
    You spat in the guys face?

    Who's the scumbag in this story?


    http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showpost.php?p=66970508&postcount=18

    Catch a grip.


    And then drove off so he wouldn't have to deal with the consequences.


  • Options
    #49
    AckwelFoley
    Registered Users Posts: 12,556 ✭✭✭✭AckwelFoley


    I know of a woman, dont know her personally, but she fell riding in the shower... few weeks later apparently it was in work that she fell and hurt herself.

    Shes putting in a claim against her employer :mad:


  • Options
    #50
    Leeg17
    Closed Accounts Posts: 14,127 ✭✭✭✭Leeg17


    Does anyone have the link to a vid posted on Boards, I think in Cool Videos, about two scumbags fighting on the street with prams and stuff


  • Options
    #51
    El Weirdo
    Registered Users Posts: 11,647 ✭✭✭✭El Weirdo


    Leeg17 wrote: »
    Does anyone have the link to a vid posted on Boards, I think in Cool Videos, about two scumbags fighting on the street with prams and stuff
    Erm... It's already been posted in this thread...


  • Advertisement
  • Options
    #52
    wobzilla1
    Registered Users Posts: 437 ✭✭wobzilla1


    peatcass wrote: »
    back on topic,

    once worked with an absolute scumbag.. but didn't have a scumbag accent/look..
    we got pally, and after a few drinks he told me this was his first job out of prison for stabbing the guy who raped his sister.

    no one said the stories had to be funny.

    A few years back, Some little scummer started working in the supermarket where I worked. I found out from my da that he was actually on some sort of back to work scheme and had just been released from trinity house (my da worked there). Anyway he didn't last very long in the shop and ended up back in trinity house.
    Then about 2 years ago, I found out that he had stolen a car in Limerick and crashed it. I lolled when I heard he was dead


  • Options
    #53
    Jumpy
    Registered Users Posts: 7,606 ✭✭✭Jumpy


    Paddysnapper wrote: »
    About a year ago two women in a shop in Limerick having a big row. One says to the other "Will you stop pushing me. I'm 12 months pregnant" The shop assistant and myself just fell about laughing:D
    Jackie Chan was born Chan Kong-Sang (meaning Born In Hong Kong) on the 7th of April, 1954, naturally enough in Hong Kong. He was the only child of Charles and Lee-Lee Chan, having, reports say, spent 12 months in the womb, finally being removed surgically and weighing 12 pounds (his mum nicknamed him Pao-Pao, meaning Cannonball).

    *crane style*


  • Options
    #54
    Abrasax
    Closed Accounts Posts: 977 ✭✭✭Abrasax


    snyper wrote: »
    I know of a woman, dont know her personally, but she fell riding in the shower...

    How did she get the horse in to the shower?

    :confused:


  • Options
    #55
    pebbles21
    Registered Users Posts: 1,817 ✭✭✭pebbles21


    wobzilla1 wrote: »
    I lolled when I heard he was dead

    Nice :rolleyes:


  • Options
    #56
    GizAGoOfYerGee
    Closed Accounts Posts: 355 ✭✭GizAGoOfYerGee


    One from liimy.



    About 10 years, I was on the 77 bus going back home from work one night. The bus was empty bar a couple of scumbags up the back, me around halfway down and one or two other people dotted around.


    I heard one of the scumbags talking about how he was dying for a shiite and how he was just going to do one on the bus. I thought he was joking, but then about 5 minutes later, I heard them giggling about something.



    The other guy said “It’s only a small one, but it’s the thought that counts”. I thought they were maybe joking, until the smell of shiite drifted down to me. Then he started talking about wiping his arse on the edge of the seat.


  • Options
    #57
    Fintomiginto
    Registered Users Posts: 426 ✭✭Fintomiginto


    Abrasax wrote: »
    How did she get the horse in to the shower?

    :confused:


    Through the door


  • Options
    #58
    Thomas828
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,492 ✭✭✭Thomas828


    General Zod wrote: »
    This never happened. Stop making After Hours a house of lies.

    +1 The place for that is the Sunday World.


  • Options
    #59
    mikemac
    Closed Accounts Posts: 19,986 ✭✭✭✭mikemac


    Doom wrote: »
    Heard another one from a guy in Ennis who happened to pull in a real native Limerick girl one night, he was getting into the foreplay with this lovely girl, she tells him' I don't want any of that funny stuff, just lob it into me, Boss':eek:

    I've heard the story countless times, for any county.


  • Options
    #60
    Tar.Aldarion
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,092 Mod ✭✭✭✭Tar.Aldarion


    involves scumbag girls throwing a sheet of glass at my crotch and getting shot in the face with a pellet gun for their troubles, too lazy to type rest :p


  • Advertisement
  • Options
    #61
    Micky Dolenz
    Registered Users Posts: 44,080 ✭✭✭✭Micky Dolenz


    Tar.Aldarion wrote: »
    involves scumbag girls throwing a sheet of glass at my crotch and getting shot in the face with a pellet gun for their troubles, too lazy to type rest :p


    I've looked up "pellet gun" on the urban dictionary, :pac:


Advertisement