I'm a young male who is just sick of his life!

LegacyUser

HI!
I am a 20 yer old male. During my school years I was badly bullied. I mean very badly bullied. Then I was raped by a cousin. He said that if I ever tell antbody tht he would kill me. I got so low that I tried to kill myself. I still remember that night. I didn't go to hospital or anything. I just passed out for nearly 12 hours. I did my leaving cert and it didn't go the best. During 6th year I did nothing. My head was just so messed up. I was just so sad. I could do nothing. I went to collage and I did a crap course. In collage I just started drinking, I couldn't stop. It made the pain go away. I droped out of collage in March and my parents don't know yet. I am not really drinking now because I'm at home. I don't have any friends I lost my friends during secondary school because of the bullying. When I was raped it made me afraid of people. I really trusted him and he took advantage of me. I have never being in a relationship with anybody. The tought of anybody touching me freaks me out!
Any advice?

Nevyn

You need to get professional help and it is out there.


http://www.rcni.ie/male-survivors.aspx

Male Survivors


Male survivors often feel alone because there is little talk or understanding of the sexual abuse of boys and, particularly, of the sexual assault of adult men.

Those who sexually abuse boys or men are generally male, but can also be female. All Rape Crisis Centres support orand offer counselling to male survivors or refer them to the appropriate local service. In many Rape Crisis Centres, male counsellors are available for face-to-face counselling if this is what you would prefer. Find a RCC.

What are the long-term effects of abuse?

The long-term effects of sexual abuse are similar to what people who have suffered severe trauma will experience. This may include: low self-esteem, depression, anxiety, difficulties with relationships and sexuality, confusion about sexual orientation, underachievement, aggression, passivity, addictions, social and emotional withdrawal, obsessions, breakdown, suicide, abuse of others and self-harm. More about trauma.

In our experience, talking to someone can help. More about counselling.

Abuse can present many difficulties for men:
Employment and unemployment
You may experience difficulties at work or find it hard to get or keep a job. You may have difficulty with authority figures as a result of the abuse of power between you and your abuser. You may not feel able to relate to others in your workplace and this may cause difficulties for you.

Substance abuse and addictions
You may turn to alcohol or drugs or work exceptionally long hours to escape from the hurt. These addictions can lead to problems at home or at work and may result in the loss of your job, your career being stalled, or the breakdown of your relationships.

Anger management
Culturally, men can feel uncomfortable expressing emotions like shame, vulnerability, sadness, fear and guilt. These are the main emotions that men feel after sexual abuse but anger is often used to express or hide these emotions.

Sexual confusion
When you were sexually abused, you may have felt aroused. This is a normal physical response to attention or affection, even when it happens in the context of abuse. This may lead to a lot of confusion for you about your own sexual identity or sexual orientation. Abusers often manipulate feelings of doubt or shame, leading to confusion around sexual orientation. Any anxiety you may feel around masculinity and sexuality may be increased by the stereotype that 'real men' don't get abused, especially if the sexual violence happened to you as an adult. Also, the desire for emotional fulfilment may have been met at some level in the abuse. Afterwards, sex may be seen as one way to satisfy that need for emotional fulfilment.

there are centres all over the country, contact your local one and get help
http://www.rcni.ie/rape-crisis-centres.aspx

http://www.rcni.ie/more-about-counselling.aspx

More about Counselling

What can I expect from counselling?
Counselling gives you time and space to explore your feelings. Our aim in counselling is to help you to reach your full potential, so that your experience of sexual violence no longer controls or overwhelms your life, behaviour and choices.

The counsellor is a professional so you do not need to protect her or him from the intensity of your feelings or the details of your trauma, as you might feel you need to do with the family members or friends you confide in.

You can see a counsellor in a Rape Crisis Centre even if you do not report to the police or go for a medical examination. It does not matter how long ago the assault happened.


How long will I be in counselling?

The pace of healing is very individual. It is affected by such things as the duration and intensity of the sexual violence, your relationship to the person who assaulted you, previous traumatic experiences and the degree of support you have outside of the counselling setting. You may be with us for six sessions or 60. People often begin with weekly sessions and then spread out the time between sessions as they become better able to manage on their own.

Will I see the same counsellor all the time?

Yes. The first time you come to the Rape Crisis Centre, a counsellor will explain how we work. After that introductory session, the counsellor assigned to you will contact you and work with you for as long as you need.

Is there any help for my partner, family or friends who may be upset about what I have told them?

Learning that someone you care for has experienced sexual violence can be quite a shock and may leave a supporter feeling helpless. We have a counsellor who can talk through this with them either on the helpline or face to face. To find out more, go to: Supporting survivors of sexual violence. If your supporter is in contact with the same centre as you, we will not give them any information about your progress or case. We will fully respect your confidentiality.

Will counselling help me to forget?

What counselling hopes to achieve is that the event becomes something which no longer takes over or controls your day-to-day life. Forgetting sexual violence is not a realistic or even desirable goal of counselling.
You may find that, in the course of counselling, you begin to develop positive aspects of yourself that have lain hidden or under-developed. Counselling will help you to understand that what you are experiencing is a normal reaction to an abnormal event. This does not in any way minimise the range and intensity of your feelings but reaffirms your normality in the context of what has happened to you.

St._Andalou

I agree that professional counselling would help.

You're young, so it's not too late to do what you want. You could re-sit your leaving cert. Or you could spend one or two years doing what you're passionate about, then apply as a mature student.

Are you close to your parents? Could you talk to them?

