If you were told to design a new contraceptive?

W.Shakes-Beer

Random thought, just in from long shift in work.

If I was asked to design a contraceptive it would be:

Do a shift in a video store on a saturday night before you have sex.


The amount of whinging, crying little shítes is a definate turn off!

Yours?

My name is URL

Anal

Gran Hermano

Mary Harney mask and body suit.

The_Kew_Tour

Up the Bum, no harm done.

Jesus Wept

Something involving lazers.

AckwelFoley

Dont shower.

Dont brust your teeth.

Eat Garlic.



The only chance you'll have of getting a woman pregnant is if you hit her sweet spot from 15 feet with an olympic standard aim

SEPT 23 1989

Susan Boyle would be the poster girl for the campaign

Mr. Rager

Metal condom. Gets the job done.

baltimore sun

I'd implant a chip in people's brains so that everytime they got the urge they'd see images of Auschwitz/Srebrenica/AIDs victimes etc in their mind

If you took a blast of that before you rode that munter nurse you met in coppers you'd save yourself the embarrassment of an awkward morning after coz you'd see all those horrible images you'd never get it up & if you could then you're one sick fuddermucker

sh1tstirrer

Burdizzo :eek:

Celly Smunt

a gel you rub on the top of your japper that when you spew it turns to rubber and collects it all up

Millicent

baltimore sun wrote: »

I'd implant a chip in people's brains so that everytime they got the urge they'd see images of Auschwitz/Srebrenica/AIDs victimes etc in their mind

If you took a blast of that before you rode that munter nurse you met in coppers you'd save yourself the embarrassment of an awkward morning after coz you'd see all those horrible images you'd never get it up & if you could then you're one sick fuddermucker

The flaw in this though is that only sick fuddermuckers would procreate thus creating a race of sick baby fuddermuckers destined to control the world. I prefer my fuddermuckers only slightly unhinged and adult-sized, thank you very much!

SoupyNorman

The withdrawal method.

How does it work?

The withdrawal method works by preventing the sperm from coming in contact with the unfertilized egg. After removing the penis, the man ejaculates away from his partner so that no semen enters the vagina.

Couldnt be simpler.

tony1kenobi

baltimore sun wrote: »

I'd implant a chip in people's brains so that everytime they got the urge they'd see images of Auschwitz/Srebrenica/AIDs victimes etc in their mind

If you took a blast of that before you rode that munter nurse you met in coppers you'd save yourself the embarrassment of an awkward morning after coz you'd see all those horrible images you'd never get it up & if you could then you're one sick fuddermucker

I have to think about those things just to muster a stiffy.....never mind maintain it.......try again.

mikom

W.Shakes-Beer wrote: »

If I was asked to design a contraceptive it would be:

Whatever you do, please design one better than the coil.
My missus was fitted with the coil as a contraceptive measure, and its useless
We're expecting a baby in the spring.

Ollchailin

mikom wrote: »

Whatever you do, please design one better than the coil.
My missus was fitted with the coil as a contraceptive measure, and its useless
We're expecting a baby in the spring.

Emmm.... congratulations???

mikom

Ollchailin wrote: »

Emmm.... congratulations???

Boinnng

445279.ie

work in family law for a while. T'would put anyone off procreation :eek:

elius

mikom wrote: »

Whatever you do, please design one better than the coil.
My missus was fitted with the coil as a contraceptive measure, and its useless
We're expecting a baby in the spring.

And the pill its a joke. My misses took her's religiously and we're expecting November :rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:....

Though i cant help look forward to it to :):)

Get the snip... :pac::pac:

Ollchailin

I hope to have children some day, but having taught teenage boys for the last number of years- i have to say there is no greater contraceptive than some of those anti-Christs.

Seriously though, in this day and age, particularly in Ireland & other developed countries, I can't understand how so many teenage pregnancies/accidents occur. I know there'll always be a few "surprises" but it's so easy to get the pill & even easier to get condoms- it doesn't make sense, how stupid/irresponsible are people?! As I said, I know you can be as careful as possible & still get caught (mikom! ) and that's really difficult I'm sure, but as for the rest of them- I don't understand it!

Superbus

Everyone in morphsuits.

thetonynator

How about a pill that the woman takes which prevents her ovaries from producing eggs?

There are more than enough contraceptives,but alcohol/stupidity prevents them from working all the time. . .

elius

Ollchailin wrote: »

I hope to have children some day, but having taught teenage boys for the last number of years- i have to say there is no greater contraceptive than some of those anti-Christs.

Seriously though, in this day and age, particularly in Ireland & other developed countries, I can't understand how so many teenage pregnancies/accidents occur. I know there'll always be a few "surprises" but it's so easy to get the pill & even easier to get condoms- it doesn't make sense, how stupid/irresponsible are people?! As I said, I know you can be as careful as possible & still get caught (mikom! ) and that's really difficult I'm sure, but as for the rest of them- I don't understand it!

Thats what i thought

Capt'n Midnight

The morning after pill for men.

It changes your blood group.

tony1kenobi

mikom wrote: »

Whatever you do, please design one better than the coil.
My missus was fitted with the coil as a contraceptive measure, and its useless
We're expecting a baby in the spring.

Are you sure it's hers?

Rhyme

mikom wrote: »

Whatever you do, please design one better than the coil.
My missus was fitted with the coil as a contraceptive measure, and its useless
We're expecting a baby in the spring.

I dunno, slinkys are pretty hot.


/derp

mikom

tony1kenobi wrote: »

Are you sure it's hers?

Now you've got me thinkin'.
We were on the rebound, so anythings possible.

clived2

An alcoholic beverage for a lady,

It would save alot of timewasting, if ya could see which
ladies were drinking it at the bar

Einhard

Have your Mother in Law move into the next room.

ElaElaElano

Einhard wrote: »

Have your Mother in Law move into the next room.

Based on my last relationship, that wouldn't help in this scenario. AT ALL.

Einhard

ElaElaElano wrote: »

Based on my last relationship, that wouldn't help in this scenario. AT ALL.

That's just weird!!

I know the Irish mammy has a special place in the nation's heart but seriously...