I won the UK lotto!!!!!!!!

homer simpson

....Well suppossedly! :P

I got an e-mail yesterday telling me i had done so, i sent a reply with the name Johnny rottenbottem, with an address of 1 penny lane, liverpool. I got a second e-mail today, and saying as all the good people of Donegal boards are very smartasred witty the last few days i though it ask you all what i should write in the reply to wind these guys up?

Dear Winner,

I am in receipt of your email reply, and have forwarded your winning cheque of 850,000.00 GREAT BRITISH POUND to be delivered to you at your designated address you are advice to contact with your full personal details to claim your winning prize.

The Global Couriers Securities United Kingdom has been one of our lottery sponsors since the origin of this lottery so we made a possibility that your prize money will be Delivered to you through the Global Couriers Securities,United Kingdom. They are reliable and fast in delivery of Parcels

You are to contact the Global Couriers Securities Represenative Immediately and I advice you adhere to thier instructions to enable a quick delivery of your Winning Cheque to you.

Below is the contact details:

Email: contactfordelivery777@yahoo.com
Mr.Martins Scott.
Global Couriers Securities.

Ensure you call the Courier Company so your Cheque can be processed in due time.Thank you for your time and understanding, once again congratulations.

Mr.Charles Roberts

danniemcq

"850,000.00 GREAT BRITISH POUND" ask what it is in Kilos as Ireland has adopted the metric system

inode

you would think a company like that would have at least a gmail email address

you better get your bank account details and sort code ready then so :rolleyes:

hshortt

Well done! You'll be winning much more soon.

muffler

Thats great news homer. You'll be buying all the drinks at the beers night so

mathepac

Yo Murt, my man,

I am exsirah and delirah with the news of my win. I am beside myself with happiness, but as me Mammy always said, "Two heads is better than the wan".

Well Murt as you know your buddy Charlie (is he really a proper Charlie?) asked me to write to you to arrange delivery of my winning cheque, and this is where we encounter our first problem.

Ireland is a very poor country and all the people, apart from the corrupt politicians and their friends are broke. I am broke, although I'm told I own a few banks, and I have just had a letter from the Revenue sheriff demanding that I hand over the keys to my 365-room holiday cottage on Bear Island to pay my motor-tax and TV licence. The cheek of him. When my pal the late John Wayne had the job he treated people with more dignity.

If I lodge a cheque that large to my account, they're going to think I want to buy the country. I own enough of the kip already, I don't wany any more of it, do you get my drift? Is there any chance you could pay me in cash? I would of course be willing to pay you a commission on the transaction, say 10% or 85,000.00 Great British Pound in readies.

Have we a deal so Murt?

Once I get the money, I'll write back. I have inside information of a huge property deal that's about to go down and I'd like to let you in on the ground floor (haha, small joke there but sure aren't we all Irish in anyways, great craic altogether, haha again). My friend, Patrick ChristmasPresent Multiweewee, is a junior official in his cousins government department, the Ministry of Very Large Buildings and Toilet-seat Covers in Lagos which I think is in Nigeria somewhere or maybe Africa. They have a project involving many Very Large Buildings and many, many Toilet-seat Covers coming up and we are all destined to become multi-billionaires. I'll keep you posted by the email from me new iPaddy (made in China from recycled rice I believe).

Thanks agus slán Homer O'Simpson, Springfield, The Wintergardens, Tallaght, Co Donegal.

homer simpson

mathepac wrote: »

Yo Murt, my man,

I am exsirah and delirah with the news of my win. I am beside myself with happiness, but as me Mammy always said, "Two heads is better than the wan".

Well Murt as you know your buddy Charlie (is he really a proper Charlie?) asked me to write to you to arrange delivery of my winning cheque, and this is where we encounter our first problem.

Ireland is a very poor country and all the people, apart from the corrupt politicians and their friends are broke. I am broke, although I'm told I own a few banks, and I have just had a letter from the Revenue sheriff demanding that I hand over the keys to my 365-room holiday cottage on Bear Island to pay my motor-tax and TV licence. The cheek of him. When my pal the late John Wayne had the job he treated people with more dignity.

