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using someone abuse.

  • 27-07-2010 10:22pm
    #1
    the watchman
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 835 ✭✭✭


    Hi All,
    I have a female nieghbour living alone who is not a young person, has health problems, has a very difficult life of her own who is being totally abused by another male neighbour in that he tells her ( on a regular basis) that he'll only be a few minutes and asks could she babysit his young child. The problem is that he never comes back for 5/6/7/8hours, whatever.

    The woman has no self esteem, and no assertive skills of her own. She just can't say no to anyone. What he is doing is not illegal but just not right.

    She complains to me about it and is wiped out after each session.
    I've told her over and over to say no, she just can't do it.
    She is not in a position to attend an assertiveness course and the man cannot be approached on the subject by a third party.

    Anyone any suggestions on how we can stop this abuse.
    Thanks.


Comments

  • #2
    Permabear
    Closed Accounts Posts: 39,022 ✭✭✭✭Permabear


    This post has been deleted.


  • #3
    Canard
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,572 ✭✭✭Canard


    Its blunt, but maybe you should say it for her if shes really that reluctant. He cant really force her after that.


  • #4
    calex71
    Closed Accounts Posts: 13,126 ✭✭✭✭calex71


    I'd normally say keep your nose out, but in this case I wonder if there is a way to subtly 'mark his card' so to speak?


  • #5
    silverharp
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 18,854 ✭✭✭✭silverharp


    just tell her to not answer the door. if its people she knows they can ring ahead

    A belief in gender identity involves a level of faith as there is nothing tangible to prove its existence which, as something divorced from the physical body, is similar to the idea of a soul. - Colette Colfer



  • #6
    Miss Fluff
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,673 ✭✭✭Miss Fluff


    Agree with the above. Just ignore the door. Or if she is put on the spot, get her to tell the guy that she won't be at home and has personal stuff to attend to. He is just a bully and will continue to do it unless she makes some small stance.


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  • #7
    mikemac
    Closed Accounts Posts: 19,986 ✭✭✭✭mikemac


    the watchman wrote: »
    n who is being totally abused by another male neighbour in that he tells her ( on a regular basis) that he'll only be a few minutes and asks could she babysit his young child. The problem is that he never comes back for 5/6/7/8hours, whatever.
    the watchman wrote: »
    She complains to me about it

    No self esteem but she feels able to complain to you about her problems?
    And she wants you to do what?
    Maybe complain wasn't the correct term

    Give her a short bit of advice like stated above and then stay out of it.


  • #8
    the watchman
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 835 ✭✭✭the watchman


    Miss Fluff wrote: »
    Agree with the above. Just ignore the door. Or if she is put on the spot, get her to tell the guy that she won't be at home and has personal stuff to attend to. He is just a bully and will continue to do it unless she makes some small stance.

    Can't be done , can't ignoor door and as previously stated ,no assertivness skills:rolleyes:


  • #9
    the watchman
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 835 ✭✭✭the watchman


    feelingstressed wrote: »
    No self esteem but she feels able to complain to you about her problems?
    And she wants you to do what?
    Maybe complain wasn't the correct term

    Give her a short bit of advice like stated above and then stay out of it.

    sorry. Not complained, shall we say mentions. She wants me to do nothing.


  • #10
    mikemac
    Closed Accounts Posts: 19,986 ✭✭✭✭mikemac


    Tell her to start charging so.

    I don't know what babysitters earn but my sisters sure don't work for free when they do it.
    Sure 8 hours is a full shift for most working people.

    Once in a while for neighbours is ok.
    But this has gone too far, may as well make get paid for it. Set it so high he'll baulk at it

    This guy won't pay, he won't come back


  • #11
    JonathanAnon
    Closed Accounts Posts: 23,718 ✭✭✭✭JonathanAnon


    It's not your place to get involved.. This will only cause ill feeling between the "user" and the two of you.

    The woman needs to either
    a) dont answer the door or
    b) just tell him that she's heading out / expecting visitors / has to see the doctor ....... that's just three legitimate excuses off the top of my head.

    But if she feels intimidated into doing it by him, then she is gonna probably end up having to call the guards..


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  • #12
    LostInDharma
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 144 ✭✭LostInDharma


    the watchman wrote: »
    sorry. Not complained, shall we say mentions. She wants me to do nothing.

    If she actually wants you to do nothing then there is nothing you can do. She really needs to help herself or at the very leaast look for help.

    As a step toward that you could suggest that you speak to the neighbor about the situation or come up with an excuse she can use next time he comes knocking, like:

    "I cant right now as "the watchman" has asked me to call over to help with <insert excuse>"


  • #13
    Miss Fluff
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,673 ✭✭✭Miss Fluff


    the watchman wrote: »
    sorry. Not complained, shall we say mentions. She wants me to do nothing.

    Well then it is really none of your business tbh. Slightly harsh perhaps but if she can't actually work up the balls to not answer her door (hardly requiring a purple heart in bravery) then let her deal with it.


  • #14
    Limestone1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 856 ✭✭✭Limestone1


    the watchman wrote: »
    Can't be done , can't ignoor door and as previously stated ,no assertivness skills:rolleyes:

    So she can't ignore the door - Is she able to spin him a yarn or turn it around and mess him about e.g.
    I'm heading out in 5 minutes but will be back in 20 and I'll mind kid then ...then piss off for the afternoon .


  • #15
    the watchman
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 835 ✭✭✭the watchman


    Hi All, Op here,
    thanks for the comments but it is as I thought theres very little that can be done.
    I did word my first post as carefully as poss but some replies have missed the point that the lady cannot do any of the things you mention for the reason I mention in first post. You cannot judge or compare the woman to yourselves and what you would and are capable of doing. If it was that easy I wouldn't have put it 'out there'.
    As I said to one councellor recently sadly there are some people that you just can't help and just have to let go. Bloody tragic. Cruel world is for some isn't it.

    Thanks again anyway. best leave subject now.


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