Perceived threat of paedophiles

Dudess

Some people are even admitting the media hysteria is what's making them paranoid, not any actual paedophile preyings... ffs.

The thread yesterday about berating other people's children reminded me... I was in the fire station in Cork where there are other public offices and there was a tiny little boy climbing onto the the bannister of the stairs - this was a few flights up. There didn't seem to be any parent or guardian keeping an eye on him so I instinctively dashed over and lifted him down. Another time I was in a holiday resort and a little girl was with her grandad who got distracted by something and she wandered off, so I took her by the hand and walked her back to her grandad.

If I were a man, some genius might have an insatiable need to find something suspicious in these - almost as if they WANT another to be a paedophile. Some people seem to ****ing love the drama...

up for anything

MUSSOLINI wrote: »

Apparently only if said reality is that if they look away for two seconds their child will get raped.
The reality is that it is extremely unlikely for anything to happen to the child.

That really doesn't make any sense if you are replying to my post.

Apology accepted. I turned out all right I think

Judgement reserved.

zuroph

caseyann wrote: »

Sounds personal to me.

matter of opinion then.

Wolfe Tone

up for anything wrote: »

That really doesn't make any sense if you are replying to my post.

I was tellin it to Joe. General indignation style comment

Judgement reserved.

haha

Dr. No

This thread reminds me of the quote never argue with an idiot people might not be able to tell the difference

caseyann

zuroph wrote: »

matter of opinion then.

Yeah when you home in on one name and say oh i was waiting for said person to come on,then start making comments such as how many abductions are we up in dublin now,to me is personal,and perceived correctly.I thank you not to comment on me or what you assume you think i think or believe again.As its not welcome and i wont bother trying to report your trolling as not much point.

zuroph

caseyann wrote: »

Yeah when you home in on one name and say oh i was waiting for said person to come on,then start making comments such as how many abductions are we up in dublin now,to me is personal,and perceived correctly.I thank you not to comment on me or what you assume you think i think or believe again.As its not welcome and i wont bother trying to report your trolling as not much point.

I'm not interested in this thread being dragged off topic. I was just highlighting how paranoia can be terribly misplaced, and used the dublin abductions thread as an example. Everyone demanding to know why their school wasnt issuing letters, why the local gardaí were doing such a terrible job that there was so many attempted abductions. How many of those attempts do you honestly believe occurred? How many were exaggerated, had gaping holes in the story, had bits tagged on, or changed addresses daily?
Paranoia of this level is robbing children of their childhood. And I'm reminded of this every single day when I see that sole polish boy playing on our front green alone, because all the Irish parents won't leave their kids out of the house. ever. IMO it's thats the real crime that's being perpetrated.

Dudess

I saw that Dublin paedophile thread (don't care who started/posted to it) and it just seemed to be "Someone who knows someone else said there might be something" kinda stuff.

It might do not to be so desperate to believe this stuff is true...

caseyann

zuroph wrote: »

I'm not interested in this thread being dragged off topic. I was just highlighting how paranoia can be terribly misplaced, and used the dublin abductions thread as an example. Everyone demanding to know why their school wasnt issuing letters, why the local gardaí were doing such a terrible job that there was so many attempted abductions. How many of those attempts do you honestly believe occurred? How many were exaggerated, had gaping holes in the story, had bits tagged on, or changed addresses daily?
Paranoia of this level is robbing children of their childhood. And I'm reminded of this every single day when I see that sole polish boy playing on our front green alone, because all the Irish parents won't leave their kids out of the house. ever. IMO it's thats the real crime that's being perpetrated.

Highlighting using my name,i am not paranoid i am careful and i brought forward the information i received you have a problem with that nothing to do with me,that is what the thread was opened for over there.If you didnt like it and people paying attention and listening,you should,nt have bothered getting involved,and you have no right to tell any parent how much to protect their child.
No scum are robbing children of their child hood,and nothing wrong with parents been vigilant,better that then later saying if only i had paid attention.I never brought gardai into my posts not once.

caseyann

Dudess wrote: »

I saw that Dublin paedophile thread (don't care who started/posted to it) and it just seemed to be "Someone who knows someone else said there might be something" kinda stuff.

It might do not to be so desperate to believe this stuff is true...

