What would you say ? Why 3 ?

LegacyUser

I was at my brothers babys christening yesterday, he asked me to be Godfather about 6 weeks ago, I said yes, i was delighted to be asked. But, yesterday when we're sitting down in the church, i'm in the second row with the godmother, when my sister-in-laws two brothers come and join us in the same row. I was confused at this point. So a few minutes into the mass, I realise, after reading down throught the page, that the two lads were also godfathers. Now thats three in total, i've never heard anything like it, and quite frankly think its crazy, as its dilutes the thing entirely. As my mother would have said, "taking the good out of it".

Now i was sitting there almost seething, as i had no knowledge of this, he never mentioned it at all over the last 6 weeks, he mentioned the godmother alright. So afterwards, went back to the house for bbq, drink, loads of people there...blah, blah, blah the usual stuff ye know. I didnt want to say anything, as i didnt want to start a row, and it was the childs day and so on. Wasnt talking to him today, but i have to say something.

What would you do or say in my situation? Any thoughts or suggestions are appreciated.

I always thought, that the father picked the godfather, and the mother picked the godmother, or vice versa, depending on how many brothers and sisters there are. But if i'd have known my sis-in-laws two boyos of brothers were goning to be there too, i'd have declined. It just looses all meaning with 3, sure why not have 6 or 7 if you want it like that.

"Trying to keep everyone happy" is what i think. I felt like such a fool sitting in that church, and its certainly not "keeping me happy".

cheesey1

I read a post very similar to this a few weeks back, it is really up to the parents who and how many godparents they want, maybe you and the two other men could offer the child different things as the child grows up I don't mean monatary value, I guess to be there for him or her if he/she ever wants advice.

I wouldn't say anything to your brother or his wife as you are just going to up set them and you have now become the child's godfather.

cats.life

totally oblivious wrote: »

I was at my brothers babys christening yesterday, he asked me to be Godfather about 6 weeks ago, I said yes, i was delighted to be asked. But, yesterday when we're sitting down in the church, i'm in the second row with the godmother, when my sister-in-laws two brothers come and join us in the same row. I was confused at this point. So a few minutes into the mass, I realise, after reading down throught the page, that the two lads were also godfathers. Now thats three in total, i've never heard anything like it, and quite frankly think its crazy, as its dilutes the thing entirely. As my mother would have said, "taking the good out of it".

Now i was sitting there almost seething, as i had no knowledge of this, he never mentioned it at all over the last 6 weeks, he mentioned the godmother alright. So afterwards, went back to the house for bbq, drink, loads of people there...blah, blah, blah the usual stuff ye know. I didnt want to say anything, as i didnt want to start a row, and it was the childs day and so on. Wasnt talking to him today, but i have to say something.

What would you do or say in my situation? Any thoughts or suggestions are appreciated.

I always thought, that the father picked the godfather, and the mother picked the godmother, or vice versa, depending on how many brothers and sisters there are. But if i'd have known my sis-in-laws two boyos of brothers were goning to be there too, i'd have declined. It just looses all meaning with 3, sure why not have 6 or 7 if you want it like that.

"Trying to keep everyone happy" is what i think. I felt like such a fool sitting in that church, and its certainly not "keeping me happy".

well op, how many godmothers did baby have? i find it odd aswell, well done on keeping stum op. have a word with brother in the next few days when you have calmed down a bit. where i come from there are usualy one godmother and godfather. poor child will be confused on comfirmation day with the three godfathers,.

QuiteInterestin

This sounds alot like a thread posted a few weeks ago, even down to the OPs mothers opinion on it

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055961104

I'm guessing the 2 OPs are the same, and if so, not sure what you're hoping to achieve from this. If you knew back then there was to be 3 godfathers and didn't do anything about it, there's not much you can do now. Get over whatever issues you have about not being the only godfather and be happy to have been asked to play such an important role in your nephews life.

Chinafoot

The only thing I find odd about the situation is that he didn't mention the other 2 godfathers to you. Most likely scenario is that your brother and his missus couldn't bring themselves to pick between everyone and thought it would be a nice gesture to ask the three of you. Entirely their decision and you should feel honoured to be asked tbh.

As for it diluting the whole thing and taking the good out of it, I'd have to question how religious yourself and your brother's family are. If you're not very religious then I don't see what the big deal is and I think "seething" is a massive overreaction. These days non-practicing catholics seem to get their children christened because its a) the expected, done, thing and b) to avoid the school problem in the future.