Kingpin187

1st, seek professional help... and ive not been in the situation so I cant imagine how hard it is etc, but the rape must be reported.

dory

You should definitely report your cousin.

But for now, just worry about yourself. Dropping out of college isn't the worst thing in the world, I did it and I'm now getting on fine (I went back when I was ready). And it's a blessing in disguise if it's made you stop drinking.

You need to speak to a professional, I hope you get the help you need.

oil painting

20yearoldman wrote: »

HI!
I am a 20 yer old male. During my school years I was badly bullied. I mean very badly bullied. Then I was raped by a cousin. He said that if I ever tell antbody tht he would kill me. I got so low that I tried to kill myself. I still remember that night. I didn't go to hospital or anything. I just passed out for nearly 12 hours. I did my leaving cert and it didn't go the best. During 6th year I did nothing. My head was just so messed up. I was just so sad. I could do nothing. I went to collage and I did a crap course. In collage I just started drinking, I couldn't stop. It made the pain go away. I droped out of collage in March and my parents don't know yet. I am not really drinking now because I'm at home. I don't have any friends I lost my friends during secondary school because of the bullying. When I was raped it made me afraid of people. I really trusted him and he took advantage of me. I have never being in a relationship with anybody. The tought of anybody touching me freaks me out!
Any advice?

Hi OP, Jeeze that is a lot to have to cope with my heart goes out to you should be really proud of yourself for getting through it all, and no wonder college was so tough going when you have all this emotion going on inside, the fact that you could get up and go is an achievement in itself, really you need to start putting yourself first now and fight for your life back, the best vengeance on an abuser is to have a good life! Is there any way you could tell your parents or someone you trust and start building a support network around you where you can work on the trauma you have suffered- the fear this must have caused you must be emense.

i know from experience what its like i failed my junior cert and leaving cert i was numb inside going to school everyday as my home life was so bad, i was beaten a lot and my dad was sexually abusive, i was then left on my own when i was 18 and life was just the pits, i fell into a depression, i went to therapy and started to build myself back up and did some courses and over time i got into college- now i have a degree and life has turned around for me you can turn your past into a positive thing it can become a strength dont believe you are damaged goods cause your not! Everything i went through has made me who i am today, easy to say now after 10 years but you have to start seeing yourself in a positive light to grow stronger as the hurt and emotional turmoil festers and creates negative energy in your body.

If you go to the therapy somewhere you are comfortable and work through the effects of the abuse then you can understand yourself and not let it control you anymore, you deserve to have a good life you have many strengths in you which helped you survive your past now use that to create your future, you will be amazed how much you can release through the therapy if you go now you will save yourself a destructive path with the drink and when you feel better you will be able to trust again and attract a relationship, for now just be your own best friend do what you can to feel good and try make some decisions about some support for you in the future.

NAMASTE my friend xoxo

LegacyUser

The original poster here.
Thanks for the advice. Idon't think I would be believed if I told my parents.My cousin is a very well respected guy. He got 600 points in his leaving cert and he has an excellent job. I wouldn't be believed over him.
I am also wondering if I ever decided to get therapy. How much would it cost. I can't afford it. I am really upset now. I can't cope. I still remember it so well. I remember his aftershave. When ever I get that smell now. I have flash backs. It scares me. I feel that I will never be able to be in a relationship because I'm afraid of anybody touching me.

steddyeddy

20yearoldman wrote: »

The original poster here.
Thanks for the advice. Idon't think I would be believed if I told my parents.My cousin is a very well respected guy. He got 600 points in his leaving cert and he has an excellent job. I wouldn't be believed over him.
I am also wondering if I ever decided to get therapy. How much would it cost. I can't afford it. I am really upset now. I can't cope. I still remember it so well. I remember his aftershave. When ever I get that smell now. I have flash backs. It scares me. I feel that I will never be able to be in a relationship because I'm afraid of anybody touching me.

i know therapy is free for victims of abuse like the avoca counsoling service depending on the age you were when the incident happend (they could facilitate you but either way it couldnt hurt to call)

oil painting

20yearoldman wrote: »

The original poster here.
Thanks for the advice. Idon't think I would be believed if I told my parents.My cousin is a very well respected guy. He got 600 points in his leaving cert and he has an excellent job. I wouldn't be believed over him.
I am also wondering if I ever decided to get therapy. How much would it cost. I can't afford it. I am really upset now. I can't cope. I still remember it so well. I remember his aftershave. When ever I get that smell now. I have flash backs. It scares me. I feel that I will never be able to be in a relationship because I'm afraid of anybody touching me.

Hi Op! I know! i hate that about the aftershave smell i get that too..... and makes my skin crawl, i used to freak out because i had my dads blood in my veins, but its normal to feel like this and scary too, you defo need to do something because your emotions need attention it caused me a lot of panic and anxiety cause i felt so trapped, i got to a point where i had to choose my truth or let the silence continue, it will be hard to confront but it is harder to keep it repressed, is there anyone in your family who would believe you or that you can confide in, do you think he did it to anyone else? Someone else might know within your family? if you dont want to tell anyone yet go to the therapy and express it there and get the support and advice from there..... There is a lot of free therapy available what area do you live in eg Dublin... dublin north, i went to a group therapy in Clontarf for Sexual abuse survivors the place was called Laragh and it was free there are a lot of places like that around. I know its a scary time but you seem to really need some support.

Blackdrag

Dude get help mate.

Oh and BRAVO for comming on here to seek help/advice and letting it out.
You have a long way to go but even talking about it on here is one step closer to getting back what that f**k stole from you.


Good luck mate