Hitting mid-life crisis at 20?

LegacyUser

Regualr poster going unreg for this.

A few months ago I turned 20 and suddenly I feel like I've wasted half of my life, is this normal at 20?? I fell like I've acomlimshed nothing and I am wasteing my life.

I'm in college and while I do enjoy the course I constantly feel like I should be doing better or working harder, no matter how hard I'm working. I feel guilty that my parents are paying my way through college. I wish I had just done a practical year-long FETAC or even just gone straight to work so that I could pay for my own education when I knew what I really wanted to do.

At the same time I wish I wasn't in college at all. I'm not going to be finished college till I'm 23 and then I'd like to travel the world, maybe live somewhere else for a few years before I settle down...but I want to start doing that now! By the time I'm 23 I'll be thinking about other things; finding a husband, having a stable job, having kids etc. I feel like I'm wasteing my time in college, despite the fact it's a useful course.

None of my friends who are the same age as me seem to be experiencing the same problems. But most of them have longterm jobs and serious relationships. These are things I would think of as "grown up" and I have neither of them. I've had jobs in the past but not at the moment and I feel like such a sponger. Also, since I'm living off my parents I have to ask their permission to do EVERYTHING (which is far since it's their money) and I don't think it's an exageration to say it's degrading.

As for the boyfriend thing, I know it sounds stupid, but there is nothing I want more. I've never had a boyfriend and am sick of being treated like dirt by boys and like a niave imbicil by friends because I "would understand, it's relationship stuff". I know it's only one part of my life but it's a pretty big part and sometimes I just feel so lonely. I'd always wanted to get married young but that not going to happen now. In fact if I do meet a fantastic boy somewhere I know my inexperience is going to f*ck it up as it has in the past.

Maybe this doesn't sound like a lot, it's hard to describe, but I feel like I've wasted my life and I've sort of lost all motivation and love of life. I feel like any day now I'll wake up 70 year old with nothing to show for my life. I don't even know what sort of advice I'm looking for posting this here...I guess I'll take any.

i-digress

haveno wrote: »

I feel like any day now I'll wake up 70 year old with nothing to show for my life.

This is perfectly normal. I'm 23 and married, but though I've finished a masters degree I have no career or even an idea of what I want to do, and sometimes I feel like this.

Is your course in an area you want to work in? Are you enjoying the actual subject itself, or did you pick it because it was, as you say, useful?

Regarding a boyfriend, are all your friends in a relationship? Can you join any clubs to help you meet new people and prospective boyfriends?

You are still young, you have not wasted your life. But if you can work out what you want from life and a plan to work towards it, you can prevent yourself from 'wasting' your twenties.

Lots of people feel like you do, you are not alone.

ahaaha

OP sounds like you mite be suffering from a bit of depression and/or panic attacks? Why dont you talk to your GP or a counsellor or your parents about how you are feeling?

can you not put a stall on your course for the time being (if your not enjoying it) and just GO - just leave and travel the world and find out what your calling is in life. Dont worry about dissapointing anyone or leaving all of your friends and just do it, Your still only 20 years of age - a little baba in the whole scheme of things. my god if i started thinking of marriage and babies at 23 years of age i would have ran away, but each to their own and all that.
Maybe being surrounded by people who are a bit further along the supposed 'natural way of things' with their love lives and jobs isnt doing you any help. Try joining some clubs or socs in college, move apartments, or something. But you must do something for yourself if your feeling so dissatisfied. i wish you the best of luck xxx

LegacyUser

Have a similar feeling, i'm 21 and about to graduate from my undergrad degree( 2:2), I have the same feelings as you posted OP, of wastelfuness etc:

Good article from a few weeks back. http://www.guardian.co.uk/education/2010/jul/04/unemployment-male-graduates

Zen65

haveno wrote: »

A few months ago I turned 20 and suddenly I feel like I've wasted half of my life, is this normal at 20?? I fell like I've acomlimshed nothing and I am wasteing my life.

Relax for a moment! You have not lived half your life yet, so stop thinking you've wasted half.

Reading through your post it seems to me your life is perfectly normal for a 20-year old. I also think that the "boyfriend" issue is at the heart of your thinking, unless of course you really did think you'd cure cancer by the time you were 20??

