I farted during a massage today

Pope Benedict

I was having a Thai massage this afternoon. My usual masseuse wasn't available so it was with a new girl. Such was her excellence she had me switched off fairly quick, so much so that I let out a squeaky streamer that lasted near five seconds about fiteen mins in to the hour session. I apologised immediately and she brushed it off but I know she was offended. My only saving grace was that it didn't leave a pong. Anyone else have a story about farting at an inopportune moment?

SadieSue

I guess you didn't have a happy ending.

dvpower

Pope Benedict wrote: »

I was having a Thai massage this afternoon. My usual masseuse wasn't available so it was with a new girl. Such was her excellence she had me switched off fairly quick, so much so that I let out a squeaky streamer that lasted near five seconds about fiteen mins in to the hour session. I apologised immediately and she brushed it off but I know she was offended. My only saving grace was that it didn't leave a pong. Anyone else have a story about farting at an inopportune moment?

That's more than a fart.

mike65

I just farted in the general direction of this thread, but I don't think it was inappropriate.

Einhard

I farted once on the set of Blue Lagoon.

bonerm

Did you follow through?

Pope Benedict

dvpower wrote: »

That's more than a fart.

What?

dave 27

haha brilliant!

after that u should have turned over on your back and demand a hand job, she would have been so offended from the fart a hand job would have seemed appropriate!

ejmaztec

Pope Benedict wrote: »

Anyone else have a story about farting at an inopportune moment?

No, you're the only one, your eminence-ship.

dilallio

Why do farts smell? - for the benefit of the deaf!

ElaElaElano

Hi Jake,

Contrary to your other pseudonyms, I think not everyone will hate you this time. No, this stuff is right up Flutt's street.

bonerm

dave 27 wrote: »

haha brilliant!

after that u should have turned over on your back and demand a hand job, she would have been so offended from the fart a hand job would have seemed appropriate!

He has Altar boys for that.

Pope Benedict

bonerm wrote: »

Did you follow through?

No although there was a brown streak on the towel when I was finished, very faint mind you.

elius

dvpower wrote: »

That's more than a fart.

Anything 5 seconds or over = a SHART:D:D

Strange Loop

Accidentally let one rip during a particularly difficult stretch in a yoga class once.

'Ah, sure no-one'll have noticed', I thought. They'll never pinpoint me in this crowd.

The looks in the mirror said otherwise.

messymess

Can you PM us on the details and rate of your masseuse? I'd murder a good thai massage! If I go to the same one I might even fart for laugh

ya-ba-da-ba-doo

elius wrote: »

Anything 5 seconds or over = a SHART:D:D

No. A fart with shíte splutters in it is a shart.



To be precise.

blinding

Pope Benedict wrote: »

I was having a Thai massage this afternoon. My usual masseuse wasn't available so it was with a new girl. Such was her excellence she had me switched off fairly quick, so much so that I let out a squeaky streamer that lasted near five seconds about fiteen mins in to the hour session. I apologised immediately and she brushed it off but I know she was offended. My only saving grace was that it didn't leave a pong. Anyone else have a story about farting at an inopportune moment?

Give her permission to plug your holiness's hole before the next massage !

Pope Benedict

ya-ba-da-ba-doo wrote: »

No. A fart with shíte splutters in it is a shart.



To be precise.

As embarrassing as a fart was a shart would be crushing.

caseyann

Dont worry about it, Masseuses are used to that and it is not uncommon.

AckwelFoley

Alls well that ends well.

You could have mistaken and completely **** your togs.

That would be a little more awkward.

Of course it would be even more awkward if she then ate it

evil_seed

Done it in the physio while getting my back worked on. The strech used caused it.. I swear. Also once in the gym while the instructor was beside my instructing on how to lift the weights I was doing properly. I was proper embarrassed cos she was soooo hot.

Pope Benedict

caseyann wrote: »

Dont worry about it, Masseuses are used to that and it is not uncommon.

Really? Are you a masseuse Ann?

caseyann

Pope Benedict wrote: »

Really? Are you a masseuse Ann?

No i go to them regular,told me if i fart its cool it natural.Means the toxins and digestive system is been cleansed
Oh and your bowel movement become more frequent so if your alot more thirsty dont worry about it

easyeason3

I got food poisoning two months ago.

I've been afraid to fart/ burp since

Pope Benedict

caseyann wrote: »

No i go to them regular,told me if i fart its cool it natural.Means the toxins and digestive system is been cleansed
Oh and your bowel movement become more frequent so if your alot more thirsty dont worry about it

Ok cool. Didn't think massages would have any link to the digestive system.

Archeron

easyeason3 wrote: »

I got food poisoning two months ago.

I've been afraid to fart/ burp since

You havent farted in two months???

Someone get that man a video camera, a match and access to Youtube.

easyeason3

Archeron wrote: »

You havent farted in two months???

Someone get that man a video camera, a match and access to Youtube.

I've farted, but on the throne. Still finding it difficult to tell the difference between a loaded missile & friendly fire.

It's a well known fact that ladies don't fart unless absolutely necessary & only when in the bathroom. Our farts also tend to smell like roses.

NoHornJan

Holey Smoke. Your Eminence is flatulently excused...

laugh

Aaarrgghh all the female farters on this thread.

jackiebaron

Let rip a bubbler in a job interview once. Combination of what I'd eaten the night before and nerves meant I was a friggin' windbag. Interviewer cracked a joke and we both started to laugh. The one I'd been painfully holding blasted out of me. He laughed harder but I was fairly embarassed.