Do you have a "List"?

StinkySocs

When it comes to dating a man, do you have a check list? What do you look for?

I would have normally said things, good sence of humour, able to make me laugh, not a weirdo, nice eyes, nose, good hairline , a little taller than me, good job, etc.

But I went on a date the other night with this guy, who had no ambition, no motivation, and I, personally, found that really an unattractive quality.


What's on your wish list!?

stupidusername

I'm in the middle of forming a list alright....normal stuff I suppose. here i'll paste from the thread I started before:

Have any of ye ever come across a man that is good looking, confident (not arrogant), assertive, independent (but social), health conscious, funny, opinionated (but not obnoxious), open minded and interesting*? If you have could you let me know

Seriously, does such a man exist?

*have to add ambitious and good at cooking, AND intelligent obviously!

Novella

I don't have a list really. If I click with someone, and we get on and stuff, that's pretty much what matters.

I have things I am attracted to obviously. I like a guy to be understanding, mature, ambitious. I like nice teeth, and tall guys.

But I'd never rule someone out if we were getting on well and he was missing one of the characteristics I'd usually go for!

Eve_Dublin

Funny, intelligent, hairy chested, musician, manly and kind.

That´s kind of it. Everything else is a bonus.

Sound Bite

Would have had a mental list when I was 21, over the years several things taken off the list for various reasons, now I'm closer to 31, the list no longer exists.

If I had to make a list now, all I'd have on it is decent guy with good sense of humour. Thats it. Seriously.

beks101

I am a fan of lists. I have a to-do list every day, during the working week I have a 'work' to-do list and a 'home' to-do list and then I have lists within lists - things to buy at the supermarket, issues to bring up at that work meeting, friends to visit at the weekend.

But I think 'lists' when it comes to romantic partners are a recipe for disaster. Sure, most of us will know by now what characteristics/features we are attracted to, but to look at it in such a clinical way as to have a mental checklist with a series of ticked or unticked boxes every time you meet someone...I can't think of anything less romantic or exciting.

You wouldn't do it with a potential new friend, why do it with a potential partner? My best friend is my direct opposite and if I wrote it down on paper, I shouldn't get on with her at all. She's loud, highly sensitive, has a disregard for current affairs and hates reading/writing - in theory, my arch enemy. Yet she's the best and oldest friend I have.

Equally, some of my biggest loves have been surprises. Generally two features I am attracted to are intelligence and height, but my first love was 5'6 and didn't go to college.

I think lists are sort of a protective thing in a way, it's like it keeps it mathematical in a sense and you don't have to open your mind to very many strangers who cross your path, because invariably not many will tick all the boxes.

Take them as you find them, I say!

Creamy Goodness

my list:

makes me laugh.

that is it, but it's such a difficult thing for someone to actually do.

Posy

Over 6 feet tall
Blue eyes
Must be able to make me laugh/have a similar sense of humour as me

That's about all.

Sound Bite

I don't get it, Posy not picking on you but just want to use your post as example if you don't mind.

What would happen if he's only 5'8 or had green eyes or something? Great in every other way but just doesn't match everything on the list. Is he written off for something he cannot control?

I'm just curious, I know a girl who dumped the nicest guy simply because he wasn't tall enough. He was average height and she was 5'5. Madness IMO.

corkcomp

a friend (female) has a list of 50 things.. I know 50 sounds a lot and tbh some of the criteria truly scared me and the other few lads she told one night, and a few of them I couldnt post here.. before anyone asks, yes she is single again:D

Posy

Ah no, I think a 'list' is more a fantasy thing! (For me, anyway.)
If he's 5 foot 10 and has brown eyes but we 'clicked' and he was lovely I really wouldn't care! However, I can't budge on the sense of humour aspect.

Allison91

I think lists are pretty silly especially just physical things, if you like the person their height or hair colour shouldnt really bother you.
I'd like someone who could make me laugh though.

krudler

stupidusername wrote: »

I'm in the middle of forming a list alright....normal stuff I suppose. here i'll paste from the thread I started before:

Have any of ye ever come across a man that is good looking, confident (not arrogant), assertive, independent (but social), health conscious, funny, opinionated (but not obnoxious), open minded and interesting*? If you have could you let me know

Seriously, does such a man exist?

*have to add ambitious and good at cooking, AND intelligent obviously!

There were two of us, but I killed the other guy, I dont like competition...

Posy

I can't believe someone has a list with 50 things on it- wow! :eek:
I think, for most girls, a 'list' is a bit of a 'my ideal man' thing, as opposed to a 'you must meet these criteria, or I will not entertain the prospect of even talking to you' type device! 'Chemistry' is one of the most important things, and you can't define that!

