I think I'm just not supposed to have friends

LegacyUser

I've no idea what I'm really looking for here.

I didn't really have many friends in school (the usual "quiet guy" stuff), but when I was in secondary school I developed some acquaintances,
I enjoyed time with them, but to be honest I never really felt fully accepted, probably paranoia on my part, but I very rarely went out with them & now about 3 years after school I've completely lost touch with them. I don't know how it happened, we all just changed a lot, I suppose.

Then college came, I didn't really get on with a lot of them there, some were really nice to me, but most were just the usual D4 type, who are obsessed with getting drunk & clubbing...never really my territory. I guess that's a huge "friend making" disadvantage.

I then moved college, NOT because of the friend thing, but this college had a better degree on a European level. & it's quicker in the long run.

I really like it in this new college. everyone's nice to me,
but no one goes out with anyone, beacause they all stick with their mates from their old schools & backgrounds.
it's odd, everyone gets along well, but outside college hours no one really mixes.

I do have hobbies, languages & sports mainly.
Although I'm always the youngest by about 15 years whenever I do a language course (I'm nearly 21)
& I think I'm too old to join a sports club, it'll be a bit cringeworthy I guess. I'm also the youngest in my job as well.

The past while I've sort of just accepted this is the way it's meant to be, & I'm fine with it.
but it's these Friday/Saturday nights I always find a bit tough.
I seem to find myself on these nights either doing weights, jogging or just lying in bed a little depressed. It does get lonely at these times & I feel like an absolute loser.

Sorry if I come across a bit defeatist, I'm just on a bit of a downer right now.

Thanks for reading

hi your very young and have loads of time to find friends . I do think though you are maybe a little hung up on your age or the age of others .i have friends who are way younger and way older open your mind to having new friends of all ages .Join clubs sports or otherwise and you will make friends!:D

Denerick

Op,

You don't really paint a picture of the kind of person you are. What inspires you, what gets you out of bed in the morning? The drinking/clubbing thing is a phase a lot of people go through and at the end of it many begin to understand that its essentially vacuous. But what motivates you?

To coin a corny phrase, you need to discover yourself before anyone else can discover you...

LegacyUser

Hi Denerick, that's a really good point you made.

The things that really motivate me & get me out of bed are Irish & German culture & language, as well as athletics like jogging, I've also recently gotten mad into Yoga.

I'm a fan of art as well, things like sketchng & photography really float my boat.

I hope this clears things up a bit

Chuchoter

That sucks and sounds a lot like what I'm doing at the minute (except I'm 17). I'm in the process of swapping friends because my old friends were so bitchy and couldn't do anything fun without getting stoned/drunk. I joined a kayaking club, and although I was way older than the rest of my class (they are all about 10-12 :P) there is a big group of people my own age who are at all the bbq's and in the changing room so I've made friends with loads of them. Lots of sports like kayaking/rowing will have beginner groups for adults that might have people close to your age. There was a guy at my assessment who was about your age who was normally in the other group but missed his test, and I think most of the group was about that age. Depending on what college you're in, don't most of them have a group for everything?

If as you say, no-one really mixes you're going to have to make them mix! Invite them over to your house for a few drinks or something.

Denerick

crayolastereo wrote: »

If as you say, no-one really mixes you're going to have to make them mix! Invite them over to your house for a few drinks or something.

You see, this is where I really emphasise with the OP. If he doesn't like drink then its hard to get the ice warmed up, so to speak.

Chuchoter

Denerick wrote: »

You see, this is where I really emphasise with the OP. If he doesn't like drink then its hard to get the ice warmed up, so to speak.

I don't like drinking either, but I mean just one or two drinks and then like a dvd or something? I don't mean like giant vodka everywhere type of thing, thats like my own old friends that I'm trying to get away from.

RacoonQueen

nil a fhios agam wrote: »

I've no idea what I'm really looking for here.