No one is,nothing wrong with it been opened and making parents who dont pay attention a bit more vigilante is there.I get a letter home other parents from other schools get letters home.I am not going to take it as a Chinese whisper.

pickarooney

caseyann wrote: »

No one is,nothing wrong with it been opened and making parents who dont pay attention a bit more vigilante is there.I get a letter home other parents from other schools get letters home.I am not going to take it as a Chinese whisper.

Freudian slip of the day.

paddyland

Dudess wrote: »

Some people are even admitting the media hysteria is what's making them paranoid, not any actual paedophile preyings... ffs.

The thread yesterday about berating other people's children reminded me... I was in the fire station in Cork where there are other public offices and there was a tiny little boy climbing onto the the bannister of the stairs - this was a few flights up. There didn't seem to be any parent or guardian keeping an eye on him so I instinctively dashed over and lifted him down. Another time I was in a holiday resort and a little girl was with her grandad who got distracted by something and she wandered off, so I took her by the hand and walked her back to her grandad.

If I were a man, some genius might have an insatiable need to find something suspicious in these - almost as if they WANT another to be a paedophile. Some people seem to ****ing love the drama...

You've just reminded me of an incident that happened some years ago. I was in Kylemore restaurant in O'Connell Street with a friend, heading towards the door to leave. It was a big, heavy, revolving door, others may remember it.

Anyway, there was a small boy about 4 or 5, standing boredly by the door, with his hand and wrist inside the compartment of the door, between the door and the jamb. His parents were sitting nearby, eating and ignoring him. I was about fifteen feet from the door, heading that direction, when someone outside entered, pushing the door. As it began to spin, I realised sharply that the child would suffer an awful injury, indeed maybe even lose a finger!

I let a roar, ran, and grabbed the child just as the heavy door slammed against the jamb. The child was unmoved by the sudden action, but he came so close to losing his finger or hand! Can you imagine the scream he would have let out, the sheer pain of that?

The dirty look his mother gave me from her feast, totally unconcerned about the welfare of her child, only wondering what I was up to. Stupid woman, I'd have loved to stick her face in her plate of food, but I ignored her and walked out, I didn't even bother trying to explain what just happened...

caseyann

pickarooney wrote: »

Freudian slip of the day.

lol

Dudess

caseyann wrote: »

No one is,nothing wrong with it been opened and making parents who dont pay attention a bit more vigilante is there.I get a letter home other parents from other schools get letters home.I am not going to take it as a Chinese whisper.

The problem is: "a bit more vigilant" for some is mistrusting any adults they don't know (mostly men) and stopping the child from doing mundane things like using a public toilet... in case the child sees a penis, because you know... penises are DIRTY!!!

caseyann

Dudess wrote: »

The problem is: "a bit more vigilant" for some is mistrusting any adults they don't know (mostly men) and stopping the child from doing mundane things like using a public toilet... in case the child sees a penis, because you know... penises are DIRTY!!!

That can be avoided with good parenting,and none of the kids i know have a problem with going to a mans bathroom,who spent years going to a womans toilet with their mother.And i dont imagine it bothers them as they see nothing in a cubicle.

p.s i dont trust strange adults either or ones i know as no one knows anyone really.

Wolfe Tone

When I was a child there was a mechanic down the street who would always be working on cars and he used to let all the kids gather round and look, and hand him spaners and things. I loved it.

Brave man.

caseyann

MUSSOLINI wrote: »

Strange, if I had a daughter there would be no way I would bring her into a male toilet.

Perhaps because men are dangling out everywhere lol.
reminds me of something i was told once.The father had to bring his 6 year old daughter to the gents.He covered her eyes and walked her into the gents and into a cubicle so she could pee.
Not uncommon either.

Mickeroo

caseyann wrote: »

p.s i dont trust strange adults either or ones i know as no one knows anyone really.

sorry but that epitomises everything thats wrong with society at the moment. I know potheads that are less paranoid than that.

caseyann

Mickeroo wrote: »

sorry but that epitomises everything thats wrong with society at the moment. I know potheads that are less paranoid than that.

Sorry have you got some ulterior motive to try make me trust you :eek: you dont didnt earn my trust :P

Wolfe Tone

caseyann wrote: »

Perhaps because men are dangling out everywhere lol.
reminds me of something i was told once.The father had to bring his 6 year old daughter to the gents.He covered her eyes and walked her into the gents and into a cubicle so she could pee.
Not uncommon either.