Glad to see sense of humour seems to be a popular choice!

rainbow kirby

I don't have a "list" as such. Chemistry and personality are probably the most important things, but I don't have a particular type as such. It's probably easier to list what I'm *not* into.

Scarinae

I don't have a list as such, there are things I find very attractive in a guy of course but that doesn't mean I'm looking for a guy who has everything I find attractive. Although, as a previous poster said, a sense of humour is pretty damn important. I love to laugh, there would be nothing worse than being with some dry sh1te who didn't find anything funny! It would also be important to me that a guy gets on with my family, because we're very close and they're pretty awesome, if he didn't like my family then I'd probably wonder what was wrong with him

Probably would be more accurate to say there's things that would turn me off a guy... Like if he was a homophobe or some other type of bigot, I wouldn't be able to stand that. I don't mind people having different opinions to me or anything, but if they were openly hostile towards people who don't fit in with their world view I would find that quite difficult to accept. I also wouldn't be able to manage a clingy guy, I need my own space and my own activities outside of a relationship or I would feel suffocated (this makes me wonder how I will manage sharing a bedroom if I ever get married). I am also a disaster at replying to text messages, so someone who rings to check if I got their text would wreck my head.

bigtuna

Sense of humour, independent and good taste in music.

Boxoffrogs

I have a list until chemistry kicks in and the list goes out the window. I've never been with a guy who was 'my kind on paper'.

My last ex did make me laugh until I wanted to cry so I would hope for that again.

Chuchoter

Well I'm gay, so it all goes for girls. I have a thing about teeth. I don't mind braces or whatever, but they have to be straight-ish and clean. I can't stand teeth that are all over the shop. If possible I'd like them to be small like me, but it not essential. Very shallow of me I know. Otherwise they can't be mega-clingy and permanently texting me, they have to have opinions on everything and like debating and they have to like doing things other than getting hammered.

krudler

imo if you only look for people that meet a certain criteria you're going to wind up alone. Theres nothing wrong with having standards, and everyone certainly has things they find more appealing or attractive about the opposite sex and ideally want someone to meet some of those, but its not an absolute. I love brunettes or girls with dark hair, but my last two girlfriends have been blonde, never put me off them at all. I like girls who are shorter than me so when I cuddle them their head is on my chest, but I dated a girl who was an inch taller than me in heels, didnt bother me (mainly cos she had killer legs ) So if I set out to find only a 5ft5 brunette girl who loves the same movies I do, likes the same things and can make me laugh, I may be looking forever. Theres give and take when it comes to this stuff, dont settle,settling is bad, but dont turn down a relationship that may blossom into something amazing because some guy has only 5 out of the 10 "essentials" that you require.

For me, if a mans "list" is allowed, they have to have the same sense of humour, looks preferences and stuff you can get over, but if the chemistry isnt there it wont work. I like girls who dont need constant attention and who assume they will be your first and only priority when it comes to free time. Time apart is as important as time together imo. I've been in a "see each other every other night, spend most of that lying on the couch watching crap tv" couple, and I've been in a relationship where we saw each other maybe every weekend , but made the most of the time we had together. One night we couldnt sleep so drove to the beach, climbed into the back seat of the car and chatted (yes just chatted ) until we watched the sun come up, then I took her for breakfast, we had a great day even though we were wrecked tired, and I was missing her already by the time she was kissing me goodbye. take a guess as to which one had the most chemistry?

tommiejoie

Its not a TV youre buying here. My feeling is that if you insist on looking for everything on a listm you'll never find it. No ones perfect. I think it's all about the feeling you get from spending time with someone to tell if its a person you like or not. If there are traits you dislike about someone, you'll probably pick up on that straight away.

@OP, I don't think anyone would find unmotiviated and unambitious an attractive quality and you're smart enough to realise you don't want to have anything to do with someone like that. But I don't think it means you need to make a list.

If you like someone, and you click, then you're very lucky and what more can you ask for.

Dudess

Life doesn't work that way. Once I got on well with him, all good. That would of course require certain traits (similar sense of humour, some stuff in common) but a rigid list with every box ticked, no.

mikom

Dudess wrote: »

a rigid list with every box ticked

krudler

Anyone else think the older you get, the shorter the list gets? and "own hair" "mobility in all appendages" "easy access to replacement hearing aid batteries" "likes his food mashed into paste" will probably wind up replacing "rugby player, outdoorsy, good with kids"

Ectoplasm

Personally, I think lists are a waste of time. It's all about ability to connect. Like Fishie said, I would have something of an 'anti-list', that is things that would be absolute turn offs but again, it's not a case of an actual list of things - it's more a case of he wants a mammy substitute, or is incredibly intolerant - both those things would make me incompatible with such a person.
Funny enough, a lack of ambition is a big no-no for me. It's not about what job a guy has or how much money he makes (a total non issue for me) it's about drive; it doesn't even have to be related to their career at all, it could be an ambition to travel somewhere, or master the guitar!
If somebody is totally and utterly satisfied with the status quo, and doesn't want to know more, do more, achieve any type of goal, I just can't see myself with them.

