my ex met someone new and wont talk to me now

pennylaner

I have been good friends with an ex of mine for a few years now but he met someone else a few months ago and now he never gets in touch. We used to talk regularly but now not at all. This is the first time he has lost touch with me, we have stayed friends through his other relationships. The new girl knows we are friends so i dont think that she is the problem.

should i just accept that we are no longer pals and forget about it?

ps we are just friends i am not interested in anything more from him i am just a little hurt that he doesnt seem to want to talk to me anymore. Has this happened to anyone else?

coolcat63

It happens to both women and men that when a new partner comes on the scene friends are relegated for as long as it takes the intense period to wear off. Sometimes it never wears off!

Drop him a chatty mail every once in a while but don't be upset or hurt if he doesn't reply; it's no reflection on you.

pennylaner

thanks for that, its just this has never happened before. Maybe she is 'the one':rolleyes:

newtothis2010

pennylaner wrote: »

ps we are just friends i am not interested in anything more from him i am just a little hurt that he doesnt seem to want to talk to me anymore. Has this happened to anyone else?

Hey Op.. the point above struck me, whilst you are are not interested in pursuing anything further, are you 100% sure the same is true for him since ye broke up?

As a guy, who did the friends thing with an ex, it was twofold, I enjoyed her company and we were indeed best friends during our relationship and I didn't want, or indeed know how to, lose that.

The other reason was because I still harboured feelings for her. My timeframe was much much shorter than 'years' before I gave up the hope and distanced myself from her and indeed she would've said similar to you at the time.

Its possible that new girl has stirred something in him more than any previous relationship after yours and he feels its best to distance himself from you as an EX...

or, the less Freudian answer could be that you mention new girl knows you are friends, but you don't think she has a problem, perhaps she does and has discussed with your friend that she is uncomfortable with it, wouldn't be too uncommon.

I think coolcat is right, drop a friendly 'how are you' mail every once in a while if you wish to try retain contact, but you may find if the responses are getting fewer or more spaced out that perhaps you are just not bothered anymore...

either way, he may come around in time and you regain the friendship ye have had, or this particular phase in your lives is drawing to a close and you'll simply become the people who meet in a shopping centre, promise ye will go for coffee someday and never do....

I wouldn't dwell too much on it Op..

Friends come and go.... its enemies that accumulate!

pennylaner

Thanks for your reply. I don't think he has any feelings for me we just went through a lot together and were always good friends so we remained in contact.. I actually made most of the effort and he has had other girlfriends over the years so I think he is well over us. I dont think the girlfriend minds our friendship as he told me she stayed friends with some of her exes and actually encouraged it. I just dont see why i should be the one sending the odd email when he doesnt bother his head to do the same, you know?
Maybe it is just time to move on, its just been bugging me

whatsamsn

Well Op, you'd probably know which of the following is how things are in this case: (like most threads on here, the op knows the full story better than anyone )


A, as you are his ex. She told him to stop contact as much or none at all.

B, As is the usual thing with people is... When a person gets a girl/guy. The friends take a backseat.


Personally. Since you said you've remained in contact through his other relationships after yours. I'd say its a bit of both. More so "A" tho.

Cheap Thrills!

pennylaner wrote: »

thanks for that, its just this has never happened before. Maybe she is 'the one':rolleyes:

Not sure why you are throwing your eyes up to Heaven there. Maybe she IS 'the one' (or one of the ones)

Leave him alone. I don't get why people can't understand that the correct etiquette with ex'es is to give them space. Friendship...blah...there's millions of people in the world to be friends with.

I went out with a fella for 10 years, dumped him, realised later it was a big mistake. By then he was with another girl and happy. I did the DECENT, UNSELFISH thing and left them alone.

I could have whinged on about 'friendship' etc but I could clearly see that the new couples happiness was more important than my ego.

In life you don't always put your own needs first. You do what is best for the other person. Sacrifice is part of being an adult.

Eve_Dublin

It´s very simple, you can´t be friends with an ex. You just can´t. Someone on either side still harbours feelings of love or resentment. You realise how this really is the case when one of you meets someone you really like (as is the case with your boyfriend) and that´s what happened here. Move on.

Uriel.

Cheap Thrills! wrote: »

Not sure why you are throwing your eyes up to Heaven there. Maybe she IS 'the one' (or one of the ones)

Leave him alone. I don't get why people can't understand that the correct etiquette with ex'es is to give them space. Friendship...blah...there's millions of people in the world to be friends with.

I went out with a fella for 10 years, dumped him, realised later it was a big mistake. By then he was with another girl and happy. I did the DECENT, UNSELFISH thing and left them alone.

I could have whinged on about 'friendship' etc but I could clearly see that the new couples happiness was more important than my ego.

In life you don't always put your own needs first. You do what is best for the other person. Sacrifice is part of being an adult.

Harsh. But very very true. The ":rolleyes:" really annoyed me too actually.

reprazant

I am curious, if you are friends with you ex for for a number of years after splitting, surely they stop being being your ex and just become a friend?

If you still consider someone your ex, after being friends with the so long after splitting up, then there is more then likely still to some sort of feelings towards them.

LegacyUser

Cheap Thrills! wrote: »

Not sure why you are throwing your eyes up to Heaven there. Maybe she IS 'the one' (or one of the ones)

Leave him alone. I don't get why people can't understand that the correct etiquette with ex'es is to give them space. Friendship...blah...there's millions of people in the world to be friends with.

I went out with a fella for 10 years, dumped him, realised later it was a big mistake. By then he was with another girl and happy. I did the DECENT, UNSELFISH thing and left them alone.

I could have whinged on about 'friendship' etc but I could clearly see that the new couples happiness was more important than my ego.

In life you don't always put your own needs first. You do what is best for the other person. Sacrifice is part of being an adult.

Wow, this is the wisest reply I've seen written on here in a long time.

I couldn't agree more. People just don't seem to be able to see that the decent thing to do with an EX is to back off a bit, allow them some of their own space. People become exes for a reason. It is unfair and extremely selfish to hang on there.

I've had this problem for 2 years now. My ex is still hanging around, constantly turning up in the same bar as me, regularly sending 'friendly' e-mails. I just find it smothering, uncomfortable. I've long since found The One, I have zero interest in maintaining a friendship with my ex. We split up for a reason. I know he's only keeping in contact with me to have a backup should his current relationship not work out. Of course this would never happen, but it makes sense in his head. Not cool. I'm not going to tell him to F*ck off as that's a bit over the top IMO, but I've wondered why he doesn't get the message that I don't want friendship when I've made zero effort to maintain it, I don't reply to his e-mails, I never make the first move to say hi to him when we meet in public, it's unfair to my bf. I don't need my ex as a friend. He is my ex, not a lifelong buddy.

OP, I imagine your ex HAS found someone important to him, the ONE, and he has nothing to gain from remaining friendly with you. He probably gets all of the friendship he needs from his current girlfriend.

The best thing you can do is back off, appreciate you had a special friendship at one time which is in the past, and go find some new friends. The world is a big place, there are always other people out there to share new experiences with and exchange e-mails with.