I didn't really have many friends in school (the usual "quiet guy" stuff), but when I was in secondary school I developed some acquaintances,
I enjoyed time with them, but to be honest I never really felt fully accepted, probably paranoia on my part, but I very rarely went out with them & now about 3 years after school I've completely lost touch with them. I don't know how it happened, we all just changed a lot, I suppose.

Then college came, I didn't really get on with a lot of them there, some were really nice to me, but most were just the usual D4 type, who are obsessed with getting drunk & clubbing...never really my territory. I guess that's a huge "friend making" disadvantage.

I then moved college, NOT because of the friend thing, but this college had a better degree on a European level. & it's quicker in the long run.

I really like it in this new college. everyone's nice to me,
but no one goes out with anyone, beacause they all stick with their mates from their old schools & backgrounds.
it's odd, everyone gets along well, but outside college hours no one really mixes.

I do have hobbies, languages & sports mainly.
Although I'm always the youngest by about 15 years whenever I do a language course (I'm nearly 21)
& I think I'm too old to join a sports club, it'll be a bit cringeworthy I guess. I'm also the youngest in my job as well.

The past while I've sort of just accepted this is the way it's meant to be, & I'm fine with it.
but it's these Friday/Saturday nights I always find a bit tough.
I seem to find myself on these nights either doing weights, jogging or just lying in bed a little depressed. It does get lonely at these times & I feel like an absolute loser.

Sorry if I come across a bit defeatist, I'm just on a bit of a downer right now.

Thanks for reading

There are a LOT of people your age who aren't into the whole drinking culture and either tag along to be part of the crowd or just end up getting isolated. It was never really my thing from when I was about 19, a group of my friends including my boyfriend at the time were a good bit older than me too and had pretty much left that stage so I had them, but in Ireland when people aren't going out drinking...there doesn't seem to be much for us to do. I'm happy to go drinking and having a couple of drinks and enjoying the night it's when it starts to get messy that I always thought it took away from the night -and the going out 4 times a week and doing the same thing EVERY time, where's the fun in that.

I just wanted to point out that you aren't the only person your age who doesn't enjoy that scene, I would have been in a similar situation to you when I was in college. I'd lost touch with a lot of school friends other than a night out every couple of months and people in college never had nights out despite being great friends in college. Does your college have any societies or anything that you can join? If there was anything like, say a rockclimbing club the chances are people in that club would like to go for a weekend away hiking and climbing as opposed to sitting round getting hammered. It's unfortunate that the Irish drinking culture is so prevalent as the thing to do at weekends when so many people in their early 20's don't enjoy the scene at all.

You say you're into athletics would you join an athletics club? any other sports you're into? you're never too old to join a club, most decent/big clubs would have second and third teams where you'd be in a group with people who were only beginning aswell. Look around this site, there are LOADS of forums, pretty much something to cater for everybody and most will organise meet ups of some sort. The athletics forum for example, many of us will meet at races or meet up to train together.

arsenallegend

I'm in the same boat a little bit older.

It doesn't bother me too much cause i'm not a great mixer but i do get the urge sometimes to go and have a wild night like i did when i was 18:p, but soon find out my mobile phone has no numbers in it of friends. I had a few Friends but they just grew up had kids and met Women who tied them down. i think once you get older then its tougher to make friends

I've taught doing a college course might have helped me gain a bit of confindence and make a few mates but nope:(. I just found they were never interested in wanting to go out after classess fnished on fridays, they had their own friends or worked so time.

i haven't given up hope on one day at least of striking up a good few friendships

LegacyUser

Hey guys, OP here.
Thanks for the feedback everyone

crayolastereo & Denerick, just to clear things up, I do drink, but I just don't like getting absolutely ****faced in nightclubs or whatever.

Anyway, I never really knew about adult sports clubs & third teams etc, I suppose I should be looking in to them, I just always assumed entering a club at nearly 21 just doesn't happen & would be considered odd. Guess I was wrong there.

poochierockz

what about a volunteer group?
not sure if you're into that stuff but i tend to meet lots of awesome people during volunteer work! youre doing something beneficial for others at the same time