If I lodge a cheque that large to my account, they're going to think I want to buy the country. I own enough of the kip already, I don't wany any more of it, do you get my drift? Is there any chance you could pay me in cash? I would of course be willing to pay you a commission on the transaction, say 10% or 85,000.00 Great British Pound in readies.

Have we a deal so Murt?

Once I get the money, I'll write back. I have inside information of a huge property deal that's about to go down and I'd like to let you in on the ground floor (haha, small joke there but sure aren't we all Irish in anyways, great craic altogether, haha again). My friend, Patrick ChristmasPresent Multiweewee, is a junior official in his cousins government department, the Ministry of Very Large Buildings and Toilet-seat Covers in Lagos which I think is in Nigeria somewhere or maybe Africa. They have a project involving many Very Large Buildings and many, many Toilet-seat Covers coming up and we are all destined to become multi-billionaires. I'll keep you posted by the email from me new iPaddy (made in China from recycled rice I believe).

Thanks agus slán Homer O'Simpson, Springfield, The Wintergardens, Tallaght, Co Donegal.

Class!!!!!!! You belong in the Creative writing forum my friend thanks a million for the reply.

homer simpson

Surprise.......

[FONT=bookman old style, new york, times, serif][/FONT]
[FONT=bookman old style, new york, times, serif]Dear Homer Simpson, [/FONT]


[FONT=bookman old style, new york, times, serif][/FONT]
[FONT=bookman old style, new york, times, serif]Your particulars has been received in this office, this is to inform you that we are in possession of certain documents and certified cheque which are to be couriered to you. You are to please confirm your mailing address to enable us dispatch your parcel immediately.[/FONT]


[FONT=bookman old style, new york, times, serif][/FONT]
[FONT=bookman old style, new york, times, serif]Note that we also do not deliver to P.O.Box address or street corners but to your residence. We are a well established company offering courier and transport services 24 hour a day for priority delivery of letters, parcels and consignments to any destination. Global Courier Deliveries, with its high security storage and network of affiliate security partners and agents around the world provide you with storage and specialized courier services through which you could send high quality goods like precious stones, art crafts and classified commodities to any part of the world.[/FONT]


[FONT=bookman old style, new york, times, serif][/FONT]
[FONT=bookman old style, new york, times, serif]Due to the fact that you are the beneficiary owner of the said amount we have to deliver your parcel to you safely and do take note we do not accept delivery before payment you have to choose an option of delivery and get back to us for mode of payment and there is no way we can deduct from your winnings amount because your winning amount is in cheque.[/FONT]


[FONT=bookman old style, new york, times, serif][/FONT]
[FONT=bookman old style, new york, times, serif]An original certificate of weight:

---

0.15kg[/FONT]
[FONT=bookman old style, new york, times, serif]Bonded draft of weight:

---

0.17kg[/FONT]
[FONT=bookman old style, new york, times, serif]Total weight of parcel:

---

0...32kg[/FONT]
[FONT=bookman old style, new york, times, serif]Color of Parcel:

---

Brown[/FONT]

[FONT=bookman old style, new york, times, serif][/FONT]
[FONT=bookman old style, new york, times, serif]Destination:Ireland [/FONT]
[FONT=bookman old style, new york, times, serif]Owner Name:Homer Simpson [/FONT]


[FONT=bookman old style, new york, times, serif][/FONT]
[FONT=bookman old style, new york, times, serif]We do not operate on COD. Below are the mandatory administrative charges that you required to pay to enable us courier your certificate of winnings as well as your certified bank cheque to you:[/FONT]