Some people are skilled and confident enough to go through relationships from their 13th birthday. Others take their time. At the end of the day, there is no evidence that life is any happier for those who start dating early. In fact if anything the opposite is true.

Finish your degree. If you get involved in a relationship well and good, if not, no worries. These things happen best if they happen without pressure. Of course that does not mean you should not be looking out for Mr Right, or Mr Ok, or Mr This'll_do_for_now. The more you stress over this, the longer it takes to happen. Make sure you give yourself plenty of opportunities to meet people, and be open to possibilities. The rest is fate.

Learn to love what you're doing. In 10 years' time these will be the years you look back on most fondly!

Be at peace,

Z

KittyeeTrix

haveno wrote: »

Regualr poster going unreg for this.

A few months ago I turned 20 and suddenly I feel like I've wasted half of my life, is this normal at 20?? I fell like I've acomlimshed nothing and I am wasteing my life.

I'm in college and while I do enjoy the course I constantly feel like I should be doing better or working harder, no matter how hard I'm working. I feel guilty that my parents are paying my way through college. I wish I had just done a practical year-long FETAC or even just gone straight to work so that I could pay for my own education when I knew what I really wanted to do.

At the same time I wish I wasn't in college at all. I'm not going to be finished college till I'm 23 and then I'd like to travel the world, maybe live somewhere else for a few years before I settle down...but I want to start doing that now! By the time I'm 23 I'll be thinking about other things; finding a husband, having a stable job, having kids etc. I feel like I'm wasteing my time in college, despite the fact it's a useful course.

None of my friends who are the same age as me seem to be experiencing the same problems. But most of them have longterm jobs and serious relationships. These are things I would think of as "grown up" and I have neither of them. I've had jobs in the past but not at the moment and I feel like such a sponger. Also, since I'm living off my parents I have to ask their permission to do EVERYTHING (which is far since it's their money) and I don't think it's an exageration to say it's degrading.

As for the boyfriend thing, I know it sounds stupid, but there is nothing I want more. I've never had a boyfriend and am sick of being treated like dirt by boys and like a niave imbicil by friends because I "would understand, it's relationship stuff". I know it's only one part of my life but it's a pretty big part and sometimes I just feel so lonely. I'd always wanted to get married young but that not going to happen now. In fact if I do meet a fantastic boy somewhere I know my inexperience is going to f*ck it up as it has in the past.

Maybe this doesn't sound like a lot, it's hard to describe, but I feel like I've wasted my life and I've sort of lost all motivation and love of life. I feel like any day now I'll wake up 70 year old with nothing to show for my life. I don't even know what sort of advice I'm looking for posting this here...I guess I'll take any.

Jaysus OP, your only 20 and it is for this reason I have highlighted the part of your post above........

You don't need the responsibility of a serious job or relationship at 20 to be grown up..........
Go out pet, meet new people with your mates, have fun and bloody relax.........Believe me, you have enough time in your life to be worrying about feeling older, having a family and a high flying job.

I'd bet you if you ask any of the other posters here over the age of 40 if they could rewind would they be worrying about relationships and jobs at the age of 20 , they would say, hell......NO

Personally, I'm only 36 and if I could rewind, I'd be worried about how much fun time I could cram in with my friends before the time flies by and I'm a mum of 4 with sooooooo many responsibilities.........

Have fun love!!! Enjoy your youth because it really does fly by before you realise it:)

Sound Bite

Hope this doesn't sound patronising but Op you are only 20.

You may feel like you've accomplished nothing but by 20 there's very little you can little you can go off and accomplish by yourself. The fact you've made it through your teens with no problems with drink, drugs, eating disorders, unwanted pregnacies etc and passed your Leaving Cert and made it into college is an accomplishment in itself.

The fact you think you should be looking for a husband made me laugh (no offence). Firstly nobody needs a husband & it shouldn't be a man hunt. I'm ten years older than you and feel no need to look for a husband. You've your whole live ahead of you. There's no point in making plans like 1. Finish College, 2. Find Husband, 3. Have kids. Life doesn't work out that way and there will always be something to throw your plans assunder.

Relax, take it easy and stop comparing yourself to others.

You've a long way to go before you reach 70. Stop wishing your life away. Focus on the positive

Eve_Dublin

fluffyorganic1 wrote: »

Have fun love!!! Enjoy your youth because it really does fly by before you realise it:)

I´m glad others responded to your post first OP because I really didn´t want to patronise you. Everyone up here speak the truth.

