Unplanned Pregnancy - outside a relationship

Phil2411

Hi everyone,
I am 27 years old and originally from England. I recently moved back to the UK but then found out a girl ( from a one night stand ) was pregnant so I have now relocated back to Dublin. I know her through a friend, I am quite sure at this stage there is no future in a possible relationship between us so I really need to try and manage a good relationship which will work for the child going forward.
Im really trying to stay positive but there are so many questions and its just such a strange situation its difficult to know what to do.
Im really just looking to speak to people that might have been in a similar situation or are now single parents.
Looking forward to talking with you.
Phil

wolfpawnat

Hey Phil, you are a very good person for moving close by your child and to try and have a cordial relationship with the mother is very adult of you ( I know you are 27, but most men would be gone like the wind)

What sort of questions do you need answered, boards is a very good place to get some of them

January

Phil2411 wrote: »

Hi everyone,
I am 27 years old and originally from England. I recently moved back to the UK but then found out a girl ( from a one night stand ) was pregnant so I have now relocated back to Dublin. I know her through a friend, I am quite sure at this stage there is no future in a possible relationship between us so I really need to try and manage a good relationship which will work for the child going forward.
Im really trying to stay positive but there are so many questions and its just such a strange situation its difficult to know what to do.
Im really just looking to speak to people that might have been in a similar situation or are now single parents.
Looking forward to talking with you.
Phil

Hi Phil,
I'll second what wolfpawnat said. Congratulations for stepping up when a lot of people would run for the wind if they had the chance. Support the mother during the pregnancy, if she wants you to attend scans/hospital appointments and the like try your best to be there for her, being pregnant is scary, let alone being pregnant and single.

When the baby is born, help her out as much as you can, she may not want to let you take baby off on your own for a while (and don't feel put out by that), as she will be trying to establish a feeding/sleeping routine and bonding with the baby, also she may be scared, over protective mother syndrome takes over. What you could do is come to her house and clean, cook for her, let her head off for a shower/bath while you mind baby, or for a nap! Sleep is like gold dust in the early days!!

As regards to fact that she will be a single mother and MAY look for maintenance from you, try and organise it all as amicably as you can without getting lawyers/courts involved. Same goes for access to the baby when the time comes. You already seem so adult about it that it shouldn't be a problem but it's always one thing that comes to mind when you think of two people not in a relationship with a baby.

And, when you need advice there's always boards! The people here are a well of information when it comes to all things baby and they gave me a lot of support through both my pregnancies and now during motherhood even though I'm not a single mother.

caprilicious

+1 on the advice above & as already mentioned - fair play to you for stepping up to the mark & doing your all to be there as a day.

My suggestion would be, although there's no chance of you getting back together, could you plan to spend some time together, work on developing a friendship with the mum to be?
For at least the next 18 years of both your lives (and the rest!) you are both going to be bound together with the child you have, so if you can start off as friends it might make life a lot easier.

The very best of luck to you both & congratulations

metrovelvet

Great advice from adrienne x. Follow it and it will stand to both you and the child.

irelandspurs

how do you know its yours?