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I farted during a massage today

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    #152
    jackiebaron
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,038 ✭✭✭jackiebaron


    The best is when you're in bed in the nip and you're lying on your side and the girlfriend "spoons" into you and you release a good bubbler into her gee :pac:


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    #153
    Sharlovesjohn
    Closed Accounts Posts: 216 ✭✭Sharlovesjohn


    I dont usually fart around my OH but he was wrecking my head the other night so I told him if he didnt back off Id fart in his face...

    Dared me to go through with it and I did, still doesnt believe I did it, lol


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    #154
    Aidric
    Registered Users Posts: 13,591 ✭✭✭✭Aidric


    jackiebaron wrote: »
    The best is when you're in bed in the nip and you're lying on your side and the girlfriend "spoons" into you and you release a good bubbler into her gee :pac:
    warm fuzz


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    #155
    funkyjebus
    Registered Users Posts: 1,547 ✭✭✭funkyjebus


    kfallon wrote: »
    Of course women do fart, we'd be at it twice as much if we could fart thru the front bum aswell as the more orthodox 'exit hole'!
    .
    oh,but you can. and its amazing!!!!


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    #156
    Yakuza
    Registered Users Posts: 5,141 ✭✭✭Yakuza


    SouthPark S14 EP4 (Eat, Pray, Queef) has all one needs to know about women's "Front Bottom" burps.


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    #157
    ongarboy
    Registered Users Posts: 5,201 ✭✭✭ongarboy


    this thread is so funny.. laughing out loud at work here!!

    Has anyone ever had a situation where you get into an empty lift (usually at work) and it stinks of a fart due to a previous person who was in the lift a minute earlier? Then when lift gets to next floor with you in it, others get in and think the stink is from you??!! that has happened to me twice this year - what can you do or say??


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    #158
    admiralofthefleet
    Closed Accounts Posts: 15,515 ✭✭✭✭admiralofthefleet


    jackiebaron wrote: »
    The best is when you're in bed in the nip and you're lying on your side and the girlfriend "spoons" into you and you release a good bubbler into her gee :pac:

    warming your dinner....


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    #159
    UrbanSea
    Closed Accounts Posts: 18,335 ✭✭✭✭UrbanSea


    I remember I was getting a lift to the house of a friend of mine with him,his father and his 5 year old sister in the car.
    Driving down the road,I was sitting in the back with his sister. Just then she leaned up and whispered into my ear 'I just farted'.
    Well how that smell came out of a little girl is beyond me,the only thing that was missing was the puff of green smoke.
    The whole family laughed hysterically as we drove down the road with my head out of the window,vomitting from the moving car.


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    #160
    Fukuyama
    Registered Users Posts: 3,023 ✭✭✭Fukuyama


    The napalm approach is what I prefer. Anyone who has ever seen napalm dropped in a film knows that its basically a big fireball of an explosion which travels n a straight line. I used to do it in school every day and still do it in Tescos where I work.

    What you need is

    a) a noxious mix of Guinness, curry and warmness in your bowells.

    b) a long corridor such as in a school or aisle in a supermarket packed with as much people as possible.

    c) Good pair of shoes for your getaway

    As you walk in a straight line allow the bad boy to rip a hole in your pants and flap all the way down the aisle. The smell will be at arse-height and the nostrils of your victims will be unaware .

    When the fart is completed the 'fireball' will ensue caused by air currents amongst the moving draft caused by your and other peoples movements. A quick glance over your shoulder will show you the 'fartball' travelling down the straight path visable by consecutive people recoiling in horror...

    Make a sharp right and exit. Mission Success ;)


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    #161
    yank_in_eire
    Closed Accounts Posts: 437 ✭✭yank_in_eire


    Farted in the middle of a BJ in my college dorm once, while my mate was in the top bunk - supposedly asleep - until his furious giggling gave him away.
    Fair play to her though, she finished the job, stench and all.:p


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    #162
    admiralofthefleet
    Closed Accounts Posts: 15,515 ✭✭✭✭admiralofthefleet


    Dean0088 wrote: »
    The napalm approach is what I prefer. Anyone who has ever seen napalm dropped in a film knows that its basically a big fireball of an explosion which travels n a straight line. I used to do it in school every day and still do it in Tescos where I work.

    What you need is

    a) a noxious mix of Guinness, curry and warmness in your bowells.

    b) a long corridor such as in a school or aisle in a supermarket packed with as much people as possible.

    c) Good pair of shoes for your getaway

    As you walk in a straight line allow the bad boy to rip a hole in your pants and flap all the way down the aisle. The smell will be at arse-height and the nostrils of your victims will be unaware .

    When the fart is completed the 'fireball' will ensue caused by air currents amongst the moving draft caused by your and other peoples movements. A quick glance over your shoulder will show you the 'fartball' travelling down the straight path visable by consecutive people recoiling in horror...

    Make a sharp right and exit. Mission Success ;)

    otherwise known as crop dusting


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    #163
    beauty101
    Registered Users Posts: 424 ✭✭beauty101


    caseyann wrote: »
    Dont worry about it, Masseuses are used to that and it is not uncommon.

    ehh I'm a masseuse..never happened to me


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    #164
    MikeRoeSopht
    Closed Accounts Posts: 25 ✭MikeRoeSopht


    eh , a hem. . cough
    where exactly did you get this Thai massage in Dublin?
    was it the thai massage I am thinking about?
    again where.....:cool:


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    #165
    GrumPy
    Registered Users Posts: 6,557 ✭✭✭GrumPy


    beauty101 wrote: »
    ehh I'm a masseuse..never happened to me

    Guys try their best not to fart in front of hot chicks? Maybe the massage lady was a minger. Or he genuinely was so relaxed he just forgot where he was. :D


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    #166
    TheSegal
    Registered Users Posts: 455 ✭✭TheSegal


    This is without a doubt the funniest thread I have ever read on boards! Lads in the office don't know whats wrong with me!


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    #167
    JamesReeves
    Registered Users Posts: 1,252 ✭✭✭JamesReeves


    sorry to bring up an old thread but I've just spent the last 20 mins laughing my ass off at this thread :)


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