If you feel you have to say something to your brother then perhaps say that a heads-up about the other two would have been nice as you didn't realise it wasn't just you. Don't make an issue out of this as it'll make you look very petty.

Edit: upon reading the above link, you need to seriously get over it OP. Also, lying about when you found out?? You say the good has been taken out of it....for who? Certainly not the child. Stop focusing on yourself.

up for anything

In the same way there are Bridezillas, you are a Godzilla (double pun ).

If you are a genuine poster my advice is to keep quiet and do your 'job' as you see fit. Why should having three godfathers devalue the position? Do you feel that you are not special anymore?

MJ23

My bit of advice would be to choose your words carefully, dont make it into a row. I wouldnt agree with some of the others who said to say nothing. You'd be holding it in for ages, and that doesnt do you any good.

minidazzler

I'd be a bit pissed I think, I would see it as the parents trying to get more presents for the kid at Bdays/christmas and such.

That said, I am strictly athiest so on that principle I would decline anyway.

I am thinking a bit of greed probably took over rather than wanting people to be honoured.

Overheal

maybe im missing something here but a Godfather's role is to ensure your religious/general education and upbringing is it not? In which case Im not sure what the problem is having 3 godparents.

Grawns

Overheal wrote: »

maybe im missing something here but a Godfather's role is to ensure your religious/general education and upbringing is it not? In which case Im not sure what the problem is having 3 godparents.

Presents He could have asked elton john and all

tbh

I think you are over-reacting. 3 godfathers is a little unusual, but what's the point in getting angry?

Chinafoot

minidazzler wrote: »

I'd be a bit pissed I think, I would see it as the parents trying to get more presents for the kid at Bdays/christmas and such.

That said, I am strictly athiest so on that principle I would decline anyway.

I am thinking a bit of greed probably took over rather than wanting people to be honoured.

Greed? Really? Thats a pretty nasty assumption. It's far more likely a case of not wanting to offend anyone by choosing between the three of them.

Besides, in most families I know where there are few kids, the aunts and uncles buy the nieces and nephews birthday and christmas presents regardless of godmother/father status. But maybe just having the kids is just a greedy ploy for presents :rolleyes:

ThePiedPiper

Get over it quicksmart OP.. it's the parents choice, they are a family unit now and you spouting that it's been devalued for you is only going to piss them off. In any case, it's what you do for the rest of the child's life as a godparent that matters, not how many people are standing beside you at the alter. Are these two other lads going to visit the baby as much as you, are they going to offer to babysit, are they going to help with picking up a box of nappies or babywipes when needed, buy the kid a little toy from time to time? These are the little things that'll make the child proud to announce somebody as his/her godfather and develop a special bond that lasts for life. That is what is of value to the child.

SarahSassy

totally oblivious wrote: »

if i'd have known my sis-in-laws two boyos of brothers were goning to be there too, i'd have declined. It just looses all meaning with 3, sure why not have 6 or 7 if you want it like that.

Its too late now...

Its nto about you, its about the child and its future. I would not be ruining the fathers day and joy for the new arrival. Chalk it down to experience and move on and try to be a good godfather to the child.

Who are you to decide who are boyo's or not???

ncmc

I can see why you're a bit pi**ed off OP, it seems absolutely daft to me to have 3 Godfathers, it's like something a vacuous celebrity would come up with. But in saying that, what is to be gained by saying something to your brother? You don't know what kind of 'politics' exist in your sister in laws family, maybe her mother was putting pressure on her to have one of her brothers as god father and your brother really wanted to have you. They probably thought this was a good compromise. I can see how you feel it is de-valuing the honour a bit, but in reality, how much extra responsibility do you think a godfather has? I have neices and nephews and am God mother to two of them, and I can honestly say I feel no different about my god daughters than I do about my other neices and nephews.

Your brother and sister in law have enough on their plates at the moment, the first few months of being a new parent are incredibly stressful, why would you add to their stress by saying something? They probably thought they were doing the diplomatic thing. The fact that they didn't mention it shows they probably didn't think it was a big deal (lets be honest, they have more to be worrying about than godparents). Please forget about it and just get on with being a great uncle and god father, your risk making a big deal and falling out with your brother over something fairly insignificant.