I promise you everything will work out for you. Listen, you want to travel the world but you can´t travel the world without money and for money you need a decent job, for a decent job you need an education. That´s how it works, that´s life. I promise you if you travelled now you wouldn´t appreciate it. I did it my my late twenties and I know I´d more fun than those in their early twenties who travelled on daddy´s money because it was MY hard earned money that allowed me to go and I was old enough to be confident in myself to do what I wanted to do. Again, don´t mean to patronise but your too young yet to really get the most out of travelling. It´s a once in a lifetime opportunity only a few get and you don´t want to waste it.

Very few people meet "the one" when they´are twenty years old. You believe your friends are in long term relationships but believe me when I say the same type of man you liked when you were twenty won´t be the kind of guy you like when you´re 25. Most relationships that begin at your age are experimentation and don´t last...trying on different types of men for size (not literally!)...now is the time to be having fun NOT settling down.

Go easy on yourself....you´re doing nothing wrong and I promise everything will fall into place for you. 20 is so young and as FluffyOrganic said, it flies by (it really does.....I´m 30????)...please stop worrying and get out there and enjoy it.

Dudess

So 20 is the middle of your life...?

haveno wrote: »

A few months ago I turned 20 and suddenly I feel like I've wasted half of my life, is this normal at 20?? I fell like I've acomlimshed nothing and I am wasteing my life.

Yes it is normal. It's a fear of growing up, and confusion as to what path you want to take. 18 feels like going from child to adult, so 20 is even worse. Sadly though, what you don't have at 20 is perspective. The kind of feelings you're experiencing would be understandable if you were 35, but at 20 it's absolutely crazy to have worries like this. I know you can't help it, but seriously, try to have a sense of perspective.

At the same time I wish I wasn't in college at all. I'm not going to be finished college till I'm 23

Fairly average age to finish college.

and then I'd like to travel the world, maybe live somewhere else for a few years before I settle down...but I want to start doing that now! By the time I'm 23 I'll be thinking about other things; finding a husband, having a stable job, having kids etc.

That's unusual - not the things you want to do but the ages you want to do them. On average nowadays, they're all done at a considerably later age. Not saying there's anything wrong with when you want to do them in life, but it only seems to be because you're in a rush. There is none.

None of my friends who are the same age as me seem to be experiencing the same problems. But most of them have longterm jobs and serious relationships. These are things I would think of as "grown up" and I have neither of them.

Again, unusual for 20-year-olds, especially the job thing.

sometimes I just feel so lonely. I'd always wanted to get married young but that not going to happen now.

Why not? What do you consider marriage young? In my opinion it's under 28. Not meeting a guy by 20 doesn't mean you won't ever meet a guy. You've at least 10 years before it gets a bit more difficult to meet guys (but not impossible). You don't seem to think you deserve a boyfriend - that in itself will prevent you meeting one. Start changing your thinking.

In fact if I do meet a fantastic boy somewhere I know my inexperience is going to f*ck it up as it has in the past.

Lose the negativity - otherwise it will become a self fulfilling prophecy.

Maybe this doesn't sound like a lot, it's hard to describe, but I feel like I've wasted my life and I've sort of lost all motivation and love of life.

As I said, it's normal to have these feelings to a certain degree, but you've got things completely out of proportion. Just think about what age you are - you're only out of your teens. I'm 12 years older than you, and in the great scheme of things, I'm relatively young! You're only starting out in life.

I feel like any day now I'll wake up 70 year old with nothing to show for my life. I don't even know what sort of advice I'm looking for posting this here...I guess I'll take any.

What's with the 50-years-into-the-future projection? You don't even know what circumstances will be in six months!

And I don't mean to seem patronising either - you actually seem really mature in one way. Just stop being so hard on yourself - you're putting yourself under such ludicrous, needless pressure. All this mulling over how you've wasted your life... that's actually what's the waste of time!
Don't continue like this - because then, when you're 30, you'll look back with regret at how you didn't relax and enjoy your early 20s.

Go easy on yourself - there is NOTHING wrong with how you're leading your life. Long-term jobs and relationships at 20 is what seems far more unusual than your own situation (even if there's nothing wrong with these).