Public Toilets & Boys?

LegacyUser

Hi all, I am a single mam with an 8 year old boy. I'm wondering what the rest of you do when out and about in public and your son wants to use the loo? Recently, we were in a shopping centre in Dublin (blanchardstown) and I brought him into the ladies as I've always done. I went in with him myself and stayed in the cubicle with him etc. We were in and out in a second. Outside, a young woman approached me saying she didn't think it was appropriate to have such a 'big boy' in the girls toilets. I explained that I didn't want him to use the mens public toilets just yet and that his dads not involved, and it's only ever both of us on these shopping trips. It was a saturday afternoon and there were queues for both the men and womens loos. She had a couple of daughters with her, who she said felt uncomfortable with my son in the ladies and said it was 'against the law' (which I'm sure it's not). The daughters were about 4 or 5 and didn't bat an eyelid at my son - it was obviously the mother who didn't want my son there.

What do others do? I really don't want to send him into mens toilets in public places just yet, but I don't want to be approached by other mothers every time we need to use the loo. Thanks.

Nevyn

I have brought my son with me into the ladies when he was that age.
It's only recently that he uses the gents on his own and even then I am waiting outside for him. I have never had anyone give out to me for having him the ladies, and that would include the ones you have mentioned.

LegacyUser

And what age is your son now Thaed? What age did you start letting him use public mens toilets?

Penny Dreadful

I have no children but would never in a million years think anything of a woman bringing her son into the toilets with her. What else is she supposed to do if she is out on her own with the child?
As for that woman who came up to you to complain, you were in a cubicle with your son and she was with her daughters so its hardly as though there was anything on display for the world at large to see is it?
Some people:(

Nevyn

He's 12 and it's only in the last year or so that he uses the Gents.
He asked to as he didn't feel comfortable being in the ladies nd we had a chat
about what do in the gents and not to talk to anyone and to wash his hand and
not to delay and come right out.

smurph11

I think your job is to look after your son & protect his welfare. And even though I'm not a parent yet I would be very wary of sending a young child off to a public loo alone. You'd never forgive yourself if anything did happen to him so until he's old enough to be wary himself you have to keep your eyes on him. And don't let someone else's opinion affect your better judgement. Oh and there's definitely no laws being broken

LegacyUser

I knew there were no laws being broken alright -she said she had a 'right' to complain once the child was over 6 and that I was breaking the law. I was googling it ever since and (of course) can't find anything on it anywhere....
Yes I reckon around 11 or 12 is young enough to let him start using public loos, advising him of the possible dangers.
I remember seeing my neighbours kids in a pretty large t*sco one day. They were being minded by her childminder. I was walking into the ladies with my (then 5yr old) son and the minder was standing at the door of the gents shouting 'Hurry up X..we have to go to the shops'.
X at the time, was 3! And she let him into the gents toilets on is own....my stomach was sick and I had to tell his mam later that day (in a nice way) . Not sure if she ever did anything about it, but I couldn't let it pass. The thoughts of a 3yr old boy in a gents public toilet alone....even now it terrifies me!

Nevyn

Let her complain, if anyone ever says anything to you gain tell her to go talk to the management in the centre.

Khannie

What an eejit. It's not like he's looking at a load of bare naked breasts or whatever.

I had a close call as a youngfella using the gents toilets in Bewleys on Westmooreland street so I would be VERY wary of letting any child use the loo on their own.

I'm actually laughing at the illegal bit. HAHAHA.

Zen65

Unregistered wrote: »

What do others do? I really don't want to send him into mens toilets in public places just yet, but I don't want to be approached by other mothers every time we need to use the loo. Thanks.

So I'm guessing that you've always taken him to the ladies' public toilets? It took 8 years before you met a woman so caught up in herself that she thought it appropriate to complain about it? I imagine it will be a good while before you encounter another soul who would think the same way.

