I farted during a massage today

bmw535d

jackiebaron wrote: »

Let rip a bubbler in a job interview once. Combination of what I'd eaten the night before and nerves meant I was a friggin' windbag. Interviewer cracked a joke and we both started to laugh. The one I'd been painfully holding blasted out of me. He laughed harder but I was fairly embarassed.

you dont have a step brother about 40 years old do you?:pac:

twinytwo

all i can say is loud and proud

Scarinae

Einhard wrote: »

I farted once on the set of Blue Lagoon.

*slap* :pac:

starbelgrade

I was at a bus stop years ago, felt one coming on & seeing nobody about, let it rip. It was a good hard, loud one. Then I heard someone giggling... there was someone behind me in a garden that I hadn't noticed.

Would have been alright, only I'd bent the knees to give it full power, pulled a "fart face" & then went "aaaaaah!" while it was on the way out.

Captain Darling

starbelgrade wrote: »

I was at a bus stop years ago, felt one coming on & seeing nobody about, let it rip. It was a good hard, loud one. Then I heard someone giggling... there was someone behind me in a garden that I hadn't noticed.

Would have been alright, only I'd bent the knees to give it full power, pulled a "fart face" & then went "aaaaaah!" while it was on the way out.

Classic!

Poor Uncle Tom

Pope Benedict wrote: »

Ok cool. Didn't think massages would have any link to the digestive system.

Yeah, they get their little hands everywhere, don't they....

BluesBerry

Ah farts the most natural thing in the world and also the most funniest as well

Thankfully women dont fart

fart hehe even the word is funny sigh

also did i mention women dont fart .....ever :cool:

jackiebaron

bmw535d wrote: »

you dont have a step brother about 40 years old do you?:pac:

No, why?

FlutterinBantam

I was playing golf in a mixed fourball included the Lady Captain and her husband.

Winding up on a par 5 for a lasher of a drive, I unloaded a particularly deep throated ripper right on top of the backswing.

Waft of stale Guinness and Frank's hot chili wings sauce hung on the tee box as the lady captains husband teed up to drive.

Fcukin stink was fetid and cloying.

He stood back waving his hand under his nose and said 'I think I'll wait till this fog clears before driving off"

Took the heat out of the situation, but I couldn't concentrate after that and lost the game 4/3.

Madjackjr

BluesBerry wrote: »

Ah farts the most natural thing in the world and also the most funniest as well

Thankfully women dont fart

fart hehe even the word is funny sigh

also did i mention women dont fart .....ever :cool:

Your right women don't fart they just laugh in their underwear:p

Sanjuro

I farted in front of a German man visiting our company today. It was hard to recognise an expression of either ammusment or disgust on his ruthelessly efficient face.

funk-you

Could have been worse. Could have been at a critical moment while your girlfriend was going down on you. Didn't get head for a week.

-Funk

The HorsesMouth

Einhard wrote: »

I farted once on the set of Blue Lagoon.

Thats the first thing I thought of when I seen this thread!:D

flanum

i farted in jesus'tomb in the so-called garden tomb in jerusalem... it was the kind of bending i had to do to get in... also on a side note.. i had a bj on the mount of olives across from damascus gate!

Gillington

jackiebaron wrote: »

Let rip a bubbler in a job interview once. Combination of what I'd eaten the night before and nerves meant I was a friggin' windbag. Interviewer cracked a joke and we both started to laugh. The one I'd been painfully holding blasted out of me. He laughed harder but I was fairly embarassed.

Did you get the job!!?

Tilt Gone

Farted in the cinema just as the lights went down. You know that split second of silence before the movie kicks in?? Well I couldn't have timed it more perfect if i tried.

It was one of those ripper one's that just seemed to pass through my body without any warning whatsoever And to make it worse my girlfriend starts to laughing histerically making it quite obvious it was me.

df1985

I farted in a steam room a few months back and managed to clear everyone out. It had been a heavy weekend on the beer and hangover takeaways, Come monday i wanted to go to the pool, have a swim and then sit in the steam room and sweat all the crap and toxins out of me.

Anyway went into the steam room and decided to get comfortable by lying down. Was nice and comfy, took in a deep breath and let it out......not the only thing that came out. Let one rip, a silent but violent one. One by one they fell, and moved fairly quick for the door. First 2 girls, pulled disgusted faces at eachother and left, then another woman, and last but not least an aul fella who just said "awwwwwwwww jaysus!!!" on the way out.Between the heat and the smell they had to go!

