Do you have a "List"?

Silverfish

Lia_lia wrote: »

What? No. This is stupid. I didn't think people had "lists". I never really know what I'm going to be attracted to. It just happens.



although I thought this was gonna about "to do" lists...heeheehee

I agree, but there must be certain things that put you off, or you've learned from previous experience to avoid, or signs that a person is not your thing.

So I think whether it's actually committed to paper or not, its still, in a way, a 'list' of things you (generally) watch out for in another person, whether positive or negative.

xoxyx

Yep. Definitely have a list.

1. Clever;
2. Funny;
3. Fun;
4. Tall(er than me - I'm 5'7 - he has to be at least 6');
5. Good looking;
6. Ambitious;
7. Good driver;
8. DIY capable;
9. Spontaneous;
10. Dark haired;
11. How could I forget - great in bed!!!

I could go on and on. I'm very lucky that my OH has a tick for all of those boxes. Am very specific in what I want!

neveah

I don't have a list per se, but there are definitely a few physical things that would catch my eye with a guy - I like clean teeth and clean nails. I also like strong manly arms, a little bit of a hairy chest and a guy who's taller than me

To be honest dirty fingernails would be a major turn off for me!:eek:

Yes chemistry is key when it comes to forming a relationship regardless of hair colour, height, eye colour etc.
Personality is key too and having shared interests. I don't think it's wrong to have a list. If you have dated for a while you get to realise what you like and what you don't like. It's the whole point of dating and meeting people, don't you think?

Faith

I learned a HUGE amount from my last relationship, and as a result, I do have a bit of a list. It's not physical features (although I do have very strong preferences there), but I've a list of personality traits I will not stand for with a partner. These include things like being too sexually reserved, not making me a priority, not being willing to compromise, being selfish, being stingy/cheap etc. Of course I'd love a 6'3 dark haired, dark eyed, bearded, slim, lean guy who's of at least equal intelligence to me etc etc etc, but none of that matters if he has a bunch of personality traits that I can't live with.

Nervous Wreck

Y'know what, I reckon I could make a list longer than a bastard of things I like and things I dislike in a prospective girlfriend but when it comes down to it, I'd set either list alight at the drop of a hat if I could just find someone that makes me want to stay up all night talking; someone that I don't want to let go of when we hug; or at the very least, someone that makes me smile and gives me butterflies from just the prospect of seeing her. I don't need and can't use a list of pros and cons to tell my heart what it wants or needs; I have to just roll with the punches on that and hope it doesn't get hurt or broken....

Lia_lia

I must just be really easy then.

Timistry

Lia_lia wrote: »

I must just be really easy then.

It is.....:rolleyes:. Thats why Ann Summers are doing a roaring trade and women feel oppressed and are said to be picky/impossible... lol

Taxable

Girls with lists really have to be careful what goes on them... Physical stuff and characteristics are fine - these are things that guys don't need to know about - you don't have to tell them that they are ticking the boxes on the list when you meet them, or even on your 10th anniversary...
(but don't waste your time and their time if they are are lacking some ticks that are non-negotiable!)

However, when it comes to more material stuff "what I want to have" or "how I want to live" lists can become too much...

My last gf had a list like this... which can take a lot of adapting to... (me, asking myself "do I really want to live like this?" - quite apart from ways that I may not have been seen to be adapting fast enough - even though there was no effort spared!)...

Quite apart from adapting, things then can get stupid if (she makes) decisions are made that are not consistent with "the (her) list"...

Once that started happening, she got dropped like a hot potato... moving goalposts are too much.



If anybody ever says to you "I didn't achieve ____", or "I didn't do ____" (fill in the gap) "because of you" - you know that something is seriously wrong... If you feel that could happen - on either side - you need to think carefully... You need the synergies... When you're making lists, you need to consider these parts as well... A relationship shouldn't hold you back - you have to have a path that suits you...

Nervous Wreck wrote: »

Y'know what, I reckon I could make a list longer than a bastard of things I like and things I dislike in a prospective girlfriend but when it comes down to it, I'd set either list alight at the drop of a hat if I could just find someone that makes me want to stay up all night talking; someone that I don't want to let go of when we hug; or at the very least, someone that makes me smile and gives me butterflies from just the prospect of seeing her. I don't need and can't use a list of pros and cons to tell my heart what it wants or needs; I have to just roll with the punches on that and hope it doesn't get hurt or broken....

This is it... This is just it... Lose the lists and focus on what you can change now...

princess-lala

He has to know what he wants from life!

