Public Toilets & Boys?

Little My

I know its a slightly different situation.

But I have stopped going to a local pool because of boys who seemed to look around 8 - 9 in the ladies changing room.There was no cubicles so you have no choice but to get changed out in the communal area. Too many times I was trying to wriggle out of a wet swimsuit with a towel around me and boys aged (looked like) about 9 or 10 staring at me.

The mothers were always preoccupied with sorting out whatever child there were getting dressed, so they didn't notice little Johnny or whatever staring at the lady trying to get changed.

CrazyRabbit

Little My wrote: »

I know its a slightly different situation.

But I have stopped going to a local pool because of boys who seemed to look around 8 - 9 in the ladies changing room.There was no cubicles so you have no choice but to get changed out in the communal area. Too many times I was trying to wriggle out of a wet swimsuit with a towel around me and boys aged (looked like) about 9 or 10 staring at me.

The mothers were always preoccupied with sorting out whatever child there were getting dressed, so they didn't notice little Johnny or whatever staring at the lady trying to get changed.

Paranoid mothers....turning kids into perverts!

CrazyRabbit

Unregistered wrote: »

OP here.
Have to completely disagree with your CrazyRabbit. It's nothing to do with hysteria in the media. There are many paedophiles who lurk in kids restaurants (mcd's etc)/near kids playgrounds or schools. Many of them. I'm not saying that they would commit a crime if the toilets were full of 'law abiding' people, but I don't want to give any of them the opportunity of even seeing my 8yr old going to the loo in a mens toilet.
To be a paedo, you don't have to have been convicted of a crime.
And I'm not a hysterical irish mother protecting her son. I work in victim support and the most (what could be considered minor) incidents on a young child involving sexual assault/abuse can and do have the most severe impact on any human being.

I don't mean to be rude or aggressive, but I think you are paranoid. You really think paedophiles need to hang around playgrounds, schools & toilets to see a child naked/semi-naked? One word; internet.

You're trying to protect your child from a perceived risk which is fact quite minuscule. I would say that bringing an older child into the women's toilets is potentially more harmful and embarrassing to them. And even if someone did take a quick peek, how would that in any way harm your child?

Redpunto wrote: »

I hell of a lot could happen....

Exactly what do you think could happen within about 30 seconds, in a room with perhaps 3-6 decent people? Mr Pedobear may be a seriously mentally ill creep, but he ain't stupid enough to try anything in those circumstances.


If anyone is going to abuse your child, it is far more likely to someone you know rather than random, rare paedophile hanging around the toilets in McDonalds. And secondly, sexual assaults against kids in toilets are extremely rare.

zuroph

Unregistered wrote: »

There are many paedophiles who lurk in kids restaurants (mcd's etc)/near kids playgrounds or schools. Many of them.

Can you substantiate that please? Any link to proof? or is this just hearsay?

KittyeeTrix

I don't understand why 1 or 2 posters are jumping up and down having a bloody fit because some parents choose to keep their younger kids close to them and have a more heightened fear of paedophiles than others........

Each to their own I say, what harm is it doing anyone to keep a keen eye on your kids..... I tell my own kids that there can be some dangerous people about the place but it is very unlikely that they'll ever run into them but just to be aware etc

I don't have my kids so fearful that if a stranger even looks remotely their way they will fall to pieces but I do want them to know that not everyone is nice as pie!!!

A friend of mine living in a sprawling newly established council housing estate in Galway was not surprised when the locals exposed a paedophile living 5 doors from her and the council evicted him.

What she found laughable was that previous to this the kids on the street had been allowed to roam free unsupervised and following the man's eviction the parents kept the kids in. My mate said it was hilarious that they fear more the danger when in the open rather than the hidden lurking one!!!

Nevyn

all sorts can be happening in a public toilet, you simply don't know what you could be sending your 5 year old son into and I understand why mothers wil bring the boy into the laidies then have him unaccompanied in a public toilet.

It could be anything from someone swearing, a fight, a drug deal, someone shooting up or any number of anti socail acts which can go on in a public toilet as they are usually not monitored.

Khannie

zuroph wrote: »

Can you substantiate that please? Any link to proof? or is this just hearsay?

I think more than zero is many where your childs safety is concerned. As I said, I had a dodgy punter try to lure me into a toilet when I was a lad. I don't see the point in taking chances. Sure if the toilet is busy it's grand, but what if it's not?

littlebug

Ah now it's not all about paedophiles. even my eight year old daughter likes me to go with her as she once got locked in a loo (she was with her father and had to shout out to him) so she likes to check that she'll be ok with the lock while I'm still there before she closes the door. I also like to see that where they're going is clean and has loo roll... don't think there's anything wrong with that.
I have let my 5 year old son into a mens toilet on his own but only because I knew there was no one else there and the door and window were open so I would hear him if he needed help. By help I mean with door.... buttons... anything else that might happen. I can't imagine taking him to the ladies when he is 8 as he is already complaining about it.