KittyeeTrix

Well there is a first for everything I suppose but I can honestly say it's the first time I've been likened to a "vacuous celebrity" for a choice I've made:D

OP, I have 4 children and the first 3 had the standard 2 godparents but my 4th child had 3 godfathers and 1 godmother. The reason being that we knew we weren't going to have anymore and wanted our 4 remaining closest friends to be connected in some way to our family as our other friends all stood for our other children......
Nothing to do with being greedy but a genuine want to have those people we considered sooooo special in our lives to be special also in our children's lives!:)

Beruthiel

totally oblivious wrote: »

Now i was sitting there almost seething, as i had no knowledge of this, he never mentioned it at all over the last 6 weeks, he mentioned the godmother alright. So afterwards, went back to the house for bbq, drink, loads of people there...blah, blah, blah the usual stuff ye know. I didnt want to say anything, as i didnt want to start a row, and it was the childs day and so on. Wasnt talking to him today, but i have to say something.

Well somebodies nose is out of joint.
Seething? Seriously?
Talk about an over reaction.
Your brother probably said nothing because in his mind, he's not seeing a problem here. Neither am I.

I apparently have god parents, they live in another country and they haven't made a jot of difference in my life.
Now this is your little nephew, whither you are his god father or not, how exactly are you going to treat him/relate to him any differently?
He won't remember you, or care for you any differently bacause of this.
What is important to him is he has a great uncle.

Get your priorities straight here. Do not say anything to your brother, why cause a rift over something so petty?

MicraBoy

I think it's a bit off him not mentioning it was a joint godfatherhood. Then again maybe he knows you well and realised you'd have a freaker about it, so kept it quiet.

Having been a joint best man and a joint god father, I think that it is not that unusual. I think people are just taking control of their own situation rather than being forced into picking one person and offending another.

I know when I was joint god father it was because my brother isn't going to have any more kids so it was now or never.

kjl

Maybe your brother really likes that film three men and a baby, and figures if anything happens to him and his wife, it would be comedy gold.

But seriously though, why do you even care? Its a bit crap, but sure that's life. In fact, when all this has blown over and you and your bother are out for a pint or something, then ask him, why 3?

Zen65

totally oblivious wrote: »

Now i was sitting there almost seething, as i had no knowledge of this, he never mentioned it at all over the last 6 weeks, he mentioned the godmother alright.

As a Godfather, I understand you have a duty to instill Christian values in your Godchild, is this not the case? Yet here, on a joyous occasion, you have brought seething rage with you..... towards your own brother? Is this the sort of brotherly love your Christ would have wanted you to show towards your own flesh and blood?

Seriously OP, ask yourself why this is such an issue for you. The child is being treated to four Godparents, and you are being treated to a Godchild. Why should you feel bad that this is not an exclusive relationship? I suspect the issue for you is that you see these in-laws as being of a lower rank than you, and you're annoyed they got equal status on the day? The appointment of Godparents is a shared decision by the parents, and certainly is not done the way you describe in your post.

I think you need to see that your glass was half-filled by the gift of being made a Godparent, and you can fill the rest of it by being a good uncle. Stop trying to find fault with the arrangement.

Be at peace,

Z

carolinespring

I know lots of people ho pick more than 2 god parents. Each person gave give something different to the child ( ie one might be sporty and play sprots with the kid, One might be into the arts and will take the child along to plays) etc. I would not say anything and just be delighted that you get to play such a big part in the childs life.

I am one of two godmothers to a child and the other godmother has a lotal different out look on life and the child loves spending lime with each of us.

It is something a lot of couples are doing now. Enjoy!!!

Kidchameleon

Godparent = Micky Mouse title

OP i feel your totally overreacting. Being a god parent is no different to being an uncle. Chilax.

SarahSassy

Yeah there is a fad at the moment of having numerous godparents (similar to large numbers of bridesmaids etc) and I think its a lot to do with the kid getting more birthday / xmas / communion presents...

I often wonder how many of the parents then bring the child to mass etc on Sundays and raise them in a relaious manner or if its all big show for one day..

KittyeeTrix

SarahSassy wrote: »

Yeah there is a fad at the moment of having numerous godparents (similar to large numbers of bridesmaids etc) and I think its a lot to do with the kid getting more birthday / xmas / communion presents...

I often wonder how many of the parents then bring the child to mass etc on Sundays and raise them in a relaious manner or if its all big show for one day..

Just asking if you read my post above which may give you a slightly different perspective on the reasoning behind some parents choice to have more than 2 godparents???

You are of course entitled to your point of view but please don't tar all people with the same brush!!!

We didn't have a big showy day.......We went to the local church and then back to the house for some ham sandwiches and cocktail sausages washed down with a large pot of tae;)

Certainly not a showy event!!