Sex before Marriage

starlit

whats wrong with cuddling tis nice shows affection without much else!

Mrmoe

It wouldn't bother me in the slightest. I think each couple would have to decide about what is best for them. It is definitely not for everyone. I would guess the vast majority of couples would have had sex before/if they got married. Anal& oral don't count right?:D

beauty101

how can u not have sex before marriage?!? thats crazy talk!

Velocitee

Dudess wrote: »

I disagree - not having a go at you, but I think letting a wedding revolve around the woman is a choice the couple (or one of them) makes, not simply the way it is.

In my girlfriend's case (and every other woman I've talked to about this.), they have their wedding planned since they were little girls. The details get updated as they go along but they generally have an idea of what it will be like, flowers, dress, type of reception etc.

This of course is my own experience, and I'm sure there are exceptions to the above but how many girls really say they haven't thought about it? I've never thought about my wedding (as I personally find that boring).

I'm sure there are areas I will overrule my OH on when it comes to our wedding - cost related etc but she will get the bulk of what she wants as I wouldn't enter into a lifetime being married denying her what she's wanted for years. I love her so I will make sure she's happy with it,

Personally I couldn't care if we got married in a registry office so, as you put it, it is my choice to go along with her, I would be fairly certain, the bulk of couples are in the same situation.

Bonito

Velocitee wrote: »

In my girlfriend's case (and every other woman I've talked to about this.), they have their wedding planned since they were little girls. The details get updated as they go along but they generally have an idea of what it will be like, flowers, dress, type of reception etc.

This of course is my own experience, and I'm sure there are exceptions to the above but how many girls really say they haven't thought about it? I've never thought about my wedding (as I personally find that boring).

I'm sure there are areas I will overrule my OH on when it comes to our wedding - cost related etc but she will get the bulk of what she wants as I wouldn't enter into a lifetime being married denying her what she's wanted for years. I love her so I will make sure she's happy with it,

Personally I couldn't care if we got married in a registry office so, as you put it, it is my choice to go along with her, I would be fairly certain, the bulk of couples are in the same situation.

Long story short. You didn't plan on getting married when you were young but now that you're older you've decided "Meh, fúck it, time to settle down I suppose and have a couple sprogs."

It's not the day that counts, it's the person beside you that does.

genericguy

snuggles285 wrote: »

whats wrong with cuddling tis nice shows affection without much else!

*condescending snigger*

Mike 1972

Velocitee wrote: »

but 90% of it revolves around the bride's mother and what she wants.

FYP !

yungwan

yes i think think the days of no sex before marraige are long gone!

Its for a number of reasons I suppose:

Sex is everywhere! Ads, music videos, films, everywhere - so it has become glamorised in young peoples minds i guess as a path to "grownup-ness"! So people start having sex earlier and earlier.

Women are more able to admit they desire and enjoy sex. I think in times gone past it was seen as something men wanted more than women. Nowadays women are just as into sex as men, and see nothing wrong with initiating it or in single peoples case, actively seeking someone to shag on a night out.

Contraception is now readily available - pre 80s there was no way to control pregnancy so if you wanted to have sex without worrying you had to get married. Sure many marraiges took place with the bun already very much in the oven but had to be done for fear of what the neighbours would think.

I think its great that people are more liberated about sex. Its something to be enjoyed as well as bringing you closer to your partner.

I DO however think that it does actually delay people getting married. As someone in a long term relationship myself, I do think that if couples didnt have sex they would be more inclined to get married earlier as they wouldnt want to wait so long. There is something to the old saying "If you give him the milk for free he wont buy the cow"" hahaha

up for anything

snuggles285 wrote: »

ah maybe your right there! but ireland is kinda prudish in comparison to other countries like holland, england, some european countries. What I love about holland is that the culture and people are so open minded in comparision to some irish folk! obviously people don't believe in sex before marriage due to religious reasons which is not really much a of a valid reason unless you are fridgit or you are in the holy order! I am utterly surprised that priests and nuns cannot marry in this day in age!