What about men with young daughters? WHat do you do re toilets in town ? The other awkward one then is a man taking his son into the gents... can a daughter be left outside on her own? It's all very awkward I have to say and after one really awkward incident a few years back my husband rarely brings them both to town on his own. (it was bring 3 year old girl +baby in buggy into a urine soaked really stinky gents or nothing). Not good.

metrovelvet

I'm trying to remember what my father did when he had me. I think I was brought into the gents., very quickly!

zuroph

Khannie wrote: »

I think more than zero is many where your childs safety is concerned. As I said, I had a dodgy punter try to lure me into a toilet when I was a lad. I don't see the point in taking chances. Sure if the toilet is busy it's grand, but what if it's not?

1 is not many. 2 is not many, not in a population of 4 million. and so far we have no proof of it being a regular occurence like some people are making it out to be.

Nevyn

1 in a million chance is 1 too many if it happens to your child, which is why caring parents are careful and try to protect thier kids in practical ways.

zuroph

Thaedydal wrote: »

1 in a million chance is 1 too many if it happens to your child, which is why caring parents are careful and try to protect thier kids in practical ways.

but you take your children in cars right???Much more likely to be injured killed like that than by a stranger lurking in a public bathroom, yet its ok, because it doesnt have the same "sex offender" fear attached.

KittyeeTrix

zuroph wrote: »

but you take your children in cars right???Much more likely to be injured killed like that than by a stranger lurking in a public bathroom, yet its ok, because it doesnt have the same "sex offender" fear attached.

Yes, but we strap them into various life saving devices etc and we cannot avoid travelling by car whereas we can avoid subjecting our child to the advance of someone in a gents toilet!!!

bugler

zuroph wrote: »

1 is not many. 2 is not many, not in a population of 4 million. and so far we have no proof of it being a regular occurence like some people are making it out to be.

Everyone has to make a judgement call when it comes to safety. That applies to walking home from school, going to the shop and everything else.

Khannie is proof on this thread alone that certain individuals do try certain things in toilets. We didn't have to poll the country for someone who was the subject of unwanted attention in a bathroom.

Why the bathroom? Because it is a chance to be alone with a child. That's good enough. Forget about this "They wouldn't try" lark. Certain individuals will try anything. They are compelled to. Why did the guy Khannie encountered try it in a café toilet? The bathroom is a vulnerable place for a small child. They are alone, whether you are outside the door or not.

There may be a case for increased unisex bathrooms, though these are not always practical due to space constraints (you need cubicles obviously).

It's a shame that the only toilet attendants I ever see are in niteclubs or bars. They could be better employed in a high street / shopping centre environment, and I'd actually tip them there too

Nevyn

I know of one child when he was 7 went to the public gents and was orally raped,
he was out of his mother's sight for 12 mins, she could see the toilets from where she was and even saw the guy leave. That was 15 years ago, it tore the family apart they all needed counselling, they even moved country to try make a clean start and he was in and out of counselling due to this for years, esp when he became a very angry teen.

Car crashes can be devestating but we take all the precautions we can with speed limits and air bags and seat belts. I see nothing wrong with taking other precautions when it comes to protecting my kids and not letting them use public bathrooms is one of many.

Often those who are not parents don't understand why we will take certain precaustions
fair enough, but until you are a parent there are some things you won't understand.

pickarooney

At what age would people recommend letting their daughters use public toilets alone?

silja

When I lived in Dublin and visibly pregnant, I was asked a couple of times by a father out alone with a young daughter (one maybe 4, the other maybe about 6) if I would bring them in the ladies with me, as I was going anyways. I suppose I was seen as safe I was happy to help. Similarly, when I worked at an event, my male co-worker was asked by a mother if he could escort her 8 year old son to the gents. He felt weird about it and declined though.

j1974

Unregistered wrote: »

Hi all, I am a single mam with an 8 year old boy. I'm wondering what the rest of you do when out and about in public and your son wants to use the loo? Recently, we were in a shopping centre in Dublin (blanchardstown) and I brought him into the ladies as I've always done. I went in with him myself and stayed in the cubicle with him etc. We were in and out in a second. Outside, a young woman approached me saying she didn't think it was appropriate to have such a 'big boy' in the girls toilets. I explained that I didn't want him to use the mens public toilets just yet and that his dads not involved, and it's only ever both of us on these shopping trips. It was a saturday afternoon and there were queues for both the men and womens loos. She had a couple of daughters with her, who she said felt uncomfortable with my son in the ladies and said it was 'against the law' (which I'm sure it's not). The daughters were about 4 or 5 and didn't bat an eyelid at my son - it was obviously the mother who didn't want my son there.