I love a nice smile, good personality and I'm happy

Jenneke87

I had a list alright. Black curly hair, green eyes, over 6ft, broad shoulders, musician, spiritual, good sense of humour and romantic(if anyone now thinks"f*cking mad that girl, i agree with ya) and I ended up with a wonderful man with short blond hair, blue eyes and a little shorter than me and I´m absolutely crazy about him.

I now believe "lists" only restrict you in finding someone(if you follow them rigidly of course) because if he doesn´t tick all the boxes, the poor guy is n´t even getting a fair chance!

krudler

Nervous Wreck wrote: »

Y'know what, I reckon I could make a list longer than a bastard of things I like and things I dislike in a prospective girlfriend but when it comes down to it, I'd set either list alight at the drop of a hat if I could just find someone that makes me want to stay up all night talking; someone that I don't want to let go of when we hug; or at the very least, someone that makes me smile and gives me butterflies from just the prospect of seeing her. I don't need and can't use a list of pros and cons to tell my heart what it wants or needs; I have to just roll with the punches on that and hope it doesn't get hurt or broken....

I'd be the same, once the chemistry is there you can overlook foibles, things you wouldnt normally go for etc etc. As long as she's not a psychopath and shes fun to be with then thats a good start.

Novella

Nervous Wreck wrote: »

Y'know what, I reckon I could make a list longer than a bastard of things I like and things I dislike in a prospective girlfriend but when it comes down to it, I'd set either list alight at the drop of a hat if I could just find someone that makes me want to stay up all night talking; someone that I don't want to let go of when we hug; or at the very least, someone that makes me smile and gives me butterflies from just the prospect of seeing her. I don't need and can't use a list of pros and cons to tell my heart what it wants or needs; I have to just roll with the punches on that and hope it doesn't get hurt or broken....

Thanks is not enough. I've said it before, but the sooner you write a book, the better.

starlit

the only check list I have when it comes to fellas is all in my head cause I change my mind so much regarding what I'd go for lads so can vary! But the main thing on my checklist that would apply to all lads I meet is that they have a sense of humor that has something to be said for that! Everything else just falls into place! Typically I'd go for a certain height arlight mainly more than 5 ft 7 to no more than 6 ft 1 or 6 ft 2 cause of my height I am around 5 ft. Appearance wise I try not to be too fussy. Nice hair and eyes and smiles is enough for me! Personality wise they guy has to have a personality not a dumb hunk kind! I would rather an above average looking guy that has a decent personality and most of the traits I like in a man than to put up with a hunk who has a brain like a fish! I need to be able to have a proper converstation with the opposite sex otherwise it won't go nowhere! to click with someone and have chemistry with them is a bonus for me! :cool:

Black Swan

List? What comes natural.

Sound Bite

Nervous Wreck wrote: »

Y'know what, I reckon I could make a list longer than a bastard of things I like and things I dislike in a prospective girlfriend but when it comes down to it, I'd set either list alight at the drop of a hat if I could just find someone that makes me want to stay up all night talking; someone that I don't want to let go of when we hug; or at the very least, someone that makes me smile and gives me butterflies from just the prospect of seeing her. I don't need and can't use a list of pros and cons to tell my heart what it wants or needs; I have to just roll with the punches on that and hope it doesn't get hurt or broken....

Think that's pretty much what alot of us were aiming for but couldn't articulate it so well.

(Seen some of your posts before, and like Novella said, you should write a book or songs or something - you've certainty got a way with words).

Dudess

Nervous Wreck wrote: »

Y'know what, I reckon I could make a list longer than a bastard of things I like and things I dislike in a prospective girlfriend but when it comes down to it, I'd set either list alight at the drop of a hat if I could just find someone that makes me want to stay up all night talking; someone that I don't want to let go of when we hug; or at the very least, someone that makes me smile and gives me butterflies from just the prospect of seeing her. I don't need and can't use a list of pros and cons to tell my heart what it wants or needs; I have to just roll with the punches on that and hope it doesn't get hurt or broken....

Aw... I fuppin' love that post. :)

Pembily

As Faith said I learned alot from my last relationship!!!!

I know what I am attracted to and I tend to look at guys who are taller than me and teeth are a big thing to me - yes bad teeth would make me not kiss a guy

My main things are - accepts my friends and family, makes me laugh and is motivated!!!!!!

Posy

Jenneke87 wrote: »

I had a list alright. Black curly hair, green eyes, over 6ft, broad shoulders, musician, spiritual, good sense of humour and romantic(if anyone now thinks"f*cking mad that girl, i agree with ya) and I ended up with a wonderful man with short blond hair, blue eyes and a little shorter than me and I´m absolutely crazy about him.