[FONT=bookman old style, new york, times, serif][/FONT]
[FONT=bookman old style, new york, times, serif]Option 1 (24hrs of delivery)[/FONT]
[FONT=bookman old style, new york, times, serif]Courier charges........................155.00 Pounds[/FONT]
[FONT=bookman old style, new york, times, serif]Administrative ..........................105.00 Pounds[/FONT]
[FONT=bookman old style, new york, times, serif]Insurance .............................145.00 Pounds[/FONT]
[FONT=bookman old style, new york, times, serif]TOTAL ....................................405.00 Pounds =625.000.00 USD [/FONT]


[FONT=bookman old style, new york, times, serif][/FONT]
[FONT=bookman old style, new york, times, serif]Option 2 (48hrs of delivery)[/FONT]
[FONT=bookman old style, new york, times, serif]Courier charges.........................110.00 Pounds[/FONT]
[FONT=bookman old style, new york, times, serif]Administrative ..........................79.00 Pounds[/FONT]
[FONT=bookman old style, new york, times, serif]Insurance................................120.00 Pounds[/FONT]
[FONT=bookman old style, new york, times, serif]TOTAL......................................309.00 Pounds =480.000.00 USD[/FONT]



[FONT=bookman old style, new york, times, serif]Option 3 (72hrs of delivery)[/FONT]
[FONT=bookman old style, new york, times, serif]Courier charges..........................80.00 Pounds[/FONT]
[FONT=bookman old style, new york, times, serif]Administrative.............................55.00 Pounds[/FONT]
[FONT=bookman old style, new york, times, serif]Insurance................................95.00 Pounds[/FONT]
[FONT=bookman old style, new york, times, serif]TOTAL......................................230.00 Pounds =370.000.00 USD[/FONT]



[FONT=bookman old style, new york, times, serif]The charges are a little high because of the insurance cover we have undertaken incase of loss, damage or theft of your highly sensitive document before it gets to you. We assume all responsibilities incase of any eventualities.[/FONT]


[FONT=bookman old style, new york, times, serif][/FONT]
[FONT=bookman old style, new york, times, serif]The payment will be making to our customer's account in your region or via western union money transfer.[/FONT][FONT=bookman old style, new york, times, serif]As soon as we receive evidence of payment of the above charges, we will dispatch your documents immediately and you will send the deposit slip of the payment you made to us via email attached. The date and time of departure and expected date of delivery will be sent to you. It will take less than forty eight hours to get your document to you.[/FONT][FONT=bookman old style, new york, times, serif]You have to take note that you will receive your cheque y[/FONT][FONT=bookman old style, new york, times, serif]ou will be required to sign for the parcel personally. You will be required to present a copy of your international passport or your driver's license as identification or any photo.[/FONT]


[FONT=bookman old style, new york, times, serif][/FONT]
[FONT=bookman old style, new york, times, serif]All orders not delivered within five (5) working days from this communication will be returned as unclaimed please you have to contact his number immediately or you respond to this mail by choosing your option of delivery so that we can funish you with payment details on how you can send the fees for the delivery .[/FONT]

[FONT=bookman old style, new york, times, serif][/FONT]
[FONT=bookman old style, new york, times, serif]We are glad to be of service to you.[/FONT]

Mr.Martins Scott
+447017036979

I think its worth it no? 850,000 and you only pay then 400 odd, lol!!!!

mathepac

Ah sure good man Murt, 'tis yourself is in it, begorrah and bejapers,

It's always great to hear from you and thank you for your latest very welcome missive.

We seem to having some kind of Communication Breakdown as Jimmy Page used to say. It must be my thick Irish brogue that has you confused, that and me writing to you from the bottom of a porther barrel. Ha ha ha that's just to show you we specialise in comedy over here in Ireland the way ye specialise in financial services and email over where you are, ye auld divil ye.

Just to restate the key message from my last letter Murt, "I'm broke". In English this means "I'm broke" agus as Gaeilge "Tá mé broke" and in African I think this translates as "I'm broke". Ah sure money, the universal language. Simply put Murt, that means I can't send you money in advance because I haven't got any (BTW in our neck of the woods the money transmission franchise holder is North Western Union as we're closer to being up the Pole than ye are.)