No men arent! We dont whip out the lad.

Probably because all the men would jump out the window lest anyone hear they were in a jacks with a little girl!

You never see a penis to be fair.

Mickeroo

caseyann wrote: »

Sorry have you got some ulterior motive to try make me trust you :eek: you dont didnt earn my trust :P

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s46SgIBpQ-Q

K-9

caseyann wrote: »

That can be avoided with good parenting,and none of the kids i know have a problem with going to a mans bathroom,who spent years going to a womans toilet with their mother.And i dont imagine it bothers them as they see nothing in a cubicle.

p.s i dont trust strange adults either or ones i know as no one knows anyone really.

I can't believe a 13 yr old boy in the ladies doesn't freak women out though.

Up to 8/9, I can see why, 13 is an adolescent, hormones and all that.

caseyann

MUSSOLINI wrote: »

No men arent! We dont whip out the lad.

You never see a penis to be fair.

Are they that small :eek::D

Wolfe Tone

caseyann wrote: »

Are they that small :eek::D

Sorry, we actually have sword fights with our gargantuan lads, didnt want to scare ya!

falan

Let me just comment on the whole media/paranoia thing.

I'm a 31 yo male with no kids but i do have a good female friend who is a single mother and has a 2 yo son. She lives with her mother and sister (who is also a single mother to 2 kids of 8 and 9,boy and girl). My friend or her sister don't get along with their children's dad's so their house is a predominantly female household. (Their own father is dead for years so she sees me as a male role model for her son)

I sometimes stay there. One day she was giving her 2 yo a bath in the downstairs bathroom and i was in the kitchen drinking tea and waiting for her to finish bathing him. She got an important phone call so she asked me would i go into bathroom and just watch him for a few mins. I agreed but make no bones about it, i was really uncomfortable and felt awkward about it all and just basically went in and stared at the wall for 5 mins till she came back without barely looking at him. I told her how i felt when she came back and she laughed it off saying don't be so stupid etc but this is a world that the media have created and i have a feeling that if this situation happened to many other males then they would feel the same..

caseyann

K-9 wrote: »

I can't believe a 13 yr old boy in the ladies doesn't freak women out though.

Up to 8/9, I can see why, 13 is an adolescent, hormones and all that.

I dont have a 13 year old:eek: i said up to some i heard of.

caseyann

MUSSOLINI wrote: »

Sorry, we actually have sword fights with our gargantuan lads, didnt want to scare ya!

lol luckily i dont have to use them toilets nor do use public ones at all

caseyann

falan wrote: »

Let me just comment on the whole media/paranoia thing.

I'm a 31 yo male with no kids but i do have a good female friend who is a single mother and has a 2 yo son. She lives with her mother and sister (who is also a single mother to 2 kids of 8 and 9,boy and girl). My friend or her sister don't get along with their children's dad's so their house is a predominantly female household. (Their own father is dead for years so she sees me as a male role model for her son)

I sometimes stay there. One day she was giving her 2 yo a bath in the downstairs bathroom and i was in the kitchen drinking tea and waiting for her to finish bathing him. She got an important phone call so she asked me would i go into bathroom and just watch him for a few mins. I agreed but make no bones about it, i was really uncomfortable and felt awkward about it all and just basically went in and stared at the wall for 5 mins till she came back without barely looking at him. I told her how i felt when she came back and she laughed it off saying don't be so stupid etc but this is a world that the media have created and i have a feeling that if this situation happened to many other males then they would feel the same..

Thats a nice story sorry you feel like that it is a shame

Mickeroo

MUSSOLINI wrote: »

Sorry, we actually have sword fights with our gargantuan lads, didnt want to scare ya!

There can be only one!!

Catari Jaguar

About the toilet thing...

I was in Debenhams yesterday and there was a middle class yummy mummy type and her precious offspring. She accompanied him to the ladies toilet, and mid pee shouted out if he was finished and he was like "Wait a minute!"
He came out and at the sinks, she goes "Oooh, you need to be very strong to push that tap" and then told him the water was very hot, so took his hands in her wet ones to wash them. Told him to dry them, she didn't believe he'd done it so took his hands to check.

