independent/funny well travelled single chick...struggling with getting older

iguana2005

36yrs of age and have travelled the world since 21. Never a backpacker always a member of another society working full time(office) paying taxes and rent in Australia, New Zealand, China, Fiji and USA. loved it. came home as parents getting old.
home 2 yers and am cracking up. have a great job. crap pay but love it. missing the buzz of travelling and over the years have goteen to dislike ireland - narrow mindness, parhocial and now ths recession..
think i might head to london...
anyhow just wondering anyone else out there in similar position. renting as cant afford to buy a house and think a waste of money in ireland anyhow(single 60 yr old trying to pay a mortgage..good luck) irish men dont do it for me. love being here with my friends but sad wathcing parents die. doing te same things i did here when 21. notice work mates getting younger and in this society an independent single girl is considered 'weird'...one of the girls i work with is pregnant - writing this as am so jelous of her however woould HATE her life...polish girl going out with alcoholic irish guy..great future...NOT...feel so left out as all ther girls have kids and im the oldest and dont...
single ladies what do you do for kicks...how rosy is your future looking...similar stuff happening in your life?
feel very lonly and isolated..

LegacyUser

Hi...of course there are loads of women like you out there. I am one of them! Yes I sometimes look around and wonder about living here. Also lived abroad in several places like you. It displaces you & when you return you have changed but they will always be the same. Thats ok. Stop comparing yourself if you can. The mind is funny and can make you think you are missing something.
But think of it this way:
All the experiences you have had....would you trade them for the same Friday & Saturday out that your peers have had, to date that man, marry him & now wait for him to come home of a weekend because you can't go out.(small children)
Would you trade them for the same small talk & in-laws & neighbours year in & out throughout your 20s?
Would you trade them to plan (yes by yourself) a 2 week 'all-in' holiday' that fitted in around your mans golf/hurling/insert hobby... for 50 weeks of ?
All bar none of my friends are now married/have kids and I don't envy them one bit because its hard work. They even privately admit that they sometimes wonder where the fun is...especially now with added financial pressures.
You wanted adventure...it sounds like...good for you...but this does not mean your adventures are over. YOU ARE YOUNG...sing it!!!!
Today you can go out after work & go running...swimming...join a triathalon club...challenge yourself. The only one stopping yourself is you.
Not your parents...(when I emigrated I left when I thought my parents were young & healthy but I still got that phonecall no-one wants when abroad)..so you can't time it.
If you had a child...(I don't)...would you want them to fly and relish life & share all their experiences with you...or would you want to cage them & hold them down?
I know my answer. Sorry for the long post. Be well and trust your instincts.

tenchi-fan

I rented a room off a 37 year old woman a few years back. I really admired her because she was so independent. She had her own house, decent job, nice lifestyle.
The thing is now she's 42.. still pretty outgoing. But I don't see a rosy future in sight. I hope I'm wrong because she is a nice person.

On the other hand, my mother knows a few women in their 60s who are divorced or widowed and seem to have a nice lifestyle of meeting their friends, going on city breaks in Europe, playing golf and .. generally older women stuff. They're all fiercely independent.

The problem is you have 20+ years before you are their age.

LegacyUser

I woulda been in your shoes up until a couple of years back.

Now 38

Hated coming back and missed the enjoyment of travel, beaches, people.

I decided to make the most of it. I got involved in various things in my local town through which I have become part of its fabric.

Due to that, I enjoy being here a lot more. Prior to that i was like you - looking at people wondering how they could exist like that... with their small uninteresting lives (very judgemental but I now know that the majority of people are happy to just plod along).

Getting involved in things and being part of a community really helps.

I've also discovered a couple of hobbies through which I have made many new friends and which gave me the same buzz as travelling as I met so many people, had lots of weekends away etc.

Ireland can be very narrow minded so you have to meet broad minded people. Try to meet people similar to those you'd meet while travelling.