In any event your son will eventually decide he does not want you to take him to the ladies, and hopefully by then he will have learned enough to know how to manage in that situation.

You are right to look after your son's welfare in this way. Be sure to prepare him for the inevitable solo trips and all will be well.


Be at peace,

Z

ThePiedPiper

So, what should a father when out and about with a baby if nappies need to be changed? A huge amount of public toilets or those in restaurants, etc. only have baby changing facilities in the ladies room. I've been lucky enough that my wife is with me the times that there's no changing facilities in the mens but there's been times on my own where my only option is to run back to the car and change baby there.. I'm not sure how welcome I'd be in the ladies room with my baby. God knows, there's enough people who think it odd to see a man out and about on his own with a baby without changing nappies in ladies rooms!! Any of you ladies got any opinions on this?

Moonbeam

If they aren't gonig to provide the facilities in both then I don't see that you have much choice.
I find usually that they are in the disabled toilet which also causes issues.

littlebug

My 5 year old already moans about having to go to the ladies toilet but no way would I let him into the mens on his own. As an aside I think it's actually harder for fathers out and about town with daughters

CrazyRabbit

If it's a busy area with lots of traffic in the gents, then I don't see the harm in letting a boy of aged 6/7+ use the gents on his own. Even if there was a 'dodgy' person in there, they wouldn't try anything with all the other guys around.

My friend was terrified of letting her 7 year old son use the gents on his own. But now, whenever we are out together and he needs to use the gents, I just stand outside the door, and he knows to call me if there is anything that makes him scared, or if anyone even speaks to him.

In the last 100+ visits to the gents (he has a bladder the size of a pea), the only thing of interest was a homeless guy washing his clothes in a McDonalds.

I mean seriously, what's the worst that can happen if you're standing just outside the door and there's plenty of normal law abiding guys in the gents with the boy?

More media hysteria making us think there are predators lurking in every shadow.

LegacyUser

OP here.
Have to completely disagree with your CrazyRabbit. It's nothing to do with hysteria in the media. There are many paedophiles who lurk in kids restaurants (mcd's etc)/near kids playgrounds or schools. Many of them. I'm not saying that they would commit a crime if the toilets were full of 'law abiding' people, but I don't want to give any of them the opportunity of even seeing my 8yr old going to the loo in a mens toilet.
To be a paedo, you don't have to have been convicted of a crime.
And I'm not a hysterical irish mother protecting her son. I work in victim support and the most (what could be considered minor) incidents on a young child involving sexual assault/abuse can and do have the most severe impact on any human being.

Redpunto

Dont bother explaining yourself to anyone who says something to you, you are protecting your child from a "threat" and you do not have to explain yourself to anyone.

Up till last year I used to bring my son into the girls swimming changing rooms - nobody batted an eyelid. Kids are kids at that age, its the mother just wanting to cause drama

Redpunto

CrazyRabbit wrote: »

I mean seriously, what's the worst that can happen if you're standing just outside the door and there's plenty of normal law abiding guys in the gents with the boy?

More media hysteria making us think there are predators lurking in every shadow.

I hell of a lot could happen....

zuroph

11 before you're allowed in the jacks on your own?!

the world is gone fuppin mad.

metrovelvet

Take no notice. But if youre really worried, use the disabled toilets.Theyre unisex.

KittyeeTrix

Ooooh, I'm glad I didn't meet that woman:mad:

I'd have had a few choice words for her but I would've warned her to get her little darlings to cover their ears with their hands first!!!!!!

How bloody dare she accost you for bringing your son into the bathroom with you..........

For all she knows your son may have had a recent operation in his nether regions or may have been dyspraxic like my 8 year old son and require some help with self care routine. To say I would've blown up at the nosey good for nothing is a bit of an understatement!!!!!!!!

Calm down Fluffy, clam down......I'm fuming for you OP...