This kid was about 11! FFS! "Does she comb your ass hairs too?!" :rolleyes:

There's pedo threat, but there's also control freak mammying.

K-9

caseyann wrote: »

I dont have a 13 year old:eek: i said up to some i heard of.

Well I've a 12 yr old boy and tbh, if his Mom was bringing him to the ladies now, I'd be livid!

I've heard of 12/13 yr olds in the ladies changing rooms in Swimming pools. Wtf? What about the privacy of 12/13 year old girls in them?

I'd make all swimming pool changing rooms unisex just to freak the parents out!

Dudess

caseyann wrote: »

p.s i dont trust strange adults either or ones i know as no one knows anyone really.

Christ...

up for anything

Dudess wrote: »

Christ...

Definitely not to be trusted. After all he did say, "suffer little children".

Dudess

Oh yeah, and "Let the little children come to me" or something. Paedo! :mad:

kylith

K-9 wrote: »

I've heard of 12/13 yr olds in the ladies changing rooms in Swimming pools. Wtf? What about the privacy of 12/13 year old girls in them?

Yep, happens all the time, and it's weird. You're trying to get dressed after a shower and they're there with their eyes out on stalks. I wish the club would enforce the 'Children over 7 must use gender-appropriate changing room' rule. I've even seen women physically dress 12/13 year old boys.

The amount of mollycoddling that goes on is unbelievable.

storm2811

kylith wrote:

I've even seen women physically dress 12/13 year old boys.

The amount of mollycoddling that goes on is unbelievable.

No ****ing way.

That's just ridiculous,how will these children ever be independent?

kylith

storm2811 wrote: »

No ****ing way.

That's just ridiculous,how will these children ever be independent?

They wrapped towels around the boy's waists after the shower and dressed them from boxers up on the side of a pool because they didn't want to let almost-teenage boys into the men's changing rooms on their own. Something tells me that that experience is more damaging to a developing psyche than seeing some willies.

How they'll learn to be independant I have no idea. There's a hell of a lot of people refusing to let their children grow up; a member of my family put off potty training their youngest because they wanted to keep their baby longer. Frakking madness.

K-9

kylith wrote: »

Yep, happens all the time, and it's weird. You're trying to get dressed after a shower and they're there with their eyes out on stalks. I wish the club would enforce the 'Children over 7 must use gender-appropriate changing room' rule. I've even seen women physically dress 12/13 year old boys.

The amount of mollycoddling that goes on is unbelievable.

Well they are 12/13 yr old boys! Fascinated by boobies!

It is taking an extreme view (fear of paedophilia, must be a term for that this stage) and taking it to another extreme!

storm2811

kylith wrote: »

They wrapped towels around the boy's waists after the shower and dressed them from boxers up on the side of a pool because they didn't want to let almost-teenage boys into the men's changing rooms on their own. Something tells me that that experience is more damaging to a developing psyche than seeing some willies.

How they'll learn to be independant I have no idea. There's a hell of a lot of people refusing to let their children grow up; a member of my family put off potty training their youngest because they wanted to keep their baby longer. Frakking madness.

Wow,just fcuking wow.
I don't know what to say,if my mam tried to dress me in front of everyone when I was 12 I would've gone mad!:pac:

I wonder how many people are doing this now,how the times have changed.

I remember when i was about 2-3 I was at a festival with my parents and some family friends,I'd just started learning to use the bathroom by myself and wouldn't even let mam come in with me because I was a "big girl".

Anyway,I couldn't do up the buttons my trousers so I stuck my head out the door and called for mam,she was busy at the time with my brother so she sent in one of her friends,a man,he came into the ladies and done up my trousers for me,no one batted an eye lid.

I just wonder how people would view this scene today.

K-9

kylith wrote: »

They wrapped towels around the boy's waists after the shower and dressed them from boxers up on the side of a pool because they didn't want to let almost-teenage boys into the men's changing rooms on their own. Something tells me that that experience is more damaging to a developing psyche than seeing some willies.

How they'll learn to be independant I have no idea. There's a hell of a lot of people refusing to let their children grow up; a member of my family put off potty training their youngest because they wanted to keep their baby longer. Frakking madness.

What if the towel raised?

Homosapiens?

Odysseus

Fittle wrote: »

With respect, I would rather be an over protective Irish mammy who stunts my sons personality and social devolpment (that's tripe btw) than allow him to go into a public loo at (just gone) 8.