Frigid not fridgit!

I think your cryogenic facility must have had a power cut!

Velocitee

Bonito wrote: »

Long story short. You didn't plan on getting married when you were young but now that you're older you've decided "Meh, fúck it, time to settle down I suppose and have a couple sprogs."

It's not the day that counts, it's the person beside you that does.

BINGO!:D

Mike 1972

yungwan wrote: »

I DO however think that it does actually delay people getting married.

Usually a good thing TBH

stovelid

Each to their own. I think it's weird to wait, but I assume that most people wait until marriage for religious reasons, and if so it's their own business if they want shit sex on their wedding night to wait.

Strange Loop

I don't see the point, especially with the massive odds of a marriage breaking up these days. One in two, innit?

What's the point waiting, besides all the enjoyment your'e missing out on.

OutlawPete

Quickie would be alright I suppose, otherwise you'd just be late for the wedding.

Mike 1972

Strange Loop wrote: »

the massive odds of a marriage breaking up these days. One in two, innit?

In Ireland ????

Strange Loop

Mike 1972 wrote: »

In Ireland ????

27% in Ireland (but mostly amongst young people, so that rate keeps rising year on year).

50% in the rest of Europe (or thereabouts).

AckwelFoley

I was at a wedding last week of a woman that was a virgin at 37

She looked like it too.

I wouldnt be able to hld out for 38 years, i reckon id have been blind by 24

Mike 1972

Didnt realise it was that high in Ireland -actually the Europe figures look a bit on the high side too

I know its 50% in some parts of the US but even there the figures tend to be skewed by people who get divorced multiple times (how the fup they afford it is a bit of a mystery)

snyper wrote: »

I was at a wedding last week of a woman that was a virgin at 37

I didnt realise people were so open about their level and range of sexual activity or that when they are it was in anyway worthy of belief ?

opinion guy

snuggles285 wrote: »

really!...ya if you come from a family that have strong beliefs of no sex before marriage that is likely to be drilled into them!

Part of becoming a mature adult is realising that sometimes the stuff your parentals tried to program with it horseshlte and then promptly rejecting it.

Not grown up enough yet to make one's own decision about pre-marital sex yet = not ready to get married


Ninja edit: note there is a difference between deciding to bleief it for yourlsef veruss believing it because it was shoved down your throat.

Millicent

Just to play devil's advocate, there may be benefits to waiting til the wedding night. Sex can cloud your judgement and put a boyfriend/girlfriend needlessly on a pedestal. I know in the past I've confused the sexual chemistry I've had with someone for something greater. Perhaps waiting has the benefit of letting you get to know someone without anything clouding your judgement.

Cherrycola

Never buy a pig in a bag.

Dudess

opinion guy wrote: »

Ninja edit: note there is a difference between deciding to bleief it for yourlsef veruss believing it because it was shoved down your throat.

Yes, blow jobs are often used as a substitute for sex before marriage...

Strange Loop

Mike 1972 wrote: »

Didnt realise it was that high in Ireland -actually the Europe figures look a bit on the high side too

I know its 50% in some parts of the US but even there the figures tend to be skewed by people who get divorced multiple times (how the fup they afford it is a bit of a mystery)

You're right. Can't find the percentage as total, just for separate countries (some european ones are 50%+) but I'd estimate (cause i couldn't be arsed calculating it), it's about 30-35% for Europe as a whole.

Still bad odds, to keep it on topic. Go for it, OP.

Mr Benevolent

OP, are you talking about anal sex before marriage?

Wolfe Tone

Personally I think if you are in a relationship then its cool.

I am a guy and casual sex would not be my thing. No I am not gay. lol

starlit

genericguy wrote: »

*condescending snigger*

why you sniggering? cuddling is nice!

Bonito wrote: »

Selective reading FTW.

why you crossing out my post...boyo!

Confab wrote: »

OP, are you talking about anal sex before marriage?