What do others do? I really don't want to send him into mens toilets in public places just yet, but I don't want to be approached by other mothers every time we need to use the loo. Thanks.

do what you feel you like and dont mind anyone else. I'm sure jamie bolgers mam would agree.

gaeilgegrinds1

I'd have no problem with this. I mean, women have privacy in the cubicle! The big problem lies with men with babies I think. My OH had our baby our recently and said changing facilities etc are full of women who glare at men. I'd think it was nice to see a man involved enough to want to change his child. Some people! A solution to all this would be a mens, womens and parents bathroom.

magicray

I have three sons and have to say I always took them in to the ladies with me if my hubby wasnt around, my oldest fella is grand to go in by himself now and take his brothers if need be but if Im out with my youngest two theres no way they would be allowed into the gents loo on their own

I honestly dont think that the majority of women have a problem with it as you are in a cubicle !

I think its harder if a man has a daughter that needs the loo - he really cant being her into the gents, I have been asked before to keep an eye on a little girl using the ladies while her Dad waited outside - again I have no problem with that

KittyeeTrix

magicray wrote: »

I have three sons and have to say I always took them in to the ladies with me if my hubby wasnt around, my oldest fella is grand to go in by himself now and take his brothers if need be but if Im out with my youngest two theres no way they would be allowed into the gents loo on their own

I honestly dont think that the majority of women have a problem with it as you are in a cubicle !

I think its harder if a man has a daughter that needs the loo - he really cant being her into the gents, I have been asked before to keep an eye on a little girl using the ladies while her Dad waited outside - again I have no problem with that

Same as you magicray in that I have 3 sons and honestly I'm amazed and quite frankly am still supressing laughter at the thought that I've mentally, emotionally and socially scarred my sons for life by bringing them to the ladies up until about the age of 10....:D:D

Khannie

fluffyorganic1 wrote: »

Same as you magicray in that I have 3 sons and honestly I'm amazed and quite frankly am still supressing laughter at the thought that I've mentally, emotionally and socially scarred my sons for life by bringing them to the ladies up until about the age of 10....:D:D

HAHAHAHA.

My eldest sister (16 years older than me) insisted that I come into the womens changing rooms with her in Portmarnock swimming pool when I was around 10 because she was concerned about the mens on my own. I never forgot the experience.

wolfpawnat

Boys until the age of 10 in the womens toilets I see nothing wrong with, after theat, it is just weird.

Boys in womens changing rooms is just awkward yet funny. I had a 4 year old come over to me, look me up and down in my swim suit and ask me where was my willy and why had I udders on my chest, was it to feed my baby (i have a toddler) It was both the most humiliating and hilarious moment in the last year of my life!!!

Hooperati

So nothing could happen to a kid in a busy public toilet then,yeah right!http://www.thefreelibrary.com/GARDAI+HUNT+FOR+McDONALD'S+PERV%3B+Boy,+7,+molested+in+toilets+as+his...-a0135015254

metrovelvet

These things are good reminders of the neurosis we have about our bodies.

wolfpawnat

these sorts of things have occured before in Maccy D's! Women have been sexually assaulted in them too.

There has been a few attempted abduction cases around the south Dublin/Bray area in recent weeks. The man has attempted to abduct both boys and girls.

Man is between the ages of 20-30 years old, using either a black saloon car or white van.

I say this as there is an air show in Bray today, a perfect time to attempt another attack, mums and dads please keep an eye on your kids today in Bray, especially in the Public bathrooms along the prominade!!!!!

Hellrazer

magicray wrote: »

I think its harder if a man has a daughter that needs the loo - he really cant being her into the gents, I have been asked before to keep an eye on a little girl using the ladies while her Dad waited outside - again I have no problem with that

Whats the difference????

Ive always brought the girls into the mens toliets if Im out and about with them on my own.I wouldnt trust or even ask anyone to look after them in the ladies.
I just bring them into a cubicle and theres no problem.

username123

I just asked my husband, he was brought into the ladies with his mum until age 10 or so. When alone with my father I was either brought into a cubicle in the gents with him or he would ask a motherly type to watch me in the ladies. I can remember my grandfather asking a lady to keep an eye on me in the ladies too - usually a staff member in whatever place it was - shopping centre toilets for example.

I think the real solution is unisex cubicle toilets that the public area of (with the sinks, mirrors and baby changing facilities) are open to outside public view. I flew from Dublin airport last week and I used the ladies near the gate, there was no outer door - so anyone could stand and look at the sink area, I saw a man taking his daughter to the outer door, then watching her confirm a cubicle was empty before she went into it while he waited outside for her. Its only the cubicle that needs to be hidden from public view imo.

K-9

Khannie wrote: »

I think more than zero is many where your childs safety is concerned. As I said, I had a dodgy punter try to lure me into a toilet when I was a lad. I don't see the point in taking chances. Sure if the toilet is busy it's grand, but what if it's not?

I take it your parents weren't with you though? Unlike situations like the OP's or the ones we are talking about.

Personally I'd say 10 would be the maximum age, especially for swimming pools!

KittyeeTrix

K-9 wrote: »

I take it your parents weren't with you though? Unlike situations like the OP's or the ones we are talking about.

Personally I'd say 10 would be the maximum age, especially for swimming pools!

10 is the max age I've brought my sons into the ladies with me and it has been about 6 for the younger ones as my older sons when out with us can go in to the gents with them:)