A proud moment.

Poor Uncle Tom

I was going to the local pool, just passing a jacuzzi with four fellas in it when I saw a bubble of, what looked like sperm, hit the surface.
All four saw it, but it was the blonde guy who spoke up "OK guys, who farted?"

Terry

caseyann wrote: »

No i go to them regular,told me if i fart its cool it natural.Means the toxins and digestive system is been cleansed
Oh and your bowel movement become more frequent so if your alot more thirsty dont worry about it

Liar. Women don't fart.

FlutterinBantam wrote: »

I was playing golf in a mixed fourball included the Lady Captain and her husband.

Winding up on a par 5 for a lasher of a drive, I unloaded a particularly deep throated ripper right on top of the backswing.

Waft of stale Guinness and Frank's hot chili wings sauce hung on the tee box as the lady captains husband teed up to drive.

Fcukin stink was fetid and cloying.

He stood back waving his hand under his nose and said 'I think I'll wait till this fog clears before driving off"

Took the heat out of the situation, but I couldn't concentrate after that and lost the game 4/3.

OP, that's how it's done.
Take note during your next incarnation.

W.Shakes-Beer

I see it nearly as a set challenge to try and fart as loud as you can and offend as many people as possible but still trying to leave the people with the "who done that?" question.

Think letting loose a a quiet one (but fueled by your boiled eggs and tea from that morning) just as you get off a Dublin bus. The heat of it exiting means its gonna be like acid.

And you'll be laughing as you get off.

doncarlos

Let a horrible one on the bus home a few weeks back. Only me and a group of girls upstairs. We were just passing Booterstown and the girls assumed the smell was coming from there so they started closing all the windows not realising they were locking the smell in.

The perfect crime!

qwytre

I used to work in a place where one fella thought it was socially acceptable to just fart anytime he wanted. He would litteraly lean over on his chair and let rip and think nothing of it. You just learn to ignore it after a while but how he thought it was fine to do was strange.

kfallon

Of course women do fart, we'd be at it twice as much if we could fart thru the front bum aswell as the more orthodox 'exit hole'!

Always seem to be full of farts first thing in the morn, think it's just the bugle to sound that the 'cavalry' is on the way, usually I'm on the throne within 10 mins. Same every morn, you could set your watch by my arse!

Years ago when living at home I used to share a room with my brother. Would take off the pillowcase and fart into it for 5-10 mins in the morn. Keep it sealed between farts and then I'd get it and shove it over his head while he was asleep.....ah those were the days my friend, we thought they'd never end......

Gillington

I used to hate when my mate would fart on the bus then get the rest of the lads to shout "Aw Gillington the smell of ya!" or something like that! Once the finger of blame has been pointed its hard to get away from it!

kfallon

Best place to really let one rip.....in the library in College/University. Used to love doing that, place would erupt with laughter, we're all children at heart

Xavi6

kfallon wrote: »

Of course women do fart, we'd be at it twice as much if we could fart thru the front bum aswell as the more orthodox 'exit hole'!

Always seem to be full of farts first thing in the morn, think it's just the bugle to sound that the 'cavalry' is on the way, usually I'm on the throne within 10 mins. Same every morn, you could set your watch by my arse!

Years ago when living at home I used to share a room with my brother. Would take off the pillowcase and fart into it for 5-10 mins in the morn. Keep it sealed between farts and then I'd get it and shove it over his head while he was asleep.....ah those were the days my friend, we thought they'd never end......

Welcome to Boards Mrs. Flutt

Sykk

I was in mass when I was younger, in dire need of a fart. I Decided to learn ever so slightly and gently push so it wouldn't make noise.

After some impatience I pushed a little too hard and the fcuking noise off this thing was as if someone just stood on a duck..

2 rows of people had turned around to see me look in disgust to the gentleman on my right. I shook my head in disapproval as did everyone else before turning back to the altar.

WindSock

kfallon wrote: »

Best place to really let one rip.....in the library in College/University. Used to love doing that, place would erupt with laughter, we're all children at heart

Best place is in your car when giving a lift to mooching friends. Put the windows up, lock them in, turn up the heat, let one rip then ask if anyone can smell petrol.

ChuckNorrisgod

happy ending ha ha thats the best, we all ask for the happy ending.

SadieSue wrote: »

I guess you didn't have a happy ending.

derfderf

Farted rather loudly during the father of the brides speech at my brothers wedding. I was best man. Not sure if u can hear it on the video.