No I am not! :eek: I am talking about sexual intercourse before marriage not just other stuff...:rolleyes::P

up for anything wrote: »

Frigid not fridgit!



I think your cryogenic facility must have had a power cut!

fridgid /fridgit/ fridget its frigit? lol sorry...by bad...sometimes my spelling gets a head of me...have a tendancy to be a little dyslexic/dyspraxic sometimes (dysprastic/dysilecstic)!

amen

log thread but in conjunction with the thread on islam and marrying 9 year olds

No sex before marriage is a theory that was designed in a culture where people got married at 18

No in Ireland.

Its been only 10 years or so since marriage in Ireland was legal at 16 (need parents consent)

I think the church still allows it at 12! so not much different really.

btw I agree with the try before you drive post

Bonito

snuggles285 wrote: »

why you crossing out my post...boyo!

Note to self: Women will read the strike through text of a post rather than the highlighted text in bold.

Cypher_sounds

Unless you get married on a 2nd or 3rd date you should wait;), if not then yessum lots of sex before marriage

baalthor

Hogzy wrote: »

No sex before marriage is a theory that was designed in a culture where people got married at 18.

Not in todays world. Ya havnt lived till you've had an STD

Actually, post-famine Ireland was notable for its above average marriage age: people often delayed getting married until their late 20s/30s or even later.

This IT article from 1954 gives one reason why Irish people tended to marry so late.

deereidy

snyper wrote: »

I was at a wedding last week of a woman that was a virgin at 37

She looked like it too.

I wouldnt be able to hld out for 38 years, i reckon id have been blind by 24

You just made me spurt tea everywhere :P

thee glitz

The internet has spoken

starlit

Fizman wrote: »

There's a lad I know who is around my age (27) and he is getting married at xmas. He has never had sex with his GF, and they are going out over 3 years! I'm pretty sure he is also a virgin. Strong family beliefs and all that lark! :eek:

are you sure his name isn't ray!? :P

MagicMarker

Sex before marriage?

Yes please!

bnt

Think of the history, before modern medicine: the physical sign of female virginity (i.e. the hymen) was the only way you could be sure that a girl had not had sex, and was therefore not pregnant and free of STDs. Boys don't have such an easily-checked way of determining virginity, and don't have the pregnancy concerns - so the virginity requirements naturally focused on girls.

Now look at her from the parents' point of view, in a tribal system: a "clean" girl was a valuable commodity, and could be traded for bargaining purposes e.g. to forge alliances between tribes. I know it sounds cold, and it was - and still is, in some parts of the world. Look at what happens in the Middle East and South Asia, with arranged marriages and a heavy emphasis on virginity. The in-laws expect to see bloody sheets, the morning after the wedding - no exaggeration. In London, a young woman can go to Harley Street, pay £4,000 for a 1/2 hour operation, and emerge "re-virginised" - story here.

Never mind that there are now other ways of avoiding pregnancy and STDs: it's "cultural", and therefore immune to progress. :rolleyes:

ejmaztec

Sex before marriage means that you don't end up marrying a lady-boy, although some people wouldn't be too upset.

Mike 1972

amen wrote: »

Its been only 10 years or so since marriage in Ireland was legal at 16 (need parents consent)

Au Contrare

Prior to the mid 1990's Legal age for marrage was (IIRC) 14 (with parents permission) or 21 (without)

The law was changed to 16 and 18 respectively with a three months notice period (not long enough IMNSHO) and a requirement to apply to the courts if under 18.

Bizzarely the age of consent is still 17

bnt wrote: »

Think of the history, before modern medicine: the physical sign of female virginity (i.e. the hymen) was the only way you could be sure that a girl had not had sex,

Not 100% accurate either

bnt wrote: »

Look at what happens in the Middle East and South Asia, with arranged marriages and a heavy emphasis on virginity.

Also in parts of South Eastern Europe and to a lesser extent among certain migrant communities elsewhere

baalthor wrote: »

Actually, post-famine Ireland was notable for its above average marriage age: people often delayed getting married until their late 20s/30s or even later..

