Friend Problem, Wanted No Contact

LegacyUser

Hi,

I'm a 20 year old guy who keeps doing bad things all the times to friends. I fell out with a friend of mine in April because of stupid drunken mistakes. I really regret these drunken mistakes and have moved on from how immature I behaved. I did nothing particularly terrible, but I was annoying and said and did stupid things to my friends when drunk.

One of my friends told me that he didn't want to speak to me for summer, and I respect that, he wanted some space. I'm worried that I won't be contacted after summer is over. I've gone out of my way to -change my ways- and I think I have, but have I left it too late?? Has the damage been done?

I don't mean any harm whatsoever to my friends, in fact, I love socializing with my friends but every now and again, I do or say something stupid and they question whether they want to know me or not. Should I contact this friend in September, or let them contact me...I just want to move on and be a good friend. I hate it when I cause distress to my friends.

Apparently he told one of my other friends that he may not contact me anymore in September but told her I was a good friend. The last time we spoke, he also said I was a good friend. I don't know what to think now...has he lied because he knew I would take it badly that he didn't want to know me anymore. I just would like to sort it out really.

Confused. I know that if I become friends again in the future with him and my other friends, I would never make these mistakes again. What do you think?

L

Nevyn

Being human means we all make mistakes.
But if you are doing things under the influence of alchol which you regeret later you should look at your drinking patterns.


If your friend needs space give it to them, hopefully they will come around in the mean time live your life being the person you want to be and learn from your mistakes.

LegacyUser

Thanks Thaedydal for that.
Yeah, as humans we all make mistakes. My drinking patterns at the time were compounded with exams which I was getting stressed over. So when I got drunk and stressed, I took this out on all my friends emailing them and texting/calling. I don't think I can continue doing that so I've decided to curb my drinking habits. Not necessarily stop, but to control myself. This way, I can be a better friend without annoying them.

I just want things back to normal. I want them to know that I'm a good friend and not an annoyingly drunk one.

Denerick

Very strange friendships you have there.

If any mate told me they didn't want to speak to me for the summer I'm pretty sure I wouldn't consider them 'mates' any more.

Are you sure there isn't more to this?

LegacyUser

Hi Denerick,

I wouldn't consider it strange, because it happened before the summer before and we spoke then after summer. But this time is the second time, so I'm a little worried.

Not just about this friend, but other friends too whom I annoyed while drunk...
I've changed, I know I have...

Agent J

Sometimes people need space. If they ask for it then respect it and just wait it out. If by the end of septemeber you havent heard anything then just shoot them a friendly/causal message and put the firmly ball in their court. If you dont hear back then thats life i am afraid. You can't force someone to talk to you. If you try to force the situation sooner the more likely you are to drive them away permanetly.

Do not put any stock in hearsay. You'll just drive yourself nuts.

Zen65

joecoughlan wrote: »

My drinking patterns at the time were compounded with exams which I was getting stressed over. So when I got drunk and stressed, I took this out on all my friends emailing them and texting/calling. I don't think I can continue doing that so I've decided to curb my drinking habits. Not necessarily stop, but to control myself. This way, I can be a better friend without annoying them.

It seems to me that if more than one friend has been affected by your drinking then perhaps you just may not have reached the point in your life where you can handle drink responsibly. I would strongly advise you to give it up completely for 6 months, then see how things stand.

Be at peace,

Z

PirateShampoo

I think you need new friends who have the mentality greater than that of a 6 year old.

LegacyUser

Thanks for all the responses here.

To the last poster, I wouldn't consider them childish for their behavior, I think the problem was me really. But yeah, giving up the alcohol is a good idea, think I might try it for a while, I'm already 5 weeks off it, so I'll keep it up.

I hope things work out with all 3 of them really.

PirateShampoo

Maybe you should talk to somebody about your low self esteem issues. A real friend wouldnt do what this one is doing.

dan719

Have you examined why you did these things when drunk, OP?

I got into a fight with a (former) best friend after a night of heavy drinking. Everyone was like WTF?, but I realised that I was actually very p*ssed off with him, and didn't like or respect him as a person. Because I was still putting myself in social situations with him, it took a feed of pints for those latent feelings to surface. That doesn't justify what I did, nor what you did. But "in vino veritas" has a lot of truth to it. Are you sure you want to be friends with this person?

Blackdrag

Zen65 wrote: »

It seems to me that if more than one friend has been affected by your drinking then perhaps you just may not have reached the point in your life where you can handle drink responsibly. I would strongly advise you to give it up completely for 6 months, then see how things stand.

Be at peace,

Z

Id say that was the best thing to do...