My older sons didn't use the gents alone until they were 10 but exceptions for some kids need to be made and other parents should be aware of this and butt the hell out:(

For crying out loud, your son was in a cubicle!!! It's not like bringing an 8 year old girl into the gents where men are exposed at urinals which is the reason why I'd never consider allowing my 8 yr old boy into the gents alone!!

nicky chick

I wouldnt care wat anyone said Ive a nine year old and wouldnt let him use the gents loo on his own. I take him in to the ladies with me

byhookorbycrook

metrovelvet wrote: »

Take no notice. But if youre really worried, use the disabled toilets.Theyre unisex.

Errr, no,they are for people with disabilities,who need to use the loo and very often can't wait.

metrovelvet

byhookorbycrook wrote: »

Errr, no,they are for people with disabilities,who need to use the loo and very often can't wait.

It's also where alot of baby changing facilities are placed. It's also often the only place that fits a buggy in it, so they are not exclusively for the disabled.

Nevyn

RunForestRun wrote: »

So, what should a father when out and about with a baby if nappies need to be changed? A huge amount of public toilets or those in restaurants, etc. only have baby changing facilities in the ladies room. I've been lucky enough that my wife is with me the times that there's no changing facilities in the mens but there's been times on my own where my only option is to run back to the car and change baby there.. I'm not sure how welcome I'd be in the ladies room with my baby. God knows, there's enough people who think it odd to see a man out and about on his own with a baby without changing nappies in ladies rooms!! Any of you ladies got any opinions on this?

Most mothercare stores have a baby changing room and a lot of shopping centres have a baby changing room which is separate to the toilets, I know that the shopping centre in questions (Blancharstown) does.

metrovelvet

Thaedydal wrote: »

Most mothercare stores have a baby changing room and a lot of shopping centres have a baby changing room which is separate to the toilets, I know that the shopping centre in questions (Blancharstown) does.

The other things you can do, which I often did in NYC where there are no baby changing facilities anywhere, is to change the baby in the buggy or pram somewhere descreet.

PopUp

Thaedydal wrote: »

Most mothercare stores have a baby changing room and a lot of shopping centres have a baby changing room which is separate to the toilets, I know that the shopping centre in questions (Blancharstown) does.

Yep and if you are unfortunate enough to be in a shopping centre that expects only women to ever need to change a baby, complain, complain, complain to the management! It's the only way this stuff will change.

Nevyn

I know a Dad who changed his childs very dirty nappy on the information desk to make the there was no where in the shopping center he could do so privatly.

metrovelvet

Thaedydal wrote: »

I know a Dad who changed his childs very dirty nappy on the information desk to make the there was no where in the shopping center he could do so privatly.

That's disguting. I've been in plenty of places where there are no facilities and managed to do it discreetly. Retailers dont owe people changing stations. What a noob.

KittyeeTrix

Thaedydal wrote: »

I know a Dad who changed his childs very dirty nappy on the information desk to make the there was no where in the shopping center he could do so privatly.

Fair play to him, I'd imagine that got the point/smell across very effectively:D

KittyeeTrix

metrovelvet wrote: »

That's disguting. I've been in plenty of places where there are no facilities and managed to do it discreetly. Retailers dont owe people changing stations. What a noob.

Retailers owe the people who come into their establishment a proper place to deal with bodily functions. This should extend from babies to the elderly with no exceptions....

As you quite rightly pointed out it is disgusting but even more so that a child would be expected to sit in a soiled nappy as a simple changing station couldn't be provided for them!!

metrovelvet

No they don't actually. Penneys for example doesn't have toilets. Neither does carphonewarehouse, or any number if retailers.

What? You'd plop your baby's dirty ass on the checkout counter, risk everyone's health and embarrass the checkout person just to make a point?

Why not take your baby in the pram into a quiet corner or the changing room and do it there?

I have such little sympathy for it because I lived in a city where there were none and you dealt with it. Same in the south if France, where I dont recall seeing one changing station, with the exception if the airport, which was a seperate room from the adult facilities.