Is it not still the case today that Ireland has one of the highest average ages of (first) marriage in the world (not a bad thing by any means). Some reckon this is why the divorce rate is pretty low by international standards

Millicent

Millicent wrote: »

Just to play devil's advocate, there may be benefits to waiting til the wedding night. Sex can cloud your judgement and put a boyfriend/girlfriend needlessly on a pedestal. I know in the past I've confused the sexual chemistry I've had with someone for something greater. Perhaps waiting has the benefit of letting you get to know someone without anything clouding your judgement.

Yes... but hormones could get in the way too. I have no doubt there are a lot of young marriages caused by hormones in places !

Tar.Aldarion

Why!? I'd go crazy.
:):)

mikom

Dudess wrote: »

There's no benefit whatsoever to waiting until marriage. The only valid reason I can think of is religious grounds.

Didn't stop me that time I had sex in a graveyard.

MagicMarker

mikom wrote: »

Didn't stop me that time I had sex in a graveyard.

Necrophilia is illegal you know?

BornToBe?

I think the no sex before marriage thing has something to do with a man staying with a girl, as in, you want sex, put a ring on it,
so resulting in a family unit, as opposed to singles having loads of sex and then moving on to the next one, leaving girl and maybe baby behind.
These are the days before contraception,
Think the church backed it as they premote family units.
Do you think these days there is too much options and other fish in the sea,
Where people who do get together have a little fight and run away cuz they deserve better than him/her?
Think back then people stuck by each other till death, marriages lasted a life time, cuz they were the only two people they've ever been with, and will be with? I dunno, but thats what I thought the whole thing was about.
personally, I wouldn't / havent believed in it myself, but these things do come from somewhere and usually for good reason, relevant to the issues of that time.

Des Carter

hey Im a guy in my early 20s and I think there is something romantic about the idea of only having sex with one person during your life and as I believe in marriage I wouldnt mind waiting till then.

Oh well guess Im the only hopeless romantic left in this country.

And before you ask Im not gay and not a religious fanatic.



But I am a closet Jonas Brothers fan :P

gbee

Des Carter wrote: »

hey Im a guy in my early 20s and I think there is something romantic about the idea of only having sex with one person during your life and as I believe in marriage I wouldnt mind waiting till then. :P

I'm 56, 30 years, one woman, at 26 went to her a virgin, up to this post, never strayed.

My name is URL

I think that if 2 people actually love each other enough to reach marriage before having sex then fair fcuks to them

hitbit

Well Adam and Eve gave it a go before signing any contracts and most of the Clergy had no problem abusing every child/adult they could get their hands on, dirty bastards.
Jayus I thought we lived in a modern society.

hitbit

ejmaztec

hitbit wrote: »

Well Adam and Eve gave it a go before signing any contracts and most of the Clergy had no problem abusing every child/adult they could get their hands on, dirty bastards.
Jayus I thought we lived in a modern society.

hitbit

...and so did their kids.

gbee

hitbit wrote: »

Well Adam and Eve gave it a go before signing any contracts a

And got expelled and WE as children of Adam are SUFFERING because of their sin, to this day.

* for this replay I'm taking the Adam & Eve reference to mean that God made Adam and placed him in the garden of Eden but soon saw he was alone so made a mate, Eve. Eve then seduced Adam ~ God has warned Adam about the tree, but apparently God was depending on Adam to tell Eve.

strokemyclover

Hogzy wrote: »

Not in todays world. Ya havnt lived till you've had an STD

Sorry boss but you're one sick puppy!

Novella

I think it'd be pretty shit to marry someone, have this really special day, promise to love them forever and ever, pose for a million pictures to make a zillion memories and then end up in a hotel room surrounded by candles and rose petals and have crappy sex.

I mean, getting married is supposed to be one of the best days of your life, right? So why would you take the risk of messing that up?! Seriously.