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Unhappy with status quo

  • 24-07-2010 2:14am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Was out last weekend with some friends for a friend's birthday. I'm the only one of my friends not in a reasonably long-term relationship, and the question arose, which it never has before, as to when I was going to do something about it. Haven't been able to stop thinking about that all week.

    I'm 21, I've never been in, or for that matter been near, a relationship. Had my first kiss just shy of my 20th birthday, and haven't had one since. I want it, it just hasn't happened. I know I'm not the most confident of people, and I know all about the "just eff-ing go for it" mentality that many say I should adopt. I try and it never works. I find a girl I like, or even see one I like the look of, and say to myself "go for it, you've nothing to lose" and then let chances pass me by.

    I don't have a great self image. I've always struggled with my weight (not to a terrible extent, I'm 6'0 and 13 stone 7, I just don't carry it well) which did for a time hold me back, but the conscious side of me is past that - a skinnydip with strangers on a holiday in Greece last summer was when I first knew I was over it. I don't know how my subconcious feels, though, and I have an niggling suspicion that we don't agree.

    I have plenty of friends, but I do find it hard to make friends.

    I have considered that it could be a latent homosexuality thing, but I'm now sure that it's not (mainly due to quite intense feelings I've had in recent times for a few girls I know).

    I dunno. Basically, I've always been aware of it, but assumed it had slipped by my friends, but now that I know it hasn't I feel worse than I have done about it. I'm not sure what I want out of this thread, maybe I just need to put it out there.


Comments

  • #2
    newtothis2010
    Closed Accounts Posts: 45 ✭newtothis2010


    Op

    you're 21... plenty of time to get into an LTR... but don't push it, rush it or overthink it.. these things happen naturally, when ya try force yourself into one it'll fall flat on its face..

    you've been dealing with your self image and bravo for getting there, keep that experience of skinny dipping in the forefront of your mind, it'll get rid of the negatives in the back of the head..
    thats a natural part of growing up.. you need to be happy with you first before ya can be happy with someone else..

    don't bend to the peer pressure... you'll 'do' something about it when the time is right and the stars align for ya!..

    you say you've had pretty intense feelings for some girls lately.. were there indications the feelings may have been reciprocated enough to go on a date? you don't need to be super confident or cocky to approach these girls, just talk to them naturally, find a common interest and just roll with it..

    relationships are born out of an attraction and a friendship, esp in early 20s...and that attraction isn't always all about the physical, a stimulating partner, mentally, can be just as much of a turn on for girls as the classic beefed up 6 packer!...
    try expanding your horizons and going different places to normal, join in on activities that will open up your social circle, you'd be surprised how you meet people in a similar situation of both sexes.. and it will give you time away from those in the group who are in LTR's... being constantly surrounded with that will of course make you question your own situation..

    remember your 20s are a huge learning curve in your life, its when you start to mature as an adult (one hopes!:D) and see a direction in life you want to go (that can continue for many many years though!!) don't be fretting about settling down.. what you want now and even over the next 3-4 years can change in the following 3-4 years...

    there'lll be plenty of opportunities for many many more first kises!!.. enjoy the time you have now, explore life and when you least expect it you'll find someone to share it with...

    best of luck!..


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