Problem with friends, girls and sex :(

LegacyUser

Hi everyone, I'm a regular poster but decided to go unreg for this. Its quite a big problem (well really 3 inter connected smaller problems) so I'll try to keep it as brief as possible.

Basically my main problem is to do with my friends. My main group of friends consists of a bunch of lads I grew up with and went to primary school with and we've stayed friends over 14 years like. Originally there was just 5 of us but over time more friends of friends have come on the scene and theres now nearly 15 in total.

Problem is this means we're all just kind of good aquaintances rather than proper friends if you get me. All this group of lads seem to want to do is drink or play football both of which are fine in small qualities but not all the time. Every time I suggest a game of paintball, bowling, pool, visiting the cinema, going to a gig they say it's too expensive and they don't have the money but yet they're able to go out on the piss and spend €50 on drink so its not a real excuse.everythign revolves aroudn drinking and I'm tired of it. The football matches i play with them have gotten to competitive as well and all the fun has gone from them so I don't go to those anymore either.

That kinda brings me to the 2nd problem. About 6 of the lads are friends with this group of about 10 girls, none of whom I particularly like. I amn't interested in them as girlfriends and i don't want to be friends with them (very stuck up, spolit rich girls-just not my type) so they basically ignore me and I ignore them when we meet. Problem is that the lads keep bringing these girls along to house parties and nightclubs when we go out which is giving me another reason to stay away from the guys as all they want to do is talk to these girls (none of whom fancy the lads as far as I can see so I don't see their interest). So I'm seeing less and less of the lads and it saddens me a lot . How do you reckon I can convince them to start doing some non alcohol related activities??? I do have other groups of friends but I've been friends with these lads for so long that simply ditching them isn't somethign I want to do.

Last problem is to do with girls but it kind of ties in with the friends issue. I always had trouble with confidence and approaching girls but I've been going out practicing and if I get rejected these days my attitude is so what, plenty more girls-every day is that little bit better than the one before-small steps and all that! Problem is a small segment of my "friends" (really aquaintances though-about 3o f them) really drag me down when i'm at a pary or a nightout with them. They seem to take pride in how useless and unattraticve to girls they are and seem to think its hillarious to whinge about how ugly they are to girls they meet itnstead of trying to flirt or even just talk to them. They've been tryign to drag me down to their level tellign girls how ugly I am and all and that. Its gotten to the poitn where I avoid these three together but when I meet up with the rest they're still there. Any advice on how I should deal with this whole situation short of abandoning everyone completely (which i don't really want to do)?????

Zen65

Make new friends, if possible by joining a club where none of your "friends" are members.

This doesn't mean abandoning your old friends, but give yourself options to spend less time with them. A group of guys this large rarely remains together for long (especially where girls get involved), so if you stay in touch but don't spend quite as much time with them, you'll be more likely to be in a position where you can selectively stay close to the lads you have the best relationship with.

The situation you describe sounds like the group is growing apart naturally. It may well be that others in the group feel a bit like you do, but don't have the courage to move on. Lead the way.


Be at peace,

Z

dory

Go have fun. Let them see how much fun you're having doing things and some of them might tag along. Don't let yourself be dragged down.

LegacyUser

How do you get your friends to do things you want to do? You don't and can't.

I tried to get my friends for years to do things other than the pub and they never wanted to - until the hooked up with their gf's and then

I went out and made new friends, tried different things and have expanded my horizons manifold while they are still in their small bubble.

I see less of them these days but that beats being annoyed at their lack of enthusiasm to do anything.

Go meet people who want to do things.. Get involved... Get out there.

I spent a lot of my 20s expecting my friends to do stuff - they don't/won't so I went out and made new friends. My phone directory is busting. I walk into the local and can chat to people I kinda know... . I'm more the person I always wanted to be because I took the risk and put myself on the line.

Now I may still not be Mr. confident but compared to 10 years ago, I am a different person.

Your friends don't know any better though.

dontbemean

How old are you, OP? I solved this problem when I moved away to university, where you can effectively choose your friends as opposed to being stuck with people you were placed in a school situation with.

AngryBadger

DV2 wrote: »

Last problem is to do with girls but it kind of ties in with the friends issue. I always had trouble with confidence and approaching girls but I've been going out practicing and if I get rejected these days my attitude is so what, plenty more girls-every day is that little bit better than the one before-small steps and all that!

Fair dews OP this is the only way to do it but it takes stones and more than a little grit.

Your friends sound like jerk-offs, particularly if they constantly put you down regarding women.

Having recently divested myself of several "friends" I had similar issues with and had tried multiple different approaches with, (in my case all they wanted to do was sit in and smoke weed or go drinking with the same group of people all the freaking time all of which I'd gotten tired of), I'd say your best bet if to try and make some new friends.

The obvious ways to meet new people are join a club or social group of some kind. I would suggest not cutting ties completely with your current batch of friends, in all likelihood it will still suit you to meet them now and again for a few drinks, or the odd game of footie. But certainly if you're finding that they're unwilling to do anything else, and are constantly just putting you down, then the only real solution is to find some new friends.

LegacyUser

dontbemean wrote: »

How old are you, OP? I solved this problem when I moved away to university, where you can effectively choose your friends as opposed to being stuck with people you were placed in a school situation with.

Op here, ah nah I'm already in college so thats not the problem. You might have missed it in my OP but I said I do have other groups of friends, 3 other groups in fact and I'm joinign another club when college starts back so its not a case that I'm stuck with these lads all the time. I think that the advice other posters gave me about gradually distancing myself with other activities but still keeping in contact but less frequently is the best route to go. Cheers everybody.