Lost... don't know who I am

Hersheys

I'll try to be brief.

I've been a part of a single parent family since I was born. Never met my Dad. Was never really sure I wanted to when I was younger, but I've had a bit of a strained relationship with my Mum of late - she suffers from depression badly and is going through a bad dose of it. I've hung in there beside her, but for some reason, seeing her the way she is makes me question my life. There's logic in there somewhere for me, I don't know if it makes sense to anyone else.

So I decided I'd try find my Dad. Because of her illness, I can't talk to my Mum about it, and we've very little other family. I tried (subtley!!) talking to her friend and she just said she didn't know anything about him. Seems to be the case with anyone I've asked. I've known his first name since I was a kid. Anyway, over the weekend I finally got somewhere! But not in the way I was expecting. I found out that I'm the result of a drunken one-night-stand, and that my Mum didn't even know his name, so the name I've been thinking about all my life is actually a fake.

I'm not sure what to think. It basically means that now I'll never meet my Dad, and THAT isn't a nice thought.

It also makes me think of other things... Mum has never been backward about saying she never wanted me, tried to abort me but by the time she could afford it, it was too late, and her major issues with depression only started when she was pregnant. She never wanted me, and I've ruined her life by existing. That's another not-nice thought. Just want to curl up and cry

AnonMous

Hi Op,

I don't have a whole lot of advice for you really. Your sounds very sad and if I could offer you words of wisdom, I would, but for now all I can say is, keep the head up. I really hope things improve for you soon.

Perhaps it might be an idea to go and see a councilor so you can talk to someone who doesn't know you or your situation and someone who is trained to deal with situations like yours. It might also be an idea to go to some sort of family therapy with your mother so she can see the damage she is doing. The therapist could really help the both of you.

Whatever you do, I hope you find yourself soon.

Take care :-)

Hersheys

Thanks, I don't know if anyone will be able to tell me what I need to hear - this probably sounds stupid but I feel like I'm grieving. Even though I never knew him, now I never will.

op first you are in a bad place and need to talk to someone no doubt. I am truly sorry that your parents have let you down in every way but please hold on to this thought not all the relationships you will have will be as bad you will find your way and people will love and care for you in the future hold on to this.

your mother needs specialist care but that is her issue not yours take care of you !
i wish you the very best

Hersheys

Emmie Rapid Illness wrote: »

op first you are in a bad place and need to talk to someone no doubt. I am truly sorry that your parents have let you down in every way but please hold on to this thought not all the relationships you will have will be as bad you will find your way and people will love and care for you in the future hold on to this.

your mother needs specialist care but that is her issue not yours take care of you !
i wish you the very best

She doesn't want help, in fact she refuses to admit she needs help. She drinks, a lot, and that's how she gets rid of her demons, which make my demons worse.

I'll be okay. I've been through counselling, psychologists, psychiatrists, the works - and I'm in a much better place than I was, but this just came as a tough blow.

Allowing myself have a little cry tonight!

AnonMous

Hersheys wrote: »

Thanks, I don't know if anyone will be able to tell me what I need to hear - this probably sounds stupid but I feel like I'm grieving. Even though I never knew him, now I never will.

No worries at all Op.

You might some day meet your Dad op, and I genuinely hope you do. You could put an ad in "Missed Connections" online. I'm just making suggestions as I would love to help you but you could contact a radio station and put the word out. There would be no shame in it at all and you would be surprised at who would be willing to help you.

Take care,

AnonMous

do its better out
and who knows in the future you may find your dad ?

Hersheys

She doesn't know his name, therefore I don't know his name so the chances of me finding him are slim to none. I will get over this, it's just a bit of a kick in the teeth. Realistically deep down I always knew I'd probably never meet him because I feel like it would be betraying my mother to go meet him - it would probably kill her. But now knowing for definate that its never gonna happen... not easy

niceoneted

Apart from not knowing his name does she know when it was and where it was that they hooked up - name of night club or so on, was it in Ireland.

I'm not sure what to say to you in order to show empathy. I feel for you. When I was younger (late teens) I knew someone in a similar situation to your mum -but she had a few ONS's in succession so she didn't know who the father was.
She nearly had an abortion then went away so as to adopt her child but kept the child and all is well now.

I wish you well. I don't know how old you are or what stage of life your at ef school, college working or otherwise, but I think you might do well if you have some space from your mum - I am assuming that you are living with her at present.
Good luck :-)

SarahSassy

Don't have any words of wisdom but I wish you all the best xx