So like the good man I know you are would you please now re-consider the offer I made in all good faith in my last letter. I'm now willing to pay you a higher commission on the transaction, say 15% or 127,500.00 Great British Pound and grant you full power of attorney over my African investment portfolio. This would entitle you to use the title Wholly Accredited Nigerian Knowlegeworker & Enterprise Representative or W.A.N.K.E.R., a much sought-after and often-granted title in the former financial services industry over here.

Have we a deal so Murt? We're practically related so you can trust me. Me Ma and me Da tell me they used to put the pennies in the box for the missions that Sr. Concepta Immaculata had in low infants. The other day they were saying that if they'd known so many of ye were going to buy one-way plane tickets and lap-tops with that money they'd have saved up and gone to America themselves instead. Ah Jaysus the aul' lad is gas, wouldn't you know I didn't pick it up offa the street, ha ha ha.

Slán go fóil, your Irish cousin, Homer

Thoie

Ask whether your unmentionables had got mixed in with your particulars, because you think that hoor down the road's been after stealing them again, but you just want to be certain before calling the gardaí on her.

And what parcel would he be sending? You'd tried ordering something off one of them Amazonians you were told about, but 32 kilos sounds a bit heavy for the wrench, but you do need it quick because the pipe's stuck fast.

deman

405.00 Pounds =625.000.00 USD

Bloody 'ell, the Great British Pound has risen a lot!!!

Carrickman

Class lads, pure comic class:D

Carrickman

I have also been fortunate to get a bit of good news this evening so it looks like all my troubles are over maby the esteemed mathepac will look after this and I will gladly hand over 30% of the money for his troubles!!

Dear Friend,

It is understandable that you might be a little bit apprehensive because you do not know me,
Please forgive this unusual manner to contact you, but this particular letter/email is of exceptional
and very private nature, as by virtue of my vantage position in Hang Seng Bank Ltd -Hong Kong
i have a lucrative business proposal of mutual interest to share with you. There is no way for me to
know whether I will be properly understood, but it is my duty to write and reach out to you, TRUSTING
that you will give this proposal a positive consideration.

I am Mr. William Leung Wing Cheung, the Executive Director and Head of Personal Banking of Hang Seng
Bank Limited, Hong-Kong with responsibility for the Bank’s financial services to individual customers which
cover deposits, loans, trust, private banking, insurance and the Bank’s branch network. I will need you to
assist me in executing a business project from our bank worth US$25.5 Million. These funds were deposited
with our bank by a customer of our bank who is a national {citizen} of your country/region, who
unfortunately died in the December 2004 Asia Tsunami disaster.

For more on this natural disaster click on these links:-

http://news.bbc.co.uk/cbbcnews/hi/newsid_4530000/newsid_4537600/4537601.stm
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/science/nature/4381395.stm
http://www.nytimes.com/2004/12/30/international/worldspecial4/30quake.html?_r=1&scp=10&sq=2004%20tsunami&st=cse&oref=slogin
http://www.globalsecurity.org/eye/andaman-us.htm

The deceased account has been declared dormant since 2006 and these funds will be
confiscated/declared unserviceable and turned over to the Hong Kong government if the deceased
business associates or next-of-kin did not claim this money; since all efforts to trace any living relative
of the deceased proved abortive, i have decided that i will have you claim this money as the deceased
business associate/or next-of-kin, since you are from the same country/region and perhaps have some
similarities in certain areas.

Everything concerning this transaction shall be LEGALLY done without hitch, as i was the deceased
account Officer and all the relevant documents of this deposit were kept under my care.

I will in the course of this transaction sends to you all of my legal and valid Identities {I.D} and also our
bank web site, where you can see my pictures and resumes for your reference.

Please endeavor to observe utmost discretion in all matters concerning this issue, as i hope that
you are a sincere, honest, matured person and above all TRUSTWORTHY. Once the funds have
been successfully transferred into your account, we shall share it in a ratio of 30% for you,65% for
me and my associates in the bank and the reminder 5% to take care of contingencies.