LegacyUser

From the OP and the other repsonses in this post there really is a terribly judgmental attitude coming across. You don't want the life that your friends have, then you don't have to live it. In the same way that your friends do not have to live the life you have. Everyone wants different things and is happy with different things.
If you are not happy here move on, or get out there and do things, go out and make new friends who are more suited to the life you want.
At the end of the day it doesn't matter how well-travelled you are or how independent you are or if you have never left Ireland at all, if you are unhappy with your life you need to make changes. You are hardly passed you prime OP, still plenty of time for new experiences.
Ireland as 'narrow minded' will only affect you if you allow it to. After seeing so much of the world and travelling so much do you really care about what other people think? I know plently of sinlge women in the late 20s to mid 30s, no one sees them as 'weird'. I don't know but it seems to me like you are projecting your own insecurities onto other people.
Get out there and have fun, live your life. You're only holding yourself back.

Emme

I have to say that it doesn't get any easier the older you get, but that doesn't say that you can't enjoy life. You just have to work harder at it - join clubs, take the initiative and organise nights out with friends, keep making as many new friends as possible.

Some Irish people have the attitude that if you're not married with kids (or have been married with kids) by a certain age there's something wrong with you, particularly if you're female. I've got the "you're so attractive and so nice so why are you single" line so many times that I feel like screaming! I find that mixing with non-Irish people helps - they often have different attitudes to the natives who can sometimes be entrenched and provincial in their thinking.

I'm not being horrible, but if I spend too much time around my single female Irish friends I feel like I'm being buried alive in bile and negativity, mostly directed towards men. Then I start to pick up on it. So I have to spend time with my non-Irish friends to get back into balance again.

Micahelxcx

What's all this negative generalisation about Irish men? We are not all bad.
So you're single living in 'narrow-minded' Ireland. My opinion is that Ireland is not narrow minded but quite progressive and expansive.
What is it you don't like about Irish men? Drink? Well love I will gladly inform you that Irish women also drink and they drink to excess and are often worse than men in the alcohol stakes.
So, what else is it about men? And About Ireland in general?
If you think the grass is greener on the other side, then off with you back on your travels.
But don't generalise about Ireland and Irish men. You seem to be the narrow minded person here.

iguana2005

Micahelxcx wrote: »

My opinion is that Ireland is not narrow minded but quite progressive and expansive. But don't generalise about Ireland and Irish men. You seem to be the narrow minded person here.

this was the 'typical' response i was expecting - thanks to the others before you who are a bit more open minded and been there done that....not narrow minded at ALL in fact quiet the oposite Ha Ha Ha...and good to see some people similiar to me here...thank YOU!

yeah there is a generalistion for women in ireland that if yur over 35+ single and childless (especially in smaller towns) you do tend to stand out...doenst really bother me today - yesterday it did in work...even though im pretty ok looking some of my younger work colleagues think im gay! which makes me laugh - ok lots of my friends are gay but if your hanging out with a Morman are you a morman too!? Typical narrow minded thinking i would have to say..i worry about the future BIG time...especially financially...a double income is a BLESSING(had it before and life was much more comfortable paying rent/esb/eircom/bins/petrol on one wage is a bummer but cant complain lots of mummies here who do it too buut have kids)

yes did the whole new hobbies things..and dating...think i need to travel again,...and i BET my friends will say - oh you should settle down and get a hosue...you cant win...

Emme

Micahelxcx wrote: »

What's all this negative generalisation about Irish men? We are not all bad.
So you're single living in 'narrow-minded' Ireland. My opinion is that Ireland is not narrow minded but quite progressive and expansive.

In what way? The only thing in this country that seems to be progressing and expanding right now are the unemployment figures and the national debt!:rolleyes:

Micahelxcx wrote: »

What is it you don't like about Irish men? Drink? Well love I will gladly inform you that Irish women also drink and they drink to excess and are often worse than men in the alcohol stakes.

I don't agree. It's about 50:50. Alcohol is a huge problem here - we drink so much that we simply cannot communicate with each other properly on a night out. That's one thing that's holding us back.

Micahelxcx wrote: »

If you think the grass is greener on the other side, then off with you back on your travels.