I now believe "lists" only restrict you in finding someone(if you follow them rigidly of course) because if he doesn´t tick all the boxes, the poor guy is n´t even getting a fair chance!

I think when a 'type' (eg: "I love muscly men who are tall with brown eyes" etc) rigidly becomes a 'list' ("He's my ideal man, but he has green eyes, so I'm breaking up with him tonight") then you have trouble. Everyone has a vision of their ideal partner but as Nervous Wreck said, you never know until you have met him/her who will be the one that makes you get that little electric tingly feeling every time you see them.

Delicate_Dlite

Hmm, I guess I do have a list. I mean there are things that can turn me on/off a man very quickly. And this would be my main 'list'. Some would be physical, but apart from height and being fit [in a healthy non-obese way] they are prefrences, nothing more.

I also have list of physical qualities that do make me melt, but that's fantasy. I have to face realitly, I may not end up with a Tom Selleck, .

BumbleB

FUN .:D:D:D

Fago!

Funny, independent, good grammar and cute.

Pembily

Fago! wrote: »

good grammar

It may sound horrible but I am the exact same, bad grammar is a total bug bear of mine

The Big Red Button

Pembily wrote: »

It may sound horrible but I am the exact same, bad grammar is a total bug bear of mine

It's funny, I'm a little bit anal about spelling and grammar ... but my boy has terrible spelling, and if anything I find it sort of endearing! For example, he never drops the "e" at the end of a word when adding "ing", so he spells it "writeing" or "driveing" ... I used to give out to him about it, but now I just think it's cute! The thing is, he is an absolute genius when it comes to maths, physics, etc., and is really intelligent in lots of other ways ... so it's very easy to overlook the spelling and grammar!

I never really had a "list", as such. With regard to looks, I've always preferred guys to be my height or taller, but that's about it. Hair colour, eye colour, weight etc never really mattered to me. As regards personality ... I've always found clinginess and lack of independence to be massive turn-offs. But apart from that, I can't think of any other real dealbreakers.

I suppose my attitude with "dating" was always to just give it a go. If I was having fun, keep it up. If I got bored, ease off. I'm with my fiance nearly six years now and we're still having lots of fun all the time, and he still gives me butterflies, so I guess he's doing something right! Thank God I never factored his bad spelling into the equation, or I'd have missed out on something really amazing and special!

Fago!

Pembily wrote: »

It may sound horrible but I am the exact same, bad grammar is a total bug bear of mine

Hmmm, alot of people are the same.

Fago!

Fago! wrote: »

Hmmm, alot of people are the same.

*cry*

Anyway yes, I have a list, but it's so long ><

Novella

I'm a total sucker for spelling and grammar. I once had a boyfriend who was possibly the worlds worst speller, and no matter how I explained it, just did not understand why he couldn't say, "I seen it" or "I done it". He was such a nice guy though, and we went out for two years. Had the best time, and years later we're still friends. So basically, things that would factor highly if I had a list, don't really matter at all if I fall for somebody.

30lady

Nervous Wreck wrote: »

Y'know what, I reckon I could make a list longer than a bastard of things I like and things I dislike in a prospective girlfriend but when it comes down to it, I'd set either list alight at the drop of a hat if I could just find someone that makes me want to stay up all night talking; someone that I don't want to let go of when we hug; or at the very least, someone that makes me smile and gives me butterflies from just the prospect of seeing her. I don't need and can't use a list of pros and cons to tell my heart what it wants or needs; I have to just roll with the punches on that and hope it doesn't get hurt or broken....

How good is it to have butterflies over a boy and hugs like that... staying up all night chatting too.. I like.

Tootle

Novella wrote: »

I'm a total sucker for spelling and grammar. I once had a boyfriend who was possibly the worlds worst speller, and no matter how I explained it, just did not understand why he couldn't say, "I seen it" or "I done it". He was such a nice guy though, and we went out for two years. Had the best time, and years later we're still friends. So basically, things that would factor highly if I had a list, don't really matter at all if I fall for somebody.

Snap!

Giselle

Kind, polite, funny, considerate.

Thats about it, flexible on everything else.

Oh, and clean.:)

krudler

Pembily wrote: »

It may sound horrible but I am the exact same, bad grammar is a total bug bear of mine

My ex used to make fun of me because I use proper grammar in texts as in putting apostrophes in "you're" instead of "ur", using commas and full stops, I cant stand txt spk though, one of my friends uses it and I swear I have to read every text she sends me at least twice before I can decipher it. I use short words if I'm writing one thats short, like "cya later" or "u doin nething later?" but if its a conversation, grammar!