Orla K

rainbow kirby wrote: »

I don't have a "list" as such. Chemistry and personality are probably the most important things, but I don't have a particular type as such. It's probably easier to list what I'm *not* into.

It is easier to have a list of what your not into. There's so many things that I wouldn't be able to stand in a guy, like one that thinks going out and getting píssed every weekend is alright, big personality clash there, but, I wouldn't exactly go for guys that don't really drink. There's a space in between things I have views on views on that are exceptable then there's going over the lines where I wouldn't go near someone and that's easier to pinpoint but the line is fuzzy, so I can only talk in extremes(otherwise it depends on the guy)

What's on my list is a decent attractive guy that doesn't think getting píssed in a crowded room is the height of socialisation. They're difficult to find.

krudler

Orla K wrote: »

It is easier to have a list of what your not into. There's so many things that I wouldn't be able to stand in a guy, like one that thinks going out and getting píssed every weekend is alright, big personality clash there, but, I wouldn't exactly go for guys that don't really drink. There's a space in between things I have views on views on that are exceptable then there's going over the lines where I wouldn't go near someone and that's easier to pinpoint but the line is fuzzy, so I can only talk in extremes(otherwise it depends on the guy)

What's on my list is a decent attractive guy that doesn't think getting píssed in a crowded room is the height of socialisation. They're difficult to find.

I'd be the same, if a girl gets hammered to the point where shes falling over, puking on herself or just being a drunken buffoon then it'd be an instant turnoff, I love getting tipsy drunk with girlfriends and having fun, either by going out or staying in, but theres a limit to the tipysness (its a word ok!)

Silverfish

Yeah, I wouldn't really have a list of things I'd go for, but I'd have a list of things I definitely wouldn't go for.

opinion guy

Silverfish wrote: »

Yeah, I wouldn't really have a list of things I'd go for, but I'd have a list of things I definitely wouldn't go for.

Ditto

krudler

Can we put the list of "no-no's" on here? a couple of mine would be: drugs, jealousy (nothing wrong with a small amount, but constant drama over it is just draining) actually add drama full stop. I can handle an adult argument that two people can work through, but childish games are such a turnoff "you annoyed me so I wont talk or text you for a week", that kind of sh1te. And trust, trust is the biggest one for me, and by that I dont mean just the "dont cheat on me" kind, which is important, but trust to me is letting yourself completely take down your guard with a person, letting them into your life as someone who will be a part of it in a signifigant way, and knowing they wont fcuk you over or let you down.

Hank_Jones

Do people actually use lists?

That's kind of creepy tbh, like you're shopping.

rainbow kirby

krudler wrote: »

Can we put the list of "no-no's" on here?

My biggest no-nos in a partner would be any kind of addiction, personal hygiene issues, being too clingy, being jealous or controlling, major personality clashes with me, internalised homophobia and having no sense of humour.

krudler

rainbow kirby wrote: »

My biggest no-nos in a partner would be any kind of addiction, personal hygiene issues, being too clingy, being jealous or controlling, major personality clashes with me, internalised homophobia and having no sense of humour.

Humour is a very subjective thing, but there has to be a line, if a girl doesnt find Airplane funny, I dont wanna know her :pac:

Taste in similar stuff is fairly important too, if I go to the cinema with someone and I suggest going to see Inception, and she'd rather see Scary Movie 8: Can you Believe They Still Give Us Money To Make These? or Saw 19: in Smell-o-vision, then it wont work..

opinion guy

Hank_Jones wrote: »

Do people actually use lists?

That's kind of creepy tbh, like you're shopping.

Well speaking from my bitter male perspective its like this to me. I've always noticed that some people, I'd say more often ladies, work to this list of requirements. I've never understood this mentality. But slowly and unintentionally through bitter experience I've built up a list of absolute no-no's. Traits I've come across in people and decided I don't want to have to deal with in the future. So this has gradually become a list. Or an anti-list if you will.

Hank_Jones

I just go for somebody I like.

I don't have a list.

Everyone is going to have some things you don't like about them,
I'm not going to use these things as a reason not to be with someone I like.

Pretty_Pistol

I don't do lists because they go out the window for me as soon as I click with a guy. I'd say my type is brown/dark haired men but all my relationships so far have been with light brown/blonde men.

I would say smokers are a no no but my current crush smokes so I wouldn't be saying no to him just because of that.

opinion guy

Hank_Jones wrote: »

I just go for somebody I like.

I don't have a list.

Everyone is going to have some things you don't like about them,
I'm not going to use these things as a reason not to be with someone I like.