I'm still working my way through this thread as it is quite long. However, I have to say this is madness; [no offense meant] I understand you don't have a male in your life to facilitate a trip to that bathroom with "Daddy", and I'm not saying you should find a male to facilitate that. Children are humans, humans are sexual beings, this process starts long before puberty. To be honest I know you didn't post it, but you seem to agree withthis concept of innocence which is "tripe" imo.

I do know a bit about child psychology, and I would believe that taking an eight year old into a bathroom of the opposite sex is inappropriate. So much of your child's personality is already developed, I would be of the opinion that being over protective can have a detrimental effect on a child’s development, a lot of adults I see for therapy mention this as having a strong effect on them as a child.

I want to be careful here in that I'm not attacking your parental skills or anything like that, I just want to be clear on that. However, I do strongly disagree with your viewpoint on this matter. If there is no male present in your life, and I'm not say there has to be one, but how are you going to control his first image of a naked male? It's generally is a significant event in some way for a child when they see the difference between their body and an adult's.

By eight years of age I would have seen naked adults in pictures, a lot of children have, it just that the parents wouldn't know about it. I would imagine a lot of poster's here would have seen naked adults by that age. I not talking about changing rooms or seeing my dad pee; in my case I had seen pictures in school where someone had stolen some of their parent’s porn. I had seen adult in changing rooms and my dad in the bathroom long before that. I'm forty so the type of material is a lot more available these days.

At that age I didn't have a correct conscious understanding of the sexual act, especially gay sex, but I was aware of the words "benny":) or bender. So I had some concept of it as did my peer group in school. I knew there was a priest [now a convicted sex offender] who visited our school and that he liked to touch your "willie" and I was aware of another Christian Brother in the school who had similar tastes.

People are fooling themselves if they believe that they can protect their child’s "innocence" around sex after they start to socialise outside of the home including school. I understand your talking this stance about the bathroom in order to try protect your child from a sexual predator. I'm not trying to be smart of funny here but I would suggest having a look at some child pysch books, or if you already have I suggest trying a few different authors. Innocece is a interesting word, do they become guiltly when the become fully conscious of the sexual act?

Of course you want to protect your child, as any loving parent would. However, as I said you often find these issues come back into focus if the person ends up in therapy as an adult.

As another point to the thread in general, it's terrible that adults have to be so careful around children now. I live alone, I have 4 motorbikes, the children on my road love them, they always come over to talk to me if I'm working on them in the garden, I hunt as well so they are fascinated about the fact they may occasionally see me leaving the house with a gun case over my shoulder.

They always wave at me, I wave back or beep the horn [no puns please] at them. I am so conscious of how careful I have to be, if they want to talk to me, I will only allow it when they stand at the very end of my garden, nearly on the path.

Even with professionals, I don't work with under 18s anymore, as we have a specific young persons programme now. However, to protect the staff they have to have clear glass windows on the consulting room doors, so anyone walking past can see what is happening. When people have to take precautions like that when they are working in a State body, which means you have had various checks on you during your training and before you work in the field, it does make question have we gone too far? Some people may say if it prevents one case of abuse it's worth it, but tbh I'm unsure.

It off to bed for me soon, apologies for any typos it's late and I'm getting tired.

Odysseus

cherub rock wrote: »

This kid was about 11! FFS! "Does she comb your ass hairs too?!" :rolleyes:

We had one guy in rehab a few years back he was in his mid 20s and his mother still washed his hair:eek: The guy died of an overdose, so as said he never grasped certain life skills. I hear a lot of very unusal things in my line of work, but that one managed to surprised me.

Ms. Captain M

Just my own personal view, as a mother to a 9 year old. In about the last year or so he's been using the men's. He always came into the ladies with me until he asked me could he start using the mens, he was getting embarrased going into the ladies. So to be honest it's never been an issue, I wouldn't make him use the ladies if it makes him uncomfortable, I don't think that's fair.

SV

Fittle wrote: »

With respect, I would rather be an over protective Irish mammy who stunts my sons personality and social devolpment (that's tripe btw) than allow him to go into a public loo at (just gone) 8.