That is precisely what generations of Irish people have been doing for centuries, and they are still doing it. Off on their travels they go and many never come back. Those that do come back sometimes find it difficult to settle here again. We're so resistant to change and we hate our own. If the OP goes travelling again she won't be on her own!

wylo

Miss UNreg wrote: »

From the OP and the other repsonses in this post there really is a terribly judgmental attitude coming across. You don't want the life that your friends have, then you don't have to live it. In the same way that your friends do not have to live the life you have. Everyone wants different things and is happy with different things.
If you are not happy here move on, or get out there and do things, go out and make new friends who are more suited to the life you want.
At the end of the day it doesn't matter how well-travelled you are or how independent you are or if you have never left Ireland at all, if you are unhappy with your life you need to make changes. You are hardly passed you prime OP, still plenty of time for new experiences.
Ireland as 'narrow minded' will only affect you if you allow it to. After seeing so much of the world and travelling so much do you really care about what other people think? I know plently of sinlge women in the late 20s to mid 30s, no one sees them as 'weird'. I don't know but it seems to me like you are projecting your own insecurities onto other people.
Get out there and have fun, live your life. You're only holding yourself back.

It may sound judgmental but it is very very true, the irony of the whole thing is that when you arrive home from travelling the one problem you find yourself surrounded by is how judgmental everyone is.

Stheno

Iguana2005, I don't mean to sound harsh, and I probably will, but every few months you tend to post a thread along similiar lines here or in the ladies lounge.

I remember in a previous thread you posted spending a fair bit of time and effort in terms of advising on budgeting, and others giving you lots of advice in your other threads, but you seem to tend to ignore the advice that's given and come back a few months later with essentially the same issues.

I'l wonder if you'd not be better off actually setting yourself some short term achievable goals which will boost your confidence, or actually making some concrete plans rather than stagnating in an environment which is making you unhappy?

If you are that unhappy with your life and prospective future as you percieve it, then ultimately it's up to you to do something about it, there is plenty of help out there if you look for it, but you have to initiate it.

good luck

LegacyUser

wylo wrote: »

It may sound judgmental but it is very very true, the irony of the whole thing is that when you arrive home from travelling the one problem you find yourself surrounded by is how judgmental everyone is.

Settle down anywhere long enough and people around you will judge you. I don't think that is exclusive to Ireland. People judge others all the time. Unless you are a hermit or living in a huge city with no connections to anyone people will make judgments, good and bad about you. You judging them for that is only making things worse.
If you really care that much what people think of you the maybe you need ask yourself (this is a general you not you in particualar) why others opinions of you make you unhappy. As is often the case the things that bother us the most are the things that hold some grain of truth. From what the OP says it seems that she herself is bothered by the fact that she is single and that is why she feels that people are judging her as being weird.
If you are truly independent and comfortable with the choices you have made in your life then you shouldn't care what others think. Their 'narrow-mindedness' is their problem.

santana75

Stheno wrote: »

Iguana2005, I don't mean to sound harsh, and I probably will, but every few months you tend to post a thread along similiar lines here or in the ladies lounge.

I remember in a previous thread you posted spending a fair bit of time and effort in terms of advising on budgeting, and others giving you lots of advice in your other threads, but you seem to tend to ignore the advice that's given and come back a few months later with essentially the same issues.

I'l wonder if you'd not be better off actually setting yourself some short term achievable goals which will boost your confidence, or actually making some concrete plans rather than stagnating in an environment which is making you unhappy?

If you are that unhappy with your life and prospective future as you percieve it, then ultimately it's up to you to do something about it, there is plenty of help out there if you look for it, but you have to initiate it.

good luck

Its called venting, getting it off your chest. And if thats what the OP needs to do then thats fine. Sometimes people arent looking for solutions or advice, theyre looking for a bit of understanding and not to be juidged, just to be listened to.

LegacyUser

wylo wrote: »

It may sound judgmental but it is very very true, the irony of the whole thing is that when you arrive home from travelling the one problem you find yourself surrounded by is how judgmental everyone is.

I spent a few years travelling. When I came home I didn't find people judgemental. Maybe they got sick of me going on about where I'd been and what I'd done. I used to reply 'They were important years of my life, so it's only natural I talk about them. If you don't want to hear what I've been up to these last few years, then I don't want to hear what you've been up to'. : P. Usually worked!

Other than that, I didn't have too much hassle. I wasn't expecting a red carpet when I came home though. I immersed myself in the local community, doing volunteer work, playing sports etc to get myself back into the swing of things.

fungun

every time i come back from any decent amount of time abroad its the weather and lack of infrastructure/facilities that piss me off more than anything.