Wow how young are you ?

It depends on the thing. You eventually realise there are certain things you simply won't put up with no matter how much you like someone. Ok there's the obvious things like violence, drugs etc. But you learn there are others. My personal pet hate the last few years is someone making me feel taken for granted. I don't care how good looking, fun, charming, engaging etc etc someone is. If they make me feel taken for granted in any major way...as Homer Simpson would say...your cut.

Dudess

Dunno whether it's necessary to point out how young Hank might be - or whether his post betrays youthful naivety.

Everyone is going to have some things you don't like about them

Good point I think...

I wouldn't have a problem with stuff that others might consider a dealbreaker, as long as he is able to admit to them and tries to work on them (I'm obviously not talking about extreme stuff like violence...)

opinion guy

Dudess wrote: »

Dunno whether it's necessary to point out how young Hank might be - or whether his post betrays youthful naivety.

Its how his post struck me. Reminds me of a younger more niave self. I'm aloud express my opinions amn't I ?

Good point I think...

I wouldn't have a problem with stuff that others might consider a dealbreaker, as long as he is able to admit to them and tries to work on them (I'm obviously not talking about extreme stuff like violence...)

No offence intended, thou given you seem to have taken umbrage on behalf of Hank, I fear you will take offense -but this strikes me as quite naive also. People need to deal with their own **** and be responsible for their own mental junk without having to admit them to someone else and work on them. If you buy that line...yeah sorry naive is the word that comes to me. Again not meant as a go at you. How do I put this ? I've seen people take this approach and EVERY time they get burned. I've done it myself in the past. Back when I was more naive.

Dudess

Defensiveness not necessary - I was not attacking you or "taking umbrage" or implying you can't express your opinion. That was your own take. And I can express my opinion too. No, I don't take offence.

I have the opposite take - more acceptance of others' flaws as I get older.

opinion guy

Dudess wrote: »

Defensiveness not necessary - I was not attacking you or "taking umbrage" or implying you can't express your opinion. That was your own take. And I can express my opinion too. No, I don't take offence.

I have the opposite take - more acceptance of others' flaws as I get older.

Fair enough. No I can accept people's flaws. But I guess what I can't accept is those people who have practiced ignorance of their own flaws and simply refuse to deal with them, despite the fact that they leave a trail of destruction in their wake. That particular brand of selfishness is an instant cut in my book.

metaoblivia

No, I don't have a list and never have. Over the years I've discovered that there are certain traits in a man that will ultimately doom the relationship and have learned to steer clear of those kind of guys. But I don't have particular traits that I go looking for. All I ask for is chemistry, which is unquantifiable in my opinion.

Dudess

opinion guy wrote: »

I can accept people's flaws. But I guess what I can't accept is those people who have practiced ignorance of their own flaws and simply refuse to deal with them, despite the fact that they leave a trail of destruction in their wake.

Well I said I'd be the very same...

vicecreamsundae

i don't have an actual list, but there are some things that will earn/lose cool points.

clicking and sharing a sense of humour is most important. if they're feminist it's sooo hot. if they smoke it's a big turn off. super clingy/jealous won't work either.

tony1kenobi

opinion guy wrote: »

Fair enough. No I can accept people's flaws. But I guess what I can't accept is those people who have practiced ignorance of their own flaws and simply refuse to deal with them, despite the fact that they leave a trail of destruction in their wake. That particular brand of selfishness is an instant cut in my book.

Flaws?....Do you mean quirks?

Do women actually compile lists?

I am 34 years old and comply with none of your preconceptions.......but give me 30 minutes sweetheart.I'll make you laugh.

opinion guy

tony1kenobi wrote: »

Flaws?....Do you mean quirks?

Do women actually compile lists?

I am 34 years old and comply with none of your preconceptions.......but give me 30 minutes sweetheart.I'll make you laugh.

Yeah......not to sharp this one eh......read my username and you'll add some things to the list of things you don't want in a girl:
1. Penis
2. Scrotum
3. Testes
4. Ape like hairy chest
5. Adams apple
6. Manly voice
7......

See.....you do have a list.
Everyone has a list of exclusions whether they know it or not:D

StinkySocs

ummmm, maybe an anti-list rather than a pro-list....

opinion guy

StinkySocs wrote: »

ummmm, maybe an anti-list rather than a pro-list....

Yes thats what I've been saying. Really read the thread would you.

x in the city

lists don't exist, girls smell the coffee and meet men in the real world..!

Silverfish

x in the city wrote: »

lists don't exist, girls smell the coffee and meet men in the real world..!

If you read the thread, the men have lists and anti-lists too.

Lia_lia

What? No. This is stupid. I didn't think people had "lists". I never really know what I'm going to be attracted to. It just happens.



although I thought this was gonna about "to do" lists...heeheehee