Nervous Wreck

Giselle wrote: »

considerate

+1

Larianne

princess-lala wrote: »

He has to know what he wants from life!

It's only recently I realised this is very important to me.

I think most things are general things that people would want in any one they spend time with whether friends or boyfriends. Who doesn't want someone who's polite, funny, considerate, kind etc.?

Its really just about clicking with a person. Nobody's perfect. If you like a person enough, the small imperfections will be irrelevant. I think having a list definitely narrows down your options and you're less likely to find anybody.

banshee_bones

No list, but as pointed out before me you just can't beat a good connection/chemistry with someone and the butterflies...but of course

Pembily

I was thinking about this all day and while I don't have a list I know what I like and I want what I like!!! I am picky but I know what I like!!! Most of them are not physical traits but as was posted earlier certain things can be over looked it the person makes you want to chat for hours and gives you butterflies

But I still know what I want, what I like and enjoy!!!

Malari

No I don't have a list. Just like a guy to be taller than me, but I certainly don't have a "type". Every guy I've been attracted to is different really.

Of course I have things I don't really like, or irritates me about people, but usually it turns me into a complete hypocrite if my current squeeze exhibits such traits (case in point: grammar and spelling, as someone else mentioned!)

LC2010HIS

Ok here we go:

Straight, Kind, Handsome, Smart, Funny, Spontanous, Considerate, Thoughtful, Energetic, Sensitive, Protective, Passionate, Reliable, Strong,Brave

I love the artistic people!

elleburp

The list of criteria for a guy to get a second date -

If I can get a laugh out of him, he's onto a winner
If he's passionate about something, anything (football/politics/aircraft/music/whatever)
And if he doesn't take himself too seriously

G86

If you have a 'list' then you're always going to be let down because you'll never be open to the possibility of something new. I'd rather have the guy who makes me think, feel, and act in ways I never imagined; the guy who turns all my thoughts and beliefs so upside down that I begin to wonder if my world was ever whole without him in it; the guy who is made up of the spaces between the lines on that list.

The Big Red Button

G86 wrote: »

If you have a 'list' then you're always going to be let down because you'll never be open to the possibility of something new. I'd rather have the guy who makes me think, feel, and act in ways I never imagined; the guy who turns all my thoughts and beliefs so upside down that I begin to wonder if my world was ever whole without him in it; the guy who is made up of the spaces between the lines on that list.

Awwww that's looovely!

newbee22

I don't really have a list, but I do go for guys who are funny, sense of humour, intelligent and kind.

bronte

Oh Lawrd...I'll be here all night!

First things that spring to mind are kindness, beautiful eyes, passionate, great arse, filthy sense of humour,intelligent,great kisser, doesn't take himself seriously. See, I'm not picky! :pac:

angelxx

I don't have a list, I would have certain preferences but I think you need too be
spontaneous to a certain degree, being with this same type of person can become
boring.

AndyC555

newbee22 wrote: »

I don't really have a list, but I do go for guys who are
funny,
sense of humour,
intelligent and
kind.

No it's a list

Us poor guys don't stand a chance even before we open out mouths.

BettePorter

it's the girlies for me too so it applies accordingly ! i never thought i'd have a list but i think from each relationship you learn from what you don't want. i've many more personality hangups than i do physical. for instance;

1. She has to have a brain, a lust for knowledge and the ability to hold a debate on worldly issues. someone who knows a little about a lot. (like me)

2. She has to have a love food and be willing to try anything once. Considering spag bol adventurous is a big no no.

3. Spelling is a must

4. Must drink

5. Must be self deprecating.

6. Must have a good relationship with her mother.

7. Must love animals.......(don't trust anyone who doesn't)

8. Must drink (i mention it twice for a reason !)

That is all !

Callan57

Essential ..... a pulse

mood

BettePorter wrote: »

6. Must have a good relationship with her mother.

And what if her mother had been horrible or what if her mother past away when she was young or even recently? My point is that is a stupid reason to make or break a relationship!

BettePorter

mood wrote: »

And what if her mother had been horrible or what if her mother past away when she was young or even recently? My point is that is a stupid reason to make or break a relationship!

i didn't say it was a deal breaker..........its a preference based on experience. different strokes for different folks.

BumbleB

She cant be under 5'7.Thats the only thing.