So basically you'd rather suit your own needs and wants than your sons even if it does affect your son on a negative level.
very nice of you.

up for anything

I can't see where the issue with this is. I've said it before on the thread, every mother I know/have known/will ever know takes her boys into the Ladies, unless there is a viable alternative, until they reach an age where they start baulking at going in there. For some this is 8, others 10. It's a moveable feast. This alone is not going to have a detrimental affect on the child as an adult, except in some very rare cases, unless it's coupled with an all round over-protective attitude.

Fittle has already said that she is not over-protective of her son but some of you are still attacking her and her parenting skills on all counts and accusing her of putting her her own fears and worries ahead of her son's well-being which is just not the case.

Next time you're in a shopping centre try standing outside the toilets and doing a survey of who takes who in where but try not to look too shifty.

Deus Ex Machina

I think one of the most unpleasent things which I have encountered in this sanitised yet filthy age of modernity are the suspicious eyes cast over a grandfather and his grandchildren by people whose empty minds have been filled by media hysteria.

kylith

Deus Ex Machina wrote: »

I think one of the most unpleasent things which I have encountered in this sanitised yet filthy age of modernity are the suspicious eyes cast over a grandfather and his grandchildren by people whose empty minds have been filled by media hysteria.

+1

zuroph

caseyann wrote: »

Highlighting using my name,i am not paranoid i am careful and i brought forward the information i received you have a problem with that nothing to do with me,that is what the thread was opened for over there.If you didnt like it and people paying attention and listening,you should,nt have bothered getting involved,and you have no right to tell any parent how much to protect their child.
No scum are robbing children of their child hood,and nothing wrong with parents been vigilant,better that then later saying if only i had paid attention.I never brought gardai into my posts not once.

I believe the OP ASKED FOR OPINIONS.

mikemac

Well I may as well throw in my little story.

And it's not unique, I heard a similar story on Liveline, tbh it probably happens a few times a week, especially in the winter when it gets dark early.

Rural areas have a school bus, the driver knows the route and drops the children home each evening.
You can't be doing door to door for everyone so people walk to the nearest main road, often a crossroads.

One of neighbours is a 6 year old girl so her dad who is unemployed walks her home, rural roads are dangerous with traffic and speeding.
Only he wasn't there one day, so the obvious solution was to do the rest of the trip and swing back again to this area on the way back. There was quite a few people to drop off at the last stop

Of course, this wasn't done, the girl was taken to the local garda station and told to wait there and the gardai can call her parents.

If the driver left her off in the dark at a crossroads with rural roads and no footpaths and was knocked down he'd be blamed, partially anyway.
If he waited on the bus with her alone, sure who knows what risk he is taking.
Going to the garda station solves all this.

I've done GAA coaching, training under 10's and under 12's. We hold a summer camp every year.
But if I was asked to help supervise the lads when we bring to the pool and wait in the changing room to ensure there was no messing or bullying, realy I'd think twice about doing it.
I'm only a volunteer and one comment passed like an inappropriate look or touch and you'd be ruined forever.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

feelingstressed wrote: »

Well I may as well throw in my little story.

And it's not unique, I heard a similar story on Liveline, tbh it probably happens a few times a week, especially in the winter when it gets dark early.

Rural areas have a school bus, the driver knows the route and drops the children home each evening.
You can't be doing door to door for everyone so people walk to the nearest main road, often a crossroads.

One of neighbours is a 6 year old girl so her dad who is unemployed walks her home, rural roads are dangerous with traffic and speeding.
Only he wasn't there one day, so the obvious solution was to do the rest of the trip and swing back again to this area on the way back. There was quite a few people to drop off at the last stop

Of course, this wasn't done, the girl was taken to the local garda station and told to wait there and the gardai can call her parents.

If the driver left her off in the dark at a crossroads with rural roads and no footpaths and was knocked down he'd be blamed, partially anyway.
If he waited on the bus with her alone, sure who knows what risk he is taking.
Going to the garda station solves all this.

I've done GAA coaching, training under 10's and under 12's. We hold a summer camp every year.
But if I was asked to help supervise the lads when we bring to the pool and wait in the changing room to ensure there was no messing or bullying, realy I'd think twice about doing it.
I'm only a volunteer and one comment passed like an inappropriate look or touch and you'd be ruined forever.

... and people wonder why men don't do voluntary work/ sports work with kids.