I will prefer you reach me on my private email address below :{ leungwingwilliamcheung@yahoo.com) and
finally after that I shall furnish you with more information about this operation. I am counting on your
anticipated co-operation for a successful and hitch free business transaction between us, that will be
mutually beneficial, for a start oblige me these information:-

1.Your Full name{s}:-

2.Current contact address:-

3.Your present Occupation:-

4.Your age:-

5.Contact phone numbers {Office and Mobile{cell}:-

{6}Your PRIVATE/CONFIDENTIAL e-mail address, if it is different.

Please if you are not interested delete this email and do not hurt me because I am putting my career and
the life of my family at stake with this venture. Although nothing ventured is nothing gained, as it is said,
the taste of the pudding is in the eating, do give this proposal SERIOUS AND POSITIVE CONSIDERATION,
but mindful of the fact also that it is HIGHLY CONFIDENTIAL.

Your earliest response to this letter will be highly appreciated.

Kind regards,

Mr. William Leung Wing Cheung,
{Executive Director/Head Personal Banking}
Hang Seng Bank Limited
Hong Kong.{Asia}
www.hangseng.com

PS:--PLEASE SEND YOUR REPLY TO US STRICTLY THROUGH THIS EMAIL ADDRESS FOR
SECURITY/PRIVACY REASONS:- leungwingwilliamcheung@yahoo.com

homer simpson

Ohh goodie it looks like i am going to get 40% of 12.8 million now, i can't beleive my luck recently :rolleyes:

PLEASE I NEED YOUR RESPONSE VERY URGENT,
FROM THE DESK OF : Mr. ALIDOU BALARE
AUDITING AND ACCOUNTING SECTION,
BANK OF AFRICA( B.O.A )
OUAGADOUGOU BURKINA-FASO, WEST AFRICA .

DEAR FRIEND,
I am Mr. ALIDOU BALARE, Manager Audit Accounting Department BANK OF AFRICA ( B.O.A ) Now i have the intent to contact you over this financial transaction worth the sum of Twelve Million Eight Hundred Thousand United States Dollars ($12.8m)for our mutual benefit.
this is an abandoned fund that belonged to one of our foriegn customers who died along with his entire family through plane crash disaster since few years ago.
meanwhile i was very fortunate to come across the deceased file when i was arranging the old and abandoned customers file inoder to sign and submit to the entire bank management for an official re-documentation and audit of the year against 2010. be informed clearly that it was stated in our banking rules and regulations which was signed lawfully that if such fund remains unclaimed till the period of some yaers starting from the date of death of the customer,the money will be transfered into the bank treasury as an unclaimed fund.
As an honour and advantage bestowed to our foriegn customers base on the rules guiding our bank, it was stated obviously that if you are not a citizen of Burkina-Faso,you have the absolute authority to claim the fund hence you are a foriegner despite your differences from country oforigin of the deceased.
on the transfer of this fund into your account,(40%) will be your share in respect of the account provision and your assistance rendered during the transfer of the fund into your bank account,(50%)will be my share being the coorfdinator and pillar of the transaction while the rest (10%)will be shared to the respectable charity homes which has been my second dream to be of help to humanity.
Now,if you are really sure of your trustworthy,accountability and
confidentiality on this transaction without dissapointment, reply with the assurance, come up with the information showed below and call me +226 787 62 077 .
1)YOUR FULL NAME............................
2)YOUR AGE...........................
3)MARITAL STATUS...........................
4)YOUR CELL PHONE NUMBER............................
5)YOUR FAX NUMBER............................
6)YOUR COUNTRY...........................
7)YOUR OCCUPATION............................
8)SEX............................
9)YOUR RELIGION................
10)YOUR PRIVATE E-MAIL.....................
YOURS FAITHFULLY,
ALIDOU BALARE.

muffler

When you get those just keep them for a while and forward them to the original senders.

smashey

Hey Homer, any chance of a tenner until payday?

http://www.419eater.com/